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Aurorad2405

Mum passed away suddenly

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Aurorad2405

On January 3rd, 2018 my mum passed away at the age of 49. No one expected it and it was so sudden. We didn’t find out until almost three weeks later that she passed away from a brain aneurysm. I’ve lost my best friend. It doesn’t feel real though. Even after the service and then her viewing, it doesn’t feel real. It feels like she will come around again and she’s just on some sort of vacation. It has been just over a month and I have to go back to my life in Ontario tomorrow (my family lives in BC.) I don’t feel ready to go back, but I have to go on with my life. I need people to talk to that aren’t in my family because everyone is grieving a different person. 

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ModKonnie

I am so very sorry about the loss of your mom. You have come to the right place to find people to talk to. You may want to also post in "Loss of a Parent." There are many people in that forum who can offer you support and encouragement as you begin to put your life back together. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie

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reader

Dear Aurora,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved mum.

I know its been a few months. How are you feeling?

I know what you mean about needing to have someone to talk with. Please know we here with you.

Thinking of you.

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Pmarie

I am so sorry. Losing my beloved mother was one of the most painful experiences of my life. We were the best of friends! At first I was in total shock, like you. It couldn’t possibly be real! Someone at her memorial service even said they were surprised I “was taking it so well,” when I absolutely wasn’t!! I was so numb and in protective denial for about 8 months and it was horrible. The nightmare was always pushing in the back of my mind wherever I went and whatever I would do. It took a long time after that to process it and keep recycling through the different stages of grief. I just now noticed this is an older post and you may not read it, but hopefully it will help someone else. Each death is different, but mine was a very long path to even find some resolution and for a long time I felt no mental peace. But I believe nature has wired our brains to eventually heal, and it will happen when it is time. We can not control grief, nor predict its duration, we can only follow the path till it leads out of the thickest darkness.

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StreamingTheLight
On 2/17/2019 at 3:47 AM, Pmarie said:

I am so sorry. Losing my beloved mother was one of the most painful experiences of my life. We were the best of friends! At first I was in total shock, like you. It couldn’t possibly be real! Someone at her memorial service even said they were surprised I “was taking it so well,” when I absolutely wasn’t!! I was so numb and in protective denial for about 8 months and it was horrible. The nightmare was always pushing in the back of my mind wherever I went and whatever I would do. It took a long time after that to process it and keep recycling through the different stages of grief. I just now noticed this is an older post and you may not read it, but hopefully it will help someone else. Each death is different, but mine was a very long path to even find some resolution and for a long time I felt no mental peace. But I believe nature has wired our brains to eventually heal, and it will happen when it is time. We can not control grief, nor predict its duration, we can only follow the path till it leads out of the thickest darkness.

Pmarie,

you described a lot of what I’m feeling and going through. I’m at the 7 month mark of losing my mother. She was my everything. I find it hard to get out of bed every day. It’s hard to find meaning and reason to keep going forward, but I am trying every day and hoping I will find purpose again. I go to therapy and acupuncture, but I’ve yet to really care about anything since she is gone. I keep telling myself that this will change, I just have to keep going, but I’m not so sure sometimes. It’s so painful. There are SO MANY feelings inside of me and I feel so heartbroken. Thanks for sharing your experience. Sending a hug your way.

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Pmarie

Dear Streaming the Light, My deepest condolence to you and your irreplaceable loss of your mother. I am presently also suffering the loss of a long term relationship with my boyfriend who very recently died, too. I don’t know how life expects me to endure all this. I had broken up with him right after my mom died, as I just felt I was too unstable and could not handle hardly anything. When he came back into my life again, unexpectedly, I was still suffering greatly over the loss of my mother, but felt very grateful he had returned. I missed him so much. His return was a huge blessing to me and he helped soothe some of the massive grief of losing my beloved mom. I felt a bit of light in my dark life once again, but now he is also gone. I feel like this has double hit has given me severe and chronic depression. It makes me realize how alone we all really are in life. I have a hard time getting out of bed again, too. To get dressed is an extreme effort. At your seven months, I was still in huge shock I had lost my mother who was my everything. I went through four years of living in a trance. I knew I would never again be the same. The very moment she died, I just knew it. It was all so nightmarish. Life, for me, was over. I only wished to die. Her death changed me forever. I’ve become a different person than before. That was over five years ago and I’m still not the same person. My advice to you is to live for the small moments of happiness that will come your way, no matter how fleeting. In time, only the good memories of your dear mother will be there and they will be a source of great comfort. Her love will never ever leave you, she’s alive within you. Be good to yourself, because you even have her precious  DNA. Thus, being good to yourself means that you are also being good to her. My mother has now internalized her presence within me, it feels likes she’s with me somewhere inside of myself. I even notice I’m becoming more like her, which feels very comforting to me. Strangely, she no longer feels so far away. I feel her strength and love right inside me as if she is sharing my body as a very welcomed guest. I am trying to live my life in ways she would be proud of, something I never really thought about before. Sometimes I think we love someone even much, much more after they die and that kind of super love is so sacred. It took me four years of nightmarish hell to get to this point. You are still so early in your journey (as I am, with my boyfriend who I just lost). Please let me know how you are doing.

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