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I am angry after the loss of my brother


Alex0209

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Hello, this is strange, typing your feelings and concerns online to people that I have never met before.  But I am at a loss about whom to talk to, I feel like no one understands.  No one talks about him or asks how I am.  My mom is struggling a lot, and my dad never talks about it.  He was in a car accident, I went to the scene with my dad and I saw him (I wish I never saw him like that).  My brother and I were extremely close, we shared a bedroom by choice (I was 21, he was 18).  We used to lay in our beds at night and he would share his music with me, we would talk about our days...and our friends or partners.  It was us against the world.  We always talked about getting apartments/houses next to each other.  He wanted to be a father, he wanted 4 kids - I always said he was crazy for wanting that.  

It's almost been 2 years and I still feel like it's a dream, I feel like he is going to come back from holiday or something.  I am so angry that this happened, I feel angry all the time.  I hate what this has done to my family.  We are all broken.  People that you thought would have been there, aren't.  And people you never thought would have been there, are there.  I get angry at the smallest things.  And I struggle to be happy for long periods of time.  The smallest things knock me down.  I have many dreams about him, and they get me the hardest.  I don't know if I'm grieving the right way? If I'm supposed to do something else.  I don't know what to do.  I am so lost. 

This is all over the show, I am sorry to whomever is reading this...

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Dear Alex,

I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow. Please know anger is only natural. I know the world is unfair and so heartbreaking. How can it take away your best friend and brother? It just doesn't make sense.

Your thoughts and feelings are all natural and normal part of your grief. So many of us feel that way too about friends and family. Some people have let us down and like you said others have come through.

Please know you are not alone. I found these websites helpful.

What's Your Grief

Grief Healing Blog

Grief in Common

Tiny Buddha

Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

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