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needanswers40

My father was the most outgoing positive person you would want to ever meet.  He was the last person anyone would have thought would ever commit suicide.  One month ago his personality completely changed he became negative, stopped eating, and became obsessed with something being wrong with him medically.  Last Sunday he shot and killed himself leaving my family with no reasons why.  He had a family that loved him and three grandchildren that adored him and he loved them.  I just cant understand how he could have done this to himself with so much to live for.  I was just wondering if anyone else has seen some ones personality change so much basically overnight. I am just desperate and looking for any kind of answers to give myself and family some closure.

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Nicole-my grief journey

Dear needsanswers40,

I don’t have answers, but I want to send you love and let you know I’m thinking of you and your family. I can say, that I have searched for answers in my brothers death November 2017 and after all these months I have started to figure out that in the first few months that our brains simply cannot process such huge losses in the immediate. The why’s, what if’s, the moments before, our actions and our loved ones actions and untimely deaths. Those things will circle for quite some time. I do my best to remind myself that they were so loved, are loved and that even though we cannot fathom why they did what they did...that we need to do our best to take care of the ones that are still here and dive deep in making our purpose to love and take care of them and reach out to those who have walked these paths. Repeating and speaking our stories to other helps to accept and process. You are doing that by expressing yourself here and we are thinking of you. I’m currently watching my dad fall apart after the loss of my mother. I’m falling apart too. I have been living in the fear of losing him because I have watched his personality change. Yesterday was ine of the scariest days where I didn’t know what to do for him and fully expected to find him gone. It makes sense why he would feel and act this way because we lost our world when she died...still, I don’t know what to do. I tell him that I don’t know why we are still here, but because we are, we need to keep living and giving to others. Help those in need and have purpose. That I need him and his grandkids and friends love him and I hope he will go on. But we never know what’s going on in someone’s mind and in my heart I know my time with him will be limited because of his grief. It’s scary. Sometimes too, the chemical imbalances in the brain make people do things that they wouldn’t or don’t want to do. I hope that while going through you grieving process that all of the memories you have will overide the actual loss. Meaning your thoughts will start to be in thinking about all you shared together, instead of these last moments. It takes time. A lot of time and telling yourself that you will be ok. Even when you don’t feel like you will. If you have the resources to see a counselor please do. They will give you coping tools and help guide you in this. We can’t do it alone and you may never understand why it happened, but a couselor can help re-anchor you. That’s what I’m doing because we have to work through the trauma to mive forward and not let it control us. So much love and many prayers your way.

hugs,

Nicole

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naya

Hi there, I am so so sorry for your loss, I know exactly how you are feeling and it is the most awful feeling ever. Trying to search for answers was one of the hardest parts for me too, I lost my dad last year and I’m still so confused about it. I was 17, now 18, I have a younger and older brother and I wonder how he could have ever thought that we would be okay without him. It’s been the hardest thing I have ever try to deal with, and I know at the start for the first few months it was absolutely awful, I know how you’re feeling and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Even though I do still try and find answers and question why my dad killed himself a lot, I have found that these thoughts appear much less frequently, and it does get easier to cope with- no matter how much you can’t believe it trust me it does. It never goes away, but it gets easier and the pain gets easier to handle. My dad never spoke about feeling down and I wish he did, he always acted completely fine around us and the weekend before he did it we were laughing to the point we were almost crying, that’s what I find so confusing. We will never get the answers we want, we will never truly know why, and it seems impossible to try and stop asking yourself why they would do this, especially when they have so much to live for. I thought my dad had everything he could ever want, a family, a good career, a lovely house and car, but it wasn’t enough and I will never know why that is. Accepting is the hardest part, and it does take a lot of time, but it’s slowly getting easier for me and trust me it will for you too. I really do hope you and your family are doing okay, keep reminding yourself that it will get easier and that you will feel at peace one day. I wish I could give you answers as I wish someone could find them for me too, I wish I could heal the pain for everyone who has lost someone to suicide, it is truly painful. Make sure that you take care of yourself and remember that you have your family and people around you who love you, it makes it so much easier when you look around and see how much support you have. I think those we have lost to suicide lose sight of those who love them and forget they are loved as much as they actually are, I would do anything, absolutely anything to get my dad back but I know that it’s impossible and I have to accept it. I’m so sorry I can’t give you answers but I hope it helps even the slightest bit knowing you’re not alone, and that the thoughts and asking yourself why constantly do stop happening so frequently. Sending all my love x 

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Sue_73

I’m so so sorry for your loss. My dads angel date is July 26. Its been 6 weeks of... words can’t describe, but I know you understand how it feels. My dad also shot himself.  There was no prior warning, his personality had been changing slowly over the last year but I never ever thought something this horrific would happen. I know this doesn’t answer your posted question, but I just wanted to reach out to someone going through the same thing.  

Hugs! 

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