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My Father Passed away - 8-8-2018


Ritchie_uk

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Hi there

I posted a message a few weeks ago, and to be honest I havn't posted since.

I dont really know what to say, other than I feel lost and I have so many questions.
I will try and post some thoughts.

I am usually never lost for words.
 

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Hello Ritchie

I understand how you are feeling. Have been lost and alone since my father passed, 3 weeks ago. Somedays it is everything to just breathe through the heartache. You are in my thoughts and keep breathing through. I think it is a process and it is still fresh. Biggest Hugs. Cherish the good memories. 

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Dear Ritchie,

Im sorry for your loss.  I lost my mom a month ago and not a day goes by that I don’t think about her.  

I also know how you are feeling and what you are going through.

Somedays will be better than others. I still wake up some mornings and lay in bed just thinking about her.  

I think the hardest part for me is when Im alone and when I do think about her, I cry. 

I have never lost a loved one before so this is all new to me.

Like Sweetlove stated, remember all the good times the 2 of you shared. That’s what gets me through the days sometimes.

God bless..

 

 

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i keep thinking back of the days when i was with my mum. and the things we did, the things we would never be able to do together and how i've disappointed her

but try to step out of it, threadstarter

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Ritchie_UK:

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your father. I lost my father unexpectedly on 8/06/2018, so we are going through the emotions together. 

I had been mentally preparing myself for a few years that my father may pass. He had retired at 67, had both knees, both shoulders, one wrist and one elbow replaced. Then at 71 came the kidney failure. He went on home dialysis (mom was a nurse so that was not a difficult task) and was given 2 years before they expected a kidney. Long story short, he suffered several debilitating setbacks over a 3 week period, and we had to make the painful decision to remove life support. 

I've seen people die. They died in car wrecks. They died from violence. They died of natural causes. Nothing prepared me for watching the terrified look in my father's eyes as we pulled the ventilator. His mind was somewhat sound, his heart was strong. The rest of his body had shut down though. They said he would go quickly, and he did, relatively speaking. 

I watched as my father suffocated for 2 minutes. The longest 2 minutes of my life.

Mom and dad were married 48 years, 5 months and 9 days. My sister was 46 and I 42 at the time of his death. 

I had to be the strong one. I had to comfort my mother and my sister, as well as my sister's 3 children. I have not coped with his death well. I have stood strong for the family, doubled my focus on my own work, and ramped up work on what is now solely my mother's house to prepare it for sale. I haven't rested a single day since his death. I also haven't cried. 

On my birthday (9/16), we had a local sheriff murdered. His death has had a greater impact on me than my own father's, even though dad and I were fairly close and I never met the Deputy. 

I have had 3 dreams since dad passed where I broke down and cried uncontrollably. Each was a different scenario which I did not recognize, but in the dream held significant emotional value. 

I still have not wept over losing my father. Not consciously, anyway. As I said in the beginning, I had somewhat mentally prepared myself for his passing, even at 73.

 

I realize I have gone on and on and on here, but i think that's my way of coping. Maybe you experienced the same. So many memories i struggle to capture, so much time that should have been left to make more...

I hope you find a way to help you cope with, accept and glorify your father in passing. I know mine was revered by hundreds, if not thousands, in his community. The stories and impact he had on others has helped me. I hope you have found those stories that have impacted those in your father's life, and find solace in what he meant to those around him, as I did in mine, and know that people are better for having known him.

 

 

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Thank you Ritchie, I appreciate you sharing your story. 

Today is a tough day. So you reaching out is a comfort. 

My Dad had cancer and suffered in silence until this past April. My brother, Uncle and I teamed up to keep him home as long as we could. I spent the last few days with him in hospice. Singing to him was a good comfort as my Grandmother always sang.

Now I am alone being divorced for 4 years and no children. Feel like the only man who truley loved me is gone. Coping has been tough and am grateful for my friends and a couple of family members. His service was delayed due to my work schedule. I had to return from my camp job as the grief is overwhelming. This coming Saturday is his service a month after he passed. 

Just breathing is tough but I am a strong lady and will persevere. Your name lone wolf is good. I have felt like a lone wolf my whole life.  Have a good day and thank you

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Dear People

Thankyou for responding.
I feel so empty and I think angry.

I hate coming in this Forum, as everybody is suffering so much.

I read a year ago, that somebody in the Pet group lost a Pigeon, whilst I didnt find it funny, I didnt totally understand the emotion.


I dont know what to do?
Now my Dog has been diagnosed with a bad heart,

I really dont want to be here, when I see my Mum and Family suffering.
My Dad is just dust now, on a shelf waiting to be buried, when before he was a Man who used to laugh and Joke and 101 other things.

I walk my Dog at night and look at the stars and wonder what star my Dad is on?

I am going to read though your posts, and respond.

Thankyou

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Keep going and breathing.  We have rough patches and good patches. I need hope that this will get better and our suffering is to make us stronger.

Big virtual hugs to you.

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Hello

Just checking in here to see how you are doing Ritchie?

This past weekend was my Dads Celebration of Life. Most of the anxiety and emotional rollercoaster has almost gone away. Feeling and accepting that it is ok to let go and re start my life and self care. 

I do miss him terribly and am feeling a void in my life. Thinking this will lessen in time but truely will never fully go away. 

I send you good wishes and hugs.

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Sweet Love,

As strange as it is, this is one of my fears....letting go. It's almost as if I fear to stop grieving, that will mean I'm losing him even more. I'm afraid of forgetting what it was like to have him here. He was so great, such a personality, and he loved me so much. I don't want to keep hurting so much, and it's so much harder than I ever imagined it would be, even though I've dreaded this happening for a very long time. I still can't believe he's gone, and it's been a month already.

God bless all of you in your sadness, it's just so hard.

 

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Hello Gem 27

My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

I was with my Dad when he passed. However weeks later I did not accept it. Preparing for his Celebration of Life helped me work through acceptance. Everybody goes through different stages of grief in their own way. It is a process for sure. 

My Dad and I were good friends. I was the apple of his eye. Leading into his passing, he made me promise to not get stuck in grief and live for myself. Be Positive and Be Happy.

May you find peace and know that you can hug your Dad anytime you need. Just breathe and let muscle memory and spirit embrace you. 

We have amazing Guardian Angels watching over us always. ♥️♥️♥️

My thoughts are with everyone in this group. Grief is a process. Love & Light to all.

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Thank you, Sweet Love.

It's very helpful to talk to someone who understands.

I'm sure my dad wouldn't want me to be so sad either, I'll try to remember that. I just gave him a long hug, doing what you suggested, and it felt wonderful. I cried, of course, but I felt him with me.

I'm glad you have found comfort in your dad's Celebration. Please be well.

 

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Hi Folks

Today for a few minutes, I realised Dad isn't here anymore.
My furthest memory, right back to the late 1960's my Dad was always there.

I can't explain how I feel, as I am usually good with words, and I am always the person who is there for people and knows what to say.
Not because I am clever, but as someone once said to me, " No pain is ever wasted "

I guess just writing small posts, will help me, and just being able to relate to other people suffering, sort of helps.

Thankyou xx

 

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Sweet Love thankyou for your concern.

Gem, I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Letting go dosnt mean you will be losing him, it means you can be free to live the quality of life your Loved one would want. If anyof us pass away, would we not want the best for our loved ones? Xx

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Thank you Ritchie.

You're right, I would never want any of my loved ones to feel the way I've been feeling, that would break my heart.

My dad wouldn't want to see me like this either, it's true.

Thank you for your kind words, talking to others who are suffering in the same way has been very comforting to me, I'm very grateful to have found this forum.

Please take care and have a peaceful night.

 

 

 

 

 

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