Can't let him go yet

[Furbabies09]

[Jencatlover]

Ah bless him that's so good to see! I watched the video, so so good to see him bright and responsive, he sure has the support of the world around him! I just want to give him a huge cuddle ((()))

[Furbabies09]

Jencatlover I'm glad you were able to see the video. I'm sure he'd appreciate a hug from you. I can't wait till I can pick him up and hold him. My husband says I should but I just don't want him to think he's going home. He wouldn't like going back into the cage. I just don't want to stress him out. He's doing so well. Maybe I'm be silly. Either way, I look forward to the day I  get to hold him again. We all miss him here. His sister can't wait for him to be home. She cries for him a lot. She doesn't understand what's going on. That reunion will be great. 

[Jencatlover]

No, taking him home too soon will probably be a mistake, he is best where he is right now although it's so hard you know he is being looked after. We are not vets and our love is not enough on its own is it, I wish it was! Sad as it is seeing him there he has got the best medical care right with him and that's the priority for him. Perhaps he can feel all the positive vibes coming his way!

[Guest]

I can imagine the temptation to want to take him home is massive, but after all he has been through I thnk it's probably best to wait as Jencatlover said our love is not enough on it's own, he's with the experts who are doing an amazing job and taking really good care of him.

[Furbabies09]

Last update. We got a call at 730 this morning and the hospital called my husband's phone. That was odd because they have always called me. The tech was not as happy and you could hear how hard it was for her to say, I'm sorry to say, we lost Jacob some time in the middle of the night. It took me a minute to retain what she said. This is why they called his phone, to be there for me. The real emotional rollercoaster hasn't started yet. Jacob fought a hard battle. It's unfortunate that he didn't have the proper care from the beginning. Had we found our new Dr sooner, would Jacob still be with us? 

We can't drive ourselves crazy with the what if's because we have to think about his sister. She needs us now. We'll be going to pick up Jacob this morning. We'll make the hour drive to my mother-in-law's house, where our Jacob will be laid to rest. We live in an apartment complex and have no where for to lay him here. He'll be at peace there. 

I'm sorry we didn't have a better ending for everyone. Jacob did put up a great fight with y'all's support. He was given a fighter chance. He will be missed dearly. We will always love you Jacob.

[Jencatlover]

Oh no @Furbabies09 you have got me in floods of tears for you I'm so so sorry, I really didn't want to see this for you and for brave boy Jacob  my, did he put up a fight what an amazing brave little boy he was, I wish I could give you a hug and I kind of need one myself, I'm so so sorry xx

[MyMocha]

39 minutes ago, Furbabies09 said:

I'm sorry we didn't have a better ending for everyone.

@Furbabies09, oh sweetie I am so heartbroken for you and your husband.  Jacob was truly a fighter dear. You found him the best doctor who I think honestly did everything they could. You did the best you could to help him. Obviously this wasn't the outcome any of us wanted for you and dear Jacob, but it isn't about us. We are here for you if/when you need us. And for what it is worth, thank you so much for letting us follow Jacob's story and have hope for awhile. Big hugs to you and your husband.

[KayC]

Me too, I'm crying, this is hard, he fought the good fight, bless his heart.  I'm so sorry!!

[Ninah-Maria]

Poor boy.... You did all you possibly could for him... He did look a very poorly boy though. He's out of pain and suffering now bless him. 

I lost little fatboy on the 15th and it is heartbreaking. The only thing that comforts me is to know he isn't suffering any more and is running around causing mischief like he did before he became ill.

Sending hugs at this very difficult and sad time x

[Guest]

Oh no!!!! I've just seen the latest update!! I'm so so sorry Furbabies, he was such a fighter, I really thought he was going to beat this.  You gave him a chance and that's all any of us can do, you tried so hard for him and I'm sure he knew that which is why he in turn fought so hard for you, but in the end maybe he just got tired and decided he had had enought. I really feel for both you and your husband xx

[Furbabies09]

Thank you all for your condolences. It means so much that you all have been there with us through all of this. Jacob was a very loving boy. He was my therapy baby. He helped me in so many ways. He never judged me and loved me for me. He loved kisses. I loved to smoother him with kisses all over his face and he would eat it up. I have never had a bond like I did with Jacob. He sure will be missed. 

His sister will miss the grooming sessions they would have. She'll miss him walking by and then she'd pounce on him. She'll miss having her big brother around when mom and dad go to work. He's been in her life since she was a kitten. She is lost and heartbroken without him. 

My husband is being strong but he will miss his buddy. Jacob would always lay on my husbands shoes when he was trying to put them on for work. He liked giving daddy harder love bites. He knew he could be a little harder with daddy. He enjoyed laying on my husbands chest while in the recliner. These are a few of our precious moments we had with Jacob. 

[Furbabies09]

Y'all have been with us through it all. I wanted to share his funeral with y'all. I know that if we lived closer, y'all would have been here to say goodbye with us.

Jacob has been laid to rest and is at peace now. He's baried facing the East. He'll get the morning and afternoon sun. He enjoyed sun bathing. 

He was baried in a suitcase. He's laying on mommy's pillow. He's wearing mommy's jaguar jersey and wrapped in a towel. His favorite toy was placed in his paws and up by his face. My husband dug the spot for Jacob and we both lowered the suitcase down. We said our goodbyes. My husband then baried our son. We left our hand prints with Jacob. We love you Jacob.

 

[Furbabies09]

Jacob is going home

[Furbabies09]

[Jencatlover]

Oh I don't know how you have found the strength to share all this with us, I'm sure I'm not the only one in floods of tears at Jacob's brave journey. I feel that we have shared such a precious and private part of your lives and I hope we can be some support to you, just like you have been with others while you were all having such tough times. I'm so sad for you all and imagining little Jacob with his toy in his paws. He fought so hard and he'll be missed so much by you but also lots of new friends across the world that knew him so well but sadly so briefly. Rest in peace Jacob xxx

[MelsGone]

I am sorry that you must feel this pain now - I know it is so hard. Little Jacob knew how much you loved him & stayed as long as he could.

[Maria9]

Oh Furbabies, I just read your latest posts..I thought your Jacob was doing fine and now..this...I cannot believe it. I wish I could be by your side. My heart is with you. Thank you for sharing your Jacob's battle with us, he was a brave little fighter. Yes he's at peace now, he was and he is, much loved. I am crying as i write this, I know how the pain is, to fight and hope and then to lose...I cannot say anything more.

[KayC]

I am so sorry, it is so hard burying them.  I have several pets and my husband's ashes in my back yard, it's where I want my ashes when it's my time.  My kids call it "the family burial plot".

That's unique, leaving your handprints, that's special, I like that you gave him your pillow and left his favorite toy with him.

[AJWCat]

I am so so so sorry to read this. We were all pulling for Jacob. I think we are all so devastated by our losses it was something finally good that we could hang onto.

And now we all truly feel this loss too.  

You did everything you could at every step, you fought as hard as you could and so did your sweet cat. We are all at the mercy of the vets and the universe - because whatever your faith, we just really never know what the big grand plan is. He is no longer in any discomfort but we all know where you are at this moment.

Heartbroken. Wishing you peace. 

 

[Furbabies09]

Day 2 without my Jacob. Yesterday I was numb and all I wanted to do was sleep. Unfortunately I had to be at work. It was hard because the people I work with don't understand what I'm feeling or going through. I know that I should think of the good times we had with Jacob but my heart aches so much. I just want my boy back. 

[Jencatlover]

We all feel for you @Furbabies09 I'm sure it doesn't help but your special boy had a lot of support around the world and a lot of people following him and hoping & praying he'd pull through, he was extremely brave. Please come here if you need a friend to talk to or listen, you know everyone here understands. I believe one of the hardest things in the beginning 'afterwards' is the adjustment to not being needed, the time you suddenly have and don't know what to do with. Even with work you spent an awful lot of time with Jacob, at the vets etc and you have so much time to think and feel sad. It's hard to know what to say because nothing really helps. I hope you find a little comfort from us on here, we know more than most about Jacob and his journey and we all wanted a positive outcome for him and for you. He was a very determined little boy and your posts two days ago certainly broke my heart and I'm sure many others.

I'm not very good at finding the words at such a difficult time but I hope you feel you can come here and talk xx

[AJWCat]

Literal heart ache is true.  

Mine hurt for a while. So sorry for the loss. At least you know - we all know - what you are feeling. Jencatlover is right, it's hard to know what to say. They are so sweet and innocent and the end is just hard. There is no amount of mental toughness that can prepare you for this. 

Hope you are doing okay. Sleep and try to take care of yourself.  

[KayC]

On 1/27/2018 at 3:15 AM, Furbabies09 said:

I know that I should think of the good times we had with Jacob but my heart aches so much. I just want my boy back. 

You will think of the good times later, right now you are hit heavily with the throes of grief and what you are feeling, there is no avoiding, the only way to process grief is to experience and allow ourselves to feel it, pain and all.  It's hard.  Your coworkers can't understand because they're not going through it, you are.  Those of us who love our animals, who have experienced that loss, we get it, and we're here praying for you and experiencing the pain with you.  I'm so sorry.

[Furbabies09]

Another day without my Jacob. 

I was upset that I've had to work and couldn't be home to grieve but I'm glad I am. It keeps me occupied and I don't have time to be sad. Although when I come home, things are sad. I sit in my chair and can sometimes see him walking by or I look at the places he would lay, and I see him look up at me. 

This morning I was woken up at 530. I felt what I thought was Jacob, walking over my legs and coming to see me. I woke up and took a min to see, it was our baby girl. I was sad yet happy to see her, even if it was her way of saying I'm hungry. So I got up with her. She hasn't been eating or drinking alone. She's never been alone. She came from a shelter, where she was in a room with lots of other furbabies. Then she came to our home when she was 5 months old and was with Jacob till he passed. She did everything with him. We talked to the Dr and he said if we got a new baby, we should get a male who is a yr or younger. We are going to the shelter tomorrow to see who picks us. This is no way replaces my Jacob. I will never have another bond as we had together nor am I looking a bond like that again. The new baby will be primary for our baby girl. If it weren't for her, we'd be waiting a while. 

Is this the right thing? I don't want Jacob to think we replaced him. Am I being silly? 

 

[AJWCat]

No not at all. Jacob will never be replaced. And he knows that. You know that.  

I recently adopted another kitty b/c life is incomplete for me without a cat! And we were which was crushing everyday.

I still miss our sweet guy so much. This one is very different, and at first I just wanted our cat back. I wanted her to be him. And now I am loving her for her. I don't have the same bond of course, but she's new to us and we are new to her.

It's a wacky emotional process. If you little girl needs a companion, do it. Just don't do what I did and look for another Jacob. See who picks you as you say. There are so many kitties who need loving homes like yours.  

[KayC]

15 hours ago, Furbabies09 said:

Is this the right thing? I don't want Jacob to think we replaced him. Am I being silly? 

You're not replacing him and he won't think that, he knows the special bond of love you have together, nothing will stop that, not even death.  You will grow more accustomed to your altered life in time, that's the natural order of things, we couldn't stay in this harsh intensity sustainably forever and our bodies know that and have a way of resilience about them, even though that's hard to fathom at the time.  I hope you develop a special bond with both of your (newer) kitties, for who they are...they'll be unique and special in their own way but never replace Jacob.

I had two cats, Miss Mocha and Kitty, and I've never seen two more polar opposites!  Kitty is demanding and cranky, but also scared of dogs or people she doesn't know...it's not in fitting with her personality which is bullying to our dog, who is 12 times her size.  Miss Mocha, on the other hand, put on a brave front.  If she was afraid of a dog, she would never let on, no matter how menacing they were.  If Kitty were a girl instead of a cat, she'd be the one who would sit with her legs apart instead of crossed.  She'd be bold and tactless.  Miss Mocha, on the other hand, was dainty, extremely feminine, and quite beautiful.  She was ultra flirtatious with men, rolling on her back from side to side while blink-blinking her blue eyes at them.  She was a shameless hussy when it came to men.  Whether they like her or not had no bearing, she'd get on their chest and start kneading them, but who could resist her?!  She was a heart breaker!  She slept more than Kitty, even though Kitty is 22, but she was also my one to sidle up to me at night, pressing into my side, and she liked being held and caressed.  Kitty, on the other hand, will sit on the love seat with me...but as far away as she can get.  She likes belly rubs but everything is on HER terms.  She storms off in a huff but usually gets over her imagined wrong quickly.  I've never had such different cats.  I lost Miss Mocha 1 1/2 years ago and although I have Kitty, it does nothing to alleviate my missing Miss Mocha.  I love Kitty, I would be crushed if anything happened to her, but she doesn't make up for Miss Mocha's absence other than she has a relationship with me in her own right.  I don't know what I'd do without my animals.  I can't imagine life without animals in it, they make it worthwhile.  But oh God it's so hard losing them!

[Guest]

I think our furbabies know we are not replacing them when we get another furbaby after they've gone.  I think they know we have too much love to give for us not to have a furbaby to love and take care of.  I think Jacob would be ok with you getting another kitty especially to keep your girl company because he would want that for her as well as for you.  I genuinely don't think animals have the same insecurities that humans have and view the world in much simpler ways so being 'replaced' is not something that animals would think about. 

KayC I'm with you, I can't imagine my life without animals but it is the hardest thing ever to lose them,  you never get use to the pain of losing them but the joy they bring to your life is worth the pain.

[Furbabies09]

Thank you AJWcat and KayC. I appreciate your words and sharing your stories. I feel better knowing that its ok to bring a new boy into our family. I just didnt want to disrespect my Jacob. 

We went to the shelter this morning.

Its a boy! We would like to welcome our new furbaby. His name is Cinco, we'll be changing it to Buddy. He's a 2 yr old and He's nothing like Jacob. I wasn't looking for him. Thats what I kept telling myself. Buddy picked us. Right now he's coming out every so often but he prefers the bathroom right now. Our baby girl is letting him know who's house this is. She hisses at him and keeps her eyes on him. Bianca our baby girl has come out of hiding and has been eating and drinking again. So even though she seems unwelcoming to him, he has helped her already. Its just going to take some time and getting to know each other. 

Welcome to the family Buddy!

[Guest]

Aaawww he's lovely!  I'm sure Jacob had a hand in picking him.  I'm so glad you're girl is eating and drinking again, she's definitely letting him know who's boss but I'm sure they'll be great friends as time goes by.

[MyMocha]

@Furbabies09, congrats on the new furry family member.  It always take the kitties a few days to be accepting of a new "space invader" but they will come around.  I hope they become good friends quickly. Thank you for giving "Cinco now Buddy" a second chance of life.  That is awesome of you and your husband. If feel that if Jacob had a way to know about the "new cat" that he would just be glad that his furry playmate Bianca wasn't going to be alone.  My heart still breaks over Jacob when I think about how much effort was put into trying to save him. I can't help but wonder if I would have had a vet like that how things might have turned out for my precious kitty but i guess this experience shows that even when you do everything there is, it doesn't always change the ending.  I hoped - everyone here hoped - it would have ended differently.  I am still so sorry and it was really special that you shared the entire journey with all of us here. 

[KayC]

19 hours ago, Sarah&Ava said:

the joy they bring to your life is worth the pain.

I totally agree!  This pain we feel upon grief is the price we pay for the love we shared, weird how we enjoy it and then pay the price at the end.

[KayC]

Furbabies,

Buddy has beautiful markings!  I pray you have a long life together and the others accept him, they'll make their peace and then develop a relationship with him.  My Kitty is very unaccepting of anyone new, it took her 1 3/4 years to accept Arlie and she still feels she has to rule the roost!  But they coexist fine.  Miss Mocha was different, she liked dogs, she adored Lucky and used to follow her everywhere and she never showed fear of any dog or cat.

[AJWCat]

Oh what a cutie. That pink nose. Lucky Buddy to have a new home of kitty lovers like you guys.  

Keep us posted. We all grieve so much, but that's because we're all serious animal lovers so any happiness is welcomed.   

[Ladiebug's New Momma]

OH NO!! I am so very sorry to hear about Jacob! My entire family, (including Bonita, the abandoned senior Chihuahua we are hospice/fostering) are shedding tears for you and your husband. I apologize for the tardiness of this post, have been out of touch for a bit. I will hang a kitty angel on my tree this spring next to my Midnight's. I saw where you adopted a new member to your family, to help your little girl. That is one of the most selfless, compassionate actions anyone could have done. I'm sure that she needs him so much right now, as do you. No I do not think you are being silly for wondering if you made the right decision. You did. Remember, your little girl is in serious need of the support the new furbaby will give her, and you. As for being worried about Jacob thinking you had replaced or were trying to replace him, don't. He knows that the bond you shared, and still do, is a once in a lifetime thing. He knows that you are showing great courage and compassion to the little girl he spent many joyful, loving days with until he was called to The Bridge. I believe that he probably loves you a little more for it.

When you spoke of feeling your girl walk over your legs that morning, and for a brief moment thinking it was Jacob, then realizing who it was, my heart literally hurt for you, yet felt a flutter right after. I experienced something similar on the 1st anniversary of Bears passing. My new little girl crawled in bed next to me, snuggling close as Bear had done. It took a few minutes for me to come fully awake. I opened my eyes looking into a face that looked so like my Bear, my fingers buried in soft black fur, I thought time had been turned back, and "it" hadn't really happened. As my mind grasped reality, my eyes filling with tears remembering what day it was, I saw my precious Bear's loving face for just an instance, then it was gone. I believe that he guided her actions that morning, and rest of the day. She never left my side. Never since has Ladiebug even wanted in bed with us. Maybe it was Jacob's way of letting you know the new addition has his approval. Sorry I can get a little long winded sometimes, and believe that they never really leave us. Maybe I live in my own fantasy world, but it helps me get through the really bad days, and even the good ones. Thanks for humoring me with my prattling on. All our love to all of you. 

[Guest]

Hey Furbabies, how's buddy settling in, has Bianca come around and accepted him yet?