Members Lost6263 Posted September 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2018 It's been almost 7 months since I loss my husband. His mother and I are not on speaking terms, I'm still having to remind myself to breathe, get out of bed and stay busy, and I still feel like this is not my reality....like I'm stuck in a nightmare. I'm still seeing my therapist every week. I find most people try to stay away from any topic of him, maybe in fear they will upset me I don't know. All I do is talk about him, and think about him. My question is where were each of you at 7 months after losing your loved one? How are you dealing with your grief? I know everyone deals with grief differently but I'm curious how others are coping because most days I don't feel I'm doing a good job at coping...or dealing with people....or even getting out of bed or out of the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted September 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2018 I was probably where you are, but there is no "normal" here. How someone else feels is unknowable, There are really no rights and wrongs with how you handle it. However, experts say that trying to "be strong" or otherwise force yourself to think or act a certain way does nothing good. It might help to know that there are no grief stages. Losing someone who means so much to you is indescribably difficult. The shock, horror, and sadness are like nothing else. I'm at just over 2 years and it sucks. I think about my girlfriend constantly. I now find myself getting use to this new reality. That isn't the same as being okay with it, of course. Someone posted this a while ago, and it's great. Dr. Bill Webster also has some very good videos on this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GDTbtePHUU&feature=youtu.be Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted September 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2018 13 hours ago, Lost6263 said: My question is where were each of you at 7 months after losing your loved one? How are you dealing with your grief? Hi Lost6263 I was fighting and searching for answers to the grief problem. See my post "Autocharge my Experience ", look at the beginning of the thread for it was close to 7months when I started posting. The thread is pretty much in chronological order. Autocharge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jamiei Posted September 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 4, 2018 Hi Lost6263, Im 7 months into this horrible grieving process too. I struggle everyday, the pain and sadness is with me every second of everyday. I do get up and exercise, run, and go to work but that’s about it. My son has been with me pretty much for the last 7 months, which has saved me! He has gotten me out of the house and been by my side, I had to say good bye to him today, he has gotten a job and will be living in another state. It was horrible saying goodbye but he needs to get on with his life so I am happy for him. Today feels terribly lonely but I will make it through some how. Sending you good thoughts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted September 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 Jamiei, Sending you warm thoughts for love and support to be all around you. What a strong, amazing parent you are to support him in his journey; as I understand it is so emotional to let him go when you are grieving. And what an amazing son you have that clearly loves you so much to have showered you with love in your time of need. Near or far, I know he will continue to do so with you and you will too. Exercising, running and going to work is no small feat. We lost my mom and I am staying with my dad. He went running yesterday and I was so happy he did. We are struggling and in so much pain from our loss. Doing our best to get up everyday and go on. To be grateful for the years we had. Every cell in my body feels the loss and I yearn for my mother. Love and prayers to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 5, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 17 hours ago, Jamiei said: Hi Lost6263, Im 7 months into this horrible grieving process too. I struggle everyday, the pain and sadness is with me every second of everyday. I do get up and exercise, run, and go to work but that’s about it. My son has been with me pretty much for the last 7 months, which has saved me! He has gotten me out of the house and been by my side, I had to say good bye to him today, he has gotten a job and will be living in another state. It was horrible saying goodbye but he needs to get on with his life so I am happy for him. Today feels terribly lonely but I will make it through some how. Sending you good thoughts! Jamiei, You are in my thoughts as you are adjusting to your son being gone. I hope it's not too long before you can see him again. My son was in the Air Force when my husband died so he only had a short leave for the funeral, maybe a week or two? Anyway, I know it's hard being on your own but I, too, admire your positive attitude and spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 5, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 On 9/3/2018 at 8:22 PM, Lost6263 said: It's been almost 7 months since I loss my husband. His mother and I are not on speaking terms, I'm still having to remind myself to breathe, get out of bed and stay busy, and I still feel like this is not my reality....like I'm stuck in a nightmare. I'm still seeing my therapist every week. I find most people try to stay away from any topic of him, maybe in fear they will upset me I don't know. All I do is talk about him, and think about him. My question is where were each of you at 7 months after losing your loved one? How are you dealing with your grief? I know everyone deals with grief differently but I'm curious how others are coping because most days I don't feel I'm doing a good job at coping...or dealing with people....or even getting out of bed or out of the house. Seven months...I was still frantic, trying to figure how to do my life, it was hard. They say around six months is hard because shock wears off and reality sets in, I still had grief fog. Jeff makes a very good point debunking the five stages of grief, that wasn't written for death loss it was written for illness and even so what people experience can be all kinds of feelings at once or none of those "stages" at all, what I'm saying is what Jeff said, it's a very individual journey so comparisons don't really work. You are where you are and you're doing as well as you can expect. This is just harder than anyone could anticipate! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted September 5, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 5, 2018 4 hours ago, KayC said: Seven months...I was still frantic, trying to figure how to do my life, it was hard. They say around six months is hard because shock wears off and reality sets in, I still had grief fog. Jeff makes a very good point debunking the five stages of grief, that wasn't written for death loss it was written for illness and even so what people experience can be all kinds of feelings at once or none of those "stages" at all, what I'm saying is what Jeff said, it's a very individual journey so comparisons don't really work. You are where you are and you're doing as well as you can expect. This is just harder than anyone could anticipate! timelines can vary but for sure that 6 month mark was the beginning of the shock wearing off. not relevant but in some ways it is re: my feelings. I studied under Kubler Ross. Her works and her philosophy. It was powerful at the time it was introduced with the intent of it being applicable to the death and dying (focus was processing terminal illness)....there are absolutely no cookie cutter approaches to life and for sure none for grief. I did chuckle in therapy last week because I was actually in a "bargaining" frame of thought. I even noted to the therapist "I got a Kubler thing going on here." She did an eyeroll but I believe every approach has its time and place and can be beautiful blended with other philosophies and approaches. Even with my career as a therapist I have found I'm totally not any more equipped at handling this process then anyone on this forum. It is the most excruciating journey!!!!!! It is as unbearable to me as anyone one walking this earth. One thing I have completely avoided is the intellectualizing of this hell. So when experiencing the initial shock...even in numbness... I was thinking with my background I can sail through the pain……..now how laughable is that. seriously think of that. wow!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 6, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 6, 2018 Sunflower, you may be ahead of us in understanding intellectually what's going on, but it sure doesn't help with the emotional traversing this, does it! I had to laugh at your thinking you could sail through this, so little do we realize in the beginning! I had no idea of what I was in for, and am glad I didn't! The shock of losing him was hard enough, I literally did not see how I could live without him! If he went on a trip for a week, I counted the days, talked to him on the phone, but now we haven't even got that and it's not a matter of holding on for a week! If only. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted September 6, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 6, 2018 4 hours ago, KayC said: Sunflower, you may be ahead of us in understanding intellectually what's going on, but it sure doesn't help with the emotional traversing this, does it! I had to laugh at your thinking you could sail through this, so little do we realize in the beginning! I had no idea of what I was in for, and am glad I didn't! The shock of losing him was hard enough, I literally did not see how I could live without him! If he went on a trip for a week, I counted the days, talked to him on the phone, but now we haven't even got that and it's not a matter of holding on for a week! If only. no that's why I simply am in awe. thinking I'm ahead intellectually has never been my style, Many people have book knowledge but lack in common sense and the application of that knowledge. Experience has always been the best teacher. on this planet we all learn from each other regardless of status, The only advantage perhaps are some tools I was able to grab on asap. beyond that I started this journey at the same point everyone else started...total shock, excruciating pain...all the physical symptoms ...total despair....and experiencing a loss I never dreamed could be so shattering to my being, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 7, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Before you "knew" it...now you KNOW it...in an all different way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted September 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 3 hours ago, KayC said: Before you "knew" it...now you KNOW it...in an all different way! that made me :)! Interesting way to look at it! so true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DutchessWithaT Posted September 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Lost , I am in the very same place you are . His eight month angel date will be my birthday this month . Yay . :/ I have been away moving - I DID move KayC, out of state , closer to him and away from her , and it was for the best absolutely . I am not on speaking terms at all with his mom Lost . I never will be . Religious zealot ( think Piper Laurie out of Carrie ) that attempted to make me pass her religion test so that I could be buried beside him and I failed it, I think since I posted last . I still cry one solid day then I am talking to him the next . Very uneven still . I even cry while doing something mundane like clean the guinea pig pen ( its a big one ) or getting a drink of water . Nothing has to trigger it , it just suddenly appears and I have to cry it out . Jeff's video is great I highly recommend it . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 On 9/4/2018 at 1:53 PM, Jamiei said: Hi Lost6263, Im 7 months into this horrible grieving process too. I struggle everyday, the pain and sadness is with me every second of everyday. I do get up and exercise, run, and go to work but that’s about it. My son has been with me pretty much for the last 7 months, which has saved me! He has gotten me out of the house and been by my side, I had to say good bye to him today, he has gotten a job and will be living in another state. It was horrible saying goodbye but he needs to get on with his life so I am happy for him. Today feels terribly lonely but I will make it through some how. Sending you good thoughts! Thank you and good thoughts to you as well. Do you ever feel like other people are just over it and you sit here thinking how dare them? It's only seven months later and when I ask his dad how he is doing he says I'm great how are you.....wtf? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 On 9/3/2018 at 8:59 PM, Jeff In Denver said: I was probably where you are, but there is no "normal" here. How someone else feels is unknowable, There are really no rights and wrongs with how you handle it. However, experts say that trying to "be strong" or otherwise force yourself to think or act a certain way does nothing good. It might help to know that there are no grief stages. Losing someone who means so much to you is indescribably difficult. The shock, horror, and sadness are like nothing else. I'm at just over 2 years and it sucks. I think about my girlfriend constantly. I now find myself getting use to this new reality. That isn't the same as being okay with it, of course. Someone posted this a while ago, and it's great. Dr. Bill Webster also has some very good videos on this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GDTbtePHUU&feature=youtu.be Thank you for sharing that with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 On 9/4/2018 at 9:55 AM, Autocharge said: Hi Lost6263 I was fighting and searching for answers to the grief problem. See my post "Autocharge my Experience ", look at the beginning of the thread for it was close to 7months when I started posting. The thread is pretty much in chronological order. Autocharge Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 On 9/5/2018 at 7:01 AM, KayC said: Seven months...I was still frantic, trying to figure how to do my life, it was hard. They say around six months is hard because shock wears off and reality sets in, I still had grief fog. Jeff makes a very good point debunking the five stages of grief, that wasn't written for death loss it was written for illness and even so what people experience can be all kinds of feelings at once or none of those "stages" at all, what I'm saying is what Jeff said, it's a very individual journey so comparisons don't really work. You are where you are and you're doing as well as you can expect. This is just harder than anyone could anticipate! The grief fog is bad. I was always aware and on time and take charge kind of person, and now I don't give a ****. I do all I can to just get something done and get home and be with or dogs. I would rather be around animals than humans. Humans say things that sting or piss me off, mostly not intentional but all the same it hurts. I try to focus on my breathing but it's hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 1 hour ago, DutchessWithaT said: Lost , I am in the very same place you are . His eight month angel date will be my birthday this month . Yay . :/ I have been away moving - I DID move KayC, out of state , closer to him and away from her , and it was for the best absolutely . I am not on speaking terms at all with his mom Lost . I never will be . Religious zealot ( think Piper Laurie out of Carrie ) that attempted to make me pass her religion test so that I could be buried beside him and I failed it, I think since I posted last . I still cry one solid day then I am talking to him the next . Very uneven still . I even cry while doing something mundane like clean the guinea pig pen ( its a big one ) or getting a drink of water . Nothing has to trigger it , it just suddenly appears and I have to cry it out . Jeff's video is great I highly recommend it . Well I haven't been talking to his mom either for four weeks until I got a call this week she fell in a parking lot, fractured her nose and injured her spinal cord and have to have emergency surgery. She put me as her emergency person, her friend called me I put my feelings aside and went up there a couple of times so far, Will be going again tomorrow after work. Nothing is forgiven, the things she said can't be but I'm doing this for him not her. And I'll be taken in her renal failing, blind dog, again not for her. The things is she knows I worry and I care so she uses it against me. She is a deeply religious woman as well yet judges and says nasty things about everyone all the time. I just try to get through one day at a time. I wish you strength to get through each day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 9 hours ago, KayC said: Before you "knew" it...now you KNOW it...in an all different way! Very true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jamiei Posted September 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 24 minutes ago, Lost6263 said: Thank you and good thoughts to you as well. Do you ever feel like other people are just over it and you sit here thinking how dare them? It's only seven months later and when I ask his dad how he is doing he says I'm great how are you.....wtf? Yes all the time! I was staying with my family this summer and had to leave because I couldn’t take it anymore! Everyone’s life is going on and there fine, my sister didn’t even come to the funeral because her son had state football. I know nobody lost what I did but don’t act like I should be moving on. My life will never be the same, I will never be the same, my kids not only lost Dewayne but they lost me as well! I understand nobody gets it until they have to go through this horrible pain! I also still Blame myself for not saving him, I am cpr certified but I couldn’t bring him back! Everything is just so frustrating and I want to scream but don’t have the energy to even do that! I have been running and exercising just to keep from going crazy! So yes everyday I feel like you do, so very sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted September 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 People who haven't been through this have no idea what it's like. It's hard to remember that, sometimes, but it really is true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DutchessWithaT Posted September 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 2 hours ago, Lost6263 said: Well I haven't been talking to his mom either for four weeks until I got a call this week she fell in a parking lot, fractured her nose and injured her spinal cord and have to have emergency surgery. She put me as her emergency person, her friend called me I put my feelings aside and went up there a couple of times so far, Will be going again tomorrow after work. Nothing is forgiven, the things she said can't be but I'm doing this for him not her. And I'll be taken in her renal failing, blind dog, again not for her. The things is she knows I worry and I care so she uses it against me. She is a deeply religious woman as well yet judges and says nasty things about everyone all the time. I just try to get through one day at a time. I wish you strength to get through each day. Mine finally made me sicker with grief than I already am . My eldest son and my roommate beseeched me to cease talking to her asap . I admit sometimes I worry . Alone . Of her own doing and she knows it . Words cut like a knife - I hear you there . . As for the rest of the original post I am exactly where you are and NO ONE is around anymore , no one wants to hear about it or I am sorry you are having such a hard time etc etc . Mainly no contact . You are right ,its like people are afraid to be around me . My youngest who he helped raise ( 17) and my roommate are the only ones. I still have days where I cannot get out of bed . You keep that focus on him , I know you will , I have a lot of admiration for you….. I am sure backing you up . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 8, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 17 hours ago, DutchessWithaT said: Lost , I am in the very same place you are . His eight month angel date will be my birthday this month . Yay . :/ I have been away moving - I DID move KayC, out of state , closer to him and away from her , and it was for the best absolutely . I am not on speaking terms at all with his mom Lost . I never will be . Religious zealot ( think Piper Laurie out of Carrie ) that attempted to make me pass her religion test so that I could be buried beside him and I failed it, I think since I posted last . I still cry one solid day then I am talking to him the next . Very uneven still . I even cry while doing something mundane like clean the guinea pig pen ( its a big one ) or getting a drink of water . Nothing has to trigger it , it just suddenly appears and I have to cry it out . Jeff's video is great I highly recommend it . I don't see how she can prevent you from being buried next to him, that should be YOUR wishes, not hers! I'm so glad you're away from her, some people are toxic and we have to protect ourselves first and foremost. I remember when George's dad called a year later (he couldn't bother attending his funeral even though he was offered a ride) badmouthing George, I wouldn't stand for it. I reminded him how good George was to him and told him to call when he had something positive to say. He never did. Years later his dad died, no one even bothered to let me know. Oh well...sorry George, I couldn't stand by and let him talk bad about you! He was a horrible dad but you never gave up on him. I didn't really either, but I still wouldn't tolerate his being so unkind to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 8, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 On 9/3/2018 at 8:59 PM, Jeff In Denver said: Someone posted this a while ago, and it's great. Dr. Bill Webster also has some very good videos on this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GDTbtePHUU&feature=youtu.be SOOO TRUE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nowr2 run Posted September 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 I'm at over 2 years & I am just like you, I'm lost, don't want to do anything, I've cried everyday since her suicide. I've gained a lot of weight, feel terrible 95 percent of the time, NOTHING HELPS, DRUGS, DOCTORS, NOTHING ? I only alive because of the dogs we have, they LOVE ME & I THEM, IT'S ALL I HAVE NOW ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 9, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 9, 2018 18 hours ago, nowr2 run said: I'm at over 2 years & I am just like you, I'm lost, don't want to do anything, I've cried everyday since her suicide. I've gained a lot of weight, feel terrible 95 percent of the time, NOTHING HELPS, DRUGS, DOCTORS, NOTHING ? I only alive because of the dogs we have, they LOVE ME & I THEM, IT'S ALL I HAVE NOW ? I am so sorry. Suicide loss is especially hard. I understand your living for your dogs, I have a dog and a cat and they are my family...they give me the impetus to continue. I hope you have gotten some professional help for your loss, it can be very difficult to navigate your way through this on your own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 11, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 On 9/7/2018 at 5:01 PM, Jamiei said: Yes all the time! I was staying with my family this summer and had to leave because I couldn’t take it anymore! Everyone’s life is going on and there fine, my sister didn’t even come to the funeral because her son had state football. I know nobody lost what I did but don’t act like I should be moving on. My life will never be the same, I will never be the same, my kids not only lost Dewayne but they lost me as well! I understand nobody gets it until they have to go through this horrible pain! I also still Blame myself for not saving him, I am cpr certified but I couldn’t bring him back! Everything is just so frustrating and I want to scream but don’t have the energy to even do that! I have been running and exercising just to keep from going crazy! So yes everyday I feel like you do, so very sorry! Me too. My sister all she wants to talk about is her problems and I can't deal with anybody else's crap right now. People's lives are moving on, everyone is posting their trips, family stuff, how great life is etc....and I'm here thinking really ...how dare them. He isn't here and everyone just goes on with their lives. It hurts so bad that I couldn't save him. I'm cpr certified as well. My therapist says it's normal to have these feelings with our grief. I keep thinking what is normal about any of this....nothing. I hate this is my new reality and I hate that my new reality doesn't include him. I'm so sorry to you as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted September 11, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 1 hour ago, Lost6263 said: Me too. My sister all she wants to talk about is her problems and I can't deal with anybody else's crap right now. People's lives are moving on, everyone is posting their trips, family stuff, how great life is etc....and I'm here thinking really ...how dare them. He isn't here and everyone just goes on with their lives. It hurts so bad that I couldn't save him. I'm cpr certified as well. My therapist says it's normal to have these feelings with our grief. I keep thinking what is normal about any of this....nothing. I hate this is my new reality and I hate that my new reality doesn't include him. I'm so sorry to you as well. I feel this way too. Love to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DutchessWithaT Posted September 11, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 On 9/8/2018 at 8:05 AM, KayC said: I don't see how she can prevent you from being buried next to him, that should be YOUR wishes, not hers! I'm so glad you're away from her, some people are toxic and we have to protect ourselves first and foremost. Oh she did that on purpose because she is against cremation and knew we were going to H'wood Forever together - and other dysfunctional reasons . The cemetery office told me she owned the plot and I had to get permission from her. The space on one side of him is for her the other side of him is the road . She told me she would consider having the funeral director dump my ashes about 6" underground, right above him during his lunch break or whenever he had time but there would be no notice to anyone . For whatever reason I just bucked up and said no thank you ,my children would not appreciate this . It is hard when you have to face an angry/ indifferent/ hateful family when you are grieving on top of the friends vanishing . Hopefully that was our last exchange . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 11, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 I'm sorry but I thought being a spouse trumped being a parent in such decisions. She may own the plot but what's to stop you from having him exhumed and doing what YOU want with the body? I just feel she ran all over you in your most vulnerable state. Sorry but I see her actions as despicable. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DutchessWithaT Posted September 11, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 11, 2018 1 hour ago, KayC said: I'm sorry but I thought being a spouse trumped being a parent in such decisions. She may own the plot but what's to stop you from having him exhumed and doing what YOU want with the body? I just feel she ran all over you in your most vulnerable state. Sorry but I see her actions as despicable. (((hugs))) I would really like to do that ,its fairly $$ but it is something I have considered, but yes she ran over me completely, no response for 48 hours from him and she was way ahead of me . Would you believe she is now doing grief counseling ?? Thank you , I need the hugs ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 12, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 12, 2018 Well I'm proud of you for not giving her power over you. As for $, maybe someday you'll have enough to consider it, things have a way of changing over the years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKatB Posted September 18, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2018 I am at the 7 month mark myself and I have days where I just don't want to be here at all and then another day I can be calm and not feel like my world is about to end. As others have said on here, it takes time and there is no right or wrong way to feel. I am writing again and it seems to help me get thru some of the darker times. We are all on the same journey but just different places on the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost6263 Posted September 19, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2018 On 9/8/2018 at 8:49 AM, nowr2 run said: I'm at over 2 years & I am just like you, I'm lost, don't want to do anything, I've cried everyday since her suicide. I've gained a lot of weight, feel terrible 95 percent of the time, NOTHING HELPS, DRUGS, DOCTORS, NOTHING ? I only alive because of the dogs we have, they LOVE ME & I THEM, IT'S ALL I HAVE NOW ? I prefer to just hang with our 3 dogs....everyone can just stay away as far as I'm concerned. People act like ....oh you should be better now...and I'm not. I hate my reality now....without him I'm just lost. Getting out of bed means I have to face the world and most days I don't want to. I get up to feed the dogs and take them for a walk...that's about the only thing I care to do. I just tell people I'm ok because they won't understand and there really isn't any words to describe what's going on in my head or how I feel. Literally one step at a time is all I can do most days.and remembering to breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunflower2 Posted September 19, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2018 22 hours ago, KatB said: I am at the 7 month mark myself and I have days where I just don't want to be here at all and then another day I can be calm and not feel like my world is about to end. As others have said on here, it takes time and there is no right or wrong way to feel. I am writing again and it seems to help me get thru some of the darker times. We are all on the same journey but just different places on the road. and sometimes it's getting through the second or the minute. xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 19, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 19, 2018 13 hours ago, Lost6263 said: People act like ....oh you should be better now...and I'm not. I'm sorry people are making you feel that way, of course you're not "better"! They wouldn't be either if it was them. Totally inappropriate of them to make you feel this way! I hope you will read and share this with your family/friends so they can know that how you are grieving is totally normal:https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/08/grief-understanding-process.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Paluka Posted September 21, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2018 I haven't posted regularly in quite some time. September 14, 2018 was one year anniversary of Lauri's death. At 7 months I do not know what I was like. I finally sold our condo and moved to a different place. It was very difficult but another way to say "goodbye." Since the move I have been able to sleep much better. I found her dead in our bed so I've slept on the sofa for a year. I speak with her children. I speak to her Dad every so often via email. I have not spoke to her mother since the funeral. She blames me still even though I did nothing to cause Lauri's death. Do not worry about her family. Things will sort themselves out for good or bad. I STILL do not have any official cause of death. Pathologists have told me that, at this point, I will never truly know why she died. In brief, they tell me that the medical examiner blew it. I have gone through episodes of intense grief (tears, sobbing, nightmares, weight loss, etc.) and have had times where I was actually enjoying being back at work. I dislike being in my new place alone but our dog has been a Godsend. He's all of 6 pounds but he's always by my side. So I would say that I have gone through lots of ups and downs. I just force myself to keep going. I talk to Lauri a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 22, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 22, 2018 @Paluka You made it a year...at that point I felt I deserved a medal for making it through the year of "firsts without", the hardest year of my life! At seven months I was still in grief fog, I still was at a year too. I couldn't watch t.v. or a movie the first year, I couldn't concentrate or focus. I couldn't read a book for pure enjoyment for the first TEN years, couldn't get into it, and I'd always loved reading before...(I could only read books I had to, "how to", or on grief). It's really been a long journey and one that's never over. I talk to my George all the time. I still need him, want him! I'm glad you are in a fresh place, I think when they die at home that has to be hard. I'm glad you have your little dog too, they are a blessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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