dating someone with guilt of a past suicide

[Heart destroyed]

Hi i am writing this because I feel like I need help understanding and dealing with this situation I am in with the love of my life. 

I have been dating this girl for 2 years and it seems that we are made for each other and as far as I know we are very happy together most of the time except so far has been twice a year. the biggest problem time seems to come in the fall right around the anniversary of her ex committing suicide. he did this about 8 years ago and from what I understand blamed her for it in the letter he left. she also has 4 children that were involved in the whole situation. I try not to pry and open up bad memories to get details so I don't really know more than that. the things I do know is she seems to be one of those people that do not really want to admit there is a problem or get help for that problem... she really doesn't like medication and refuses to entertain any. she pushed her own feelings and guilt back to help her children deal with it but now her teenage son is talking about suicide has seen a therapist and it seems that it has opened wounds far worse this time. I love this girl with everything I have in me but every October something small sets off a chain of events that leads her to break up with me and entirely pushes me away last year it was for the entire month of October and some of November before she came back around and we worked it out. we decided that their would be no more secrets or pushing away and in may it sort of happened again but not as bad  but In between our love is so strong and blissful that I can't even imagine living one second without her but yet here I am again in misery trying to make sense of it all ...  about 1 and a half years ago she moved from her home about 45 minutes away because she said her and her kids were miserable there so miserable in fact that her daughter would literally get sick about having to go to school and she wanted to be closer to me to start a life together and other than those certain times I feel like our life is very happy and she seems happy but during these times she just brings up little petty things I did or do to upset her that I don't or didn't even realize I was doing and then she will tell me she is miserable in franklin and wants to move back home and breaks up with me which literally destroys me every time...  this time I recently moved her and her 4 kids into my house (which is very tiny) and we got engaged a month and a half ago. 2 weeks ago she came in my shop looking beautiful with her hair done, make up on, and just looking like a total angel coming through my door, me with my joking personality said " Wow who are you all dressed up for?' and it has been misery ever since … she left my house, broke up with me, is staying somewhere back at her home town, and within moving out has resigned her kids back at their old school. I've tried to talk with her and basically she says if I really loved her and would really do anything for her I would stay with her and let her move back home and that she cannot live with me because certain things I do remind her of him (even the way I sleep). i'm sure there is more that I need to say but I truly feel lost without her and I just don't know what to do !!  it doesn't even seem to bother her all that much that we are not together during these times either which hurts me more than anything !!

 

[reader]

Dear Heart destroyed,

I am sorry to hear of everything you have gone through. I know this is a difficult time.

You tried very hard to make things work. Try and give yourself some time and step back a little. I know it hurts. If you want to maybe consider talking to a counsellor or joining a group at church or in the community. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family.

Please know we are here with you.