Members Lydia65 Posted August 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 Hello, I am very sad. I have lost my baby 2 weeks ago. She was everything to me. Her name was Macy. I feel desvatated and really want to be where she is. I have many losses in my life, a son, my parents, but this time really I cant handle things. I think about her all the time. I want to be with her. We have been together for 16 years, We have never been a day separated. Every travel I did was with her. She was my little baby girl.She had demencia senil or congitive disorder. Last 2 years things began to change, she lost her sight, her ear, and began to not recognice me for some moments. Last weeks things where really bad, she lost her apetite, and was very skiny, she was on medications some antioxidants for a year, to delay the illness. But my vet said it was an illness of the age, and we could do not much.'Sorry for my bad English I live in Buenos Aires Argentina. The last 5 days we spent night a day together, I dindt go to work, to be with her, she was weaker each hour, she only drink some water and didnt want anything of food... and then on thursday 9 of august she left me. she started breathing very ritmical, very strange way and passed away. Nothing is the same, My house, my family, my life has changed completly. She lived for me and I lived for her. Thank you all for reading her story. I know I will meet her and my other baby girl Reina gone 18 years ago. I am very sad. Love Lili Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jack Russell Posted August 22, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 22, 2018 I am so sorry for your loss it is devastating and I feel your pain. She looks such a cutie. My little dog was 16 and I loved her so much. You are not alone. Hopefully you will read some of the other stories on this forum and find it helpful. Unfortunately grief is a terrible thing and all we can do is move through it one day at a time. We all have to through it because we loved them so much. My thoughts are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CiCi Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 I, too, and so sorry for your loss. It has been almost 7 weeks since I lost my baby and I miss her each and every day. I am always sad. I am now an unhappy person. I talk out loud to her and tell her that I miss and love her so much. It is still so very painful. Not as raw as it was, but still very painful. I was never lonely, before, because I always had her to keep me company. I talked to her like she was a person. Every time I'd say, "You want to eat?" she would look at me with those big, beautiful eyes, get happy and lick her lips in anticipation. When I think about all those cute, funny things that she did, it just tears me up, inside. I take one day at a time and just try to move through it but I feel very lonely, now. I have no family here and she was my sole companion. She died too young. I wish you the very best at this difficult time in your life. I know how you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Oh no I am so sorry for your loss. I know how terribly painful and lonely it is when they are gone. What a wonderful loving life you gave to Macy. And she to you. I wish I could say something to help - but I understand where you are. I was in shock for weeks. I could barely function. I barely ate. Slept a lot and then when I woke up, immediately thought of my cat and how he was not there. The entire world was dark without joy and I was not sure how I could ever be happy again. Time heals. I don't know how but day to day it does. You learn to accept this as a part of life. I hope you are okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 23, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 I am so sorry for all of your losses, especially this recent one of losing your companion. We get so close to them and they're in our everyday lives, so when it happens, it's very hard to go through. The hardest losses I've had were my husband and my pets...pet seems a strange word to say for me, they seem so much more than that, they are my family members, very close. As AJW says, take it a day at a time, just try to get through today, then tomorrow get up and do it all over again. Don't forget to breathe. I ordered memorial stones for mine that I've lost, even one for my husband as he was cremated. It takes times for us to process our grief and adjust to the changes it means to our lives. It helps to see a professional grief counselor, they have ones that specialize in loss of pets, there's even grief support groups for loss of pets, you can use art to depict your feelings, journal, there's books and articles on grief. All of these things help us process our grief and get through it. In time perhaps you'll feel willing to open your heart to another. I know a lot of people say never again, but I would not close the door due to fear of loss because it seems to me to do that would be to close the door on living and love. We all need meaning for our lives. In the meanwhile it helps to come here and express your feelings, to know you are heard and understood...those of us here have been through it. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lydia65 Posted August 23, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 It helps knowing that I am not alone, I feel really sad. Today are 2 weeks. I know time will make things a bit easier but my life will never be the same. I need her. And I cant beleive yet she is not here. I beg that its true what its said that we will meet with our loves at the rainbow bridge. hugs from Argentina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beatriz Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 You are so right, Lydia65. Our lives will never be the same. To this day I keep calling my cats names’ aloud when nobody else can hear me. Things do get easier, by comparison. Early days are excruciatingly painful. It does seem we will not get through but somehow we do. My heart goes out to you. It is the saddest thing to lose such dear and loving friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jack Russell Posted August 23, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 23, 2018 Lydia65 2 weeks is such a short time in the grieving process but I know it will get better for you. I know as I have been where you are now. It is still so raw. I cried and literally screamed for my Kelly to come back to me. I am sure my neighbours must of heard me I was so loud. But when you suffer such a loss as this nothing else matters, who cares what others think. All you care about is having your precious baby back. Tomorrow is another day in the process and the time will come when you can cope with the knowledge that she's gone. There are some very helpful links on this site for you to read and KayC has posted some very good ones. Lots of love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 24, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 24, 2018 On 8/23/2018 at 9:18 AM, Lydia65 said: I beg that its true what its said that we will meet with our loves at the rainbow bridge. I count on it...hope for what's to come! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lydia65 Posted August 29, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted August 29, 2018 Thank you all for your support. Days are getting easear to go through . But I am really very sad. I say her name loud too,lots of times per day. I think about her almost every minute I am awake. I have pictures of Macy around my house everywhere. And I have a little bag where I took her everywhere with me, with her sweet smell. I go to look for it several times a day and try to feel her again close to me.I am sad. I miss her. Death is so unfair. I always said that the only thing could separate Macy and me was death,,,, and here we are. I am very sorry for every one of you that are grieving and feeling this emptyness and loneliness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beatriz Posted August 29, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 29, 2018 Hello Lydia and let me just say it again - you are right. I believed in fighting sadness before. There seemed to be something wrong about being sad, some fault on my part, perhaps to do with misunderstanding things, not having enough knowledge of them. I’ve surrendered to it now. There seems to be no other suitable answer to this Loss, but being utterly sad. We cannot beat it, Death. I miss my cats and the life I had with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 29, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted August 29, 2018 There is nothing inherently wrong about feeling sad...it expresses the emotion of grief as nothing else can. I have had so much death and loss, I have learned to carry my grief inside of me, I have learned to coexist with it. There is no banishing it from us, it is willful and it chooses to stay, but I have learned to smile alongside it, to live, even with it. But I'm further out, I've been on this journey for a long long time, it doesn't happen overnight, nor do all of us handle it the same. If some can shrug it off and go on, more power to them, that has not been my experience. My experience has been more like scratching and clawing my way through this! But I am here, still surviving, functioning, so that is a testament to survival. I wish for comfort and peace for you, for better days to come, my hope for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beatriz Posted August 29, 2018 Members Report Share Posted August 29, 2018 Thank you so much, Kay, for your kind words and good wishes. It means a lot to hear a word of hope at this stage and when I seem to be walking backwards instead of getting better. It comes in waves, the pain does, huge ones. Yes, to better days for us all. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kastine Posted September 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 3, 2018 I’m so terribly sorry for your loss... if one page can help you through this awful stage... it’s this one... our hearts have been so severely broken and nothing in the world can fix it... I lost my soul dog 2 months ago and I miss him incredibly badly... all I want is for time to be reversed to when he was still alive and happy... I’d have done a lot more with and for him and I’d love him 10 gazillion times more... if that is at all possible...I hate life without him but it has to carry on... one day we will see them again... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lydia65 Posted September 7, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 7, 2018 Kastine, yes I feel the same.The only thing it gives me some peace is that I will die and join her. Its been 4 weeks now and I call loud her name several times, I have oictures of her everywhere, I have her bag and clothes with her sweet smell, and I am afraid of smelling too much and that her smell will be gone. I am really sad. I miss her as everyone here misses their loved ones. Life is so different now. Nothing looks like it was before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kastine Posted September 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 Hi @Lydia65 my partner got rid of all my poopas things when I got home as I was so traumatized... I kept screaming and bellowing out in gut wrenching pain... the only thing I have left of his is his tag from his collar and of course his ashes... I wish I had kept more of him so that I could lie on his bed and feel closer to him... life frightens me a bit now as things have changed so drastically that all I want to do is get out of my house for good as there are just too many memories and it’s too painful... only yesterday did I actually start remembering the good times we had together rather than feel the guilt of having to carry on... we had a good life... when his legs were still strong enough... we would go hiking a lot and we went to the beach so much... we spent many a loving time together and we have to learn to cherish those moments rather than wallow in the feelings of despair, guilt and sadness... though this takes a lot of time... and is difficult because when the sadness hits it hits you like a ten ton truck loaded with another gazillion tons and you can’t seem to escape those awful emotions of utter sadness. Read as much as you can on animals and the afterlife and blog posts on how to deal with the loss... i still do and it helps in some way... though I have to still say that I cannot wait for my time to come so I can see my precious boy again... thinking of you and sending lots of love and strength! kas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 8, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 18 hours ago, Lydia65 said: Kastine, yes I feel the same.The only thing it gives me some peace is that I will die and join her. Its been 4 weeks now and I call loud her name several times, I have oictures of her everywhere, I have her bag and clothes with her sweet smell, and I am afraid of smelling too much and that her smell will be gone. I am really sad. I miss her as everyone here misses their loved ones. Life is so different now. Nothing looks like it was before. I am told if you put them in a plastic ziploc bag it will preserve their smell longer. I remember when my husband's smell disappeared from his sheets/clothes at about 1-2 months after he died, I cried and cried! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted September 8, 2018 Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 @Lydia65 I know, you lose so many rituals that make up so many areas of your day and life. And then, totally different just like that. We are never prepared for losing those we love so much. 4 weeks... you are still very new to this new reality. I think I felt life was very dark for a few months. It takes quite a while to process, accept, and begin to find some joy again. And I admit I fought it because I did not even want happiness in a world without my cat. (My poor husband!) But, I know where you are. The sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lydia65 Posted September 8, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted September 8, 2018 yes I feel that way, too I feel bad if something brings a bit of happiness. I think she is dead and I am here happy... she lived for me. I was her world, I know time will heal this but I really dont want to think her less or miss her less..... this is really bad. I will put her things in a z plock, thank you Kay. love all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 9, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted September 9, 2018 After my husband died, somewhere in the early months I read an article about giving ourselves permission to smile again. I knew he wouldn't want me being miserable the rest of my life...some of it is inevitable, but I also knew he'd WANT me to smile again if I could. It's common in early grief to feel guilty for smiling and heaven forbid we should laugh! The article was a life-changer for me, it helped me see that I didn't need to deliberately be morose to prove my love for George, that of course I miss him and of course I'm sad, but it's okay to smile again, to be coveted actually! It was then that I realized, it's not our grief that binds us to them, it's our love, and that continues still. How many times over the years I've passed that on to others! It seems to be a common thread that we have to give ourselves permission to smile in our grief. You see, our grief continues with us, we carry it inside of us...it doesn't stay in the same intensity as the beginning, thank God, we couldn't handle that prolonged intense pain if it did! But it lessens to something a little more palatable, something we carry inside of us, our grief evolves and I've learned to coexist with my grief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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