This loss is not typical but had nowhere else to turn

[Dogmother67]

 Please bear with me, this is not your typical loss of a pet, but I didn’t know where else to turn and really needed to talk. My service dog, a yellow lab named Isabella recently retired  and yesterday she went to her new home to live with my parents. The separation has proven to be very emotional for me. I am grieving as if it were a loss when in fact it is the close of an eight year chapter of my life with her by my side and now it is all over and she is gone. We were advised that there should be a detachment period For her to adjust to living with someone else & for me to adjust to being without her to prepare for my next service dog, but the seperation is killing me. How do I get through this adjustment period until my next service dog gets here? Thank you. -Suzy

[Beatriz]

I am so sorry you had to part with Isabella, I do not know the reasons she had to retire but understand this was the best thing for her, how old is she? I can see how the separation must have been extremely painful, despite being justified by circumstances. Eight years is a long time to share your life with a loving and supportive companion. I love it that you call yourself Dogmother, I could never refer to myself as anything else when ringing the veterinarian clinics except as my cats’ mother. I am wondering if you will be able to see Isabella from time to time and if you can hear her news from parents’ regularly? How long till your next dog comes? 

[CiCi]

I am sure the separation is painful. I hope that you can still see her, from time to time, after the adjustment period. Your parents will give her a loving home and that should give you some peace. She will be loved and well cared for. Just know that she will still love you...just from afar. 

 

[KayC]

I am wondering the same things as Beatriz.  Whenever something happens to change our everyday life drastically, such as you are going through, it is a grief and hard to adjust to.  I hope you get your new service dog soon and get reports about your Isabella.

My son and his wife had to rehome their dog Mozzy this year, it was very hard.  They got her at about a year old when her owners divorced and didn't have time for her.  I think she was about seven when they rehomed her.  They loved her and took her on hikes and camping and when they had children, they also attached to Mozzy.  One day she jumped their very high fence and killed the neighbor's chickens.  Three were left and as they were burying them, she jumped it again and killed two more.  My son helped bury the chickens and bought them more chickens but knew he couldn't continue to keep Mozzy, once they've done something like that, they'll not stop until they do it again.  They gave her to someone out of state that doesn't live near chickens, and it helped that he sent them pictures of him and Mozzy on hikes, etc. and that they could see she was happy.  It was a hard adjustment.  I hope your parents are able to send you pictures showing Isabella happy in her new home as well as it can be a relief to know that at least they're happy.

Going through this can be as hard in it's own way as losing a dog to death because we continue to worry about them as well as miss them.  I hope you get your new service dog soon and get a close connection together.  My heart goes out to you, I know this is a really hard adjustment for you.  (((hugs)))

[Dogmother67]

Izzy is almost nine years old and I have had her for about 8 yrs. She was my guide dog. The school where I had gotten her from generally retires their dogs around 8-9 yrs old and she had already really slowed down a lot slower than my pace and her focus for keeping me from sideswiping objects was not as good, she was getting distracted. It was a difficult decision to retire her and she did live with me for a few months after retirement, but with a successor dog coming, I knew that I could not financially afford the food & vet care for two Labs and my toy poodle so my parents agreed to take Izzy for me, but it is so hard to cut ties after eight years. I am worried that Izzy will think that I dont love or or want her anymore.

[KayC]

I hope she is where you can visit her again.  My son and his wife plan a trip to visit Mozzy.  They'll have a year under their belt first.  I hope it's not confusing for the dog though.

[Dogmother67]

I had a visit with one of the trainers from Southeastern Guide Dogs this morning in preparation for my successor dog and we had a conversation about Isabella. She said that three weeks should be enough time to get Izzy used to living with my parents and then I can see her! Having a specific timeline makes the separation somewhat more bearable. They should have my successor dog selected sometime this month and hopefully I will be in the October class for retraining with my new dog.

[Beatriz]

This is such good news, Suzy, that you will be able to see her shortly. I know it may seem like a long time to you but to how lovely to have the visit to look forward to. Isabella will not doubt your love. Once she overcomes the stress of changing houses and parents and starts enjoying a more relaxed routine, which will fit her better on account of her age, she will understand you have worked on her behalf and taken her needs into consideration. Bearing this in mind will not take away the pain of being apart from her but may be of some comfort to you that you acted unselfishly and with her best interest at heart. And how about your routine before October classes with new dog start?

[KayC]

Dogmother, I'm glad you had that conversation and learned that three weeks is enough time for Isabella to adjust.  Thank God!  I'd wondered that about our Mozzy too.  I won't likely, as her grandmother, ever get to see her again, she's living somewhere in WA, I never got to say goodbye.  But goodbyes are hard, maybe it's best.  But I sure miss her, I always loved her.  It's weird how something can suddenly change, something you never planned on.

You will soon have your new dog and I hope that brings you comfort and joy for many years to come.  Adjustments are so darn hard, but we get them and somehow make it through it.  I'm glad you'll get to visit with Isabella soon.

[Dogmother67]

It is still such a hard adjustment. Like taking a child, uprooting them from the home they have only known for a long time and sending him/her off to live with someone else! Isabella was my baby, she took care of me out in the world and I loved and took care of her in return. Thank you for helping me through this difficult transition. 

[Beatriz]

I can imagine how you must have been missing her, Suzy and I am sure she misses you too and the home she has known with you. What a strong bond the two of you must have and when you, besides loving her so, also trusted her to, as you beautifully expressed it, ‘take care of me out in the world’. I wish there was an easier way for both of you. The separation must be hard also because it is necessary for both of you? You need your dog to be younger and sharp and Isabella needs more rest. The emotional sacrifice is huge on both of you, but you both have to look after yourselves also in order to go on loving each other?

 

 

 

[KayC]

12 hours ago, Dogmother67 said:

It is still such a hard adjustment. Like taking a child, uprooting them from the home they have only known for a long time and sending him/her off to live with someone else! Isabella was my baby, she took care of me out in the world and I loved and took care of her in return. Thank you for helping me through this difficult transition. 

It's exactly like that.  I was thinking of sharing with you what I went through, it came to my mind when you told your story.  In my first marriage, my husband had a child, Bo, he brought him home to live with us shortly after he was born.  The moment I laid eyes on him, I fell in love with him and vowed to never hold against him what his parents did (their affair during our marriage), I was 20 and he was born on my mom and my uncle's birthday.  I raised him for the first three years of our life, but my husband was very abusive and his cheating continued.  I finally knew I couldn't be any good for Bo or anyone else if I didn't first save myself, so I saw a lawyer and I left.  First I bought Bo a year's worth of clothes and shoes.  I left the house, all furnishings, car, etc. with my husband, I only wanted out safely for my life.  Bo went to his  birth mom as I had no legal rights.  

I mourned like you wouldn't believe.  It was hard because I didn't even know where he was or if he was okay.  During our marriage I used to take Bo to see his birth mom and half-sister every Sunday so he could have a relationship with them and know them, I knew how important my sisters were to me so even though he was being raised in a separate household, I wanted him to know her.  But I heard his mom took him and his sister and moved to CA and I didn't know where they were.  It felt worse than death because I didn't know if he was okay.  I heard from his mom just before his 7th birthday, and I invited his family to Farrell's ice cream party for his birthday.  He kept looking at me, like he knew me, but he didn't say anything.  It was very emotional.  I heard from him when he was 16, him and his sister came to my house for dinner, I'd remarried by then and had two children.  He talked to me openly then.  I am still in touch with him today, although he lives clear across the US and is busy, married, has children.

Sometimes we don't realize the impact we've had on someone else until many years later.  Dogs may not be able to put things into words the same way a person can, but they do express to us their love, very much so, and I think we get their communication very well.  Your dog will always love you, no matter where he lives, you've had an impact on his life. just as he has yours.  This is the neat thing about love, it doesn't stop when one has to enter a different home, nor does it stop at death, which isn't death of the spirit at all, but a transition to what is next.

When we share love as you have with your dog, it continues.  I know it hurts being away from him right now, my heart knows how much it hurts, I send you much hugs.

[Beatriz]

Thank you for this beautiful story of yours, Kay. Most moving.

[Dogmother67]

UPDATE: I FINALLY got to see Isabella yesterday. It has been a month sice she went to live with my parents. She was so excited to see me and it was a little emotional on my part, I was so glad to see her! However, when we went inside, my stepmom and I were sitting in their living room talking when Isabella walked over to Linda, stood in front of her and looked at me and it was then that I realized that she had detached from me and bonded with her. I was glad and thats what we wanted to happen for Izzy to be happy with them, but the detachment and the expression on her face “I dont belong with you anymore” still hurts. On a brighter note though, I got the call that I’ve been waiting for, SEGDI has matched me with a new guide dog and assuming Walmart approves my leave request (please pray!) I will be going to guide dog school Oct 28-Nov 16th to train with my new dog. -Suzy

[KayC]

I will pray you get your leave and all goes well, but don't see any reason they wouldn't approve it.  Do you take your guide dog to work with you?  I haven't known someone who had one that was working.  

I was afraid your dog would be confused, and am glad that didn't happen, I've seen it with kids.  I know it had to be hard for you to witness, yet try to remember, this is what needed to happen and it's preferable than her getting emotional or reverting back to you rather than her new owner.  Try to focus on what's ahead if you can.