Unbearable pain

[JaneM]

Last night at 5.30pm, my husband and I had to say goodbye to our most precious and beloved 14 year old cocker spaniel called Sam. He came to us at aged 10 as a rescue and climbed into our hearts quickly and stayed with us for 3.5 blissful years. He was Mr Happy,  we took him everywhere and everyone loved him, he'd smile at people at spread incredible love and happiness. Sam meant the world to us, he was our surrogate fur-son as we don't have children.  On Sunday night his mouth started bleeding so we took him to the vet immediately.  The vet said he needed some teeth removed as he had what appeared to be a gum infection.  During the procedure they discovered he had an internal stomach haemorrhage and didn't go ahead with removing his teeth. Things progressively got worse with the bleeding moving onto the brain. He was suffering terribly so it was at this point we knew the decision we needed to make. We took little Sam home and had a home vet attend to put him at peace.  I didn't want him to pass in the vet's surgery as he always didn't like being there. When he was home for that short hour yesterday,  he was so happy to be home with us. I've woken up today being the first day without him near me. He was a magical presence,  he loved us so very much as we did him. The short time we had with him, he brought immeasurable joy, love and laughter to us. He'd never seen the water when we got him so we took him to the beach every weekend in summer, he went away with us to beach destinations often because we knew that's what he loved so much. I sit here typing this crying inconsolably,  how am I going to get by without him in our lives when he was an enormous emotional support dog to me (I suffer from depression) and work from home. I can't face going into my office as he used to be with me all day in his bed. Everywhere I went he followed,  he always wanted to be in close to me. I do still have 2 cats, 15 and 14 years old and am pouring love onto them but it still doesn't help with my pain. How am I going to cope without him in my life? I'm heartbroken beyond words. 

 

 

 

 

[Beatriz]

How lovely Sam is and how the photos confirm all you said about him being this magical presence into your life, bringing only joy and love: it is all there for us to see, Jane. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and can only say I understand your Pain and relate to it. When my first cat died, I still had Tripps, my beloved and 18 year old cat with me - we mourned her together but I did ask the question how am I going to live without her. And a few months later I lost Tripps, who like your Sam used to follow me everywhere and whom I loved more than words can say. I wish I had more words of comfort to share with you besides saying my heart goes out to you at this moment. It is the hardest parting indeed. 

[CiCi]

I am sorry for your loss and your pain. I read your story...and I shed tears. I know the pain. Your fur baby looks so sweet. I know how hard this is for you and I wish you peace at this difficult time. 

[JaneM]

Thank you Beatriz and cc for your warmest wishes. Somewhere in the world there are thousands of people like us mourning the loss of their furbabies.  Time heals but I know I'll learn to coexist with pain and joy. It won't be an easy thing to do. 

[KayC]

Jane,

My mom always had cocker spaniels, and I had a cocker/american eskimo once named Fluffy, he was as your dog, a great family dog, sweet, very interactive, gentle, always wherever we were.  They make wonderful additions to the family.

I know you're going to continue to miss Sam, the love we share doesn't stop when the body gives out, it continues beyond life here.  You ask how you can go on without him, it might help to rescue another dog when you are ready...we had made plans to adopt Lucky when Fluffy died unexpectedly or I wouldn't have probably gotten one so soon, the plans were made before we knew we were going to lose him.  But I look back and see how it was meant for us to get Lucky before we knew we'd need her in our lives...one does not replace another, they're so different, but I've always seemed to want and need a dog in my life, I can't imagine it any other way.  They are just such great companions, God's gift to the world.

You are right...I've learned to coexist with grief, it's just part of me, I've had so many losses, I try not to let it stop me from embracing the good that is in life, but it's always there and will continue to be.

I hope this brings you comfort, I believe we'll be together again and that gives me hope!

 

[Kastine]

My thoughts are with you in this terrible time... losing a being so close to our souls is the most difficult thing to heal from.  Tomorrow it will be 2 months since I made the awful decision on letting my boy go and I wish I could take it all back! I wish I had just brought him home to live out the rest of his days with me... I’m weak today and yesterday but have found some strength over this time... as will you... I wish you all the peace you can find during this time.