So Shocking

[hearthurt1013]

During the holidays, we found that one of our children suddenly passed away from an unknown illness. I find it so hard to work and my mood changes from OK to either maudlin and sad and occasionally plain nasty. I don't mean to snap at my wife. Our child was in his early 20s. He was supposed to get married, never a drinker, smoker or drug addict and was a kind and gentle soul. The nights are the worst because I am experiencing loneliness and grief while my wife is sleeping. I am either a chatty person or I sit staring off into space. Any help would be appreciated. My faith tells me to hang on to my faith but with each passing day it seems to get harder.

[My girl is in heaven]

 

Heart hurt 1013.  I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my perfectly healthy 17 yr. old girl when she collapsed in the shower. She had no drugs or alcohol and nothing showed up so they ruled it a cardiac arrthymia which is apparently undetectable and doesn’t show up cause it is an electrical event. I know the sudden hurt, loss, sorrow. It’s unbearable and we all go thru it differently. I was in shock for a very long time and I know your probably not even sure how to put one foot in front of the other right now. I wish I could tell you the hurt goes away but it never will. But eventually you will weave your grief into this new normal that you don’t want.  But right now u can only take a day; an hour, or a minute at a time. This web site has many caring and compassionate grieving parents who have lost children from many different circumstances and ages. And we have newbies up to people of several years here. And everyone of us will be here for you every step of the way.  We will hold your hands and help you on this terrible journey none of us want to be on.  Please come over to “loss of an adult child” website where we all post. You do not have to go thru this alone.   Luanne. Ontario

[hearthurt1013]

Thank you for your reply. What really stinks is that my wife and I are snapping at each other. My son just collapsed from a cardiac event of unknown etiology. I work freelance and my ability to concentrate has been really fouled up and worse I am not used to not having control of my feelings. I am supposed to control them, not the other way around. I will definitely to that forum. Thanks for your kind invitation.

[hearthurt1013]

Just an aside, I have been to your neck of the woods several times. I really enjoyed Casa Loma in Toronto and of course the falls.

[Tommy's mum]

hearthurt1013 as Louanne said join us on loss of an adult child thread by Justins mom it keeps us all in one thread so replies are quicker. Dads hurt too yet often cannot verbalise their emotions so easily so often resort to snapping, that is very common. The dad feels anger that they could not do anything and feel responsible for being the strong one the one everyone leans on as they are used to being the head of the family. This adds tremendous pressure as your grief gets sidelined pushed down so you can look after the other family members. very important to seek help for yourself a boat cannot be driven in the right direction if the rudder is broken. I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your son. Sometimes there is not a clear answer of why it occurred. There are some questions that are not answered. You have posted here looking for help so use us to sound off, to share more about your son, to use those sleepless nights in a more positive way connecting with other parents who have lost children. There are a few other men on the forum too.

[hearthurt1013]

Thanks for your kind reply. I found work to be a little easier today. It is the nights that are the worst. Our other children are adults, so it is the misses and me. That hole in my heart is tremendous. I got very agitated today when a client called and insisted that I get his work done by Wednesday. First of all, Monday is a federal holiday and my contacts are closed and my disabled wife has 3 doctor's appointments in a row on Wednesday. He couldn't understand (AGAIN) that I do not work on weekends or federal holidays and my wife's health trumps everything else. I almost lost her last year. She had diabetic ketoacidosis, double pneumonia, ARDS and became septic. She was in a medically induced coma for 10 days and spent 3 months with at home rehab nurses. I reminded him (AGAIN) that between the shock, arrangements, funeral and the needs my other children and my grand-children and my wife that he MUST be patient or take his business elsewhere. He called me and I told him on New Years Day and even then he questioned what I was doing. I told him making funeral arrangements, NOT HIS WORK. Gee, you know, there is just no pleasing some people and he clearly doesn't give a tinkers damn about anybody but himself. Maybe I should have told my son, "Sorry, son, my client needs me, so everything else goes to the back burner, including you and our entire family!"  Obviously, I am being sarcastic but I am really ticked.  I am not typically unprofessional, but geez-Louise, what the hell is it with people? I either get a lot of support or I have been getting treated like the gunk on the running boards of a trash truck. I have already lost my son, I am not going to let my wife down and lose her too! I apologise for my rant.