Lost all four pets this year – drowning in grief.

[Gwendolyn Rose]

Elsa my parrot and best friend of 19 years was lost to throat cancer 8 September 2017.  The breeder told me she would live to be 50, and I believed her.  I told everyone that we would go to the old folk’s home together.

For 19 years everything I did, every decision I made, I took Elsa’s needs into account.

She went everywhere with me, I even sneaked her into work sometimes.

 

Two months later Meowie, my 18 year old cat was lost to hyperthyroidism.  She could not tolerate the medication.  She was wasting away.  That was 14 November 2017.

 

Tigger was a young cat who showed up on my doorstep summer 2017.  I could not locate his owners nor could I find a home for him, so I took him in.  I was always careful to get him inside before dark…except one night I had a bad back ache.  The next morning he had neurological trauma of unknown origin.  He died in the hospital two days later on 2 March 2018.  I had him only 8 months.  I felt like the butt of some cosmic joke.

 

Finally, Honey, a little feral cat that I befriended and had spayed and had spent four years taming, disappeared on 29 June 2018.  Three weeks later I discovered the neighbors who found her dead in their driveway, not a scratch on her they said.  They found her only hours after we had shared breakfast together.  She had just started sitting on my lap.

 

I live by myself, never married or had children. Before Elsa’s death I never felt lonely.  Every morning I still wake up and listen in my dark bedroom to hear if she is awake.  I feel around my bed for any cats.  Then I remember the awful truth.  The house is so still. I am coming up on the first anniversary and I have not stopped crying since this started.  I even went to grief counseling for a while, but all we did was color with crayons and read children’s books.  I am too emotionally unstable to get another pet. 

 

How does one cope with so many deaths in a short period of time?

 

[Jack Russell]

Oh Gwendolyn my heart goes out to you.  How awful it was reading this.  I understand your grief, it is hard to cope with but unfortunately a process we have to go through.  We love our pets so much, that is why it hurts.  If we didn't love then we wouldn't feel the pain.  But you have had love and I am so sorry for your loss.  Please read other stories on this site and you will know your not alone.  There are lots of unloved cats out there and though you feel emotionally unstable it is due to the grief and you are obviously a loving person. When your ready there is another cat waiting for you.  Lots of love to you.

[Beatriz]

Oh Gwendolyn Rose, I wish I had an answer to your question - am so sorry to hear of your many losses. I lost my two beloved cats within a period of five months and have been grieving for them since. After being in excellent health all their lives, they got seriously ill almost at the same time. I was apalled by the cruelty of life I read in the circumstances of their deaths. Now after joining this forum and reading about other losses I think the biggest challenge for us lies less with how it happened but with the Loss itself. And the unwanted, unasked for changes it brings to our lives with the absence of our loving companions. Believe me, it does not make much of a difference if you are married or have children. The quality of our relationships with them is unique, nothing compares. My heart goes out to you - I am sorry too that the grief counselling did not appeal to you and failed to provide comfort. Yet I myself found that despite their flimsy nature distractions do work to some extent - The Pain can be excruciating and all consuming - remember you do not have to go through it alone and when so many of us are experiencing it too. We are here for you. We do understand. ❤️

[KayC]

I am so sorry, I have lost many pets, I know the pain of missing them, it's very hard and takes much time to adjust.  After my husband died our Tigger (cat) decided to leave since my husband wasn't coming back, then King George (cat) died from cancer at 19, I'd acquired Chappy (cat) by then and it died by a cougar, then my Lucky girl (dog) died, and later on Miss Mocha (likely cougar)...with each one there is a hole in my heart for missing them.  In addition, I lost my mom and then my sister and now fear I'm about to lose my other sister.  I don't know how we do it, but somehow we continue, even with grief in our hearts, I've learned to coexist with it.  It's kind of like carrying a sadness inside of you, in time you can smile and function but always that sadness is there also.  One day at a time.  I hope in time you can adopt another parrot or cat to keep you company.  It's never the same as the one you lost, but they do somehow manage to create a new spot in our heart for them, each relationship is unique, as unique as they are.

My heart goes out to you, we're here, listening, caring.

[Gwendolyn Rose]

KayC, I am speechless... and so sorry.  How do you manage with so many sorrows?

[AJWCat]

She is amazing isn't she? I think KayC as she says, has learned to coexist with grief and sadness while still living and experiencing the beauty that is this world. She suggested I do it and I did not want to. I wanted to pout and sulk to be honest. But I knew she was right. She has perseverance and a strength that I sure aspire to have. 

I also too think when you are ready, another parrot or pet would be a good option. If you are like me, I can't be without a pet. (I am a cat person myself.) After our horrific loss last August, we adopted again in December. It was tough. I was not fully ready and yet I could not be alone - meaning without a pet any longer. I still have sadness for my other cat, this little girl cat is different which is good. She will never replace my wonderful cat from before and no other cat will replace her either.

I hope you are doing okay today. 

 

[KayC]

21 hours ago, Gwendolyn Rose said:

KayC, I am speechless... and so sorry.  How do you manage with so many sorrows?

I guess grief is my life now, but I have learned, as AJW expressed, to embrace the little joys in life, nothing too small to count.  It's a practice, an art, if you will, the more you do it, the more your focus begins to be positive and appreciative, it teaches us to live in the present and not miss anything...to focus on the good that exists right now, not merely looking back at what we lost...we don't need help being reminded of that, that is with us always.  But neither can we rush ahead to the future, we have our hands full with today, so I've learned to take one day at a time, this day, right now.  

I do hope you will consider getting another pet when you are ready...so many need us and Lord knows we need them even more!  I'm sorry you have so much grief on your plate right now, it's hard to have so many losses so close together.  It takes us grieving each one, individually, it's hard.

I read this article today and thought of you...I know I did all this and more, and it helps, it really does.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323

[Beatriz]

Thank you for the article, Kay. I will re-read it and ponder further but I can already (!) see that I’ve done maybe a tiny fraction of the Work. When considering the number of losses you experienced, Kay, I thought it amazing you had so many loved ones in your life - such a blessing to have had them, I mean, even if in the end the losses were many.