Jump to content

Find out how to register Here!!

Check out how to register on the site!.

Share Your Loved One's Pictures

In our beautiful Gallery

Grief Support Marketplace

Check Our New Products In The Marketplace

Take Grieving.com on the Go!

Buy on Apple and Google Play
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×
jillian_clark_12117

The man I love took his own life

Recommended Posts

jillian_clark_12117

I am not sure how this works. I've never posted on anything like this before. I guess I am just looking for reassurance that I am not alone. 

Two weeks ago, my closest friend and the boy that I love took his life. I feel so distraught. I pushed him away a few months ago because I have a lot going on in my personal and academic life and couldn't quite handle our relationship at the time. He did it on our anniversary. I feel like no one around me can relate to what I'm going through and I just want people who understand. I want to know that time helps and that I won't always feel as lost as I do right now. I can't imagine getting through a few hours without missing him and feeling an empty pit in my heart and I need to know that this won't last forever. Our friends just seem to be okay and I don't understand how. I want to feel okay too and I want to stop blaming myself and feeling like it's all my fault but I just don't see that ever happening

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ModKonnie

I am so very sorry about the loss of the young man you loved. As much as you may find this hard to believe right now, time really does lessen the sharpness of the pain you are feeling. The empty, sickening feeling will fade. People deal with grief in many different ways; sometimes, people deal with grief by pretending they haven't been affected, while others fall apart openly. 

Stop blaming yourself for his death. It was his decision. You may need to really talk to a professional to deal with the intense trauma you have suffered over this. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jillian ~

i am sorry beyond words for your lost !

every question, concern about how you can live beyond the total trauma of a suicide loss ~~~~ 

are all founded concerspns. And all you hope and think are true. 

One day things will be different.

this will take TIME

Give urself time

i musekf have lost two sons and one to suicide.

i know tooooo well your feelings of guilt.  Feelings that some how it was ur fault.  And somehow you coulda done something. 

Well this is one of the things I've learned.  And it took TIME.

" This is a statement ~ do I really think anyone has the power of life or death over another persons choice to live or die?"

anyway for now I just want to let u know you are not alone.     It takes time because as far as you are concerned it's so new...ur in what I labeled for my self as I looked back.  The outa your mind with GREIF stage..

and what I know is suicide loss is the worst if loss COUKD be measured. 

The first year is mostly shock and all that goes with GREIF. 

The second year us harder cause it's more real. 

Anyway. 

Be gentle with yourself

do whatever YOU MUST to survive no matter what others say

stay away from people who add to your pain..

all for now

im hear .. I've walked in your shoes.

RAiNiE

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader

Dear Jillian,

I am very sorry for your pain and sorrow. I know its devastating and an extremely difficult time.

Everything you are thinking and feeling is part of the grief. Every one of us asks but what could I have done? It's only because we loved the person so much, but in reality there was nothing we could have done. I know this hurts a lot.

Please know you are not alone. And if you want to consider grief counselling or accessing resources in the community or through church.

Take care. Thinking of you. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jillian_clark_12117

Thank you all for your kind words. I am so very appreciative of the support and advice you are providing. I am also deeply sorry for any losses that you all have experienced. 

I am seeing a therapist twice a week to talk through some of my emotions which is helpful. This has hit me unbelievably hard I think because all of the deaths I've experienced have been older family members- and not especially sudden or unexpected. This being not only unanticipated but also someone my age (early 20's) and someone so close to me that I loved unconditionally leaves me so speechless and bewildered. I have just been working toward a normal routine with classes etc. 

I started a journal dedicated to Jake and write in it regularly- me and him used to leave each other notes all the time and hand write letters to each other so it feels pretty fitting. I also plan on visiting his resting place for the first time this weekend. 

Thank you again for just reading my post and being supporters. You all have no idea how much it means to me to read your words.

Jillian

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader

Dear Jillian,

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing.

Please know we are all here.

Thinking of you. Sending you love and hugs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Roberto

Hi,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved girlfriend to suicide about a year ago. It was brutal. I didn't see it coming nor did her doctors. I couldn't help her out, even with all the love I had for her. It has been an annus horribilis last year. I thought it was never going to end. But it does, believe me, it does and what remains are the wonderful moments she gave me with all her heart. I felt a lot of guilt, I believed the whole world was guilty. I had a few good friends I could share my pain with, and I thank them. I wrote, I wrote everything that went through my mind, I talked to the walls, I refused to see a therapist, I talked to her each single day to let her know that I love her and that I'm not angry at her. I drew her, I painted her (I used to paint her when she was alive and she was a wonderful model). There is nothing I could do to prevent her suicide, unless I put her under a suicide watch 24hours a day. And if everyone would kill themselves each time their partner is a little bit self centered, which had been my case because of a heavy work schedule, there wouldn't be any one on this planet left. So it's NOT your fault. You are probably the one who touched him the most. The pain will go away, but you will still miss him. But the pain will go away. Hope it helps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.