Lost my 16 year old son on 9/23/18 in a car related accident I was at the scene and watched him die helplessly

[Stacy bottroff]

This is the second time I have reached out to a online group for grief of a lost child . My first son was a full term stillborn Hunter entered heaven on 9/24/2000 . I then had my son Chase on 11/14/2001 . Chase was the best baby and then young adult a mother could ask for . Chase was a outstanding student he had just started 11th grade and the colleges were already sending invites, he was athletic and so kind he never had a bad thing to say about anyone and was a huge help with his 13 year old sister . It was the night of 9/22/18 he and his friends had just come back from the mall . Chase was so happy he had a great day and had told me earlier in the week he had the best week of his life that he was so happy . Aparently Chase was going to ask a young lady to homecoming and was so happy .The boys were in his room and Chase came to me and asked if they could go to the store just a couple miles down the road to get Takis (his favorite chips) . The boys left but it was about 40 minutes and I started to worry as I got ready to text him one of his friends the driver rushed through the door covered in blood yelling come fast its Chase there has been a accident it's bad 911 has been called . We got up grabbed my daughter and rushed down the road . Only a minute away from my house there was my son laying on the side of the road his other friend holding him . I ran to him only to realize i was standing in his blood . I'm sorry if it's so grafic but it's what happened and I'm struggling with getting this part out of my head . As I knelt down I told Chase I'm here I love you I saw his chest stop moving no breath . The ambulance showed up they rushed him to the hospital we followed just behind . After 3 hours and recessatating him 9 times they told me the news I will spare the details of the damage that had accured to his brain and only say that I had to make the decision to stop having him recessataded.  I was able to go in and see him one last time . He went quickly and I donated his organs as he was a very healthy young man . What had happened is he and a friend (the one who held him who was also injured but released within hours ) were sitting on the hood of his other buddies car and the boy driving started going 60 mph.  The boys were hitting the hood of the car trying to get the boy to stop and he hit a dip and my son flew off . I am in such pain and grief Chase was a amazing son the love of my life and I do not know where to go from here . I'm seeing a therapist for what is considered PTSD.  I am still in shock and my daughter and Chases step father are all just having a struggle . The why the how all the questions I have we have that will never be answered.  We buried him within the week and had a celebration of life and most of that is a blur not sure how we did all of that so quickly.  We have a strong support group in our lives and everyone has been so wonderful but there are days I feel I just don't know if I can go on the pain in my heart the empty feeling .waking up to take my daughter to the bus they both rode going to the store and not buying his stuff he always wanted, seeing the snacks he never finished it's all such a stab in the heart . The holidays are coming his 17th bday is in November I still have his room the same way he left it how do I dare change it . I see others going through hell as well and I guess I just needed to share my story and hear other stories of surviving this nightmare . Oh and in the middle of all this I'm battling the local paper for putting my sons picture on the front page with a title that was incorrect. we still have a ongoing investigation so the paper came to a conclusion before anything has been determined.  I went to the store and saw the paper staring me right in the face . Thank you for having a place to share my story and to grieve. 

[Tommy's mum]

stacy I am so sorry for your losses I understand how painful the loss of a child is. Stillbirth is such a painfully cruel thing, to leave hospital without your baby Hunter must have been a dreadful ordeal. Then to have been blessed with 2 healthy children a joy. Then to be faced with Chase's accident your heart must be shattered. It is such a needless loss just a really bad impulsive choice from the kid driving and noone realising how those actions could result in a young boy losing his life. I can tell it must have been absolutely horrific for you and your daughter to witness your poor injured boy and it is also really important that you do revisit those scenes you saw with a health professional or counsellor to help the trauma overwhelming you. What a wonderful mom you are to fly to his side to hold him when he was hurt and to make that brave decision to donate his organs. What a gift that will be to several other people and you know a bit of your generous boy lives on in this world. As a former nurse I can assure you he would have not felt pain or probably been minimally aware of what happened and he would have been unconscious very quickly with those brain injuries. My son Tommy had just turned 24 when he was killed in aug 2015. He helped a friend move into college dorms and there was a little party afterward. Another younger friend who was there got into a fight , he had been picked on before and my son helped break up the fight. Unfortunately this young man then just lost it (apparently had mental health issues that no one knew about and was on meds) and climbed out of the window 14 floors up and was going to jump. Tommy and his friends were trying to persuade him to come in when the police arrived. The kid panicked and the police had to withdraw but left my son and another friend in the room to talk him down. Then Tommy climbed out onto the ledge and held his friends arm and eventually talked him into coming back inside to safety. As the two were climbing back in the window broke and they both fell. The suicidal kid was severely injured but survived and was released from the hospital after a few weeks. My boy like yours had suffered a severe brain injury and multiple impact trauma injuries and arrested whilst in the ambulance. The trauma team really tried but my son could not be saved. Unfortunately there were no organs that could be salvaged he was too severely injured. Tommy was living in Hawaii we live in the UK and got the news very early that morning that he had died. I will never forget it. Still there are other parents here you can chat to who can listen and support you because we all have lost a child. take care

[Stacy bottroff]

Thank you for responding to me and I'm so sorry for your loss as well . I'm having such a hard time, it's only been a month since I lost Chase and not much has changed I'm still in so much pain and disbelief it seems this pain will never subside . Chases 17th birthday is November 14th and I know this is going to be tough on all of us . I just keep praying for strength to make it out of this horrible fog I'm in . I just can't believe he is gone and that this is my life . I have never wished for time to fly more then I do nowadays . I'm grateful for this sight to be able to share my story even though it's not the story I wanted to write . Thank you again for replying to me it is truly helpful to know it will get better and that there are people out there who are kind enough to share there stories of pain and healing with others 

[CMR]

November 14th??? My Mackenzie would be turning 16 on the same day. I will be praying for you...

[Matthew's Mom]

Stacy, I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to what you are going through and I as well can't believe this is my life.  My son Matthew was killed in a terrible car accident on his way to the homecoming dance on Sep 15, 2018, just a week earlier than your son.  His 17 year old friend was also killed, his name was Chase.  My husband and I were at the accident scene but were unable to see our son or hold him, or say goodbye.  He was killed instantly since the car he was in was T-boned on the passenger side, where my Matthew was sitting.  It must have been terrible for you to have to see your son that way, but I can only think that you were a comfort to his soul.  Also, how wonderful that your son had an impact on others lives as an organ donor. I just joined this site.  I have been struggling to find people who can somewhat relate to what we are going through.  I am not sure how to make it through this except for my other children. I can't imagine finding joy in life right now.  I feel like I am dreading everything.  I am dreading Thanksgiving, Christmas, his 16th birthday, the day his brother has to go to high school without him there, family vacations, EVERYTHING!  My heart goes out to all of you and hopefully we can be some comfort and support to each other as we navigate this tremendously difficult journey.

[Mason’s Mom]

Birthdays and holidays are so hard. My son would have been 22 on September 29th.  I told my husband and daughters that I really didn't want to get out of bed on his birthday. They convinced me to have dinner with Mason’s grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. For weeks I contemplated how to honor him.Since he has passed away several people have told us story after story of Mason being the guy they called if they had to much to drink and couldn't drive. We had no idea and I know he was punished more than once for getting home late. On his birthday I visited his grave, placed a small birthday balloon and talked to him. At the family dinner I asked each cousin to honor Mason by performing an act of kindness on his behalf.  They didn't have to tell me what they did or tell the person they helped.  I wanted them to keep his legacy going.

[Matthew's Mom]

Yes, I think it is so important to find ways to honor your son and continue to celebrate his life.  Matthew was so outgoing, compassionate, and always put a smile on people's faces.  He always took the time to talk to people when they were feeling down and would try to brighten their day.  It's funny what we learn about our kids when something like this happens.  We learned so much about our son through the stories his friends shared with us after he passed.  All the memories make us smile.  One of the things we told his friends is to try to live a little bit like Matthew every day and hopefully when they think of him, they smile. I am glad to hear you made the decision to celebrate him on his birthday.  His legacy will live on. 

[Stacy bottroff]

Chase's 17th is coming up fast November 14th . I have decided to honor him with a balloon release with special notes . At first I thought just family and a few friends but what I have noticed going through this nightmare is that it has brought some scars to the surface for so many . My daughter and I decided to create the event to include letters to not only chase but to any loved ones who have passed . The event has changed from a few people to close to 50 . So on November 14th we will be releasing balloons with our special notes to our loved ones and being with everyone i believe will be a special healing moment for all . Chase was a kind compassionate young man who thought of others before himself he never really wanted much and on his birthdays he always just wanted friends and family to get together for dinner and be lowkey . We will have cake coffee and conversation i believe he would approve of this for his birthday . I'm trying my hardest to make it through the upcoming holidays but I too am dreading it . I will try to keep myself busy with things involving families in need maybe volunteer places . I miss Chase every second of every day and I will keep trying to honor him . I will be sending as much healing feelings to everyone who is going through this painful time .

[Somersky]

Stacy we are here for you. I lost my son to SADS (sudden arrhythmic death syndrome) on his 20th birthday. I found him... 7:30am he was snoring 7:50 he was still as jello. I had to perform CPR for 40 minutes although emergency response was there they wanted me to continue. Skylar survived for 2 hours but with out brain activity we knew we had to say goodbye and we also donated his eyes and tissue to science. 2.5 years later I suffer from ptsd and there are therapies that will help (CBT DBT AND CPT) but when you are ready. We also had his service within one week.. 800 in attendance with many basketball games raising money for kidsport. Skylar was a scholarship athlete in basketball. I lost my brother at 20 in a car accident and my biggest fear was I would lose my son .... and ?! I lost him at 20. His sister misses him dearly

The pain is real... with ebbs and flows! Don’t fight it it’s part of grief. If you need to talk I’m always here. Chase is a remarkable young man...who left a legacy. Sweet and kind and a good example to his his sibling. Xo