Members Sunshine Princess Jaelynn Posted May 27, 2018 Members Report Share Posted May 27, 2018 Today we just buried my 4 year old daughter and it was my fault. My fault she died, my fault I and everyone around me is hurting. It was a morning like any other. Getting the kids ready for school. I got them out the door and put my 2 month old son on the car seat. My 8year old sat in the front. I thought my daughter was in the car as well. My son is always the first to be dropped off so off the car he goes. It wasn't until I noticed my daughter wasn't in there. I thought she was hiding from me. I thought omg I left her at the house! I hauled ass home! And there she was, on the ground. I jumped out of my car to her and SCREAMED her name. I got my phone and called 911. The neighbor heard my screams and came to help me. I started cpr and nothing. She wasn't responding. The ambulance finally got there and they pulled me away. I was trembling, screaming, crying. We took off to the hospital where they pronounced her dead. I'm still in shock and traumatized. My kids don't deserve me as a mother. I don't deserve to be a mother. I killed my precious daughter all because I didn't look to see if she was in the damn car. I keep going through that morning over and over and over and over and still I don't understand. I don't wish this ugly guilt and fault upon anyone. It's killing me and I know when it's my time God will punish me. Which he is already doing by making me live with this for the rest of my life. She was beautiful, she was silly, she was smart, she was sassy, her smile lit up the room, she was my Sunshine Princess. And because of my carelessness she's gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted May 27, 2018 Members Report Share Posted May 27, 2018 theguilt my heart goes out to you I am so sorry for the loss of your little princess. I cannot imagine the anguish you feel at believing her loss was down to you but it was a tragic tragic accident. Accidents happen in the blink of an eye and lives are forever altered. You do deserve to be a mother it was not done deliberately and I am so sorry this happened to your family. Right now you are in deep shock and feeling guilt anger and self hatred, the funeral of a child is especially harrowing. Please join us on Loss of an adult child by Mom of Justin the thread at the top of the page with the most views. It is where all bereaved parents join to keep us together in one place to support each other. It is for all bereaved parents regardless of the age of the child or how they passed or how long ago. We sadly walk in the shoes you find yourself in and we understand uniquely because we have all been there and buried a child/children. It is an agony no one understands fully unless they have been through it themself. You do not have to go through this alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted May 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2018 The Guilt my heart is broken for you. Sending you so much love and prayers. I realize nothing any of us say can take away your pain and devastation. Tragic accidents happen in the blink of an eye and have and can happen to ANY of us. They are just that, tragic and an accident. They don’t make sense, there is no understanding why. I am just so devastated for you because no person, or family deserves to go through such a trauma. It does not make you careless or undeserving to be a mother. I’m sure you are an extremely responsible mother who loves your children more than yourself. It makes sense that with 3 children and a routine, that you would think she was in the car. I will pray that you can start to go more gentle on yourself and receive the love, support and understanding that you need and deserve in this unimaginably heart wrenching time. Our hearts are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TRMsmom Posted May 28, 2018 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2018 Your post is heartbreaking. Please, please, please don't blame yourself. I lost my child when he was much older, but I sure remember the days when he and his sister were little and there were lots of days I was operating on autopilot. You establish a routine, you have to. And if you have a two-month old I absolutely know you're sleep deprived -- routine is what we all rely on as parents of young children, especially in those first few months after a new baby arrives. I took my son to school every morning and when his little sister arrived, I continued to do so. And I did those first several months, at least six, on autopilot. I have no specific memory of that time, other than the routine we'd established. I know your heart is broken, I know what that feels like. I feel like my son's death is my fault too. How, as Moms, can't we? We sign up as the primary protector from the time we feel those little bodies moving around inside us. But in spite of giving everything we have to keep them safe, sometimes it's just not enough. Please keep posting. Please stay connected to the rest of us. Please feel my arms around you. Please know that I don't blame you at all. You are a good Mom. You're kids love you and need you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunshine Princess Jaelynn Posted May 29, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2018 Thank you all for hearing my pain and anguish. I feel like my guilt will never go away and at times I don't want to or deserve to live on. But my 2 boys need me and that's what keeps me going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunshine Princess Jaelynn Posted May 29, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted May 29, 2018 This is my beautiful angel Jaelynn. I miss you everyday baby girl. Everyday... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nicole-my grief journey Posted May 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2018 She IS a beautiful angel and you’re so right, your boys need you and you need them. My nephews and niece are what keep me going. Your family is in my thoughts ever since I read your post. I believe in you. Continuing prayers for you. So much love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sunshine Princess Jaelynn Posted May 30, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted May 30, 2018 Thank you, you're in my prayers and thoughts as well. Much love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bea8924 Posted June 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted June 2, 2018 I too lost my 4yr old three weeks ago. Sudden and unexpected, I thought she just had a fever but for some reason she didn't make it. I blame myself cause I should of taken care of her, notice signs that she was getting worse and take her to the doctor. Now I have to live life without her. Have to stay strong for my other 2 kids but scared of what might happen to them and ashamed of my parenting skills. You are not alone in your pain and guilt. I'm here if you are willing to talk, feel free to email me Beatrizn8924@gmail.com. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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