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brother loss cause of acute leukemia


Venniepan

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I just lost him a month ago. He suffered leukemia, had fought for 3.5years. he was only 33 years old. All images of the last days to the death are stuck in my mind. i cried a lot.. i miss him so much

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Totally relate to your feeling i lost my sis last yr to colon cancer she was 47 leaving 2 teens behind i wasn’t by her side when she gone but the images of her demise keep haunting me each day just done crying

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Nicole-my grief journey

Venniepan,

It’s all so fresh. Of course you would cry alot and miss him more than anyone could imagine. What a Warrior your brother was to fight for so long. Sending you love. I lost my brother when he was 33 to adrenal cancer. He found out and there was nothing they could do. It took him in 3months. It was more than hard to go through and watch. He had a two year old and a 4yr old. I never thought I would be ok, that I would survive it. I was his witness before and after his death. I signed the paperwork and made decisions. The images still replay in my mind. Not as often as they used to. I say this from personal experience that it will dissipate. I know that right now it’s hard to trust in any of us saying that, it doesn’t make it any better or easier for you right now because you’re in the thick of it. But I want to olantbthe seed by telling you, they will dissipate. Right now your mind is just trying to process the trauma. It has to go over it and over it until it processes it. Talking about it as much as you can and also seeing a therapist will help. My other brother died in November and it was a completely different kind of death. I found him overdosed. He kept his emotions in when we lost my other brother. I don’t want that to happen to others and so I’m sharing that it’s imperative to use any resources you can to have help with your grief. The first three months after, I could not get the images out if my mind, they were grim to say the least and they’re still with me, but again...less and less. I started seeing a CBT, grief, and trauma specialist because I have PTSD from this particular loss. The more I do things to express my grief in writing, speaking, learning coping tools and sharing, helps me to go on and have brief moments of not circling in the trauma loop. I try and self soothe and bring myself back to the present moment. I also use action, of getting my body moving, taking walks up hills and working in the yard while thinking about them and it is a good way of releasing being held hostage by my emotions. 

Love and light being sent your way,

Nicole

 

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