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Best friend committed suicide


Gary5579

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Hello, I went searching for an online grief support site and google brought me here.  Yesterday morning I got some very devastating news.  My friend of nearly 50 years shot himself.  I had no idea why,  but he had been fighting depression, and he had undergone several back surgeries that left him in constant pain.  I can only guess that his pain got so bad he felt he couldn't take it any more. Since I heard the news I've been in such a fog, and could not get to sleep tonight from thinking about it.  Him and i had lost touch in recent years, but back in the day we both played football in high school and college.  In our youth we hung out, ran around, and had countless mutual friends. He was there for me when my mother passed and I have never forgotten that.  Even though we lost touch a few years ago I can't help but think that maybe there was something I could have done to help him.  I guess it's survivor's guilt, but I feel I have let him down by not keeping in touch.  Ironically, another friend took his own life about 30 yrs ago which makes this even more tragic.  He was also a football teammate of ours, and the 3 of us went to the same college on football scholarships. My 2 friends were roommates in the dorm room beside mine.  Ironically that friend and I also lost touch and I felt the same guilt then as I do now when he passed, thinking maybe I could have done something to help.  I have always had a problem keeping in touch with family and friends, and this makes me feel so guilty for being that way. So I have had 2 good friends take their own life, and I have to wonder what the odds are of that happening to anyone in their lifetime.  I am still in such a state of disbelief, I keep searching for answers but can't come up with a good one.  I think it's going to take a long time before I get over this.  I'm heartbroken.  

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Hey, so I lost a friend a couple months ago. He committed suicide as well. I had never experienced death until then, I had always thought the stages of grief didn’t really happen, but it does. I had gone through denial, anger, all of it. As I am struggling with depression myself, I was sent into a downwards spiral. I realized I needed to move on to acceptance. I went to the wake and said my goodbyes. I don’t know how or why he did it. You never really know with suicide. And you never really get over it, it’s always with you. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of him, but we have to learn to celebrate the life they had. You have to know it isn’t your fault. What they did was a mistake, when people commit suicide, they fail to notice the rest of the lives they are affecting. One thing I’ve learned is that you must never forget them, but you must never live with the burden. 

I am sorry for your loss. I wish the rest of your days well. As long as we remember them, even the long passed are still with us.

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Mianko471

I have recently lost a few people in my life to suicide. Thank you for sharing. I have not yet been able to share mine completely, but your story resonated with me, so I appreciate your words.

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