Members SAMANTHA ANT'S MA Posted February 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2018 THE PAIN IS SO UNBEARABLE, MY HEART IS SHADDERED I FEEL SO DEAD & EMPTY INSIDE. I WILL MISS MY SON FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.. ON JANUARY 12, 2018 MY 30 YEAR OLD SON ANTHONY PASSED AWAY IN A TRAGIC CAR ACCIDENT. THE ACCIDENT HAPPENED LESS THEN A MILE FROM OUR HOME. MY LIFE CHANGED THAT MORNING FOR EVER. I AM SO BROKEN. I WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW TO GET UP & OUT OF BED. I AM TRYING REALLY HARD I AM. MY SON WAS A WONDERFUL MEEK MAN & AN AWSOME FATHER. I MISS ANTHONY SO MUCH. THE MORE TIME GOES BYE THE HARDER IT SEEM'S TO GET. MY SON WAS THE REASON I EVER PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER NOW IT HAS ALL DISAPPEARED. I GOT PG VERY YOUNG & FOUGHT VERY HARD TO KEEP MY SON. I FELT MY SON WAS MY PURPOSE OF THIS LIFE. I FELT MY SON MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY. NOW ITS ALL GONE. WERE DO I GO FROM HERE? THE PAIN IS SO UNBEARABLE, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE JOURNEY GOD PUT IN FRONT OF ME ? I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HAS HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY & I . I KEEP WISHING THIS WILL ALL GO AWAY. I FIND MYSELF ASKING GOD TO PLEASE BRING MY SON BACK OR TAKE ME WERE HE'S AT. I MISS HIM SO MUCH. EVERYONE SAYS HE NOT GONE, BUT I SEE HIM NO WHERE. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GONE FOREVER & I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TOUCH OR KISS HIM AGAIN. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROCESS THIS. WHEN A MOMENT OF SLICENCE HITS ME, I CAN HEAR HIS SCREAMS, I WISH I COULD OF SAVED HIM. I WISH I WAS THERE TO HELP HIM. I WISH THERE SOMETHING I COULD HAVE DONE. MY BODY GOS NUM, A FEELING I NEVER FELT IN LIFE COME OVER ME. I THOUGHT I HAD ALREADY VISITED HELL IN THIS LIFE TIME BUT I GUESS I WAS FAR FROM IT. I HOPE ONE DAY I WILL CRAWL THEN WALK AGAIN, CAUSE AT THE MOMENT I CAN'T EVEN SIT TO SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. FOREVER BROKEN Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michaels Mom Posted February 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2018 I am so sorry Samantha . No one should have to endure what you are enduring. Please know that the sharing on this site has gotten me through these last few months. They, and I, have felt that pain. We are here to love you unconditionally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SAMANTHA ANT'S MA Posted February 4, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2018 MICHAEL'S MOM THANK YOU. I SEND MY CONDOLENCES TO U & YOUR FAMILY FOR YOUR GREAT LOST. I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FIND SOMEONE WHO FELT THIS PAIN. JUST LEARNING HOW TO WORK THIS WEBSITE . I NEVER BEEN ON SOCIAL MEDIA IN MY LIFE. I NEEDED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ANYONE WHO UNUNDERSTANDS THIS PAIN. I HAVE SEEN THREE DIFFERENT THERAPISTS. NONE OF THEM WHERE ANY HELP. I AM SO SICK OF PEOPLE TELLING ME THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BETTER GIVE IT TIME. I FEEL NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES I WILL NEVER BE BETTER WITH OUT MY SON ANTHONY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted February 4, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2018 Samantha, I am so sorry for you and your family on the loss of your son Anthony. There is nothing else in this world that is harder than the loss of a child. Every part of your being is shaken and your world crumbles with you. You are only 3 weeks out from this life altering tragedy. You are probably doing so many "what ifs' in your mind. Just take it one day (or one hour or one minute) at a time. I know you feel like you can never live through this pain but you will. But think about only getting through the next minute. It is a rough and rocky road ahead. The early days, weeks and eventually months of grieving a child is like no other and can be equated to a thought you deem too unbearable to think. It can be filled with blocks of denial, and visions of moments and days when it just doesn’t seem. We want so desperately to be able to go back in time and change the outcome. At some point the shock wears off even just a little and it does start to feel real and sometimes even more difficult and then there are whole moments and days when the pain is almost unbearably real. But you will survive, your life is forever altered but you will survive. That sounds impossible now but don't think about the future think about the next minute, the next hour. That is all you can handle right now. The most active thread in this forum is Loss of an Adult Child. Please come and join us there. You will find it under the Loss of a Child. Click on Loss of an Adult Child and click to the last page which is currently around 2485. At the end of that page you can place a post and it will be seen by the active members. (Michael's Mom, I hope you will also find your way there). We have people who have lost their child/children at various ages and a few of them lost teenagers, some babies and some in adulthood. It is an active thread. I am just over 3 years on this journey and this group has been a lifeline for me. I still cry everyday and not a moment passes that I don't think of my son but sometimes I feel a small moment of comfort. I have a long way to go but after interacting with this forum I now find the word hope is not as foreign as it was. It takes a lot of time to heal. Samantha, you are not alone. There are kind, compassionate people on this thread who have walked in your shoes and still are. Peace and comfort to you and your family. Grief always lasts longer than the people around you expect it to. It doesn't have a timeline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SAMANTHA ANT'S MA Posted February 4, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2018 Thank You. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted February 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 i feel the same way. i am so sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rebekahs mom Posted February 7, 2018 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2018 Samantha, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand every emotion you are going through. Hopefully in the community online we can help support each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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