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For The Love of Our Pets


Pam@Ilovemybeagle

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Pam@Ilovemybeagle

Hello Everyone,

My name is Pam and I am very new to this website. First I would like to express my deepest sympathy's to all of you that have lost a pet and are not coping. I have read many posts about many of you having a tough time with your grief and that deep pain in your heart that longs so much for your your pet. I am so glad I am not alone in my feelings. This is the only place that truly understands how I feel. People around me don't understand that after a month and a half, I should have moved on by now. They are also getting annoyed with me. Because of this, I truly felt alone. I lost my Heidi (beagle) on July 26th. and my grief is still so raw. I cry everyday, many times a day. And I can't seem to get out of it. I miss her sweet eyes, and the love she had in them for me when I looked into them. I miss her loving and caring nature. I am heartbroken that in this life, I will no longer see her, touch her, kiss her, nuzzle her, and have her stand with her paws on my lap for a cuddle. Sometime I wish so much that I was with her. But I know I will have to wait...........

But since I came across this website, and realize I am not alone, that there are so many of you that share the unbreakable bond and love with your pet as I do. This helps. I know I will see my baby girl again one the other side, it's just having to wait that is heartbreaking. Thank you again everyone for sharing your very personal memories. I know it must have been very hard for a lot of you to share, but hopefully after a while this will get easier.

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DSC00468 (2017_11_14 04_38_05 UTC).jpg

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Hello and welcome, Pam. I am deeply sorry for your loss - Heidi has the sweetest loving eyes, it is so hard, isn’t it? The hardest parting for me in this life was from my beloved cats and I am still struggling with the pain of losing them every and each passing day. Your loss is  very recent and even if it wasn’t there is no fixed timeframe for grieving - if people are getting annoyed with your timing to mourn your beautiful friend Heidi, they deserve that you do not take their annoyance into consideration? Of course people mostly mean well when they expect us to “move on”, but it is rather their coaching that I find disrespectful and annoying and when they have no clue as to how this Loss has impacted (and changed) our lives. But here people really listen and you will not going through this alone. 

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Hello again Pam

I think that the sudden unexpected loss is the hardest to deal with and you could not have anticipated this happening with Heidi, as we didn't with Ben. I have lost dogs before but with them I always knew that it was the right time to make the decision to help them. When they suddenly become very ill and beyond help with no warning, that decision is taken away from you. It was 6th July we lost Ben and I was still crying silently in bed last night, afraid to let my Husband know.

I know my Husband would like another dog, he loved his walks with Ben and does not have a focus in life now, but like you, I don't think I could ever go through such grief again. In your other post you called him 'Gentle Ben', this brought a tear to my eye (in the nicest way) I don't know how you knew but he was the gentlest dog I have ever met.

Keep remembering that Heidi is free from pain now and living on in your heart. Take care and life will get easier eventually, for all of us x

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Pam@Ilovemybeagle

My dearest Beatriz and Bensmum

I thank you so much for your kind words of support. It means so much to me that there is support here. It brought tears to my eyes.

I had a dream about Heidi last night and in that dream I held her in my arms and yelled to everyone that this wasn't a dream that she is really here and I can touch her and hug her. Then I woke up and I realized the cruel reality that is was just a dream and she is not physically here anymore. I am sobbing as I am writing this. At that point in time I wish I did not wake up from my dream. Thank you both so much again. It means a lot.

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I agree, sudden loss is very hard to deal with, when we anticipate loss we do some of our grieving ahead of time, although the finality still hits and it still requires much adjustment on our part as our memories hit us...we see their empty dishes, deal with habit-patterns that are now disrupted and that is a huge trigger.

I'm sorry people are annoyed that you are still grieving...of course you are!  It is not your grieving that is out of line, it is their annoyance.  They simply don't understand what a deep bond we have with our pets, they are our family members, our closest friends and companions.  This is not something easily gotten through, if it were, there'd be no need for this forum!  It takes much time to adjust and each of us do so at our own time frame, no one size fits all.

I'm sorry for your pain, I wish there was some way to accelerate the adjusting, but I know of none, just try to get through this day and then tomorrow get up and do it all over again, eventually it'll happen.  (((hugs)))

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Pam, I love the photo where Heidi has her head inclined, as if pondering something you said to her and her big eyes are the tenderest. I cry as I write too because it is just so easy to relate. Today someone I follow at Twitter posted a video of two cats riding on a skateboard in a cat café in Toronto that looked so much like my cats, when only yesterday I was praying for some kind of sign that they are well. I of course know these are not my cats but felt like going over there and fetching them anyway. But maybe and just maybe this is the answer to my prayers and a message from Tripps and Preta that they are fine and enjoying the ride. 

737E352F-256D-4C68-AE3F-60CB74C5AE74.jpeg

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Pam@Ilovemybeagle

Hello KayC and Beatriz,

Thank you both again. I feel blessed to have you both email back to me, supporting me. It truly means a lot when you feel all alone in your grief feeling that everyone else around you just doesn't understand.I hope that time will ease the pain, but it surely is slow... Beatriz, I love that picture of the cats on the skateboard. I am sure that is a sign!! They are letting you know that they are well and happy and waiting patiently for you on the other side. I know that from my dream last night of Heidi, that she is doing the same. 

And KayC, I truly feel sad about your loss of your husband. This should be your times together, to grow old together. I am very sorry. Do you have children to support you and be with you?

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What a beautiful baby. I am sorry you lost Heidi. It has been 9 weeks for me and I am still heartbroken, each and every day. I don't cry, anymore, and I can think about the things she did and smile...but my insides are still torn to pieces and I hurt so bad. I miss her so much. I wish I can tell you that time heals all...but for me, it has not happened. I can say, however, that in a little while, the pain won't be so raw. It was still hurt, but you will be able to get through the day. It took me about a week, or so, before I could actually smile or laugh at something funny, again. I seem to have a mask, where I can go out in public and look normal, when actually I am hurting inside. Unless a person has truly been there, they will not understand. We can only hold this within ourselves and/or share it with those like us who do understand. My best to you. 

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Pam@Ilovemybeagle

Thank you so much CiCi for your kind words. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your angel. You are exactly right!! I am just going through the motions; wearing a mask, just going through life. And yes, unless a person goes through it, they won't understand. I am glad you emailed to my post. We understand each other. Thank the good Lord for this site and for all of our supporters on this site.

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Beatriz,

I love that picture and the message it brings you!  

Pam,

Alas I have no such support...my son lives too far away and is very busy with his job and family, and my daughter is in a very hard place right now and isn't contacting any of us.  I miss them both!  But I'm okay, I have my church family and a busy life, and my dog and cat to keep me company.  Sometimes I worry about what is to come but then I remember "One day at a time!" and get back to that.  ;)  My pastor asked me to speak to the church Sunday about the importance of being in small groups (because he knew I'm in so many), counting my on line forums, I'm in nine such groups...two once a month, four once a week, one twice a week, and two on-line every day.  I didn't realize until he talked to me about it, just how many I'm in!  But it helps to have a schedule, even if it's different every day, and contact with people, so as not to isolate.  My alone time with my family (dog and cat and myself) is every evening and the spare time I get during the day and we use our evenings to hang out and relax together.

I know that losing a pet can be one of the hardest griefs to go through, part of it is we are so close to them, they are very much a part of our everyday lives and they are such special souls, honestly I feel God's gift to us!  It's hard that the world doesn't recognize our grief in the same way they would the loss of a person, but it's because many people in our society haven't learned firsthand just how close we can be to our animals.  What they call disenfranchised grief.  I don't give a fig if they realize it or not or what they think about my mourning, it is what it is, but it can make it harder for people needing time off from work for their grief, and it would sure make life easier if people "got it" and understood.  At least they do here!

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Pam@Ilovemybeagle

Hi KayC,

God Bless your heart!! You are one strong lady, and despite your lack of support form your children, you have come out the other side a stronger and spiritual woman, and I truly envy you.

It is good to keep busy and helping others, gives us a sense of purpose, especially when it is belonging to many groups. As I have learned from many of you and yourself, I will take my time with my grief, for it is mine. And I will take it one day at a time.

My hats off to you KayC!! God is looking after you, and your husband would be proud!

God Bless

Pam

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I'm just so sorry for anyone having to go through this grief, I know the pain all too well.  I know you're missing your sweet beagle and nothing will take that away, it is the price of love.  Time will assist you though and it will be more manageable someday.  I sure wish I knew a magic button that could speed up the process, but alas there is none that I know of.

 

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Pam@Ilovemybeagle

Hello KayC, your right everything is still a little raw still right now. I lost my dad this past April 21st, and our treasured family Sheltie, Cora (gentle old soul) last year July 27 on the anniversary death of my brother. I lost Heidi on July 26th of this year and my mom is very ill and I don't think she has much time left. Heidi helped me through much of this turmoil. I need her more than ever now. I wish she was still with me.

But my mother has for the past year, a Husky/Shepherd cross that I will have to look after if something should happen to her. So I will inherit her. She is a lovely dog with good mannerisms. But I hate to say, she is not my Heidi. But I will look after her when the time comes, and I will probably love her as well.

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I'm sure you will, I've grown very close to my granddoggies, and especially Skye, who lived with me half his life.  He was a Husky and my Arlie is a Husky/Golden Retriever.  

I'm sorry you've had so much loss, very hard.  I lost my mom to Dementia four years ago.  It was a hard yet very special journey, I won't forget any part of it.  I'm sorry your mom is facing what she is and you along with her.  :( 

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