Excruciating pain

[Jaimee]

My cat was acting perfectly fine yesterday morning - laying on my chest. Then I nudged him off of me because his claws were digging in and as he tried to walk up the stairs. His back leg gave out. Ran him into the emergency vet and he was diagnosed with heart failure. The doctor says that he was in so much pain and because he had fluid in his lungs, he couldn’t breathe but nobody would do anything directly in that moment because they hadn’t swiped my credit card yet. After multiple doctors coming in to talk and after what felt like forever, I gave in and opted to euthanize. My last moments with him were rushed because he was struggling to breathe. So I had to rush the doctors in and have them do it quickly. I didn’t get to say goodbye the way I wanted to. I didn’t get to feed him his favorite treats or food (steak). I didn’t get to explain how sorry I was. I didn’t get enough time.

I blame myself entirely for everything. He was only 12 years old. I should’ve brought him into the vet sooner. I kept pushing it off because I didn’t have enough money. But how do you put a price tag on your family member. Had I don’t that, I maybe could’ve extended his time here. I should’ve paid more attention to him. I should’ve noticed the changes he was going through. 

I don’t know how I will ever get over this devastating loss. The pain is literally too much to bare. I wake up, cry until I exhaust myself, then sleep and repeat. He wasn’t just a cat. He was literally part of me. Part of my soul. Part of what makes me who I am.

 

Any suggestions or advice on this grieving process would be greatly appreciated. 

[Kastine]

Hi jaimee 

im so deeply sorry for your loss. There are, at this stage, no words that I can say that will help ease the pain you are going through.  All that I can say is that we completely empathize with u as we too have lost our soul connections... this is the most difficult time as guilt and feelings of wishing you could reverse time will be at their highest....remember to feel what your feeling and allow yourself to grieve... our animals aren’t just animals... they’re part of us... part of our hearts and souls and when they are no longer with us... we feel a tremendous void. it’s been 2 months for me and I awoke this morning with that awful dread feeling and have been in tears all day long... just wishing I had brought my baby home and not had him put to sleep... but even though my spirit screams for him... he does reach out because there are moments where I’m happy inside and feel content and I believe that’s my poopa feeling the same way through me ... time does heal... u will eventually feel like a human being again... but just know that during these dark days there are people here who fully understand and if u need to talk more about it... this is the right place... be at peace knowing ur baby is at peace and one day you will be together again..

Love and light 

kas

 

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, I know the pain is great.  There are no words that can lessen the pain you are feeling, it's part of the grieving process.  Just know that we are here with you, and we feel your pain.  I've had multiple losses and each one is really hard.  It takes time to get used to their absence, to realize the new normal in our lives.  Meanwhile every bit of our routine is impacted and a reminder of their absence.  The wait to get used to these changes is so hard!

[Eman]

Take a look at my post i feel the same way u do or worse .i lose my cat that was my everything, my best friend and my baby i lost him suddenly and the vets misdiagnosed him so i feel like they killed him :'( ttill now we don'tknow what killed him he was healthy and fine i'm dying i swear 

[Beatriz]

On 9/4/2018 at 9:52 PM, Jaimee said:

. He wasn’t just a cat. He was literally part of me. Part of my soul. Part of what makes me who I am.

You expressed it perfectly - and I can see myself there in what you said as I felt exactly the same way about both my cats with whom I spoke in a tone of voice I am now unable to reproduce. I lost more than one of my voices, I lost a huge part of myself. We do define ourselves through those who love us best, I think. I am sorry for your loss and sad to learn of the circumstances. One of my cats suffered for 70 days with breathing difficulties and had fluid drained from around her lungs every other day. We unreasonably I can see that now expected to revert her condition ( she was prescribed a number of meds which had to be taken twice, three times per day - the ones she took orally tasted horribly bitter). But then she fought for her life, we all could see she wanted to stay with us. Yet I will always wonder if I did right by her - no matter which course of action we decided upon, we can never be sure it was the best as we intented, because they died and we take it personally, how could we not? Their welfare was our responsibility - that’s how we see it. I am sure you offered your cat the best you could afford and just look at him and see how well loved he has been. Hold on to the certainty that your cat knew exactly how much you loved him and how you meant the best for him - they can tell love better than us humans. My heart goes out to you.

[AJWCat]

That is a shocking loss. Mine too happened very awfully and suddenly. After my cat collapsing finding the emergency vet and driving there and him being put down to end his suffering it was about 2 hours.  So, I know the agony you are in and I am so sorry. That said, sometimes kitties have things go wrong, mine was on bp medicine for a couple years I know his heart was not great either. You lost your guy too soon but don't feel guilty, sometimes there is just no way to save them. You gave him a wonderful life and I promise as dark as it feels you will get through it thought I wish it were easier. Please write here if you need to. I sure did. Pages just to get out my pain. 

[KayC]

On 9/5/2018 at 6:32 PM, Beatriz said:

We do define ourselves through those who love us best

I'd never thought of it that way, but that makes sense.  But remembering how they knew and loved us helps me even now...my husband and I were so close, and his love carries me the rest of my life...I'm glad he loved me that much, it will have to do me.  But even with our animals, the love was so close, they have such a way of loving so completely and purely.