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Can't Stop Crying Over the Death of My Cat


jylng

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I had to give the go ahead yesterday to put my cat, Sebby to sleep.  He died of congenital heart disease, and we had no idea he even had heart issues until that day.  I only noticed that his breathing was a bit more laboured on Thursday, but he showed no other symptoms.  He was bouncy, playful, and had a great appetite as usual.  I took him to the vet's on Saturday, where the vet said it's most likely allergies.  He got an anti-inflammatory jab, and I was told to monitor - if Sebby doesn't improve in 2 to 4 days, to bring him back. 

By Monday, he wasn't his quite bouncy self and his breathing was a bit more laboured.  So I brought him back to the vet.  This time, the vet suspected possible heart issues, but he only heard a little bit of crackling in one small spot in his lungs which indicated a bit of fluid buildup.  Sebby got a diuretic and I was told to bring him back the next day to see how he's doing.  The car ride home took less than ten minutes.  When I got him home and opened the carrier case door, he came out, coughed a bit, and flopped onto his side, panting quickly. 

I rushed to call the vet who told me to bring him back to the vets immediately.  When I got back to the vet's, the doctor said that fluid had filled his lungs.  He needed to go to the animal hospital. 

In less than 3 hours, I was given the devastating news that Sebby was struggling tremendously and that the kindest thing to do for him was to put him down.  I was on the bus going home when I got the call.  They had sent me home, because they didn't think Sebby would get to that stage, especially so quickly.  They had told me that we could talk more about his treatment the next day.  I had to give them my permission to put Sebby down with no way of getting back to the hospital in time to say good-bye as I was over an hour's away by bus, or if I jumped in a taxi, 30 minutes away. 

My heart is broken.  I miss Sebby so much that I can hardly function.  Tears have been constantly rolling down my face since I got the news.  I just feel so bad for him, that I couldn't be there with him in his final moments, especially all that he had done for me. 

Sebby was my buddy, my stress reliever, my clown.  He was the one who got me through those lonely days and nights when I first moved to the UK and had no community, no family, no friends.  He was there when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and was a huge support for me when my dad died earlier this year.  Our house was broken into a few years ago, and Sebby made me feel safe and secure while my hubby was on the late shifts at work.  He was more than a cat - he was family and a huge part of our lives.  

I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next days, weeks or months.  So much of everything reminds me of him.  At the moment, I just need to write this down to share with those who understand my grief.  I know I will get through this, but at the moment it's devastatingly difficult.  But I will, eventually, because as my husband told me, Sebby wouldn't want me to be sad.  So onward I go, even if I have to crawl and stop every now and then, carrying all the amazing memories I've had with my crazy 8-year-old ginger boy.   

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Hello, I am so sorry about your loss of Sebby. I know it hurts so badly.  Just know you are not alone.  This forum has helped me a lot with finding some sort of peace.  I too had to put down my kitty and it still hurts to this day.  Losing a pet is so much more than just a pet, it’s like losing a family nemeber and a piece of you.  You’re kitty is no longer suffering and is your little angel in heaven now.  I hope you find peace in that.  He is not gone he is still in the places that you loved.  He will love forever in your heart and memories<3 I hope our kitties are snuggling together watching down on us.

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I understand what you're going through, I am feeling the same way at the moment, as we had to put my cat to sleep yesterday. It is better now that he is not suffering and is up in kitty heaven. It will get easier xxx

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I am so sorry, it seems so unfair.  I'm sorry you lost your Sebby, I'm sorry you weren't able to be with him when they euthanized him.  I'm sorry for the suffering he had to do but glad it was longer than it was.  I know your pain of missing him is great and will remain a hole in your heart that will be felt for a long time.  I know the pain eventually fades but the missing and loving them continues. My heart goes out to you in your loss.

 

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@Bs28 Thank you for your kind and comforting words.  I'm sorry you had to let your kitty go as well; it is absolutely heart-wrenching having to go through it.  And you're right about this forum.  I just joined 3 hours ago, but reading what other people have gone through with their loved pets has helped me to feel not so alone.  My dad passed away this past February, and the parallels between his death and Sebby's are striking.  My dad was ill for a short time before finding out he had cancer (they didn't even know what kind, only that it had metastasized to his bones and bone marrow).  He died one and half weeks after the diagnosis, and only two months after feeling unwell.  I like to think that Dad is taking care of Sebby now.  They're both talkers so I'm sure they have a lot to say to one another (lol).  Can't wait to see them again one day. 

@alex_n  Thank you for your message.  And I am so sorry that you had to put your kitty to sleep yesterday.  It's been a long time since I lost a pet, and it's always beyond difficult to get through.  Sebby was a very special cat as he had a hard beginning to life, and was diagnosed four years ago with epilepsy.  We thought that was the only thing he had to deal with, but it turns out, at some point, he had developed a heart condition that was just never diagnosed.  To think that he went through life with these conditions, and yet, he was still a happy, funny, outgoing fur boy.  But you're so right - it's comforting to know he's no longer suffering, and I as I mentioned to Bs28 above, I like to think that my dad and Sebby are looking after each other now, and that one day I'll be able to be with them again.

@KayC  Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for your reply.  Though I'm new here, only having signed up 3 hours ago, I've been comforted so much by other people's posts and the responses.  It's been a very difficult year for me so far, having to quit my job to look after my dad, who passed away in February, then being diagnosed with fibromyalgia in April, and now losing Sebby who was there with me through all of these things.  However, I do feel tremendously blessed to have had Sebby in my life.  Though he lived a relatively short life for a cat, he brought me so much joy and laughter.  He was a good boy, and you're right, I will always love him and remember him.

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I know how heart breaking it is, I am very sorry you lost Sebby.

My cat was more than a cat too. He was like our child. The loss was shocking to me - I was totally caught off guard. I think that is a part of the trauma too - and then they are no longer there and all the rituals we have just stop. I am glad you found your way here, I find it helps tremendously to express our feelings and our loss. Because really, there is not much else we can do is there? It feel pretty helpless. Eventually, with time and patience and allowing yourself to grieve, the pain goes and you have all the wonderful memories. 

 

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I am so sorry for your loss. Please take comfort in knowing that other people (like me) found this wonderful forum to try and bring ourselves a bit of comfort and to share our stories over our dear departed best friends. I cant use the word "pet" as it degrades the relationship we share with our soul mates. 

I am right there with you. Last Friday I had to say goodbye to my best friend. The pain and guilt is beyond words, as you well know. I hope the days to come will bring you a bit of peace, and in time the sorrow will be transformed into wonderful memories of the time you both shared together.

 

 

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Jylng,

You've suffered more than one important loss in a relatively short time, that's hard to deal with, in addition to your medical diagnosis, which is a lot to take in.  I lost my sister in March and am worried about losing my other sister now, it's a lot to digest in such a short time, but this one is not going easy or quick, she is suffering and in a lot of pain, as well as having dementia.  

I keep you in my prayers, try to hang in there.  AJW is right, in the beginning memories bring pain but eventually as we begin to process our grief it changes and the memories bring a smile to our hearts.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/04/in-grief-coping-with-multiple-losses.html

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My buddy Thomas

Jylng,  

I am so sorry to hear of your loss of Sebby and the sad story of his passing. I lost my cat Thomas six weeks ago in a remarkably similar story. He also had congestive heart failure, unfortunately it's very common in cats, I think even more so in males. Much of what you said about your relationship with Sebby resonated with me, I had that with Thomas, he was everything to me. I don't have a wife/girlfriend so my day revolved around him. I am still sad and miss him like crazy but the rawness of the pain I felt in the first two weeks has eased and yours will too. Time does make the rawness go away. Keep visiting this forum, it has been of great help to me. Have you got a picture of Sebby?

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@AJWCat I am so sorry for your loss as well.  You are so right - the shock of losing Sebby has been absolutely traumatic.  When my dad passed, even though it was a short illness, there was a bit of time there.  We were able to spend those last few days together and though devastating nonetheless, it wasn't a huge shock.  With Sebby, no one, not even the vets, knew he would pass so soon.  I left the hospital with the vet telling me, "I'll call you tonight with an update, and we'll see what the next steps are."  An hour later, I get a call saying Sebby is extremely poor, and the kindest thing to do is to put him to sleep.  I was not prepared for that at all.  These last few days have been so hard.  But I'm not crying as much anymore, and I can finally look at a picture of him again.  And yes, I have tonnes of amazing memories of our sweet boy.  We were just talking about him this morning, and actually laughing.

@David L Thank you for your kind words, and I'm so so sorry you had to say good bye to your beloved friend.  It is devastating, and the grief ... I can't even put it into words, as none do the pain justice.  But today, we were finally able to share some memories of our dear Sebby again and laugh about them.  He was such a silly boy, and I am so thankful that I have those memories both in my mind and heart.  He will forever be with me until we can see each other again.

@My buddy Thomas Thank you for sharing.  I am so sorry to hear about Thomas and what you had to go through.  Just a couple of nights ago, while in tears and still totally distraught, my husband said something to me that made a lot of sense.  I was wracked with guilt wondering if I made the right decisions for Sebby that horrible day.  I was convinced that I made wrong ones, and if only I chose another way, Sebby would still be with us today.  But he said that because it was Sebby's heart, any choice I made would have been deemed wrong.  Sebby was very sick, and it was his time to go.  And he's right - the more I thought about the options Sebby had, it would have still led to his passing, and I would still be filled with guilt that I made the wrong decision.  I did what I needed to do at that moment for him, because I loved him, and wanted to see him better.  But it wasn't meant to be.  I am sure it was the same with you, that you did what you needed to do for Thomas at that particular time.  But it was just Thomas's time, and he was secure enough to go because you were with him.  Perhaps Sebby and Thomas are together now and talking about how much they were loved while here.  

 

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You sound better and I am glad. And you are getting to that place of understanding that you really did the best for Sebby - painful for you, humane for him.

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jying,

I'm glad you realize that, it's a hard decision at best, but if they can't be made well again, best not to let them suffer needlessly, that is the selfless decision.  To keep them around just for us, that seems wrong.  It's hard no matter what.

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My story is very similar to yours. I had no idea my 6 year old cat had kidney failure. It was diagnosed last Christmas 2020 and from then on, we walked a little different like he had not much strength on the back legs... Sometimes he was a bit down, and every month he would go to the vet to see how he was doing. This last time in March 2021, one morning I woke up and he had vomited, I called the vet who followed him to see if she was there to check on him but she was only working the next day. And I thought, ok, I'll take him the next day. I could see if was not ok, very still and weak, and his breath was terrible, but he was still drinking water. The next day straight away, I asked my boyfriend to take him to the vet because I was working at home and I couldn't take him in the morning and I wanted him to be there asap. I saw he was weak, but honestly, I wasn't prepared for what was about to come. Normally he would spend the night at the vet and the next day I would go get him and he was fine. This time, the next day when I called the vet to go and get him, she said he was not well at all and she didn't know if she could save him. I was shocked. After 2h when I asked if I could go and see him, she told me he was already with convulsions and it was better to out him down so he wouldn't suffer any longer. I had to say yes on the phone and the vet did not advise me to go there because it was not pleasant to see. I was devasted. This was yesterday... I feel like I failed him, I should have taken him straight away to any doctor. I think I was not aware of how quickly kidney failure can kill a cat, I was not aware of the severity of it. I feel so bad I can't stop crying and everything in the house reminds me of him. We had a special connection, it was like he could understand me. I always said he felt like a person, not a cat..  and I failed him. It's really hard to accept this and I don't think I will forgive myself. I lost my furry friend forever and he was so young still... It really hurts. 

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@Luísa S  I am so sorry...my 25 year old cat had liver and kidney failure, it came on so quickly, at first she seemed better then worse again, she also had to be put down.  But there's a big difference between a cat who is 25 and one who is six, I'm sure you feel very gypped.  I do know there's not likely anything that would have saved him, not even getting him in sooner...you're right that it goes quickly.  Kitty's signs were increased urination, not feeling well, cranky, withdrawn.  If there is any fault in your not knowing, it was that the vet didn't warn you, not that you did something wrong or missed something.

Our cats and dogs are very much a part of our family and lives, and I understand your feeling he was human.  I know I gave Kitty the best life she could have, I didn't even acquire her until she was 12...I honestly thought she'd live forever, she always seemed to.  How one can go downhill so fast, I don't know.  It sends you reeling.

Do try to forgive yourself for your cat's sake...so important to memorialize and honor them going forward rather than self-destructive behavior like unforgiveness.  Of course we feel responsible for them, they depended on us, but that doesn't mean we can control every situation or prevent it, and we do not have hindsight ahead of time.  What would you tell your best friend in this situation?  Tell yourself that.  We have to be our own best friend now that they are gone and learn to value ourselves even as we did them.

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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I came here to help with my utter grief after having to make the worst decision of my life and have my 14 year old cat put to sleep this morning. Reading these stories shows that cats are so much part of our families,  I almost feel guilty and ridiculous over how grieved I am but feel a bit more normal now after reading all of your experiences. 

I found out my boy had an inoperable tumour in his mouth only 5 weeks ago and thought I'd have months with him, but sadly not. I took him for his 'big sleep' today because I love him, because it's the last loving thing thing I could ever do for him, I cradled him in my arms in a blanket and kissed him as I watched him drift away. The pain I feel is immeasurable, the flood gates of tears will not close and  I feel lost without my dear boy, my house is filled with reminders, I saw him being born and I still have his mummy alive and well. 

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Oh @C.stones, I am so sorry!  You had him his whole life, of course this is hard!  They live with us, are part of our everyday lives and routines, we love them as a family member and as such it hurts so much when they're gone from us.  I do hope you'll watch this video (not sure if you clicked on the one above) as it brought me comfort and peace and am hoping it does you too. 

Your feelings are valid and normal for grief...those things we did everyday without second thought are now echoing reminders of the loss we have.

This link contains helpful articles to those newly grieving their loss of pets. http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm

 

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I have been struggling since I lost my cat on New Years eve after he was diagnosed in October 2020 with a tumour. He hadn't been poorly and I had taken him to the vets for a routine appointment that then turned into something else. The vet had advised he had two teeth removed and following bloods before the anaesthetic there was an issue picked up with his liver. He had the teeth removed then I continued to go back and forth to the vets. After a weekend of being sick I took him again to the vets and the vet examined him again. It was soul destroying hearing the words there is a lump and there is nothing that can be done. They estimated I had 2 weeks due to the lump forming quickly; however my little pal fought and was with me for just over 2 months. He made it to Christmas day and his birthday where he turned 14. He was checked every 2 weeks and given a steroid injection. The vet informed me he wasn't in pain and that I would know when the time was right. The vet told me he would start to spend less time with me and would go and hide somewhere. He said he would go off hi food and would stop interacting with me. The thought of that was painful because he was always with me and followed me everywhere. He was due to go back to the vets beginning of Jan 2021 after my visit on the 22nd December. The vet had told me that the lump was a lot bigger and that I probably would not get to the appointment in Jan. He was just himself and I couldn't imagine him going. New Years Eve morning he lost control in his back legs for a short time and was unsteady. I rang the vets as I panicked something was happening and he was in pain. The vet told me the time had come and I had 3 hours left with him before I had to take him. Its all a blur and I had to sort work etc out so that morning went so quickly.  I had been dreading the whole process from a past experience but I cant have asked for my beloved cat to go anymore peacefully. He was sedated first and to be honest he was unconscious when he was put to sleep so he wasn't aware of what was going on. I got him at 8 week old as my son found him in a pet shop. He was my baby and my son moved out eventually so it was me and him. I miss him terribly and think of him all the time. He is now in my garden next to my brothers cat and with my other cats who have passed. I am really struggling with loosing him and I keep going over and over everything in my head. I hate being on my own and keep hearing him in the house even though I know its my mind playing tricks. I have had a cat in my house since I moved in so it feels so empty. I do want to get another cat eventually but feel so guilty about it. I will never replace him and feel overwhelmed at the thought of never seeing him again. I have taken comfort in the other posts so I am know I am not alone. I just want to start to feel a bit better as I still cry all the time. When I have lost other cats in the past I have got another one within weeks because I had a son pestering for another cat. It feel so much different this time but its been the longest I have ever had a pet. Really hope my fur baby is waiting over the rainbow for me. x

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Hello all, I am so sorry for those of you who have lost your furry friends. Years ago, I had a pet parakeet name Chester; and when I put him down I cried like a baby. You just don't realize how much like family they really are. And jylng, I don't know if you will see this since yours is an old post; but I am sorry about your dad. I lost my Father in 2018, too; and I empathize with you on the grief of losing both, and that so close together. Be well, TLN.

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@Archie Fox  I am so sorry you lost your beloved cat companion.  I went through this January 6, 2020, Kitty was 25, I got her when she was 12.  It's so hard, the house seems so empty with them gone.  

I hope this article is of help to you but I hate what it was named (so I redubbed it "Getting another Pet"}, we never "replace" one, but we can open our hearts to another...feeling guilty seems to be a part of our grief, but we are guilty of nothing but love.  :wub2:
Getting another Pet

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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Hello @Archie Fox I am so sorry for your loss. I know how painful it is. I was glad to read it was so peaceful and you were there even though I know it was rushed and sooner than you expected. :( The time is never right, is it? We are never prepared for their absence. My heart goes out to you.   

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