I think i caused my cat's death and it's driving me crazy. Please help.

[Mark543]

My cat of 10 years died 2 months ago from lymphoma caused by FIV. 2 months before she died i was going through a really stressful time and out of stupidity i began smoking. I didn't smoke inside my house or anywhere near her but i smoked on my balcony and i kept an ashtray there filled with cigarette butts. My balcony has a safety net so she was free to walk there and sometimes i would catch her smelling the cigarette butts. At that time i didn't do anything about it, thinking it wouldn't hurt her.

2 days ago i read on the internet about the effects of cigarette smoke on animals and how it can increase the chances of cancer, and i've been thinking lately if it was my fault that she died. She wouldn't smell it very often and only for a brief time, but i'm starting to think if it wasn't enough to increase her chances. She was already a sick cat when i got her, suffering from Feline Aids and some neurological problems. The vet said that was the reason she developed cancer, but i'm starting to think that i could have prevented this if i had kept her away from that stuff.

I've been feeling really bad lately. That cat was really special to me and it pains me to think that she died because of me. How do i cope with this?

[Beatriz]

We all wonder where we may have failed them that they died on us, Mark. I do to this day and although when I lost my beloved cats they were both of what is considered an advanced age for felines (18 and almost 18) It is like that when we love, we take responsibility for the loved one’s welfare. Feline immunodeficiency virus weakens the cat’s immune system and causes them to be prone to develop lymphoma, as you well know. I very much doubt that the cigarettes you smoked played any part on it. My cats lived most of their lives with a heavy smoker in the house and they were both very healthy for most of their lives. We of course took care that they were away from the smoking area but of course the ideal thing would be for them to live in a smoking free environment, it just was not possible and we tried to offer them the best possible living conditions we could afford. As I am sure you did for your dear cat ( what’s her name?), whom you adopted with a condition which develops over time. Mark, I am so sorry for your loss. It is the hardest parting, I know. I am not sure I have coped with losing both my cats as yet, but I am grateful to have found this forum and it has helped me enormously to learn other people’s stories and share mine. It does not take the pain away but it helps to know we are not alone. You are not alone. Please try not to entertain the guilty feelings, let them come and go. Treat yourself as gently as you possibly can. And write here, we read you.

[KayC]

Mark,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I seriously doubt that her sniffing cigarette butts once in a while in the last two months is what killed her.  It would have taken cancer longer to get its foothold and kill her, and I am more likely to concur with your vet on this one.  FIV is hard, it's so sad, but you took her in when she needed a home and loved and cared for her.

We go through the what ifs as part of our grief, looking for some other possible outcome but there isn't any outcome other than what took place, and you're not guilty of anything but loving a cat that you took in and cared for.  It's common to feel guilt in grief, but it's a feeling, not fact-based.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

[Mark543]

4 hours ago, Beatriz said:

We all wonder where we may have failed them that they died on us, Mark. I do to this day and although when I lost my beloved cats they were both of what is considered an advanced age for felines (18 and almost 18) It is like that when we love, we take responsibility for the loved one’s welfare. Feline immunodeficiency virus weakens the cat’s immune system and causes them to be prone to develop lymphoma, as you well know. I very much doubt that the cigarettes you smoked played any part on it. My cats lived most of their lives with a heavy smoker in the house and they were both very healthy for most of their lives. We of course took care that they were away from the smoking area but of course the ideal thing would be for them to live in a smoking free environment, it just was not possible and we tried to offer them the best possible living conditions we could afford. As I am sure you did for your dear cat ( what’s her name?), whom you adopted with a condition which develops over time. Mark, I am so sorry for your loss. It is the hardest parting, I know. I am not sure I have coped with losing both my cats as yet, but I am grateful to have found this forum and it has helped me enormously to learn other people’s stories and share mine. It does not take the pain away but it helps to know we are not alone. You are not alone. Please try not to entertain the guilty feelings, let them come and go. Treat yourself as gently as you possibly can. And write here, we read you.

Thanks for the reply. She was named Mathilda btw.

[AJWCat]

Hi Mark I am so sorry about sweet Mathilda. We all go through this phase in loss it seems. The blame stage trying to figure out what we could have done, or worse what role we played. Which goes into the guilt. I echo what Beatriz said above. That said, I know how much pain you are in.

Let the guilt go and allow yourself just to grieve over her, cry if you can and miss her. It's part of healing. You owe it to yourself.