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its Rainie who has lost the two love s of my life in my sons First Rocky (21)  to a motorcycle accident.   

Then 10 years later Ronnie (34) to Suicide. 

No matter how many years has passed.  I miss my sons more. Not less. 

And the saying is learning to live here on planet earth without my sons. 

Of course Ronnie's suicide is the worst of the worst if a lost of a child could be measured in degree. 

Honestly. I have not adjusted well being a mother whose hearts been ripped out

  these two sons made my life worth liveing no matter what life through ''tis at me. 

And yes. I have two other sons who chose to live their lives the way their bio father impacted them. 

So there is no relationship there except much heart each time I've tryed to reach out to them.     Unless my God intervenes in their lives where they chose to 

seek him for help.    They are basically lost & strangers to me.  

Over the years of their lives I've tryed to connect with them just as I did with Rocky and Ronnie.   

So, just because there are other children in a beareived mothers life does not in any way soften ,,at least for me,    the loss of a beloved child  / children   

sorry  I'm rambling here

just wanted to state these facts..

this and another site like this is the only place I've received any comfort  understanding and even friend ships ..

I know more than I ever thought or wanted to learn about losing a child and one to suicide  

there is nothing any here COUKD say in how they feel   Think   Do  ect that I am pretty sure I have not experienced along the way  

even  me  myself feeling like I just wanted to die and go be with my sons   To the point of haveing a plane and a means   

Of course  years down the line I realized

i never  wanted to die   I just wanted to get away from the horrendous pain one walks in from losing a child  

My greatest hope for others here is that I hope you have ppl who actually help you and support your grief journey as you need to

nagigate it   I have absolutely no support from so called friends and family     In fact they added to my pain if that seems possible  

losing my sons made the hell of my early childhood and adult years pail in the face of losing my boys  

I care and am here if anyone needs an understanding heart and a listening ear..

my heart goes out to any and all who find themselves seeking out this site.

i really care




this is Rocky & Ronnie when young boys 

they were not just brothers  they were "best buds" from the start  when Rocky died,   Ronnie never adjusted to the loss

of his beloved brother.



Edited by RAiNiE

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Dear Rainie, I am so sorry for the loss of your sons. It was my Mother lost to suicide so I cannot say I know how it feels to lose a child. I know it must be the ultimate heartbreak.

I wish I could help your heartache. I hope you know that they are now safe and secure with our Heavenly Father and they want you to find peace and happiness again. 

When you were created, God had a plan for you and your life. Long before your children or marriages, God had a specific journey for you. While your children was a very important part of your life,  you still have a mission to complete. Suicides certainly are the hardest deaths to recover from. They are a nightmare and those left behind feel such guilt. Your life has been changed forever and it will never be the same.  Your nerves were scattered into a million pieces, like a fragile glass vase, and the pieces will not fit back the same. 

It has been 5 years since my Mother's death and there isn't a day that goes by I don't think of her or finding her that horrible day.

Please hold on and remember God has a plan for you. That this tragedy has built strength and courage within your heart to help those experiencing heartbreak as well. 

My thoughts and prayers are with you and may God wrap his arms around you and give you comfort, peace and strength. 

Sincerely, Sherry. 

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Thankx for taking the time to respond with care ~

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