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My dog died I can't get over it. I don't think I wanna live anymore


rari

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I am so sorry for your loss.  My Arlie was my "soulmate in a dog" it was him and I (my husband died 16 years ago this week) and I felt the same as you although he only lived to 11 1/2, I had him since he was nearly one.  25 year old Kitty followed 4 1/2 months later.  My son brought me a puppy, otherwise I do not know how I would have done this last 1 1/2 years during Covid isolation.  He was conceived when Arlie died, born on my birthday, it made me feel my Arlie had a paw in it somehow.

I hope this is of some help to you:
 

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm

 

Dogs get free pass.jpg

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I hear you.  I found you because I googled “is it okay to want to die to be with your dogs?” I am not suicidal, but if I had a terminal illness - I would be okay. If I could die for someone else that had a family, I would trade my life for their death.  I have never had human kids, and being without dogs in my life is miserable. I feel useless, unhappy, and deeply depressed. My “husband-like” friend - aka, boyfriend refuses to let me get another dog and if I do - I will have to leave. Things would be much easier if I could reconnect and be with my dogs. 

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I would not be with a man that "didn't allow dogs,"  just one of my many requirements (of course I'm single)!  I'm sorry he's made this ultimatum, I would be wary of someone who didn't understand what they mean to me!

If it results in your not having will to live or enjoyment in life, I think it's time to reconsider the value of your relationship...JMO.  :wub:  It doesn't sound like he is compromising or flexible, but controlling, a huge red flag to me!

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I lost my sweet girl of 10 years on Tuesday.  Her ears were bothering her, infected, and  she was acting lethargic.  Not herself.     She got sick a couple of times, but I thought it was her ears just bothering her.   She had lost some weight but I didn’t know how much, and we were trying to trim some off to help her knees. 
 

I rushed her to the vet because she stopped eating the night before, even chicken (which was not her at all). 
 

I was horrified to learn she developed a heart murmur (which was treatable) , but the worse news was she had advanced kidney failure and was anemic.   Vet gave her a 5% chance of survival.  
 

I lost it. 

I didn’t have any choice   I had to put her down, and as I asked her if she was done, Harper just laid her head on my arm.  

I went to the vet expecting bad news, but I got the worst.  I came home with a leash and an empty collar.

I feel so guilty that I didn’t recognize how sick she was.   This was the dog the my Mom got us to keep me and her company while I was her in-home caregiver.

Dad and passed of ALS in 2013. I lost my Mom in January 2019 to an infected open wound that wouldn’t heal.  And losing my sweet Harper, Tuesday has just rehashed Mom’s passing on top of that.
 

I’ve always been kind of a loner, and while I have a couple of friends,we don’t talk much.  
 

So the house is very empty now   And it hurts   I miss her so much.  I wish I had gotten her to the vet sooner  but I started a new job with more pay, and longer hours. Trying to improve our lives a bit.  She was smart and had a passage in and out of the house to potty.

it wracks my soul that she was her by herself feeling so bad; I’m having a hard time forgiving myself   
 

Thanks for letting me write   It helps   But I’m still hurting so much.   I feel alone for the first time in my life   

 

Edited by HarpersDad
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I am so sorry for your loss!  It's the hardest thing in the world to lose your baby...I lost mine to cancer nearly two years ago.  I have found that intimate grief has a beginning but not an ending, but it does evolve into something we can eventually carry as the intensity of pain begins to lessen...the loving/missing them does not.    I still miss my Arlie each and every day.  I've lost my husband, parents, grands, sister, niece, nephew, cousin, many friends, 24 dogs & cats, but the hardest being my husband and my Arlie.  Those you are closest to, in your everyday life that you interact with, that are part of your routine, it really hits you.  :(

I've learned to take one day at a time, I can't handle more than that.

 

http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

Not saying this was the case as it's rare, but a warning to dog owners, if left untreated, VCA states "A severe inner ear infection can actually spread to the part of the brain that controls your dog’s breathing and heart rate"  I have a neighbor who has never treated their dog's ear infection and he's deaf from it.

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Quote

Not saying this was the case as it's rare, but a warning to dog owners, if left untreated, VCA states "A severe inner ear infection can actually spread to the part of the brain that controls your dog’s breathing and heart rate"  I have a neighbor who has never treated their dog's ear infection and he's deaf from it.


We were testing it at home with wash, but it just wouldn’t go away.  And before I switched jobs , money was tight.   (Another guilt point). 

When she vomited a couple of times, I thought it was her ears bothering so. 
 

She’s had trouble with them since she was a puppy.    We’d wash and she seemingly felt better.  Would chomp down food   

Little did I know it was masking her kidney issues.  I just wish I knew sooner. 
 

I just miss her physical presence.  She was so sweet for a Cocker.  Even the vet would always say she’s as the calmest Cocker they’d ever worked with.  I was so proud of that.   And so ashamed I missed her illness. 
 

What little family I do have left offered a soft condolence and hasn’t checked in on me since.  Which makes me even more isolated. 

I’m due to fully return to work Monday.  And the drive to and home is just going to be so hard.   I would always put her up on the coach (which she would always move during the day) before I left to make her comfortable.  Not doing that in the morning is going to hurt beyond belief.

 

Thanks for the response   It helps  


 

 

 

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I fight ear infections in my puppy as well...I can't count the $ and times I've taken him to the vet, always in the right ear, it never seems to go away completely, I do my best to keep it in check, always cleaning it out so it doesn't take hold.

I am sorry your family isn't there for you.  It seems to be the case all too often, people don't know what to say so they avoid us.  Every friend we had disappeared pronto when my husband suddenly died.  I realize people that age are not accustomed to death but still, you wouldn't expect this on top of the overwhelming grief.  My family cared but did not have a clue what it was like and I'm sure didn't want to think about iit...it made them realize if it could happen to me, it could happen to them, so they preferred not to think about it.  Even all these years later, they have not a clue what it's like to go through life alone without that person who cares, leaves the garage light on, drives you to/from surgery, remembers your birthday, is your social life, and looks at you with adoring eyes.  That person that helps you bury your pets, shares in chores and income, and snuggles up to you at night.  In lieu of that, my pets are my life and losing them is much like losing him all over again, if that makes any sense.

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Hey @HarpersDad I am SO sorry to read about your loss of sweet Harper. 

It's really hard early on (obviously) with the loss of all the routines we have. I lost my cat very suddenly and with that physical absence you realize a big a role they really are in our daily lives. Everywhere you look there seems to be some memory or some ritual with them. :(  

I am sure today was rough for you. I wish I could say something of comfort. I understand the heartbreak and anguish. So I hope that is of some comfort. This horrible pain feels like it will be life from now on. It won't... but it does take time and patience to grieve such a devastating loss. 

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On 6/28/2021 at 2:56 PM, AJWCat said:

Hey @HarpersDad I am SO sorry to read about your loss of sweet Harper. 

It's really hard early on (obviously) with the loss of all the routines we have. I lost my cat very suddenly and with that physical absence you realize a big a role they really are in our daily lives. Everywhere you look there seems to be some memory or some ritual with them. :(  

I am sure today was rough for you. I wish I could say something of comfort. I understand the heartbreak and anguish. So I hope that is of some comfort. This horrible pain feels like it will be life from now on. It won't... but it does take time and patience to grieve such a devastating loss. 

Thank you.  
 

I got her ashes back today.   The vet had a lobby maintenance issue, and I had to get my girl back through the drive up window.  Like a McDonalds burger.  
 

it wasn’t their fault and they were so apologetic.   But it just added to the hurt.  
 

I don’t know how I made it back home.  I cried from the car to the front door.   
I cried a lot more inside.  
 

But having her back, even as a box of ashes has brought a lot of comfort.  

I don’t have to worry about leaving her behind.  I know she’s HOME.  And not in a box in the yard.  Where I can’t see her.  It’s brought some peace.  
 

I’m still sad and still miss the fire out of her.  And would trade just about anything to get her back. But she’s back home.  And I can take her anywhere, just like when she was here. 
 

Thank you all for allowing me to post. It helps.   And it probably won’t be my last.  I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be a blubbering mess again. 
 

 

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20 minutes ago, HarpersDad said:

Thank you.  
 

I got her ashes back today.   The vet had a lobby maintenance issue, and I had to get my girl back through the drive up window.  Like a McDonalds burger.  
 

it wasn’t their fault and they were so apologetic.   But it just added to the hurt.  
 

I don’t know how I made it back home.  I cried from the car to the front door.   
I cried a lot more inside.  
 

But having her back, even as a box of ashes has brought a lot of comfort.  

I don’t have to worry about leaving her behind.  I know she’s HOME.  And not in a box in the yard.  Where I can’t see her.  It’s brought some peace.  
 

I’m still sad and still miss the fire out of her.  And would trade just about anything to get her back. But she’s back home.  And I can take her anywhere, just like when she was here. 
 

Thank you all for allowing me to post. It helps.   And it probably won’t be my last.  I’m sure by tomorrow I’ll be a blubbering mess again. 
 

 

I am truly sorry for your loss, I know just how much sweet Harper meant to you as I am still deeply grieving for my darling Payton. He left me March 12th at 1130am and my life took a deep dive down in grief and I am not just taking it hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute. Like you I also have my Payton's ashes here at home with all his toys and bedding and even his meds are still in the same container as mine........I don't know if it helps or not yet I talk to him out loud each day and tell him he is still my warrior and I love and miss him with all my heart. I like to think he is in heaven and hears me and is looking down on me. I know in my heart and soul  I will never ever forget him and I pray someday till we meet again.  Take care and may blessing come your way.

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I'm glad you have her ashes with you.  I was going to get mine cremated until I found out in my county they do them in batches so you may or may not get your own.  I elected to bury them in my backyard, it looks like a cemetary with all of the memorial stones, but they're all there, one right next to the other, including my husband's ashes.  It's where I want mine to be someday.  This is the place I've lived my life, for the last 44 years.

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My little Buttercup passed away the first Saturday of December 2020.  It was a sudden illness, and I had to rush her to the ER to put her to sleep.  I couldn't go in with her.  She was my service dog, my soulmate, my reason to live.  It is almost the end of July and I feel the same way since she left which is I don't want to be in a world without her.  Her ashes hang in a necklace over me every day, but I can't stop crying or living my life anymore.

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I am so sorry for your tremendous loss.  :wub:  It seems to me the cruelest most inhumane thing in the world to not let someone be with their dog when they pass, it makes me angry at those that don't care enough to sanitize afterwards, such little effort on their part and what a huge thing it'd mean to you.  Most of the vets are allowing it now for euthanasia.

My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you've found this site.  Please come here any time, there are others here that "get it."  I lost my beautiful sweet Arlie (cancer) 8/16/19 and it's forever etched into my brain.  The vet botched it royally, he went out in severe pain all because he was under anesthetized due to their scale being way off...the last look on his face was one of excruciating pain.  It breaks my heart to think of it.  To them it was just another dog, to me, he was my soulmate in a dog, my best friend, the best dog I ever had!  My heart.

Having lost my other soulmate, my husband George, 16 years ago, I knew I'd have to get through this much the same way and it's not an easy road, I won't lie to you.  It's one day at a time.  Ironically, the article I wrote helping others through loss of spouse lists getting a dog.  So what do you do when it's your dog you've lost?  Perhaps giving another one a bid on life someday, it's not the same, it does NOT replace your dog, never!  But it does help fill a void and give you some love in your life.  My son brought me a puppy a few months later...I guess he was worried about me...now he knows I'll do everything I can to stay alive to take care of my little one.  The same as I did for my Arlie.

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

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Just lost our 11 year old mini schnauzer early Monday morning at a local animal hospital. Had pancreatitis or peritonitis, plus murmur went to level 6 from 4. Got lethargic so fast, Im reeling, feel like I missed something. I miss our dog, he was everything to wife and I , just the 2 of us and him. So cute, 9 lbs.

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George, I am so sorry you lost your beloved dog, I lost my Arlie over two years ago, I don't know how I survived, much the same way as when I lost my husband.  I wrote about my dog's life and also his cancer journey, it helped, kind of a way of immortalizing him, I never want him to be forgotten.  I live alone so he was my companion, my best friend, my everything, so I get it.

Do you have a picture you can share of him?

 

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Katherine Arlene

Reading the comments here has really made me feel less alone. I truly believe my Sophie is my soulmate. When I was 13, I convinced my mom to let me get a little dog. I checked obsessively online until I finally found the perfect little girl for me. When I met her she was a 2 month old, tiny, 2lb, lil black and tan pomeranian/chihuahua mix. My whole life has revolved around her for 11 & 1/2 years.

I lost her a little over a week ago, on Christmas Eve morning. She was normal and happy the day before, running around and doing tricks for some chicken I boiled for her. Around 11pm on the 23rd I went to cuddle her and I noticed that she seemed to be breathing really shallow and fast. I've always had a lot of anxiety surrounding her health, so I couldn't tell if I was imagining things. When I saw my husband's reaction, I knew it was real. We rushed her to the emergency vet. They took her back to check on her, and when they brought her back, I felt like the news they gave me ended my whole world. My sweet little Soph was in heart failure. I still can't believe it. I'm so confused... It was all so sudden and I can't process it. They told me she could have 6 months, maybe even a year or two more with medication. My heart was crushed, but I was already planning to take her home and give her the best last days I could. They kept her overnight to give her oxygen and try to treat her. I went home and curled up in bed holding her two favorite toys and just begging the universe to let me keep my baby. I stayed up sobbing until I finally managed to somehow cry myself to sleep. The emergency vet called me at 7AM, just after I'd woken up to my alarm and as I was reaching to call them to check on my girl. He told me Sophie had only gotten worse and they recommended I let her go. It was so hard, but I couldn't let my baby suffer. I got there as soon as I could and spent the last moments of her life with her. She was too busy focusing on trying to breathe to even be able to acknowledge I was there. I feel traumatized after holding the love of my life in my arms as she passed. I am so broken. I would've done anything, payed anything, but there was nothing they could do to save my girl.

I feel so guilty. I wish I had spent more quality time with her and done all of her favorite things with her. I feel guilty for moving across the country with her earlier that month and putting her through stress she didn't need. My husband is in the army and stationed on the east coast, so I took her away from Arizona, the house she knew best and all her other family members who love her. They didn't get to say goodbye. My dad made me feel so guilty. I called him before I went to say goodbye to her and he begged me not to do it. I don't understand what he wanted me to do... I would never forgive myself if I had let Sophie suffer. But I already feel like I can't forgive myself for what happened. And I feel angry. I am angry at the dismissive people who don't understand the hole she left in my heart. I am tired of feeling invalidated because she was a dog. I love her more than any of the humans I have ever loved. Why don't they think that counts? It makes it so hard to get support. I'm feeling alone and wishing I could've just gone with her because I don't know how to exist without her. I wouldn't hurt myself, but I wish I could just hit an off switch and go join her. I've lost pets in the past and they were all devastating, but none of them hurt like my Sophie girl. People around me keep trying to relate to me by telling me about the dogs they have lost, but it's not the same. I don't think they understand just how much I relied on her and how my world truly revolved around her. More than a special dog, she is my whole heart.

I am still in shock. I have to keep reminding myself that it's real and not just a bad dream. I've been carrying her two favorite toys with me everywhere I go. I feel like I can't put them down. I still need my little shadow following me around and going through all the ups and downs with me. It hurts that she's not here to lick my tears and keep me going. Ugh. Even if no one reads this, it feels good to say it.. And to see people who feel the same way about the loss of their soul dog. Thank you for posting your experiences and making me feel a little bit okay.

 

 

 

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I am so sorry, she is beautiful and sweet you can tell from her eyes, her face, they say eyes are the pathway to the soul, I believe it.  My heart goes out to you in your loss.  I hope this brings you some measure of comfort and peace...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

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