Loss of our Alf

[Guppy1973]

Our beloved bulldog Alfie was put to sleep due to emergency medical issues on Friday, he was nine and half years old.

He had developed a heart condition, which resulted in ascites of the stomach and the tablets seemed to be working, although he no longer would go for a walk....he would try then just refuse to walk any further and we would walk home.however he was happy enough at home, ate well etc.

Friday morning he was fine, Friday afternoon his stomach ballooned and he couldn't breath properly, he had diarrhea, sickness and we rushed him to the vet.

The drive to the vets was awful and now etched in my head. Alf taking shallow breaths basically dying in front of me, he even rattled an awful noise, just horrendous.

We made it to the vets, his stomach so distended and his gums almost white.

The vets said a hospital might be able to find out what was happening but he was very poorly.

They gave him sedation, his veins were flat and I believe he would have died within 20 minutes but we decided to euthanise him rather than watch him suffer. They did syringe off some fluid, which was bloody and they think there was a serious rupture of some sort...I don't know but did I make the right call, would he have made the 35 minute journey to the hospital, could /would they operate.

I feel absolutely devastated, I miss him so much I am physically hurting. When we drove from the vets my chest hurt and I felt sick.

I can't stop crying, everything I do at home i'm reminded of him....take the bins out..Alfie is out with me, cook Sunday roast...Alfie also had a treat Sundays of a dinner, watch TV he would be next or near to me.

I have also lost my mother and father in law in the last 18 months and another family loss hurts so bad. 

Dogs are so loving, so innocent and just want our company and our Alf was loved by so many of our friends and family,a real character of a dog.

I know it will get easier, I lost my Dad 10 years ago and never thought I would get through it but I did but this is so bloody hard and sad, I just want to cuddle him one more time...

[Jack Russell]

I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain so well.  I have also lost both my parents and like yourself wondered how I would cope with the knowledge and pain of knowing they were gone.  But time does heal and we learn to adapt without them.  I actually felt that the death of loosing my little dog was worse than loosing my parents.  It doesn't sound right does it, but infact it was.  I thought something was wrong with me and started to read about grief and realised I was normal after all.  They are with us constantly and depend on us. They ask nothing from us and give such love.  I miss you terribly my little Kelly.  

[KayC]

@Guppy1973

My heart goes out to you.  In my opinion, you not only made the right decision, you made the selfless decision to end his suffering...and thus began yours.  Who of us wouldn't do the same? 
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

It's normal, common even, to second guess ourselves later.  It's as if we're looking for a different possible outcome, but in reality there is no outcome but what was.  But still, in our fantasy, we want a happily ever after ending possible.  

But back to the truth/reality...you provided him a good loving home for his life, he felt loved and secure and cared for, and that is the best we can give them.  My heart goes out to you because I know the pain all too well, I know how hard it is to live on past our loved ones, furry or otherwise.