Members Little sister Posted September 29, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 29, 2018 I am new to this forum and in need of anything. It has been 1month 29days since I lost my brother. My brother always dreamed of driving tractor trailers for a living and he fulfilled that dream. But I didnt know that dream would take him from me. On aug7,2018 my brother was working driving his tractor trailer as he has for over a decade. My brother was an excellent driver always cautioned his fellow drivers. He was such a good driver that he often trained other drivers on the road and had certificates for excellent driving, n safe driving. My brother was driving on the highway and got into an accident. This accident cost him his life. He was the only fatality in the entire accident. The tractor hit a vehicle before overturning over guard rail and taking his life. We got the autopsy back and he was clear of everything no drugs no alcohol nothing just a pure accident that took his life n left me broken. My brother was the nicest kindess person you could ever come across. He loved life and people. Everyone loved him from family friends strangers co workers people he just meant in day to day life. What bothers me is this 1.the world is so wrong that you could loose your life over an accident just from wakin up n goin to work. 2.me n my brother were really close and even though his little sister any time n need my brother called me n I wad there, so not being there being able to help him is killin me. 3. Why would god take such a peaceful man 4. Why do people keep saying it gets better over time when it doesn't.5. Why do people keep asking me are you doin better now as if 2mobths is time to so better after losing a brother I had for 36yrs of my life.it was his time god needed him all these things anger me in fact everything angers me. I am opposite of my brother and have a quick fuse while I smile remembering how nothing would anger him. Now life angers me. Work angers me people n their opiniobs but aint never lost a sibling angers me. I just dont wanna b bothered. I barely sleep I got depression n anxiety pills n when I finally decided I better take sumth because my mind is so angry n cant let go its so bad the dam pills didn't even work. My mother lost her only son and they were extremely close n I'm angry4 her as well. I can't really say what I feel what I'm thinking because my mother says now if you depressed how am I gonna do better. I want to scream n say Well I dont wanna b better without him and I probably never will. People that should b there aren't and I get angry about that. Or I get angry the people that were there but go away so quickly as if everything is now back2 normal. I get angry that people moced on so quickly even if death is a natural part of life nothing was natural about his death. It was sudden unexpected cruel n tragic. When we got the call we rushed up the highway n evening traffic 2 arrive 2 a scene and hear hes gone. I will never for get the scene that day or anything. I am grateful I went though because they let us see him at the scene and there gone before my eyes I hugged my brother for the last time. I just dont no what to do n people just dont get it. I figured id try anything. It even angers me because I said to myself dag my brother touched so many lives his funeral was beyond capacity and if people can get over an amazing person like him n move on so quickly I know i got nothing comin on my day.I am blessed to have had such an amazing brother 10 years apart yet we were so close. But this was definitely a life gone to soon abd I dont think ill ever bounce back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members reader Posted October 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 2, 2018 Dear Little Sister, I am very sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies and condolences. Thank you for taking the time to share your story and your brother with us. What an amazing man. Thinking of you and your family during this sad and difficult time. With all my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Little sister Posted October 3, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 Thanks alot for your words of support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lovely Day Posted October 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 6, 2018 I lost my big brother 3/25/18. I suggest seeing a counselor. Mine has put many thing in perspective. I am so sorry that you have to hurt. My brother was also a truck driver. They are amazing people. Mine sadly took his own life. It does get easier with time. You will always miss him. You will always love him. But with time the pain of losing his will diminish a bit. I will keep you in my prayers and my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted October 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2018 Little Sister, My heart hurts for you. Those are great pictures of you and your brother. Thank you for sharing them and your honesty about how you’re feeling. I don’t know why such beautiful, kind, loving, giving, caring people are taken from us in the most horrendous ways. I don’t think that I’ll ever understand it. It’s happened to me 3 times. With my brother “S” 12yrs ago (he had two kids and was only 33), my brother “B” last November (he had just turned 41), and my mother at the end of July (she received a cancer diagnosis and it tore her apart in 3months). I have defined expericed so much of what you’ve expressed with thoughts and how others have been with you. It’s painful. So painful when you are grieving the loss of part of your soul (your brother). I go from so deeply crushed, to angry, to confused, to questioning everything, to feeling how do I go forward...With my brothers I have done a lot of writing and physical action to get my anger and emotion out. When I’m not that way, I cherish the memories by going through pictures, listening to music they liked and cooking their favorite things. It makes me cry, but I know there’s no way I can skip everything I feel inside and so having those pieces of them makes me feel the closeness and smile at the fact that I truly knew every part of them. With my mom, I have been doing different kinds of small memorial things. Since it’s hard to be around others because they don’t understand, I walk away when they say something insensitive, or cluelessly. Literally, I got uo and walked away from her friend whi came over the other day and was going on and on about her and her daughter and how mothers and daughters are and brothers and sisters. I said excuse me and left the table, went inside the house, cried, was angry and came back outside once I calmed down. I think she took the hint because she stopped talking that way when I came back. I wasn’t calm enough to explain it to her and didn’t want to flio out on her. I made up my mind that anyone who does that to me...because a lot of people do (unknowingly sometimes), I just don’t have the time and patience to deal with it. Nor should I have to when I am hurting so badly and teying to keep my head above water. They’ll either stop doing that, adjust, or they won’t and I won’t spend more time with them. That may sound harsh, but it’s the best I can do right now until my wounds aren’t as raw. Sending you love and you have my empathy. I’m sad your brother was taken from you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Little sister Posted October 10, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2018 Lovely day thanks so more for those kind words. It made me smile just seeing you say your brother was also a truck driver. All I can do is hope that with time it will get easier. I am also sorry 4 your loss and will pray for you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Little sister Posted October 10, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2018 @streaming I am sorry for the several losses in your life. Thank you for sharing that. You sound alot like me. I know longer have patience or tolerance of alot of things or alot of people. I too also walk away from people when they say inconsiderate or unintelligent things. I had to walk away from people at work who continue to say are you better now( because it makes me feel like there saying its been long enough,get over it) maybe they arent but it wasnt even 2 montha n people kept sayin that. People will do or say little things n I will simply reply look I no longer have the time or energy for any nonsense any more I'm barely makin it after this and if that means Farwell to them so be it. Just like you said. I am considering counseling and should be going as early as next week. I listen2 music which makes me cry a lot, and pics of him are everywhere which make me smile. I am just trying to hold on because I know he would want the best for me but honestly if I didnt have little kids this would have done it for me. I visit his grave on a regular basis and just try to let him know im still there .thank you so much for reaching out it means a lot.I will definitely keep you n my prayers as well and hope we dont have to share this type of story together again. It means alot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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