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not gone yet but I'm dreading the moment it'll happen


giuls93

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I'm new here and I've never used a forum before, so please let me know if I do something wrong.

I almost feel bad writing here, because my old girl, a 19 and a half year old cat, isn't gone yet, but I feel her time is coming to an end.

Since the end of August she started having liquid in her chest and belly because of a heart problem, which makes it hard for her to breathe sometimes. We're curing her, day after day, but with all the injections she hardly comes near us anymore. She still lets us pet her, but before she used to sleep on our beds and sit on my lap almost constantly. Every time I see her breathing faster I feel like I can't breathe either.

A lot of people have told me to just put her to sleep, but the vet said that, even though her condition is serious, as long as she eats, sleeps and does all the other things a cat should do, there is no reason to. I'm trying so hard to do all I can for her but sometimes I'm just desperate. I know she's had a long and happy life, but I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she's going to leave me soon…

I brought her home when I was five, we lived in the country and she'd been abandoned by her mum; I put her in a cardboard box and dragged it all the way to my front door. She was so small my mother had to feed her milk with a bottle, because she still couldn't eat solid food. We've lived our whole lives together and I just can't imagine what my life is going to be like when she dies.

How does one prepare for that?

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it's never easy to confront the loss even if we are expecting it...its normal to be frightened of loosing her....try to stay strong and give her all the love you can...she knows how much you love her and i agree with your decision to keep her alive as long as it goes...i don't know if there is a way to prepare ourselves for that,it's always hard,but the thought of giving her such a great life will be a consolation at the future.

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Austin Mehallow

Giuls, I feel your pain. A couple days ago I lost my fur baby Kira when she was only eight. A perfectly healthy dog who went into cardiac arrest do to a malfunction with anesthesia. I still cry and miss her so much. Losing an animal, no matter how young or how old, is unbearably painful at the time. Just remind yourself that your pet has unconditional love and trust in you, and you couldn’t do anything to break that love. Do what you feel is right, if you feel that she is suffering you have to do one of the hardest things a pet owner is faced in their lives, and that’s letting go of their beloved animal. Spend as much time as you can with her, re live memories and look at old photos, if it’s all you can do at this point. I hope your baby will last as long as she can, but don’t worry, when she passes she’ll be waiting for you on the rainbow bridge, and the day will come where you two will embrace and never separate again. 

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Giuls,

I got a dog when I was five, and had him until I was 20, my parents had him put to sleep without telling me beforehand, he didn't have anything inherently wrong with him, just old age, but I never got to say goodbye and it bothered me.

What you are experiencing is called "anticipatory grief", it's when you know the end is near and you see it coming, and so your grieving begins, yes even while they're still alive.

Do you suppose she's not coming to you because of the injections?  I'm sorry for the changes that are taking place, even in her habits.  Try to enjoy each bit of time left with her and focus on today, deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.  It's the only way I know to go through something like this.  My cat is 23 and it worries me that I'm going to lose her soon, she's lost weight, her senses are going (hearing, sight, smell) but she's still getting around and functioning, if she was in pain or suffering it'd be one thing, but she's not.  You will know when it is time.  

I truly believe all dogs and cats go to heaven, this "end" is not "THE end", we will be with them again.

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I don't know if you really can prepare yourself. I was in a similar situation with my 15 year old cat. She became ill with an infection late last year/early this year. She did sort of recover but gradually slowed down from then on. I felt like our time together was running out, so I tried to make the most of what time we had left. I spoilt her (more than usual). However, when that moment came I really wasn't ready for it, even though I had felt it for months. 

It's hard to lose them when they've been a big part of your life for so long, and getting used to them not being around is extremely difficult (honestly I still have trouble sometimes). But after a while, knowing that you loved them so much, looked after them, and all the happy memories you have, do provide comfort. 

I think taking the advice of the vet is a good idea, as long as she's eating, sleeping and doing all other things normally, enjoy the time you have with her.

Thinking of you 

 

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Glad you came here. It's good you are getting mentally prepared... that said you can only do so much. When they are finally gone, the final-ness is the hard part, sorry to say.

I've lost 2 cats where I was prepared for it. My boy cat went first, he was ill, taking meds but I could see he was retreating. He was keeping to himself and more and more not enjoying life. One day he got very sick, didn't want to eat and that was it, we called the vet.

My last cat was a total shock and I was totally thrown. A much worse loss for me.

Just treasure every moment, it's all you can do... so sorry. :(

 

 

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I agree, you can only be prepared to a point, when the end comes the finality hits and it's hard regardless of whether it's anticipatory grief or sudden loss.

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@giuls93 It took me a while to be able to write to you because one of my cats had also a heart problem and breathing difficulties - we have treated her with various meds and injections for 70 days and it was very hard but she was a fighter, loved her life with us and just to watch her persevering and eating and bearing with the treatment - how could we give up on her? She was unable to reach her favourite place in the bedroom and i moved to the living room with her - we made a bed on the floor and slept there. A lot changed from day to night but she was with me. She was 17 and 10 months. As @AJWCat said above, “the final-ness is the hard part”. The hardest. I’d say stand by her and do all you can and must do. I have collected precious memories of my cat Preta from those days of hardship we went through with her. Be brave and be gentle to yourself. Take each day as it comes. I think your Vet is right. ❤️

 

 

 

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