Loss of 44 yr old son

[MargeeTx]

Dear Tommy's MOM:   I hope this is the right forum.  Again , thank you for responding to me.  Yesterday, Jason's twin was able to contact one of Jason's friends and she sent us a bunch of pictures.  WOW .  These pictures are most current of him, and though my heart is broken, I keep going back and looking at these.  And what you mentioned about Jason having the God given wherewithal to get off to the side of road prevented any type is accident that would have hurt others is something that does help my heart.   I haven't worked in hospice for the past 9 years and retired about 1 and 1/2 years ago.   I have fairly severe A-FIB and of course my EKG's have been wild today. I have a digital system set up with my doctor and he just calls and tells me.....". Ok, if your heart rate does not come down from 150, call 911 and go to ER." I just feel dizzy, shakes, and weird.  

Is it permissible to post a photo here?  Just wondering.   Still no tears.  At all.  Why?

again.   Thank you....    margeetx

[Tommy's mum]

margeetx it is the right forum but not the right thread you choose to post on Mom of justin's thread not the one you started but its ok to do it here, Dizzy shakes and weird also is shock but your afib does not help. Your body gets flooded with adrenaline and you feel in a sense of panic constantly that is normal for grief. some people are unable to cry for a long time because your body is trying to keep it all together when your mind and heart have been blown apart. The tears will come when they do and then you wonder if they will ever ever stop. Then you can get periods of tears then anger then injustice then sadness and the crazy cycle goes on. I promise you are not going mad and do not tell yourself you are a bad mom for not crying, in grief we are not in control at all. By all means post photos it would be nice to meet your son Jason.