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My dog drowned last night and I feel so much guilt and shame


Ciel

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About a year ago, my 15-year-old dog fell in the pool while outside alone and nearly drowned. The vet said he was developing dementia and that offered an explanation for some strange behaviors we'd noticed in him (like having a hard time navigating the house and backyard, not being able to find his food, etc). He pulled through the near-drowning incident and ever since then, we watch him closely when he's outside and he's never left alone for more than a minute or two at a time. Last night, I let him out and was watching him. He found his leftover dinner bowl and laid down and started eating his food. He's old and has a lot of trouble with his legs and eating takes him a while. I stood there for a minute and then went inside to get a drink. I peeked out the window at him and he was still eating, so I fixed a snack and looked out again and he wasn't at his bowl. I went outside to check on him and there he was in the pool. He was no longer swimming, but the water was moving as if he just was. I pulled him out and he was still alive, but not struggling, just calm. I tried reviving him the best I knew how and felt his body go completely limp and just knew he was gone. He died in my arms, which I'm grateful for, but I'm overwhelmed with guilt and shame for what happened and my negligence. I feel completely responsible for what happened. Had this been the first time he fell in the pool, I feel it would be more forgivable, but I just don't know how I'm going to forgive myself for this. I'm still in shock that he's gone and in shock over how he died. His health was definitely going down hill over the past 6 months, and we've talked many times about putting him down, but I haven't been able to bring myself to have him euthanized. I was waiting for his health to really force my hand, and then this happened and I just feel so incredibly awful. I don't know how I'll ever get the images of seeing him in the pool out of my head. I feel tormented.

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This post has broken my heart I'm so so sorry, I wish I had words to comfort you. I'm new to the site after losing my cat and find the comfort on here has been overwhelming. I don't usually struggle for words but my heart goes out to you xx

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Ciel,

It is so hard, I'm very sorry for your loss.  I'm glad he went peaceably.  He was 15 and you were likely to lose him any time, I've never had a dog live longer than that, but even so I know that's not much consolation, bottom line is you're missing him.  Feeling guilt is a part of grief.  We feel we should be able to protect them, save them from anything and when we can't, we blame ourselves, that's a normal part of grief, but it doesn't mean you deserve to feel that way.  I hope these articles will be of help to you, the first one especially means a lot to me.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

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26 minutes ago, KayC said:

Ciel,

It is so hard, I'm very sorry for your loss.  I'm glad he went peaceably.  He was 15 and you were likely to lose him any time, I've never had a dog live longer than that, but even so I know that's not much consolation, bottom line is you're missing him.  Feeling guilt is a part of grief.  We feel we should be able to protect them, save them from anything and when we can't, we blame ourselves, that's a normal part of grief, but it doesn't mean you deserve to feel that way.  I hope these articles will be of help to you, the first one especially means a lot to me.
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

Thank you so much KayC. That article on Guilt being the villain was very helpful. I've been searching for perspective and that is something I will go back to again as I work through this. Thank you for your kind words!

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2 hours ago, Jencatlover said:

This post has broken my heart I'm so so sorry, I wish I had words to comfort you. I'm new to the site after losing my cat and find the comfort on here has been overwhelming. I don't usually struggle for words but my heart goes out to you xx

Thank you for your thoughtfulness, Jencatlover!

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Ciel, this is so so sad, but you have no reason to blame yourself, I know this might sound weird (my head has been going to lots of weird places just lately) but do you think your boy maybe felt it was his time?  I was thinking about something KayC said in a post recently about a cat she had that took himself off to die when he knew it was his time, elephants also do the same.  You say your boys health was failing, he was old and maybe he felt it was time,  you also said he was peaceful and died in your arms which  I think is actually lovely and probably how he wanted to go.  I know this won't ease the pain you feel nothing will, take care of yourself and post here it really does help, the people here are so lovely and really do understand.

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I'm very sorry for your loss but I'm glad that your dog got to live a long and happy life.

I can relate. My dog's heart gave up all of a sudden over the weekend. We think it's because she was a very nervous dog and that the fear that she'd faced in her life had weakened her heart. I feel like I should have taken her fear more seriously and pushed for tests and such, to see of it was having any ill effects on her health.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're at fault. You wanted to extend your time with your best friend; that's understandable. it sounds like you were very careful, but you can't watch them every second of the day; it was a terrible accident. 

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22 hours ago, Sarah&Ava said:

You say your boys health was failing, he was old and maybe he felt it was time,  you also said he was peaceful and died in your arms which  I think is actually lovely and probably how he wanted to go.

That thought had occurred to me also but I didn't know how to word it, you said it perfectly.  

22 hours ago, KMacDW said:

My dog's heart gave up all of a sudden over the weekend. We think it's because she was a very nervous dog and that the fear that she'd faced in her life had weakened her heart.

My dog has separation anxiety.  My previous dog was scared all her life.  I just read this article this morning, and for any of you dealing with anxiety in your dogs, it's worth reading.
https://www.aspca.org/pet-care/dog-care/common-dog-behavior-issues/separation-anxiety

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On 1/23/2018 at 12:41 PM, KMacDW said:

I'm very sorry for your loss but I'm glad that your dog got to live a long and happy life.

I can relate. My dog's heart gave up all of a sudden over the weekend. We think it's because she was a very nervous dog and that the fear that she'd faced in her life had weakened her heart. I feel like I should have taken her fear more seriously and pushed for tests and such, to see of it was having any ill effects on her health.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're at fault. You wanted to extend your time with your best friend; that's understandable. it sounds like you were very careful, but you can't watch them every second of the day; it was a terrible accident. 

Thank you Kmac! I'm sorry to hear you also lost your dog. Guilt is a powerful enemy. Don't let it get in the way of your grieving and healing. Over the past few days I've been able to pull myself together enough to really think about all the happy memories I had with my dog and how his suffering is over and he is at peace. I've come to realize there is no point in me putting myself through this torture and suffering when he is at peace. I'm trying to focus on all the good. I hope you can do the same about your girl. It's just so hard when it hurts to not have them around any longer.

On 1/23/2018 at 12:38 PM, Sarah&Ava said:

Ciel, this is so so sad, but you have no reason to blame yourself, I know this might sound weird (my head has been going to lots of weird places just lately) but do you think your boy maybe felt it was his time?  I was thinking about something KayC said in a post recently about a cat she had that took himself off to die when he knew it was his time, elephants also do the same.  You say your boys health was failing, he was old and maybe he felt it was time,  you also said he was peaceful and died in your arms which  I think is actually lovely and probably how he wanted to go.  I know this won't ease the pain you feel nothing will, take care of yourself and post here it really does help, the people here are so lovely and really do understand.

Thank you Sarah&Ava. He had definitely been struggling lately and I knew his time would come soon. I'm comforted thinking that he is not in anymore pain and he's at peace. I just miss him so much.

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18 hours ago, Ciel said:

Thank you Kmac! I'm sorry to hear you also lost your dog. Guilt is a powerful enemy. Don't let it get in the way of your grieving and healing. Over the past few days I've been able to pull myself together enough to really think about all the happy memories I had with my dog and how his suffering is over and he is at peace. I've come to realize there is no point in me putting myself through this torture and suffering when he is at peace. I'm trying to focus on all the good. I hope you can do the same about your girl. It's just so hard when it hurts to not have them around any longer.

Thank you. I've found it gets easier day by day. I feel Kaci would want me to keep pressing forward and remember the happy times, rather than dwelling on her death, something that ultimately no one could have foreseen. Yesterday I was able to swipe through some photos of her and only think happy thoughts. 

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I know how sad you are but good to read this. When you can look at photos and have happy memories, I feel like that is a big step. It's so easy to wallow in guilt and regret and it really holds us back from being able to grieve and to remember. I did that for way too long.

 

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I just lost my precious dog in almost the exact same scenario two days ago. I am devastated and the grief and guilt is overwhelming me. Our little Zoe was 20 years old, deaf and blind. We had her from a tiny little pup. She too had fallen in the pool before, but landed on a step so she was ok. How could I not have taken the first lucky instance more serious? I tried to keep an eye on her, but I failed and she paid the price. I cannot stop crying and picturing it in my head. Imaging her panic and last moments. I would love to know how you are now and how long it was before you felt some peace with it all. 

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The originator of this thread has not been back since January and it was a year after the fact when they wrote here, so I think that answers your question...besides which each person is individual with their grief response just as every relationship is also unique.  Do not let someone else's experience hinder your healing though.  I am very sorry for your loss!  This feels the hardest thing we can go through!  I lost my Arlie (cancer) 14 months ago, it's hard for me to believe this time has gone by and I'm still here, I did not see how I could live without him, it's very much like when I lost my husband 15 years ago.  I've had 25 dogs and cats plus parakeets, pigeons, chickens, but Arlie was the one who was my soulmate in a dog, he was my beloved, perfect for me, so smart, goofy, fun, I miss him with all my heart.  I hate that their lives are so short (he was 11 1/2) no amount of time would have been enough for me.  I look forward to being with him again, and that gets me through...

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
It is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and it continues still.

I hope this brings you some comfort and peace:

 

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Thank you for your comment. I saw that the original post was from 2018, but the loss of their pet had just happened the night before the post, not a year prior. So I was hoping they might have an update as to how they are now and when they began to heal. I am a total wreck. I can’t stop imagining her struggling to get out to pool, but being blind she was unable to see. 
 

Thank you again and for the links and sweet video. 

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Hello @AJT1995 - I am SO sorry for your loss. I had a different situation but I understand your anguish. We lost our cat at a summer vacation house - it seems he got poisoned somehow. He was totally indoor and we never found anything he got into. It's still a mystery. But his last couple hours, he was violently sick and his organs failed. The fact is he suffered and it was horrible. We rushed to an emergency vet who couldn't save him. Eventually we put him down.

So, I understand your anguish. Guilt, etc. It took me some time I won't lie. The first few days I was in shock. This cat was like our child for 10 years. I couldn't stop crying or thinking about it. After a couple weeks I settled into grief, coming to grips with what happened. The grief continued, coming in waves, overwhelming and then resigned. Life goes on.

But you still are on a rollercoaster. I imagine you will be on that as well.

Be patient. Hang in there. It's not easy. But I promise you will not feel like you do now forever. You will find peace and you will have all the good memories. Again, I am so so sorry to read of your loss. Please write again and if I can help you, I will. I understand so well where you are.       

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I've lost a dog too, and beleive me, its hard. No part about grief is easy. Just try to make yourself feel better by laughing.

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We lost our beloved miniature pinscher Zoe yesterday morning to a terrible pool accident. She was part of our lives for almost 15 years and our entire family is devastated.  So much guilt on my part feeling as I should have done more to keep her safe. We miss her immensely and every way she would greet us. Watching her sunbathing was our favorite thing to see. Please pray for our Zoe and our family. We greatly appreciate it, Thank You. 

Edited by Lorenzo
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Oh no @Lorenzo I am so sorry for your tragic loss. :( My cat died due most likely to an accidentally poisoning and it was absolutely awful. I know how bad you feel, hang in there. 

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On 12/5/2021 at 5:47 PM, Lorenzo said:

We lost our beloved miniature pinscher Zoe yesterday morning to a terrible pool accident. She was part of our lives for almost 15 years and our entire family is devastated.  So much guilt on my part feeling as I should have done more to keep her safe. We miss her immensely and every way she would greet us. Watching her sunbathing was our favorite thing to see. Please pray for our Zoe and our family. We greatly appreciate it, Thank You. 

I am so sorry, this post didn't show up for ten days to me!  Please forgive our lateness in responding, sometimes websites get glitches, no idea why.

I am glad you found your way here, and hope this isn't too late to be of help to you.  It's horribly tragic and I am so sorry you lost her.  15 years is a long time, I only had one dog live to 14 and I was her fourth and final owner, had her the last 12 years.

On 12/5/2021 at 5:47 PM, Lorenzo said:

Please pray for our Zoe and our family.

You've got my prayers.  And I want to make sure you see these articles and video as well:

 

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I lost my dog Cody this past Monday night. Cody was 16.5 years old and his health has really deteriorated in the last 4-6 months.

He was scared to death of our pool and had 16 years of habit of staying very clear of it. My worst fear was realized on Monday night. We were headed out the door for a birthday dinner for my dad and we were in a hurry. It was raining and the thought briefly crossed my mind to let Cody stay in the house but he has been having issues this past year and needs to go to the bathroom very frequently and he makes quite a mess too. So, leaving him in the house has been difficult. Nevertheless, the thought crossed my mind because it was raining and ohh how I wish I could redo that moment.

Cody could still see just a bit but was mostly blind and he couldn't hear very well either. I got home from a really nice family dinner and immediately went to let him in as I always do. Since he can't see very well I would turn the patio lights on and off repeatedly and that would always get his attention and he would come out of his dog house and head for the door. That night he didn't.

I walked out to peak into his doghouse and he wasn't there. It was still raining pretty hard. I then looked towards the pool and there he was, floating in the middle. I ran and grabbed our pool skim pole and brought Cody over to the edge and frantically lifted his limp body out of the pool. Crying hysterically by that point, my wife and I dried him off, brought him into this house and wrapped him in his favorite blanket and set him in his bed.

I miss him absolutely terribly. He has been right by my side every day for over 16 years now. I am just wrecked with guilt over how he died and how scared he must of been and that I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I'm thinking that with the heavy rain fall, he was disoriented and fell in the pool, or perhaps the last remaining eyesight he had may have left him and he went completely blind.

That night, finding him that way will just not leave my mind though. It plays in a never-ending loop. I am heartbroken.  -Todd

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I am so sorry, I can only imagine how devastated you feel, esp. with that image.  It's the hardest thing in the world.  My heart goes out to you both.
I hope this brings you some comfort and peace...knowing you provided him a long and happy life.  We often go through the what ifs in early grief because what transpired is too difficult to process, and we look for some different possible outcome, also as we see our roles as their protectors, only we can't protect them from everything.  :(

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
It is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and it continues still.

Accidental Death
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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Mercedes coco
On 1/23/2018 at 8:46 AM, Ciel said:

About a year ago, my 15-year-old dog fell in the pool while outside alone and nearly drowned. The vet said he was developing dementia and that offered an explanation for some strange behaviors we'd noticed in him (like having a hard time navigating the house and backyard, not being able to find his food, etc). He pulled through the near-drowning incident and ever since then, we watch him closely when he's outside and he's never left alone for more than a minute or two at a time. Last night, I let him out and was watching him. He found his leftover dinner bowl and laid down and started eating his food. He's old and has a lot of trouble with his legs and eating takes him a while. I stood there for a minute and then went inside to get a drink. I peeked out the window at him and he was still eating, so I fixed a snack and looked out again and he wasn't at his bowl. I went outside to check on him and there he was in the pool. He was no longer swimming, but the water was moving as if he just was. I pulled him out and he was still alive, but not struggling, just calm. I tried reviving him the best I knew how and felt his body go completely limp and just knew he was gone. He died in my arms, which I'm grateful for, but I'm overwhelmed with guilt and shame for what happened and my negligence. I feel completely responsible for what happened. Had this been the first time he fell in the pool, I feel it would be more forgivable, but I just don't know how I'm going to forgive myself for this. I'm still in shock that he's gone and in shock over how he died. His health was definitely going down hill over the past 6 months, and we've talked many times about putting him down, but I haven't been able to bring myself to have him euthanized. I was waiting for his health to really force my hand, and then this happened and I just feel so incredibly awful. I don't know how I'll ever get the images of seeing him in the pool out of my head. I feel tormented.

Hi Ciel, we humans keep forgetting or don't know there is something called reincarnation.  In every incarnation before a person or animal transcends into this world we come in with a blue print called a soul contract. During that time family members even pets plan out their fate or if you want to call it DESTINY.  Just remember your dog chose you to be with him or her in this life for a reason. Not to teach you a lesson but to teach you how to evolve spirituality for all your incarnations sake in the most unconditionalway you can ever imagine. Your dog knew his time was up as ridiculous as it sounds or seems. He meant to die in your arms not in a cold slab at an animal clinic surrounded by strangers. Your dog wrote is love letter for you before he left you during its soul contract with your guides. It wasn't your fault in anyway. It just had to be because your dog choose you over him to grow spiritually.  Remember it's what he wanted and what he or she planned with our guides on the otherside.  I hope this makes sense to you. Your dog has impacted you in a way spirituality that you will not believe or understand for the moment. Many blessings.

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My dad left my dog next to the pool while I was hosting a huge group for Thanksgiving after cooking nonstop for two days straight and he fell in the pool and drowned and no one gave a **** or even bothered to look for him and I was looking everywhere for him and came outside and found his lifeless body in the pool.  I hate everyone.  I never even got to say goodbye and he was my baby and it happened because my entire family is a family of assholes who don’t even care about me one bit but instead just expect me to wait on them hand and foot and basically be their slave.  After I found him, I had to take him to the vet to be cremated and then had to come home and continue cooking for everyone like their personal slave and then serve them dinner, bring them their wine, bring them everything, set the table, clean and pick up after them.  I’m going to kill myself so I don’t have to ever see them again.  

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I am so sorry for your loss!  Your loss is huge and deserves to be addressed, I am so sorry your family is not supportive!  It sounds like something toxic to be away from for sure.  Are you a minor?  I ask because if you are you have a ways to wait (as I did) but if not, please begin taking steps to remove yourself from this situation!  It takes biding time and patience, planning, but can be done...you are the only one with the power over your life.  Right now is probably not the best time for trying to accomplish something though, with your being inundated with grief.  Right now you need to get through today.  Be kind to yourself, patient, understanding.  I'd be damned if I'd cook for ANY family when my dog just died!  Give yourself permission to tend to YOU!  YOU are worth it!  Your poor baby!  My heart really goes out to you.

Instead of planning to kill yourself, plan to make your life better.  It's very important to give yourself the chance for things to improve in your life...take those steps and even if not there in a year, make sure you see progress in it moving in that direction.  But honestly, one year can make a huge difference!  

You don't mention "guilt" feelings but it is very common in early grief to feel "if only I hadn't been doing this instead of looking after him..."  yet we honestly cannot know what we do not know and it often strikes us AFTERWARDS.  Remember feelings are not facts and feeling guilt does not make us guilty of anything but loving him.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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I am so sorry for both of you losing your dog like that, and esp. for your poor brother finding her like that and the images going through his head.  Telling your parents must have been really hard!  I only wish and hope he gets some therapy to help him through these images.

EMDR
EFT
EFT in Grief

You mentioned the "what ifs" so I wanted to add...
 

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.
 

 

 

 

 

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I’m just so sad and heartbroken right now. We had a 15 year old Jack Russell Terrier his birthday was last week. We were so excited he made it to 15. This past year has been rough. He’s gotten very skinny, he didn’t seem to hear anymore, and couldn’t see well. He’d forgotten how to sit or even lay down. He was just so stiff. I’d lay him down and he’d come back up in an awkward position. 

 

He still had the will to live. He kept eating and drinking. Around a year ago he fell into the pool and got himself out. That really could have ended his life then but he got out. He loved swimming. Another time he accidentally fell into the pool while we were outside and I got him out. I used a hair dryer to warm him up and he was fine. 

 

Lately when he’s outside he doesn’t go near the pool. It’s up 2 sets of stairs. Or, you can go this really long way around without stairs. He mainly just waited at the door only going out for the bathroom. 

 

The weather has been so bad here. Yesterday, was a really nice day and all 3 dogs were outside. My husband was distracted by something I asked him to do. I was with our toddler who was napping. My husband left to get our older kids from school and didn’t check up on the dog. He was already in the pool by then. 

 

I feel like if I hadn’t distracted my husband maybe it wouldn’t have happened. My dad found the dog floating when he was walking in the backyard. He text us the dog drowned. I was so confused. 

 

I wanted him to have a peaceful death. I just keep replaying everything. I’m just so heartbroken. I pray his death was quick. I’m sad this is how his life ended. He deserved better. I feel I failed him. 

 

I barely slept last night. It’s all I can think about. My toddler keeps thinking the dog will come back. My older kids pain hurts my heart even more. My husband’s pain hurts me so much.  

 

I just don’t know how to get past the tragic nature of his death. I just miss him so much and wish he’d gone peacefully. 

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He TEXTED you that your dog drowned?!!  I can't imagine, I am so sorry!  My heart goes out to you in your loss.  I find it tragic that it happened and also that you were notified in that way.  Maybe I'm just old school, some thing you tell in person, esp. if he was close enough that he saw it.

I am very sorry for your loss of your dog.  You made mention of wanting to write about him in your other post, I think that's a great idea.  I posted what I wrote about my dog in that thread.  I will always love my Arlie just as you do this dog.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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My dad lives with us. My husband had left the dogs outside when he left to get the older kids from school. I didn’t know he had did this but it’s not uncommon for him to do that especially if the weather is good. It’s just been so bad the dogs have been inside a lot. It was just such a nice day. He left them outside. He didn’t double on the dogs before he left. If he had he would have seen our dog already gone. Maybe it’s better this way? My husband took it really hard and blames himself for leaving him outside. That day my husband was outside cleaning the pool. Buddy (our dog that passed away) never once came near the pool. He’s been staying by the door or the bed by the door to the house. For whatever reason this day he wandered the yard a lot. We later looked at the security cameras. We saw him attempt the stairs to get to the pool deck area but he failed. There is a long way around he must have gone but the cameras didn’t catch it which is really strange. My dad went for a walk in the backyard and saw Buddy floating in the pool. He text my husband and I saying “Buddy Drowned”. I was so confused because I thought my husband was at home (I forgot it was an early release day at school) and didn’t know Buddy was even outside. I was upstairs with my toddler who was napping. I text him back is he alive? And he said no. When he first text us that Buddy was still in the pool floating and my husband asked him to get Buddy out. I went outside with a towel and wrapped him up. I just feel so bad because we weren’t there to help him. He has previously fallen twice into the pool this past year. One he got out on his own and the other time I got him out. He was a good swimmer and loved the pool. I think he may have forgotten how to swim and the water was really cold and I think he was tired from wandering the yard. This is not what I wanted for him. I wanted a peaceful death. We had been debating when to put him down and he still seemed okay. I feel guilty he didn’t get his peaceful death. We didn’t get to say goodbye. I’ve never had a dog pass in a tragic accident. This just hurts so bad. I’m so haunted by it. 

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I can imagine.  I hope you will shared the articles with your husband, there is another on guilt I want to share...

 

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My 18 yr old schitzu-poodle drowned yesterday in the lake out back. He was suffering from dementia, leg dysplasia and was completely blind. I let him out for a few minutes as usual and came back to check on him and he was gone. We have a gate but since he's lost so much weight he fit right thru the bars. My heart is so heavy right now.. I didn't want to put him down bcs I just wanted him around. I miss him so much and the guilt is really hard to get over.  I had my dog before I had my children and I always used to tease them and say Nemin was my favorite.  He will always be my favorite and I love him and miss him so much. He was such a great dog and I regret not being able to save him. I got to dry him out and hold him for a few hours. I cut some of his hair and will keep for myself. I miss him terribly. 

 

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I am so sorry for your loss.  18 years is a long life, the oldest dog I ever had was 14 but she was in so much pain I had her euthanized to relieve her suffering.

They are our babies, it is so hard to lose them.  I lost my Arlie (cancer, liver shut down) 3 1/2 years ago, only 11 1/2, my soulmate in a dog.

My heart goes out to you in your loss, it's the hardest thing in the world but his pain has now become yours in grief.  He is out of suffering and I truly believe their spirit continues....

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

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Thank you for those words Kat C. I still feel he's in the house, I hear his little paw steps. I know this sounds juvenile but I wanted him to live forever. He was so special to me. I know he's not suffering anymore.

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1 hour ago, my dog said:

I know this sounds juvenile but I wanted him to live forever.

Welcome.  It doesn't sound juvenile to any of the members here.  I can assure you of that.  We know that deep, unconditional love of a special animal companion; we know the realities are that we will likely outlive them.  But that doesn't mean that our hearts don't want them to remain by our sides forever.

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I am so sorry for your loss, They are like our children, Losing one is so heartbreaking.  I too have loss beloved pets.  Praying for you.  They are with you forever just on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

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13 hours ago, my dog said:

I wanted him to live forever.

Of course we do.  We all do.

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12 hours ago, foreverhis said:

the realities are that we will likely outlive them.  But that doesn't mean that our hearts don't want them to remain by our sides forever.

And yet neither would I want mine to outlive me!  To change their routine, to rehome them, them left wondering where mommy is...

My cousin had to do just that, she knew she was dying, she had to rehome her dog with trusted friends, two months before she died, she had to go into a home and she could no longer take her dog out to do his business, etc. it'd take her two hours to get dressed!  I can't imagine, she loved her dog, how hard this had to be for her.  It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

 

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Hello… a very similar scenario happened to me on Mother’s Day evening. 
My 17-year-old Shih-tzu fell into our pool while I was outside with her.
 At 6:19 (according to my cameras) she was seen on my patio, and found by me floating at 6:21. My video did not record her falling in, but I know the window of time she was in the pool was <2 min. She rarely went outside anymore, but could navigate quite well considering her poor eyesight. I’m still in total shock that this happened, and struggling something awful with the guilt of taking my eye off her. (she did not survive).I feel like the image of her floating will haunt me forever. 
I am so heartbroken 💔 

 

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@Tracy Z I am so sorry for your loss, it's very horrible anyone should experience this.  You can rest assured that your little dog is at peace now.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

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Douglas Harrell

I was just going through something very similar. I know you posted this a while ago but this really helped me because we lost our family dog of 15 years very similarly last month. We were all out on my parents pier watching the sunset and it was so windy my sweet boy was getting so old. We had a life jacket we would put on him constantly and I felt like he was so hot from the heat I didn’t put it on. In hindsight I regret it. We all had our backs to him watching the sunset and he was getting so wobbly and just went off the edge of the pier into mobile bay and we didn’t realize he had fallen in until 11:00 that night. It happened right at sunset which was about 7:40 and we had just assumed he had gone up to our house. Thankfully we had a camera on our pier so we saw what happened but it was probably the most heartbreaking loss of a pet I’ve experienced. 

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Wow, I am so sorry for your loss!  It is so hard to lose a dog, mine was my soulmate in a dog and I lost him nearly four years ago.  It felt like losing my husband had 18 years ago.
The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

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