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Donna C

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HI I lost my 22 year old daughter in November 26, 2017. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on November 1st. I miss her so much. She had got pnemonia and then 1 bad thing after another. She ended up on a lung bypass but sepsis took her life. The baby is doing well. Yes I do have a reminder of her. But she is my granddaughter not my daughter. I love that baby so much. But I hurt down to my soul with pain of this loss of my daughter. I am crying inside all the time and I really want to scream at the top of my lungs. I will never get over her. My life has forever changed. As far as getting better with this. That statement is a joke to me. I don’t think my husband understands the magnatude of my grief even though I realize he hurts and maybe he does it in a different way. It’s been hard to get through the days but I pray and ask god for help. I do have some good days. It’s hard to put on a I am doing fine everyday when on the inside I am falling apart and I know this affects my family too. I am just rambling. I am just at loss and miss my baby girl and I don’t know what to do with me.

Donna C

 

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donnac firstly sorry for your loss. A grandbaby is a joyous thing to have but in the circumstances must be very painful. I guess you feel conflicted with emotions excited to see her grow but angry she won't have her Mom, joy at being a grandmother but grief that you lost a daughter, constant emotional battles. Your girl was so young but her baby survived and you will be a really important figure in her life as you can tell her all about her Mom as she grows up. I imagine your son in law is feeling very similar to you and perhaps you can lean on each other at this sad time. Men do grieve differently, the most common ways they demonstrate grief is in anger or withdrawal almost an indifference. That does not mean they are not also crying inside and privately as they are expected to be the strong one the head of the family. You are correct your life will never be the same it will always be in 2 parts before and after and you find your personality and how you deal with things also changed. It is not a metamorphosis that we expect or want but we have to change in order to cope with the loss. There will forever be a sadness in your soul a yearning to have your child back because you are a Mom and that's what we do, but in time, a long time you will learn to use that pain and lost love and put it to good use, giving to others in your daughter's memory. We all meet on Loss of an Adult child thread at the top of the page the one with over 2million views. Click on that thread and go to the last page and post on there. We are all parents who have lost a child and have had a lot of newbies all join at once so trying to catch everyone and redirect them so we are all in one place together. You are not alone ok?

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