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Mourning loss of our pug


NRoeder

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Hello,

My husband and I are looking for support for the agony we are in over the loss of our beautiful 3 year old pug Lily. Just one week ago she started having seizures, and was diagnosed with pug encephalitis. We tried treatment with the guidance of a vet neurologist, and she seemed to be doing a little better, but suddenly deteriorated over a matter of hours. After she gave us the gift of a few last days with her, we had to let her go only 4 days after the diagnosis. The end was extremely traumatic. We were trying our best to balance giving her a chance and treatment, with making sure she didn't suffer, and at the end she started seizing continuously, was scared, crying in between. It was the worst thing i've ever seen in my life, and we had to rush her back to the vet ER in the middle of the night to end her suffering. She passed with her sweet face resting on my chest. I can't get the images of those last moments out of my head. 

We are overwhelmed with grief, there are reminders of her everywhere, we are in so much pain. We've felt supported by family and friends, but have also been hurt by the reactions of others we'd considered close friends, who seem to think she was "just a dog," or that we are overreacting. We certainly don't feel that way, and feel like we will never recover from this.

Lily.JPG

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Hi, I am so sorry to read about Lily. I just commented to you on your other post. Your story is similar to mine, though we had a cat. He was like our kid. And he had a sudden kind of awful end, like you went through. Traumatic. Except he was much older, Lily was so young. :( 

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. I guess I try to look for the positives. You were there with her those last few days and that night thank goodness. But I know where you are now and it's literally a day by day - hour by hour coping. You will recover. It does not feel like it sometimes. It took my husband and I quite a while and we felt pretty alone. We didn't tell people how we were like zombies for weeks, so so sad just trying to cope with what happened and our new life with out our sweet cat. Come back and share more of how you feel if that helps. I wrote many many posts here along the way to get out my feelings. Love her photo, what an adorable little girl. My heart goes out to you.   

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Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps to talk to other people who understand what this feels like. We are still in the zombie phase, wandering around feeling helpless and purposeless. I don't doubt we did the right thing for her, but have feelings of guilt as well over how it all happened. It's also so hard bc she was part of our every day routine - getting up, walking her, feeding her, our lives kind of revolved around her, so her absence is just felt everywhere. She was always waiting, so excited when we walked through the door. Even coming home now is painful. There's no relief.

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I am so sorry, when I read your other post, I came looking for your thread as I hadn't seen it before.  I would have done everything exactly as you did, being as she was so young I would have wanted to give her a chance, but then when she started seizing continually, I would have wanted to end her suffering.  My heart goes out to you, I had a friend with pugs and I know how sweet they can be with their big eyes, really adorable personalities.  I know the pain all too well of losing our beloved pets, I've lost way too many over the years, it's hard.  My own are aged now, I have a super large dog that is nearly 11 and my cat is 23, so I know my time is limited and it's always in the back of my mind...I try to live in the present and not worry about it, but I think it's always there anyway.

You're afraid you will always feel as you do this moment, but grief, although it doesn't end, it doesn't stay the same either, it evolves as we begin to adjust to the changes it means for our lives.  You're in the really hard part right now, where it's fresh and excruciating.  I'm sorry people fail you with their lack of understanding, empathy, and acknowledgement.  Some people don't understand loss and grief and how hard it is, not having experienced it for themselves, and there's no way they can unless and until they've been through it.  And of course there are some people who are not dog people and really don't understand how close we are to them, they are our family, we are closer to them than most people!  The people who don't allow them in their house and don't let them eat off their plates, they view them differently.  Honestly, I'd rather have a kiss from my dog than anyone else!  I know, too much for a lot of people, but I love my dog and he is my family, my companion, he's the one I walk with every day, the one I talk to, the one I love, he gets a belly rub from me every day and when I'm having a really hard time, he senses it, looks at me thoughtfully and gives me a kiss.  That means the world to me.  Unless you have a relationship like that, how can you know how someone feels when they've suffered such a loss!

Right now all of his dishes, toys, and even the schedule you had, his greeting you, your interactions, all of those are now triggers, reminders of his absence.  In time those things will no longer feel a part of your everyday routine and it will feel easier, but always always you will remember him and hold him in your heart, just as you are in his.

 

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