I don't know how to function now my beloved cat is gone

[alex_n]

I have already posted in here before, a few days ago. I don't know why I feel the need to post again, it might just be to vent out my feelings.
I am really not coping well after we put my lovely cat Domino to sleep. I am trying really hard to accept that we did the best thing for him, but somehow I can't. He was old and frail, and definitely had an underlying condition as he lost almost half his body weight in the last couple of years, but was always hungry. He also used to sneeze a lot, and cry out long, yowling meows to himself, but only when he was alone. My family were convinced he had hyperthyroidism, but tests at the vet came back negative. But overall he was a really happy cat, sociable and would follow you around. 
He broke his leg really badly a few days ago. The only option was a complicated surgery to repair it, and we didn't think he would be strong enough to pull through. The suffering before, during and after the operation might have been too much for him. He was also a mostly outdoor cat, and keeping him inside in a crate for weeks/months would have been awful for him.
I can't stop thinking that we made the wrong decision and ended his life too soon. It feels like it wasn't our decision to make. I also can't stop thinking that it might have partially been driven by money - we didn't have pet insurance for him (since he was old, it had gotten very expensive), and the surgery would've cost a lot. We also have a 5 year old German shepherd with hip dysplasia who may need a hip replacement soon  
Everyone keeps trying to convince me that we did the right thing, he didn't suffer for long. But my mind is going in circles, thinking what if he'd had the surgery, and recovered well? Then we could've had more tests done and dealt with his underlying illness. He was 15 years old, an age that most cats would be lucky to get to. But he might've lived 10 more years with the right medical care  
I know I really need to look forward and stop looking back and whats been done, but it feels like I am stuck. I'm unable to work or sleep. I need to get on with my life but I can't.

[jylng]

I can really a lot of what you are going through and your second guessing the decisions you had to make.  I, too, have wondered if I made all the right decisions for my Sebby.  There were choices I made on Monday, and I wonder if they advanced Sebby's death.  But as my husband has told me, we didn't know he had a heart condition until that day, and even then, the emergency vet wasn't sure of his prognosis.

You were in the same position - with no ideal outcome.  As you said, it wasn't your decision to make.

But your thoughts; your pain; your hurt; wanting to get one with life, but feeling stuck - yes, they're all things I'm experiencing at the moment as well.  

I had to come onto this site again just now, because I felt tears welling up again.  I can barely walk into the livingroom as I see the spot on the top the sofa where Sebby used to sleep, and it breaks my heart that I won't ever see him there again.  

I know you understand what I am going through, and it's the reason I came on this site.  I need to "be" with other people who knows what I am feeling and thinking.  

I'm sorry I can't offer anything to take your pain away, but just know I can absolutely empathise with a lot with you. 

You are not alone in your hurt.   

[KayC]

We do the best with the knowledge (and finances) that we have at the time.  A cat's average lifespan is 15 years, I've had many that didn't make it to that.  I know that's no consolation, but it helps to know that your cat did live a full life with a family that cared for him.  The truth is, you can know all that with your head, but your heart misses him and is hurting, and there's nothing to be done for that but trying to come to terms with it an give it time, neither of which is easy or painless.  Going through the death of one we love, particularly our beloved furry companions, is hard no matter when it occurs as we continue to miss them.  I really hope you don't continue to beat yourself up over this.  Have you considered contacting a pet grief counselor?  They can help you work through your grief and really can be amazing at it.

http://www.griefhealing.com/pet-loss-counseling.htm

jylng, your post is very comforting and is what I would have said, you took the words right out of my mouth.  God bless you!

[David L]

Hi Alex_n & Jying, 

I can relate completely to the both of you. Tomorrow makes 1 week without my soul mate. Every minute of every day I think of her. 1,000 times since last Friday the same thing has been running through my mind...."could I have done more for her"...."should I have kept her alive longer to be with me".

The answer perhaps could be YES. But exactly who benefits? It would kill me to keep my girl alive for "me", but then she continues to suffer. I long for just 1 one hour with her, but at what cost to her?

These questions have no definitive answers and I don't think we can ever be 100% comfortable with the decision we all made to part with our best friend(s).

I don't think the guilt will ever completely go away. BUT we gave our best friends the ultimate gift of love. We ended their suffering, and took a load of guilt on our shoulders, as an act of pure love.....for them. 

We are all in great pain over our decision, but one thing is for certain. They have no pain now, and are looking down, watching over us.  I guess we have to constantly picture them in our mind, and KNOW their essence and spirit energy live on, somewhere in space and time. I find a bit of comfort in the following quote. I hope you will as well:

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.”  ― Albert Einstein

We are all grieving together on this forum, and having our doubts with the dreadful decision we made. Hopefully we will reach to a day when we can be comfortable with our decision to let them go....out of love.

I hope my post will bring you both a bit of comfort.

[AJWCat]

Alex, I wrote over and over here, I think my thread - starting with my first post around 8-15-2017 goes for 7-8 pages.

There's no way to fix this but your mind is bargaining - trying to convince you that maybe there was a chance to fix it... I know Domino's end was pretty sudden with the leg injury and not what you wanted, but of course you did the right thing for him. He would have had A LOT of suffering due to his age trying to recover from a complex surgery. And that is if it went well without complications. 

It's very sad and I feel for you believe me. I know in time you will see you did the best for him.  

 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, AJWCat said:

There's no way to fix this but your mind is bargaining - trying to convince you that maybe there was a chance to fix it...

I haven't heard it put that way before, but that makes sense...I've seen people do this, over and over I've seen it, all of the what ifs as they look for some different possible outcome...only there is none, only what happened.  AJW is right, you did the right thing, you spared him any further pain, and now the pain is yours.  In time this will lessen, and eventually you'll be left with the good memories that bring a smile, but always you will continue to miss him.

[AJWCat]

I see so many of us do it, as did I. We never want to give up hope despite all evidence to the contrary. 

[noorish]

I feel your pain - I just had to put my sweet Hazel to sleep. I am totally devastated even though it was the right thing to do.

[AJWCat]

Hi Noorish, I am sorry for your loss too.  

[KayC]

@noorish  I am so sorry.  Do you want to start your own thread, tell us about your Hazel, maybe post a picture?  Did this just happen?  I am so sorry, we all know the pain...