I don't know if i can survive this

[teresa cummings]

 it  has been two weeks since I lost my constant companion.  A sweet, loyal rat terrier mix that had been my shadow for fourteen years.  Biggs was his name.  After I lost two dogs nine years ago, Biggs got me through it.  He was my main support through a breakup, the loss of a job and a nervous breakdown.  I have struggled with anxiety and depression since the death of my husband thirty years ago.  Biggs could always tell when I was having a bad day.  He could see my soul.  He could comfort me when I could find it nowhere else.  He hurt when I hurt.  I tried not to cry because it would upset him so.  He had been ill for a couple of months.  Took him to the vet with a bad cough which was treated with antibiotics and cough med.  He gradually got weaker and weaker to where he could hardly walk.  Back to vet where I was told he had congestive heart failure with only a short time to live. He lived two more weeks.  Died in my arms after collapsing in front of my eyes.  He died instantly.  No goodbye.  I was frantic and buried him in a daze.  It was like witnessing the sudden death of my husband all over again.  I can hardly function.  My house feels foreign to me.  Everywhere I look it's where Biggs once was.  I can't walk out the back door because he's lifeless, under the ground in the back yard.  I can't look at his grave.  I feel so empty and lonely.  Will home ever feel like home again?  I'm retired and older and can't get out much.  My mother and siblings, who live away, think I should be over Biggs' death by now.  I can't share with anyone how I really feel.  No one understands my pain.  I can hardly believe how overwhelmed with grief I am.  I pray that this awful pain will gradually fade.  It's hard to see a future without my Biggs.  Thank you for reading this.  I just needed a place where I could share.  My heart goes out to those of you who have lost your pets.  

[CiCi]

It has been one month since I lost my baby. Like you, I wondered if I could survive it. The pain was so raw. I felt like I had been gutted. I cried for two weeks. Though the heartbreak remains, it is not near as painful as it was. I can honestly tell you that if *I* got through it...you will too. I was really bad off and I made my way through it. I still see her (mentally) in all her places in the house but instead of crying, my heart will ache...but I can smile. I say good morning to her and good night. I tell her how much I love and miss her, each and every day. Photos help to soothe me. I promise you...you will be okay. Just take it one day at a time and let each day fall where it may and one day you will find that you are moving forward. I am also older and my dog was my sole companion as my children and other family live away. 

[teresa cummings]

Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply CiCi.  It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this.  You are very kind.  Very sorry for your loss.

[KayC]

17 hours ago, teresa cummings said:

My mother and siblings, who live away, think I should be over Biggs' death by now.

WHAT??!!  Two weeks?!  No way!  That doesn't happen.  Grief is forever, it evolves and does not stay in the same intensity of pain, eventually we begin to adjust and the memories that brought pain can then bring a smile, but two weeks is way too soon for anyone to think we should be making such strides!  I lead a grief support group and I can assure you, your feelings are not only legitimate, they are yours and we are all unique on this grief journey.  Do not let them tell you that your mourning is inappropriate, it is their responses that are inappropriate to you!

Come here, we won't tell you such things.  We are the ones that get it, the ones who deeply love our pets and when we lose them we keenly feel the loss...it takes time to make our way through this.  I also lost my husband, 13 years ago.  Losing your beloved pet is much like that, it doesn't affect some things that losing a husband does like finances and chores but it greatly affects your companionship, touch, love.  Both of my current pets are elderly now and that scares me, I try not to think about losing them, just take a day at a time and enjoy each day I have with them.  My heart goes out to you in your loss, I'm very sorry you are missing Biggs.

[teresa cummings]

Thank you so very much KayC.  I feel so alone in my grief.  No one understands such pain.  It's still so raw...gut wrenching.  Your kind words brought me some appreciated relief.  I will be coming back here.  Bless you.

 

[David L]

Hi Teresa, I feel you pain sister. You are NOT alone. I lost my beautiful 14 year old doberman on Friday last week, We had to put her down, and it almost killed me. I just posted my own experience on this forum, hoping it would help relieve some of the pain and guilt I am going through. 

I am in the same boat as you are, and question how the hell I am going to get through the next days and weeks without her. They say time heals all wounds, but right now, I feel like that is impossible. Don't think that you are alone in your grief. I read your post, and my heart goes out to you. I am 57 years old, and feel like a 6 year old, that just lost his best friend.

Don't let anyone tell you to "get over it". I wont accept that and will take my sweet time coming to terms with losing a soul mate. Please do the same.

May God be with you over the next coming days and weeks, and ease your pain.

[AJWCat]

I am so sorry about your loss of sweet Biggs. You knew it was coming but when it does, it is so shocking - they are here one minute, gone the next. And so true in your case, I am so sorry. 

I am just a few days from the one year loss of my beloved cat who was like our child. He died suddenly and the whole situation was awful. We were helpless and our cat was suffering from some type of poisoning we think. He was finally put down by the vet at the emergency clinic who couldn't save him.  

That night and the next day I was in total shock. Could barely eat. The whole world was dark and yet everything went on fine. I wanted to run. I felt like my heart was literally breaking. Weeks later my emotions would still swing from okay to almost in tears. It was unpredictable.  

Time does heal. I have made peace as much as I can and focus only on all the good years we had. It does NOT feel like you can survive the loss - you just take moment by moment.

[teresa cummings]

Thank you David and  AJWCat.  It's amazing how one minute I'm pretty calm and then WHAM!....a gut punch.  The pain is almost unbearable.  So sorry about the loss of your sweet dog David and your beloved kitty AJWCat.  I can't imagine surviving until the one-year mark.  I think it's so traumatizing because Biggs was my only companion....it was him and me.  I just live minute to minute right now.  Bless you both for your kind words and thoughts.  

[KayC]

Personally, I don't think we "get over" someone we love dying, but our grief does evolve over time as we begin to process our grief.  there's much we can do to help that process, there's books and articles to read that help us understand what we're going through or the process, our tears shed seem a release as we get out our pain and express it, although some do not shed actual tears, even just allowing ourselves to feel the pain rather than bottle it up and trying to be stoic.  We can honor them with our memorials, buying a memorial stone or putting together a shadow box or scrapbooking album.  I intended to do that when my husband died but never could do it, who knows if I can get through that someday, it's been 13 years and I miss him each and every day and talk to him all the time.  And it's okay to talk to our beloved furry members of the family too when we lose them, who knows but what maybe they hear us!  All I know is, they're part of us, and we don't "get over" them, we do eventually process the grief and adjust to the changes it's meant for our lives, but oh that take time!

[AJWCat]

Minute by minute is all you can do. It is a unique pain isn't it? It is gut wrenching, you feel like your insides are twisted. Emotional pain, is so different than stubbing your toe and yet so so real in terms of suffering. I know where you are and I hope you are doing okay. 

[teresa cummings]

Thank you AJWCat.  Today is 3 weeks.  I still see his sweet little face and it breaks my heart all over again.  Hope you're okay as well.

[AJWCat]

I am thank you. I don't know if you know this, but back in December we adopt a "new" kitty.

(I have to have a cat in my life.)

I know it is a risk and now I love her too and there will be more loss someday in my future. But I'd rather have her than not... but I am glad I waited a few months. It was still a little stressful getting her because I was still so sad and traumatized. I still miss my wonderful sweet boy and I can get really upset if I think about the end for a bit so I just don't go there. 

[KayC]

I feel that way too AJW, when we have a loss, it'd be easy to shut out the possibility of taking on that new one because of the risk of going through this again, but I try not to let fear prohibit me from living, and know that however I faced my grief before, I will do it again, it is the price for loving, but what would life be without it!