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Gemz

My eldest brother took his own life on the 19th January, 2017. Its coming up for his first year Anniversary next week. I am not coping well with his loss. From a young age l always looked up to him, he was such an inspiration to me & so talented. He had the brains, beautiful singing voice ( l am tone deaf lol) beautiful writer & so much going for him. He had inspired me.

He joined the army at such a young age (15 1/2) all he ever wanted was to be a soldier. After a while he had to come out & life was never the same again. Life changed for him, he had to find a new direction in life. Eventually he went into the care profession & he always fought ( metaphoracally ) for the under dog & ones who's voice couldn't be heard. Then he decided uni was his path & he wanted to become a nurse. 

I was at work when l got the call. My brother had hung himself. Thats when my life changed forever. I arranged his funeral, all the time holding back my emotions to help my parents through the loss of their son, also helping my own children dealing with the loss of their uncle. (My brothers wife left him 2wks prior.) Since then my mum has had a stroke & l just see sadness in their eyes l can't take away. 

Its all taking its toll on my marriage as my husband feels helpless & only ever sees sadness in my eyes he's told me. I feel numb, lack of emotion at times & l'm trying to work through how life goes on. I have another brother, who never comes near. I have tried contacting him & his wife to no avail. I now feel l have lost 2 brothers. 

I could never understand why my brothers survival instincts never took over until his pm stated he overdosed on tramadole prior to hanging himself. My tears are never far away & l have no clue how to move on. My brother & daughter were meant to graduate on the sameday from uni this year. My daughter is dedicating her degree to my brother. 

He was 49 when he died. I just wish l knew how to get through this. X

 

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reader

Dear Gemz,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry to hear of your pain and sorrow.

Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I know grief is a long road. I hope you will consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group.

During these difficult days, I think all any of us can do is just take it moment by moment, then day by day. Gently, one foot in front of the other. I have tired to read as much as I can and sometimes that helps me get more perspective. I found these websites helpful:

What's Your Grief

The Grief Healing Blog

Grief in Common

Grief Share

The Grief Recovery Method.

Please know you are not alone. Sending you love and hugs.

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Gemz
On 11/01/2018 at 9:07 AM, reader said:

Dear Gemz,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry to hear of your pain and sorrow.

Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I know grief is a long road. I hope you will consider talking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group.

During these difficult days, I think all any of us can do is just take it moment by moment, then day by day. Gently, one foot in front of the other. I have tired to read as much as I can and sometimes that helps me get more perspective. I found these websites helpful:

What's Your Grief

The Grief Healing Blog

Grief in Common

Grief Share

The Grief Recovery Method.

Please know you are not alone. Sending you love and hugs.

Thank you for your kind words & help, l do appreciate it. I sometimes think l will never get over this sadness l feel. Its been the worst time of my life.

I will have a look at the websites & hopefully be able to put things into perspective.

Thanks again! Xx

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