Waking up!

[LynnMiller]

My ex divorced me two years ago after 30 years of marriage. I'm just realizing this today. I've been depressed and suicidal and have minimized how this divorce has effected me or how much it can really effect someone. I was married to him for more than 1/2 of my life. He was my rock, my care taker, had all the answers but was very controlling and could be very abusive. It was confusing and still is because there were so many good times. I'm 56 years old and confused. I've been in a relationship for over a year and living with my boyfriend. I know stupid right??? Let me explain. When my ex divorced me it was like I was on a sinking ship in frigid waters. I grabbed onto the first floating plank in the ocean I could grab onto and that was another man. I didn't think I could make it and still don't without a man in my life. It has to do with all of the abandonment growing up. So here I am depressed with suicidal ideation daily trying to find my way. The guy I'm with is nothing like my ex. Not abusive. Not making excuses for why I'm in a relationship but here I am realizing half my life is gone and I don't know where to begin. I just take it one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Afraid of abandonment again. I need to learn to not abandon myself. I need support of other women going through similar situation. Standing strong together. We can do this. We don't have to do this alone.