losing my adopted and real uncle two months apart

[BluesPreacherCreighton]

Hello everyone:

This is going to be along story, but it is something I need help with. My name is Creighton, , and I am a blues musician. I have been through so much the last 7 months, some things including anxiety, hypochondria, paranoia, death, and depression. It all really hit hard for me when I lost my Adopted uncle in October, but before then, I had went through a period of being upset over the rejection of a girl I had feelings for. After his death, it began a period of bad anxiety, hypochondria, self diagnosing, and shock. My adopted uncle and I were so close, he was someone I could turn to for advice, and who I could share my bad sense of humor with, and discuss music, history, and politics with. Here is the story of everything I have been through.

 

October 17th, 2017, it was a day that I will always remember in my life. It seemed like every other day, I was in class at a usual day of high school, I was feeling better then the day before as I had my mom pick me up from school due to me feeling worried I was having a stroke, my doctor told me I was fine and my adopted uncle Jon, he called my mom and asked if I was ok and wanted to come over that day, but, my mom told him not to come over that day. But, during my last class of the day, my mom texted me that my uncle wasn't picking up his phone, and that he had not shown up at work. Afterschool, we decided to go to his apartment, and we talked with the manager of the apartment, he said he saw my uncle last night. we knocked on his door and no one answered, we could here his phone on and we could hear his faucet on. bad thoughts arose in my head. the manager got the key, the door blocked his kitchen. my mom and the apartment manager went in, he looked in the kitchen and closed the door, and my uncle was there lifeless, dead on his floor, against the wall, with the sink on, and his phone on the table, I remember how I jumped up and down and freaked out in the hallway and screamed that he was dead. my hands were going numb and at the sight of him dead. My mom and I were there for quite a few hours while the cops asked us questions. I was shocked. I had lost my best friend and my adopted uncle that day. Then, my paranoia and cyberchondria got worse, I would self diagnose on a daily basis, thinking I was going to die, I thought I was going to die next. It got so bad and I had problems with sleeping and problems with functioning in school correctly. This is not the normal me, I am usually very good. 

 

December 22nd, 2017, winter break had just begun, I was feeling better about life, my cyberchondria was going away, I was not having freak outs anymore, and I was going to my dads house to visit my dads family and see my uncle. Then, things got real bad, my dad was driving in the car, he began cry and told me that my uncle had esophageal cancer and had a slim chance of living, I was shocked and sort of angry. How could my dad tell me this right now? After all the crap I had been through my adopted uncle? I remember seeing my uncle Jimmy as all skin and bone, like a concentration camp survivor, and I remember telling him How much I loved him and he told me he loved me so much. I couldnt believe it. What really tore into me most was December 24th, Sunday, I was on my way to leave to go back home, and my uncle told me that if he didnt make it through  this, he would see me on the other side. I broke down and cried when I got home, then, december 27th, , I got a text that my uncle had died. 

 

Ever since then, I have nothing but extreme paranoia that I am going to die, I have the knowledge that I got from self diagnosing in my head telling me I'll die. I have barely cried at all and today I just cried. All through this time, I have had dreams where my uncle Jon has visited me. my family has been real supportive of me, but I have let this dominate my life. I am accepting that my Uncles are gone, I am accepting that I have to move on with my life and leave an impact on the future. It is just hard when I am a hypochondriac and cant get the idea of death out of my brain. I am hoping to find someone who can relate to my struggles or someone who can help me on here Get through this. 

 

thank you 

Creighton 

[ModKonnie]

Creighton,

I am very sorry about the loss of your uncles; you've gone through much trauma with your losses. 

That being said, you should consider some professional help on dealing with your extreme anxiety you are suffering. While anxiety is perfectly normal during grieving, if yours is getting worse, then it might be time to talk to someone who can direct you. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie