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My angel baby

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I recently gave birth to my son, born at 20 weeks without his heartbeat. He was born 11/29/2017. Everyday is a struggle to get up, I'm living in a daze. I constantly blame myself, I was supposed to protect him but I guess his heartbeat was something I couldn't protect. I get asked daily "How am I doing" or "How is my husband doing" and I don't know how to respond because we aren't okay and we aren't fine. I've been told not to be sad that he is watching over us. I don't know how to handle everything. When do you get to an "okay" point after losing a child or infant? My husband is trying so hard to be there for me, but I don't know how to respond or where to go from here. It's all just too hard. I am so devastated. My daughter, she is 4, doesn't really understand everything, just knows mommy is crying a lot and baby brother is in Heaven. She tries to talk about it, but I just can't I can't find the words to say to anyone. It's almost like everyone, with the exception of my husband, expects me to be okay and move on. They say that God will bless me, and I truly believe it, but it's too early to hear those things. It is all just too difficult.

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