Why so much suffering??!!

[My Bradley Boy]

My boy died 3 days ago. He was 13 years old. I don't have kids, he was my son. I loved him dearly and always will. I know he had to die, but why so much suffering? He was the greatest dog I've ever had and my heart is broken into a million pieces. I can't get his last moments out of my head. He couldn't breathe and was looking at me as if to beg for help. I couldn't do anything but pet him, lay next to him, talk to him. It wasn't enough. I let my baby down. It's killing me. I love and miss him so much.

[AJWCat]

I am so so sorry for your loss of your sweet boy. What a face. 

I lost my cat suddenly and horribly. He was 15 and  I always assumed he'd be put to sleep like my other cats were years earlier. I know your heartbreak and I am truly sorry you had to lose him that way.

It has taken me a while to come to grips with the loss and the suffering. I replayed the end over and over too. My advice is try to stop doing that. I don't mean you can't grieve, but try to remember all the many wonderful years and good times. Also, thank goodness you were there and able to be of some comfort. So many people are not. I have had to remember the things that I am grateful for as bad as the loss was. It has helped me survive it. 

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry, the loss of your precious boy is the hardest thing one can go through.  I know how I feel about my dog and losing him is my greatest fear...one I know I will have to face someday not too far off.  In that first picture you can tell what a happy boy he was, what a happy life he had with you!  And I know your heart is broken.  It takes much time for this to even sink in, let alone process it.  You ask why he had to suffer, I don't know, there's much suffering in this world, and that's a question none of us can fully answer or comprehend but know you are not alone in your feelings.

You didn't let your boy down.  We all die at some time and there comes a time no one can stop it.  I lost my husband 13 years ago Father's Day, I couldn't stop it.  Does that mean I let him down?  No.  I'd have given my life for him if only that were possible.  Guilt is a part of grief, I hope you will read these articles and take them to heart.

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

I'm glad you were able to be with him as he went through it, I'm sure that brought him much comfort just knowing you were there and you love him and care for him.

I believe with all my heart we will be with them again.  Their spirit lives on beyond this temporal body, they transition to what is next and someday we'll be there with them.

 

[My Bradley Boy]

Thank you so much AJWCat and KayC for your kind words.

AJWCat, I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty. It's never easy. And, you're right, I'm going to try my hardest to remember all the wonderful moments my boy and I had together.

KayC, your words have brought a lot of comfort to me. And thank you for the articles. I am so sorry that you lost your husband. I lost my little brother 16 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I know they are with us after death. My brother sends me signs all the time. I have no doubt that we will all be together again someday.

 

 

[Lennon my boy]

Hi i read your post and felt compelled to reply I too lost my beautiful big black labrador Lennon 4 days ago he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure back in January 2018 and was on a lot of medication. I was told early hours on Tuesday morning when we woke to find him struggling to breathe that his heart was so bad that we was going to have a heart attack and the best thing was to put him to rest. Am devastated really no words can describe the guilt I feel even though I expect it was the right thing to do for Lennon as he also had quite bad arthritis too but I just want him back and keep think maybe he could have had longer it's crazy thinking that when the vet said that his pulse was so slow and his heart was working so fast to pump the blood around his body that it was going to give way. Lennon was 11 years old and I miss him so much he was so loyal and I feel like part of me is gone. I just wanted to say that I understand how awful you much feel.

 

[Melk]

He is so beautiful. I’m so sorry that he had to pass that way. I’m sure we all hope that when that day comes for them that they will just pass peacefully with no suffering or pain.

He definitely looks so happy and loved in your photos. 

I am sure that you laying with him and comforting him let him know he was loved made him feel safe.

There is nothing more in this world that we can give them other than to let them know that they are loved and safe and that it’s going to be ok, it’s all we would wish for in our last moments, and I’m sure it’s all they want in theirs. So you have given him the greatest thing possible. 

 

[My Bradley Boy]

Hi @Lennon my boy I am so sorry that you also lost your beautiful, baby boy. Don't feel guilty. You did what was right so he wouldn't suffer. I didn't have that option since it happened at 2 in the morning. Looking back, it would have been the right thing to do. As he suffered so much not being able to breathe. My poor baby. It kills me thinking of the way he kept looking at me. I know he was pleading for me to help him. I couldn't. I couldn't do anything but lay there with him. It's a terrible feeling. I have faith that we will be together again someday. And take comfort knowing that he is back to his old self again; running and playing. The last couple of months he was bedridden. That was no life for him. I hope you find peace. Please go easy on yourself. You did the right thing. And I'm sure Lennon appreciates everything you did for him. 

@Melk Your baby is beautiful too. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am trying to stay positive. And remember all the good times.

[Lennon my boy]

@My Bradley Boy thank you for ur kind words I can't find any comfort in my decision but listening to your experience. I would have no doubt found myself in your situation if I had let Lennon pass away naturally and it does sound like it was very very difficult for both of you. Thankfully you were with Bradley when he passed away like me with my boy. I really don't know what situation is more upsetting probably both equally as hard.

I had hoped that when the time came Lennon would slip away naturally but that was not to be as I could have kept him going but was advised not to. I keep wrestling with the choice I made but then someone said to me that to have not let him pass away quietly would have been for my benefit to keep him with me longer than for his benefit, this is probably true.

My guilty is very raw right now as is the longing to see him again alive and well. My thoughts are with you our boys were quite similar looking actually but Lennon was a black lab. I thought 11 years old was very young for a lab to pass granted not naturally but on strong medical advice but some people have told me that 11 is a good age for a lab. Your boy lived to a good age too at 13 and this was because of you and all your love and care.

Take care and I hope for both of our sakes we find some peace soon.

[Jack Russell]

I lost my little Jack Russell called Kelly on Monday and my heart is breaking. The grief is all consuming.  She was 16 and stupid me thought it would be a good idea for her to be with other dogs. Her sight was going but her little tail would wag when she met other dogs and was such a social little thing. Something happened in his care. I came home from work and she could hardly get up to greet me. Rushed her to the vets and after X-ray it was discovered she had a fractured rib. She stayed at the vets to be on painkillers. After two days I bought her home. Next day I noticed that she had extreme bruising underneath which had just appeared. Back in the vets for an ultrasound. I will cut the story short and say this little dog had immense pain and in the early hours she started to cry. These were cries of utter pain. And they will last with me forever. So I had no option but to put her to sleep.  I let her down in sending her to this person. My grief is so bad I have been looking for posts to help me get through this. If you have a dog its your responsibility to look after them, and I let her down x

[Lennon my boy]

Jack Russell this is awful was this doggy day care your little dog was at? Am heart aches for you I can only imagine the guilt and pain u must be feeling right now. Just know that this wasn't ur fault as u weren't to know what would happen no one could have predicted that. My dog was put to rest on Tuesday as per the vets recommendations as Lennon had congestive heart failure but am in absolute torment wondering if that was the best thing to have done but like yourself I can't go back and change the past. I was told that if Lennon wasn't put to sleep then he would have a heart attack and that if I had left him in the emergency vet for overnight observation he would probably die through the night or if I took him home his heart would give way so I didn't have much choice but to go along with what the vet advised.

Sadly I have no words to comfort you other than to say that I know what you are going through and it's awful I try to reason with myself but my grief is so bad am barley eating and I think that I may be trying to punish myself. 

I hope that eventually we will both find some inner peace. Take care 

[Beatriz]

My Bradley Boy your question “why so much suffering” is also mine. How can so much Joy they brought us be turned into this excruciating Pain? I do not understand. It is hard to try and see some purpose in them going through pain. And I am so sorry for your Losses. Bradley Boy, Lennon my Boy and Jack Russell. While my cats were being treated at the Vets’ I met so many precious dogs and learned I could love them too. One of them, Mike, has the same disease as my late cat Tripps and we met him there every other day as they were having the same treatment. Mike is still fighting and I am cheering for him. May we find some Peace, all of us I pray.

[Lennon my boy]

Another day of feeling like the worst person in the world and full of regret having agreed for Lennon to be put to rest this is torture how do people learn to accept their decision everyone is telling me this was the best thing to do for Lennon but it doesn't feel like it was

[KayC]

So many losses, so much suffering, I wish I could bring comfort to you all.  I know there's only one way through grief and that's straight through it, pain and all.  If there was a way to circumvent it, I would have found it by now, but alas it finds you and haunts you, so there's no avoiding it.  Like @My Bradley Boy said, not a day goes by you don't think of the one you lost.  In this way, they are with us, until we meet again.

[Jack Russell]

Yes Lennon my boy my little dog was with dog minders for the day.  How I regret sending her there, as she would still be beside me.  I have been out today as it is so painful being at home without her.  Cried in the car on the way home and could hardly see where I was going.  I feel such guilt it is unbearable.  I know she was 16 but she was fit and healthy for her age and jack Russell's can live to a good age.  What do we do to get through this pain.  I have read numerous articles as I thought I was going mental.  But I live on my own and she was with me everyday so it appears it can be as bad as loosing a loved one.  And as crazy as this sounds the pain is as severe as loosing my mum and dad.  How have you managed with your day today.  Please share with me.

[Beatriz]

Sundays are difficult Jack Russell. It is quieter and we miss their voices too. I am in between cleaning and ironing. It is easier if I keep moving. I have not been able to concentrate on my reading, my attention span is shorter for everything so menial work helps. People pretend to forget your Loss. They want you to forget it too - and that is impossible. How our lives changed without them is a constant reminder of the Loss inflicted upon us. I spend most of the time trying not to focus on how unwell I feel. I try to engage with and attend to others but the distance seems too big for me to try and overcome it and truly communicate - I am otherwise engaged, I am grieving with you.

[Jack Russell]

Thank you Beatriz, yes it's hard. Just ordered a pile of books from Amazon on pet loss. Having her cremated on Tuesday. I know it's going to be tough but picking her up from the vets with my daughter and taking her to a small crematorium where they guarantee I get her ashes back. My loss is over powering and don't know how I managed to get through the day. Reading other people's posts is helpful.  There are others like us out there.  How I miss her.

[Beatriz]

My cats were buried at my brother-in-law’s piece of land. Those last rituals were excruciatingly painful but we had to go through them. I try to avoid visualizing those moments  in my mind and focus on the many many memories of them alive and well. We both shared our lives with them for longer than many (your was 16, mine 17 and 18) - At night, when I saw them coming to their usual sleeping places in bed with me I knew I was very, very fortunate. But of course I wanted more, much more of the Same. One of my friends said “you gave your heart to these cats” and it is true. How could We not to? They loved us unreservedly knowing so well how to love, unlike most humans. We will get through this one more day, Jack Russell. One day we will understand it all, I hope. And I want so much just to be with them again. I am sure all this love cannot be in vain or over with like that. “And Death shall be no more/ Death thou shalt die” said the irreverent poet John Donne. Death, the meanest thing ever. 

[Beatriz]

Can you send me a photo of your Kelly Jack Russell?

[Jack Russell]

Here is my beautiful Kelly. Gave such love and comfort. My best friend. Can't believe I will never hold her again.  Couldn't get the picture to upload to profile. I have been reading articles already in getting another pet to love but not sure I could go through this again. 16 years is a long time. As yours, it's such a long time. Such grief. I hope this pain is not in vain and I will meet her when my time comes.

[Beatriz]

What a Joy! And what a lovely photo, all her character showing. Beautiful Kelly. You just look at her and see she was loved. There are many pets that need love and care. See how you feel with time. We had adopted two kittens while Tripps (the beloved cat I lost last) was in treatment, we thought they would cheer him up. My son is in charge of the new kittens, as AJWCat said they are so different from mine that it hurts. But they are here and it is difficult not to notice. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday. This day will also pass and be outnumbered by all the other memories you have of Kelly. Let me know how it goes. Love, Beatriz

[Lennon my boy]

@Jack Russell You must be devastated as am I have the dog minders said what happened what an awful situation my heart breaks for you. I feel guilt too intensely like I have never felt before having let Lennon go he was my boy and still is my boy. I still have Lennon's sister Chloe and she brings some comfort but when I look at her I see the pain in her eyes too and the longing to see him again. Astonishingly I was out walking chloe today, it seems to be the only thing that helps and I came across a black labrador identical to my Lennon I have never seen him before but surprisingly he lives in the same street as my dad it was such a surreal and upsetting experience. I expect I will meet more dogs looking like my boy but it was uncanny the resemblance but he is younger by 4 years.

Jack Russell seriously please don't torture yourself about what happened you weren't to know. I keep thinking that over and over in my head how things could have been so different for Lennon maybe if there had been some signs of congestive heart failure then treatment could have been started sooner. He was diagnosed in January 2018 when the vet was taking xrays of his legs due to arthritic pain. I know the outcome would ultimately be the same as there is no cure that this disease but if it was caught sooner them maybe Lennon would have lived longer.

I hope you find some inner peace one day. I have Lennon's ashes buried under his favourite tree where he laid for hours every day. Today I have started clearing the ground around his burial plot to plant a memorial flower bed. This is all I can think to do as I feel helpless right now. 

Please just know that you are not alone in your pain and feelings of guilt as am overwhelmed by these feelings too.

[Jack Russell]

I don't know if it would give any closure or not but not knowing what happened to my precious girl is driving me crazy. while I'm sobbing I keep telling Kelly that I am so sorry for the pain I caused her. It was my fault I put her where she could get hurt. In hindsight the minder had Alsatian dogs which could easily of crushed her.  But I trusted him to look after her. It was just a bit of socialising while I went to work. I knew as soon as I got home there was something terribly wrong.  I can see her little face in pain as she tried to get up to greet me. Fractured rib and extensive bruising, in the end it appeared she must of had a brain injury.  Her crying out in pain at the end will haunt me. It started in the early hours of the morning.  I rang the emergency vet. Even travelling in the car to the vet she screamed all the while.  In the end they said there was nothing more they could do.  She was too old to recover from the pain, she couldn't even stand up.  To think the minder came in and put her on my sofa, leaving her with those injuries. I asked him to come round the next day and he told me nothing had happened and she must of fallen off my sofa. WHAT..... No way. Even if she did fall there was no way she could jump back up in that condition. And besides I have thick carpet so that never would of happened. Now here's a question how to get him to own up.  My neighbours noticed that he returned her early. May be she had a fall or something and thought he would bring her home early to recover before I got home. Who knows. This man has a lot of clients and there are good reviews on his website. I think he loves the dogs he looks after but he's running a business and vet bills cost money or perhaps he just didn't want to put himself in a position to pay them. But surely it would be best to tell the owner straight away, surely that's good practice. Things happen and I want to know what happened to her. 

[Lennon my boy]

Jack Russell if I were you I wouldn't let this rest this person knows full well what happened your Kelly you deserve answers that the least this person can give. I know it won't bring Kelly back but at least you wouldnt be left wondering.

You tried to do a kind thing for Kelly as you though she would like to spend time with other dogs this was lovely please don't punish yourself this was 100% not your fault I know you will blame yourself as do I will having agreed to let the vet put Lennon to sleep a decision that will haunt me forever but in your case as in mine we took medical advice and this is all you can do in this situation.

I have started collecting stones when am out walking Lennon's sister Chloe and bringing them back to Lennon's burial plot not sure why but it's just giving me something to do and as Lennon can't physically join us walking and he loved this I feel that if I can bring part of that place to him then it's the least I can do.

Take care of yourself for me it's been 6 days since Lennon passed and it hurts as much as ever. I loved him so much.

[Lennon my boy]

Everyone this is my Lennon the love of my life and his sister Chloe this was taken 2 days before Lennon became seriously unwell and put to rest.

[KayC]

Kelly is adorable!  God, so hard.

21 hours ago, Jack Russell said:

And as crazy as this sounds the pain is as severe as loosing my mum and dad.

Not crazy at all, we lived with our pets, not with our parents, they were part of our everyday lives.  IMHO, I think losing my dog is going to be next only to losing my husband.  Been through too many losses, but since I lost my husband, my dog has been my companion and I consider him my furry soul mate.  Even my cranky cat is getting closer to me, she's 23 and finally starting to show some affection.  I rescued her from a trailer court in Portland where she had been abandoned over and over and over again, promised her a forever home.

Nothing easy about this.  Lennon is beautiful, I have a friend with two labs (he calls them his lab assistants), one black, one golden.  How is Chloe doing?

[Beatriz]

Jack Russell I too have focussed on the cruel circumstances of my Tripps’ death and was indignant with life and the irony that suddenly turned things around for the worst. I still am and I still want to hear from the veterinarian himself again and again on the details of his decline and demise, although I’ve also had reports from both my sister and my son not to mention covering my ears with my hands while they were talking, for the pain was dilacerating and I could not bear listening to them. Having said so I have lately started to consider that this focus on revolting circumstances, which I still abhor and dread, is maybe a defence mechanismo I unconsciously adopted to channel my Anger at losing my best friend and beloved son, the one Being I felt closest to in life. Because the circumstances, despicably devised by a Cruelty I had never acknowledged before as something that might be a part of life, mean less, far less than the Enormous Loss that no longer having him by my side. As KayC wisely pointed out above, it was but with him that I lived.

[Beatriz]

9 hours ago, Lennon my boy said:

Everyone this is my Lennon the love of my life and his sister Chloe this was taken 2 days before Lennon became seriously unwell and put to rest.

Lennon is beautiful, what kind eyes! Precious.

 

[Jack Russell]

How to cope with this pain and hurt inside.  I have just come home from work and she isn't here, I am in bits.  The pain is intense. And the way she died is getting to me.  I want someone to blame, this should never of happened.  Not to my lovely Kelly.  I let her down.

[Beatriz]

Jack Russell you did not let her down. I do not know you but I am sure of this. It is just too huge, the Loss is. But the love you shared with Kelly all those years is what will prevail and remain with you - I too dread coming back home. I used to come home for them. I knew they’d waiting for me, as Kelly was for you. We would do anything to prevent them dying anything. Think that it was not in your hands to prevent it, because it wasn’t. 

 

[Jack Russell]

Thank you for saying that but I do feel responsible as I left her in his care. As the dog minder denys anything it is his word against mine. He had the audacity to say she probably fell off my sofa.  Hell no, factured rib and extensive bruising, probably a neurological problem as well.  She was 16 she couldn't cope with the pain.  I discovered that he dropped her home early that day, how could he have just put her in my home with those injuries.  I am beside myself with injustice for her.  But what can I do.  I am not seeking the cost of vet bills from him I just want to know what happened.  I know it's probably the grief talking but I feel I am letting her down if I don't do something.  I should remember the good times but I can still hear her crying in agony.  My beautiful little dog did not deserve to die like this.  I feel ill with grief and cannot move forward.  Not sure what to do.

[Lennon my boy]

@KayC Chloe is outwardly seeming to cope reasonably but she is very quiet we r just trying to take her with us as many places as possible so she's not alone. Today we had a family picnic in the park to try and cheer everyone up my kids especially the older one she was crying today sitting a Lennon's burial plot it's hard for them to understand and just seeing my daughter sitting there crying for her dog was truly heart breaking.

If I can ask when did your husband pass away KayC such a huge loss. What sort of dog do you have, dogs are a huge comfort in times of grief am sure your fur babies are your rocks right now.

Today was hard for me it feels artificial to be going about life without Lennon but I need to keep going for the kids and for Chloe.

 

[Lennon my boy]

@Jack Russell can you go around to the dog sitters premises and ask for some answers surely any animal loving person would tell their owner the truth maybe if you say that you will take legal action this person would tell the truth? Or even seek legal advice and see where you stand with this as if this is a business offering care for other animals then I'd be worried. Like you I wouldnt let this rest no way not in a million years.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you. I know your heart will be aching with the pain of the loss as is mine.

[Beatriz]

@Jack Russell I understand you wanting to clarify what happened and hold the dog minder responsible for the injuries that led to Kelly’s death, if that proves to be the case and I think you are right to do so. It is not fair to allow a dog minder to get away with it as he will have other dogs under his care and his behaviour renders him unreliable and unfeeling. So you would be doing it (investigating, suing) also to prevent it happening to other dogs and not only for Kelly’s sake. I would just suggest you give yourself a few days more before you start on this course of action, which will demand more of your energy. I used to feel so drained and prostrated during the first weeks. I would just cry and sob and stare at walls. Please treat yourself gently and remember: you are NOT to blame for anything and Kelly knows you only meant the best for her.

[Jack Russell]

Thank you for those words.  I do wonder if she is looking down.  I do believe dogs sense things, may be even more in doggie heaven.  Yes your right my grief is the forefront.  I will see the vet tomorrow to pick up her little body to take her for a private cremation. My daughter is coming with me.  I will ask them for a report of her injuries as a starting point.  Take care and thank you for your kindness.  We are all going through such pain.

[Lennon my boy]

@Jack Russell I done the same for Lennon I picked him up in my car from the vet with my husband the following day after I had lay with him on the floor at the vet and he was in my arms when he was put to sleep. I didn't want to lift him into the car as it was too upsetting and he is a big labrador at 35kgs. I seen Lennon once he was settled at the crematorium he was brought straight from my car into a room where I could cuddle him and smell his fur one last time. The lady at the crematorium took a hair clipping I now have this under my pillow along with a picture of Lennon. At first I wasn't sure I would be able to see him like that but he looked peaceful however it was very traumatic so please prepare yourself.

It is good your daughter will go with you, you will need someone with you. I was sobbing for hours that day which was just Wednesday past. I could have organised someone else to collect him but the way I see it was that Lennon was a faithful companion and he loved me unconditionally and I owed it to Lennon to be the one to collect him and send him on his way.

Lennon's ashes are now buried under his favourite tree in the garden. The day following Lennon's cremation I was sick with guilt over having cremated him as I now wish that I had buried him instead so be sure that a cremation is what you definitely want. There's no way to get this right as any way you will find fault or certainly I have and another thing to torture yourself with.

Please let me know how you get on. My thoughts are with you.

[Lennon my boy]

@Jack Russell

Please read this am finding it a little helpful.

 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

 

[Beatriz]

@Jack Russell my thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow. Remember this day shall also pass and we have to go through it one way or another. Kelly is looking down and after you. She is free from any pain now. Her love will stay with you.

[KayC]

19 hours ago, Lennon my boy said:

@KayC Chloe is outwardly seeming to cope reasonably but she is very quiet we r just trying to take her with us as many places as possible so she's not alone. Today we had a family picnic in the park to try and cheer everyone up my kids especially the older one she was crying today sitting a Lennon's burial plot it's hard for them to understand and just seeing my daughter sitting there crying for her dog was truly heart breaking.

If I can ask when did your husband pass away KayC such a huge loss. What sort of dog do you have, dogs are a huge comfort in times of grief am sure your fur babies are your rocks right now.

Today was hard for me it feels artificial to be going about life without Lennon but I need to keep going for the kids and for Chloe.

 

My husband died Father's Day, June 19, 2005 so I have two anv of deaths to remember, both Father's Day, and the 19th of June.  It's hard because everyone is always busy with their family and I am left alone to deal with it however I might.  No matter how much time goes by, he's always on my mind and in my heart.  There's no expiration date on grief, we continue to love and miss them, all the more as time goes by and broadens the gap from that happy time in your life.

I have a Siberian Husky/Golden Retriever, he's the love of my life, next to George.  He was a rescue dog, they'd given him the name Arlington, which just didn't fit him, he's goofy and funny, not stuffy and regal, so I shortened it to Arlie, which suits him better.  Golden Retrievers life span is 9 years and Siberian Huskies 10-12 years...Arlie is 10 and has a lifelong condition, Colitis, which means I have to cook for him and keep a close eye on his stools.  Kitty is 23 and they won't even clean her teeth because they say she wouldn't live through it (anesthesia), she's lost some weight and getting cysts, but so far she just keeps on living, although I know both of their days are numbered and it makes me very nervous.

 

[KayC]

@Jack Russell   I would definitely wants answers as well, if they were pet sitting, they are responsible for keeping the pets in their care safe!  The very least they can do is tell you what happened. 

[Beatriz]

The book I ordered from Amazon arrived today. Those are its first pages.

[Jack Russell]

On 25 June 2018 at 7:59 PM, Lennon my boy said:

@Jack Russell can you go around to the dog sitters premises and ask for some answers surely any animal loving person would tell their owner the truth maybe if you say that you will take legal action this person would tell the truth? Or even seek legal advice and see where you stand with this as if this is a business offering care for other animals then I'd be worried. Like you I wouldnt let this rest no way not in a million years.

Good luck and my thoughts are with you. I know your heart will be aching with the pain of the loss as is mine.

I have already spoken to him and he denys that anything happened, as he would because he wouldn't wish to pay the vet bills or get a bad reputation. His word against mine.  But the more I look into this, the circumstances are very damaging to him.  I'm working on a letter to him now saying all this and getting a report from the vet regarding her injuries.  I might even threaten to take him to a small claims court.  I might not win but goodness me he wouldn't want the publicity and it would give me satisfaction.  My beautiful little dog deserves this for her sake.

[KayC]

I hope you pursue this, not to get revenge, which is never sweet, but to hold him accountable and get some answers, which are your just due.  You deserve to know what happened to your dog!

[KayC]

Last night I was walking Arlie when a hound dog jumped his fence and attacked Arlie, knocking me to the ground.  His owner was nearby walking her older dog and saw the whole thing, she yelled at him and had to chase him down, and get him back in and tie him up.  I don't know what they're going to do about the dog, he was very aggressive, it was totally unprovoked, my dog and him have never even met!  I don't know why other dogs want to attack my dog, it's happened several times, he's minding his own business, on a leash, not even looking at them.  I rather imagine it has something to do with the alpha thing, my dog is large, perhaps they view him as a threat, I don't know, but he's a baby at heart.  When they attack, he'll make noise back at them but he's never bitten even when being bit.  He was limping last night, I think it turned his ankle, I gave him some aspirin and am going to try to keep him on low activity for a few days.  I got a few cuts and scrapes on the gravel but otherwise okay, ankle also a little sore.

[Lennon my boy]

23 hours ago, Jack Russell said:

I have already spoken to him and he denys that anything happened, as he would because he wouldn't wish to pay the vet bills or get a bad reputation. His word against mine.  But the more I look into this, the circumstances are very damaging to him.  I'm working on a letter to him now saying all this and getting a report from the vet regarding her injuries.  I might even threaten to take him to a small claims court.  I might not win but goodness me he wouldn't want the publicity and it would give me satisfaction.  My beautiful little dog deserves this for her sake.

@jackrussell I truly hope that you get some answers this only seems fair under the circumstances. There must be some regulating body which you can report to and ask for them to audit the business possibly? I know in the UK we have trading standards and the citizens advice where you can get free impartial advice on legal matters.

For me it's been 12 days since my boy was put to rest and I can honestly say that I have never felt grief like this before even thought am still blessed with Lennon's sister Chloe I still feel like life is quiet without Lennon as he was such a character!

I think fo myself what would I do of I could get 5 more minutes with Lennon and I think I would want him sitting on my knee which for a 35kg labrador is no particular comfortable but I recall about 5 weeks ago I was at the vet with Lennon for check up and the vet was really busy so we waited outside for nearly an hour! Most of that time was me sitting on the ground with Lennon's body in my lap like a puppy. These were happier times and also worrying times with all the vet appointments. 

I wish you luck in pursuing the truth x

[KayC]

I haven't heard of any regulating bodies for dog sitting in the US but maybe small claims court.

[Jack Russell]

Thank you for your comments. I have today written a letter to the dog minder saying that unless he lets me know what happened I will take him to a small claims court.  Even if I didn't win as it his word against mine, I would have the satisfaction that I did my best for my little Kellly and hopefully this would never happen again. I just wish it wasn't my lovely Kelly. So little and so innocent I cannot bear to think about the pain she went through.  I miss her so much I am writing through the tears.  Why is life so hard with so much pain and grief.

[Lennon my boy]

12 minutes ago, Jack Russell said:

Thank you for your comments. I have today written a letter to the dog minder saying that unless he lets me know what happened I will take him to a small claims court.  Even if I didn't win as it his word against mine, I would have the satisfaction that I did my best for my little Kellly and hopefully this would never happen again. I just wish it wasn't my lovely Kelly. So little and so innocent I cannot bear to think about the pain she went through.  I miss her so much I am writing through the tears.  Why is life so hard with so much pain and grief.

@jackrussell please let us know how you get on. I feel like there's no joy in life without my beautiful boy Lennon it's hard really hard. I wish you all the best and hope you get some answers 

 

[KayC]

Yes, we want to know the outcome, please keep us posted.  this person owes you an explanation whether they like it or not!

[Kastine]

On 6/24/2018 at 9:42 AM, Lennon my boy said:

Another day of feeling like the worst person in the world and full of regret having agreed for Lennon to be put to rest this is torture how do people learn to accept their decision everyone is telling me this was the best thing to do for Lennon but it doesn't feel like it was

@Lennon my boy I know exactly how you feel... a week ago I said an extremely painful goodbye to my soul dog... he had a tumor which had spread to his lungs and was squeezing his aorta... he had been on meds for 2 months but that last week he wasn’t well.. when we weighed him he went from 38 to 31.7kg in less than a month...he was never so light!!! The doc said there was nothing else we could do and I had to make the worst decision of my life... he slipped away in my arms and I’ll never forget the instant regret... I wish I had told the doc I want to try harder... homeopathic meds... cannibis oil... chemo... anything... it’s 11am now and I just can’t pull myself out of bed... he was my soul and my whole being and I don’t want to go on without him...I keep getting told the same thing...I did the right thing for him...but did I? He wanted to come home... he got up and wanted to come home before the doc picked him up to put him on the steel table... I hate waking up every morning... sleeping is the only solice (sp?) I have then i wake up and face the fact that I’ll never be able to feel him... to cuddle him ... to listen to him moan when he wants to go for a walk...to kiss his nose... to look into his beautiful eyes!!! I’ve felt heartache before... but this is out of another realm... he was my life and soul and that is gone!

[Lennon my boy]

9 hours ago, Kastine said:

@Lennon my boy I know exactly how you feel... a week ago I said an extremely painful goodbye to my soul dog... he had a tumor which had spread to his lungs and was squeezing his aorta... he had been on meds for 2 months but that last week he wasn’t well.. when we weighed him he went from 38 to 31.7kg in less than a month...he was never so light!!! The doc said there was nothing else we could do and I had to make the worst decision of my life... he slipped away in my arms and I’ll never forget the instant regret... I wish I had told the doc I want to try harder... homeopathic meds... cannibis oil... chemo... anything... it’s 11am now and I just can’t pull myself out of bed... he was my soul and my whole being and I don’t want to go on without him...I keep getting told the same thing...I did the right thing for him...but did I? He wanted to come home... he got up and wanted to come home before the doc picked him up to put him on the steel table... I hate waking up every morning... sleeping is the only solice (sp?) I have then i wake up and face the fact that I’ll never be able to feel him... to cuddle him ... to listen to him moan when he wants to go for a walk...to kiss his nose... to look into his beautiful eyes!!! I’ve felt heartache before... but this is out of another realm... he was my life and soul and that is gone!

Kastine this is a very difficult time for you maybe the hardest you have experienced in your life it certainly is for me. The worst time is the first few weeks when ur constantly think you made the wrong decision and feel physically sick thinking about what you've done and wishing you could turn back the clock and bring them back to life. It's awful I know exactly how you are feeling. What I can say to you is that eventually you will stop blaming yourself as much as you do right now, its nearly 4 weeks since Lennon was put to rest and am gradually accepting that it was the illness that took Lennon not me and that I spared him any further pain and discomfort.

In the back of my head I still think, what if but I can't go back and change anything now and Lennon was very unwell as was your doggy.

The pain we are both feeling is a tribute to the love we feel for our beloved friends, which we wouldnt be feeling had we not done everything in our power to hold on to them for as long as was fair to them, not us but fair to them. I lay on the vet floor with my Lennon for almost an hour trying to find another way and being told that ending his suffering was the kindest thing to do. I felt backed into a corner as the vet said his heart failure had got so bad that his heart was going to give way and that this would be very distressing for Lennon. I never wanted that for my boy and I recall in vivid detail when the injection was given to him. He was gone before the 2nd dose was administered.

Just awful having to make this decision for your best friend I went through a terrible time thinking that Lennon must have thought that I had given up on him but this pain has eased ever so slightly as the weeks pass.

You must try to forgive yourself euthanized is the last selfless thing we can do for our animals. Try to think ahead would any other medication have made a difference, would this have cured the condition it sounds very serious. In Lennon's case there was no cure just further deterioration and eventually a heart attack. I never wished this for him and he was gone just 5 months after his initial diagnosis. 

We both did what we could and took medical advice which went against every fibre in our body but I expect in your heart you knew this was the kindest thing to do as did I but like you I never wanted to let him go, none of us do as we love them so much that the pain is all consuming.

Eventually I think you will see the situation a bit clearer, for me as the weeks go by the longing to see Lennon again and hold him again is huge and I keep seeing black labradors everywhere and staring at them to see if they look like Lennon and a few have but this makes no difference as they are not Lennon but just for a second I think that it is him. I still can't believe he's gone after being with me for 11 years. It may sound a bit crazy but I have started bringing little gifts to Lennon's final resting place. I took him from the vet for an individual cremation and have his ashes buried under his favourite tree in the garden and have created a small memorial plot with a slate plaque with a message to Lennon and his picture on it. The other day I bought some chewy bones and took one down to him and yesterday I collected some stones from his favourite walking place and put them there too. It might seem silly to others but I feel like I want to do this. My daughter drew a picture of him this afternoon and laid it next to his plaque which was really kind.

Have you thought of a memorial plot for your dog maybe even a plaque with a message engraved on it and a picture, maybe something to think about when you are feeling up to it.

Try to look after yourself and try not too be too hard on yourself you did what you thought was right. Take care.

Jen