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Our daughter died suddenly aged 22


crazychris

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crazychris
Hi. Chris here from East London aged 58. Going through an absolute nightmare at present as our only daughter, Rachel, 22, died suddenly without having any illness three weeks ago yesterday. She was found collapsed and dead on her bedroom floor. They've released her body but don't have a cause of death yet and think maybe adult death syndrome but are waiting for further tests on the brain and heart. Wasn't suicide and she hadn't taken drugs. We could have a funeral but without those. Who wants to cremate or bury their only child without a brain or heart? So we have to wait up to 4 months. My wife and I are in a living hell and think we'll wake up from a bad dream any second. She'd just graduated last year. She had a boyfriend for 6 years and he's devastated too.

I've suffered from depression all my adult life and now the only thing barely keeping me going is Rachel's little beagle dog as I have to look after it and take her out for her sake. If we hadn't got her I'd end it all today. I know that for certain. My mum died 2 years ago too and my wife and I don't get on but still live together so I have no-one now. I took the dog out earlier today and my legs felt like jelly and I could hardly walk. I can't stop crying and neither can my wife. So young. She was beautiful too, combination of Filipino mum and English dad.

We saw her last Friday and it was the worst time of my life.

 

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Tommy's mum

hi chris I am sorry you lost your young daughter so suddenly. Not having a reason why is almost as awful because your mind demands answers and sometimes there are no answers to give. Sudden adult death syndrome is more common than people realise and is often an undiagnosed heart arrythmia or undiagnosed birth defect somewhere but sometimes there is no definite cause of death. I remember those early days clearly the "Why? Why our child? Why our family?" That terrible disbelief, pain in your chest and screaming soul that is yearning for your lost child. It is important to know that she is not totally gone she is still with you watching over you you just can't see her. You will see and hold her again many years down the line when your time is up, she is not gone forever. Rachel will be so happy you are looking after her precious dog and it will give you something to focus on when everything else is in disarray. I am sorry for the loss of your mum and that your marriage is troubled that does not help you. We all meet on loss of an adult child by Mom of Justin please join us there for support and advice. We are all bereaved parents trying to help each other to navigate through grief which is overwhelming scary and isolating. We all have been where you find yourself through different reasons and ages but gather together to help each other. No one gets it unless you have been through it personally and people move on and try to push parents before they are ready to heal. It takes a long long time to adjust to the gap in the family a precious life that is missed so much but it can and will slowly get easier. Please join us

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My girl is in heaven

Hi Chris. I’m sorry I didn’t see your post earlier. Hope u r still coming on here to read.  Although our stories all differ, yours is almost an exact copy of mine.  Almost 7 years ago my very strong and healthy 17 year old daughter got in the shower. She collapsed and the tub filled up and her official cause of death was accidental drowning but as to what made a perfectly healthy girl collapse, we’ll nothing significant showed up so they say maybe a cardiac arrthymia, but couldn’t say 100% for sure.  I know the total shock and disbelief u r living with. The sheer heartache and devastation.  And I too have my daughters pet the only living link I have of her but hers was a cat.  I too have suffered from depression my childhood and adult life and my husband and I cannot grieve the same way but we still live together too.  I am 57 almost same age as you.  Our stories r so similar, it is kinda eerie.  Sometimes I feel like if it weren’t for my daughters cat I don’t know what to do. I hold onto her pretty tight most times.  You will make it thru Chris. U will learn to weave your grief into this new life.  The one none of us asked to have. Bit by bit u will see a tiny spark of light here and there, only to be thrown back into that hole again with some trigger of remembrance of your daughter.  But u will keep on getting up my friend.  My name is Luanne. I live in Ontario Canada.  My email is ltaylor50@rogers.com . Or I can call you I know u are five hours ahead.  But I will do anything to help u out.  I have been right there in your shoes.  You do not have to walk this journey alone.  Hugs and peace to you and your family.  My daughter is Kira and I know she is welcoming Rachel into heaven.  Please reach out anytime.  Luanne....Kira’s mama. 

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