Members Cheddar Posted August 25, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2018 My fur baby passed a few months ago. I love him so much and he was my best friend in the whole world. I had him for 20 years. But why am I not grieving like a "normal person"?! He was sick for 4 years, but we cared for him every day, and kept him happy. It took 1.5 hours every day to get everything ready for his medications, special diet etc. Now, I guess we don't have to worry about him anymore. It caused me so much anxiety worrying about him all the time. The first two days after his passing, the Doctor said I went into "shock." I refused to believe what had happened. I cried like a big baby for 3 days and had trouble sleeping. But after 3 days, I felt nothing. It's been 3 months now, and I still haven't cried since or felt sad again. I don't even seem to miss him. It's just blank. Why!?! What is happening to me? I loved him so much, he was my best friend. Why am I not grieving!?! Will it all hit me at some point? I am scared of that happening. Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you Cheddar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CiCi Posted August 25, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2018 I'm sorry for the loss of your fur baby. My guess would be that in your heart, you know that he is in a better place. He was sick for 4 years and required a lot of medical prep. Now you don't have to anymore and maybe that, in itself, is a relief to you...knowing that he is okay, now. You cried for a few days and that was probably what it took to get you pass the raw pain of your loss, being that he was so sick. It sounds like you are going to be okay because you know he is okay...no longer suffering. 20 years is a long, long time for a pet, so he really lived a good, loved life and I am sure it helps you to know that you did everything you could to take care of him, until he was gone. For all that you did in those 4 years to keep him going must surely put you at rest. Just my guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cheddar Posted August 25, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2018 Thanks for your reply and very kind words CiCi! Yes maybe it is relief that it all ended "well" (he went in his sleep peacefully) and that I don't need to worry about him anymore and constantly keep up with his long list of medical needs! It still feels strange that I don't "miss" him or am not crying/grieving.... because I cried so often when he was sick :( Thanks again for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 25, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 25, 2018 There are many ways to grieve. I have a friend who was married for 50+ years, she lost her husband two years ago and still hasn't cried. She's been through grief counseling, she's in my grief support group. It's not that she's not grieving, but people grieve in different ways...maybe she's afraid if she starts crying she'd never stop. She not trying NOT to cry, it's just not happening. I don't have any explanation. But this one thing I know, you love him, you are grieving in your own way...maybe you'll eventually cry again, maybe not. Tears can be a release, they can be healing, but not everyone cries. Maybe a lot of your grief was anticipatory, it's very different from sudden death, a lot of the grief is done ahead of time. But as long as you're not purposely holding back I wouldn't worry about how your particular grief looks. For you, perhaps you are relieved because he's free from pain and suffers no more. There's nothing wrong with you though. And kudos to you for being such a good parent, 20 years is a long life for a cat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beatriz Posted August 25, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 25, 2018 Cheddar, what is your best friend’s name, please? It just occurs to me that a long disease can be like a long farewell, that you have grieved through the nursing, which cannot have been easy? And how do you mean “it’s just blank”, is it peaceful blank or hollow blank? Because there is a difference. Sorry if I ask questions, I am just trying to relate to your experience, which is different from mine. Twenty years wow, what a blessing Cheddar. As Kay said above, you certainly loved him dearly. You still do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cheddar Posted August 27, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 27, 2018 Thank you KayC and Beatriz! I did love him so much. I guess there was a lot of anticipatory grief, for a long long time, so that when it finally happened, there was nothing left. Beatriz - I'm not sure how to answer that... it's like a bit of both "blanks," more relief, but still hollow... not sure if that makes sense, it's hard to describe. We were around the same age, so all I've ever known is life with him in the household. I have never experienced anyone that I know passing before, so I don't know what it's like :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 27, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 27, 2018 You describe it well, it makes sense. You will always remember him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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