He died in my arms

[Mon_buck]

I lost my husband 3 months ago to cancer. We were together 12 years and he was 1 week shy of his 37th birthday. I'm 33. He was terminal so I looked after him at our home for a few months before he passed away in my arms. I found this very hard to start with seeing him physically take his last harboured breathes but have since realised how lucky we both were to have each other when he passed. We got to say goodbye and i was the last face he saw. I was also pregnant when we found out he was terminal but miscarried through all the stress. I don't know anyone else who's gone through this so thought I'd try this site to chat and have support through this bloody difficult time!! I'm lucky I have a super close family who are awesome and great friends who are always there to listen oh and a beautiful chocolate lab who was also with me and my husband thru it all. But I'd love to talk to people who know what I'm going thru ... I just miss him all the time and am constantly thinking of the family I lost ... him and our baby. He left me with a great inner strength as we had been thru a lot over the past 6 years and he instilled in me a confidence of being able to deal with his death as we knew it was coming. I really miss his sense of humour and his hugs! I have a flexible, strong open mind but it's still really hard to accept his death. Can Anyone else relate?? Thanks 

[KayC]

Oh Hon, I'm so sorry, I never get used to hearing of young people going through this, but you're not alone, there are a lot of people in their 20s or 30s here.  My husband had just had his 51st birthday when he died, it was sudden, unexpected, and a shock to me.

My daughter is 35 and was pregnant, announced it last Christmas, she lost it the end of January at 4 months, then her husband left her.  She's going through her own grief, even though he didn't die, they were together 17 years.  

I love how you say he left you with a great inner strength and confidence.  Oh yes I can relate!  My husband George greatly impacted my life and it carries me still!

[KavitaHubby]

Hi Mon_buck,
Sorry to see you in this club. I had to remove the ventilator for my wife and it was not easy decision. Couldn't talk to her in her last days as she was in coma. We all are here to help each other. Keep writing and reading. 

 

Peace

[Gonzalez08]

So sorry for your loss. I hope you find the strength to keep you going. I lost my husband who I knew since my sophomore year in HS in a car accident he was 23 years old I'm 24. He left me the greatest gift of all our 2yr old son he is the only one who gives me the strength to keep going everyday. It's been 1month & 3days since he passed away but it seems so unreal.  

It's unbelievable to think we all just have to keep going without that special person who was such a huge part in our life's. It really helps reading other people's stories on here and posting our own thoughts. I hope this pain gets a little bit better with time. I don't think the pain will ever go away we will always have that empty hole in our hearts. We just have to be strong for our loved ones who we have left. Take care.

[Francine]

On 11/16/2017 at 5:08 AM, Mon_buck said:

I lost my husband 3 months ago to cancer. We were together 12 years and he was 1 week shy of his 37th birthday. I'm 33. He was terminal so I looked after him at our home for a few months before he passed away in my arms. I found this very hard to start with seeing him physically take his last harboured breathes but have since realised how lucky we both were to have each other when he passed. We got to say goodbye and i was the last face he saw. I was also pregnant when we found out he was terminal but miscarried through all the stress. I don't know anyone else who's gone through this so thought I'd try this site to chat and have support through this bloody difficult time!! I'm lucky I have a super close family who are awesome and great friends who are always there to listen oh and a beautiful chocolate lab who was also with me and my husband thru it all. But I'd love to talk to people who know what I'm going thru ... I just miss him all the time and am constantly thinking of the family I lost ... him and our baby. He left me with a great inner strength as we had been thru a lot over the past 6 years and he instilled in me a confidence of being able to deal with his death as we knew it was coming. I really miss his sense of humour and his hugs! I have a flexible, strong open mind but it's still really hard to accept his death. Can Anyone else relate?? Thanks 

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and I know the pain you are experiencing.  Losing someone is difficult enough, but when cancer takes them away, at such an early age, is devastating; coupled with being pregnant is double devastating.  I'm sorry for the loss of your child; I too have had several miscarriages and know the mental  pain that followed.  The only difference was I had my Charles to comfort me and I don't know if I could have made it through without his love and compassion.   I admire your attitude and,  Yes, you are lucky; lucky to have had 12 years with the man of your heart; lucky to have a super close family and great friends and a loyal animal. Lucky to have that inner strength he left you with.  Yeah, I'd say you're quite lucky and blessed; so here's what I suggest you do -- Count your blessings, instead of your troubles; count your smiles instead of your tears; count the love you shared, not the loss and finally, count on God instead of others.

My Charles was my heart; ever since we met, I knew it was something special.  The way we talked and laughed around one another was different than anyone else. He didn't speak to my flesh, but my spirit.  I knew he was God-sent and the loved we shared will last my lifetime.   I think most people search their whole lives to find what I had.  Charles was not the best looking or funniest, or no where near the richest man, but he was the one that made me feel gorgeous, hilarious and like a million dollars.  He made sure I knew he loved me and for that I was the lucky one.  He lived the rest of his life loving me and sometimes I feel I'll spend the rest of my life loving and grieving him.  Should it be that way?  I don't know, but grieve, I will.

You're lucky for the positive impact he had on your life and the joy he brought you even if it was for a shot time.  Because of him, you are the person you are today. Life is change and loving people will come and go; all we can do is accept it and move forward; we have no other choice accept to live the rest of our lives knowing it is what they would have wanted and living it to its fullest for ourselves and them.

I do hope you continue to post; we all here are going through the same journey as you and know your pain.  God has put us here, at this time, and place for a reason; to help one another - do doubt  - but more than that - to learn from one another.  Scripture, 1 Thessalonians 5:11 states,   "Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you are doing".

[LadyWalker]

@Mon_buck

I lost my fiance a couple of months ago. I was there when he passed. We too had the opportunity to say I love you and I was the last face he saw. Those last moments, I didn't know were last moments but he definitely wanted it to be with me. His birthday just passed and he was also turning 37. I really hurt for you as you poured out. Yes, I know the sting, that stabbing pain. I pray that in this we all can help each other through. I pray for your strength and peace to get through. Please know that the are genuinely other's among you who understand and care about your loss and your well-being and making it through. 

[Jackie Maligranda]

I lost my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years on September 29th 2017, to heart disease, that we didn't know he had.  I came home from work and he was dead in the shower.  I am not coping, sleeping, functioning well, organized, or able to wrap my mind around the fact he is gone.  My ex-husband also died.  we got divorced in 2010 and he remarried 2010 and passed away January 30th 2014.  30 years I have loved 2 men and they are both gone.  it is literally killing me inside.  my heart aches and the loneliness is overwhelming.  I have 2 daughters that have their own life and children so I don't bother them with my heartache.  they need to focus on themselves and their family.   will it ever get easier?   I am scared senseless that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life.  

[KayC]

Jackie, I am so sorry.  It's very hard, both of your losses.  Wow, four new people here today.  I want to share this article I wrote with you also, not sure if you've ventured past this thread.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.]
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

 

[KMB]

On 11/16/2017 at 5:08 AM, Mon_buck said:

I lost my husband 3 months ago to cancer. We were together 12 years and he was 1 week shy of his 37th birthday. I'm 33. He was terminal so I looked after him at our home for a few months before he passed away in my arms. I found this very hard to start with seeing him physically take his last harboured breathes but have since realised how lucky we both were to have each other when he passed. We got to say goodbye and i was the last face he saw. I was also pregnant when we found out he was terminal but miscarried through all the stress. I don't know anyone else who's gone through this so thought I'd try this site to chat and have support through this bloody difficult time!! I'm lucky I have a super close family who are awesome and great friends who are always there to listen oh and a beautiful chocolate lab who was also with me and my husband thru it all. But I'd love to talk to people who know what I'm going thru ... I just miss him all the time and am constantly thinking of the family I lost ... him and our baby. He left me with a great inner strength as we had been thru a lot over the past 6 years and he instilled in me a confidence of being able to deal with his death as we knew it was coming. I really miss his sense of humour and his hugs! I have a flexible, strong open mind but it's still really hard to accept his death. Can Anyone else relate?? Thanks 

I am so sorry.  It is heart breaking when I see new members at young ages on here. It is heart breaking with seeing new people here, period.  Many years of living, planning the future and it gets ripped away. I was just short of turning 32 and my husband was 44 when we met. We had 25 years of togetherness and I feel I was robbed of our retirement plans, watching and guiding our grandchildren into successful lives of their own. It doesn't matter what age we suffer loss of our soul mates.  Loss is loss and plans of happily ever after, are gone as well.

You were blessed in that your husband chose you to spend the rest of his life with. You both gained many wonderful, beautiful things from your union.Your husband was able to go to Heaven, knowing how much he was loved by you and in your arms. Such a loving way to leave, in my book. The best way to honor your husband and continue on, is with the knowledge, wisdom, strength, confidence, he instilled in you.  I am sorry about your miscarriage.  Know that your husband and child are together in Heaven, under God's loving care . You are blessed in having a supportive family, friends, to be there for you. And of course, your loyal companionship of your dog. Some of us don't have much in the way of family and some of us have experienced the disappearance of so called friends. If it wasn't for my pets, I don't know where I would be.

I don't really know if we ever truly accept our losses. I didn't consent to this unwanted reality, so why should I accept it? We live with our losses 24/7. We will always miss them and wish for them to come back. We are in survival mode and we do learn to adapt, but it is easier said than done.

Keep coming here to read posts and chime in with your feelings, thoughts, crying and venting. There isn't anything we haven't experienced ourselves. Sending prayers for God's love, continued strength and eventual peace.

[KMB]

Gonzalez08, Sending you prayers and hugs!!

[KMB]

On 11/18/2017 at 4:41 PM, Jackie Maligranda said:

I lost my boyfriend of 5 1/2 years on September 29th 2017, to heart disease, that we didn't know he had.  I came home from work and he was dead in the shower.  I am not coping, sleeping, functioning well, organized, or able to wrap my mind around the fact he is gone.  My ex-husband also died.  we got divorced in 2010 and he remarried 2010 and passed away January 30th 2014.  30 years I have loved 2 men and they are both gone.  it is literally killing me inside.  my heart aches and the loneliness is overwhelming.  I have 2 daughters that have their own life and children so I don't bother them with my heartache.  they need to focus on themselves and their family.   will it ever get easier?   I am scared senseless that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life.  

I am so sorry, Jackie.  My husband passed of sudden cardiac arrest. He did have congestive heart failure due to diabetes. But, for the most part, heart disease is silent, undetectable, until something devastating happens or it is discovered by some other means, symptoms or other medical condition.  My father passed at the age of 34 when I was 5. He had a series of multiple strokes. He never knew there was anything medically wrong either. It is so hard to deal with whatever bad things life decides to throw at us.

You are blessed in being able to love twice. Your loved ones were blessed at being able to have known love and you in their lives. Some people are not so blessed in even finding and knowing love once in their life time. Our hearts will always ache with the loneliness of our loss. Over much time, we learn to adapt, evolve with that pain and carry it with us.

I know what it is like having adult children. They go on with their lives. Their grieving is different from ours. They were not with our loved one on a 24/7 basis as we were. They are still able to move forward, planning their futures. We can't do that. Our future was with our loved one and it got ripped away. We find ourselves at ground zero on this lonely, meaningless grief road. We lost them, our identity and the life we knew. We have to virtually start over again, somehow, someway.

I am scared too of being alone. I am 58 and my husband and I had just started the process of retirement. We had our plans. We were looking forward to spending many years of togetherness, just enjoying a peaceful, less demanding life. I do have our pets here. Without them, I truly don't know what would become of me. They give me a purpose for getting through each day.  But still, I am afraid of being here alone. I am on my own in taking care of our home and property. I do things slower now and don't try to get everything done in one day. I have to remind myself that I am alone and have to be more thoughtful and careful in what I do. i did not consent to this unwanted reality. I envisioned my husband and I living to old age and leaving this life in our sleep together. That dream is gone now.

Sending prayers for God's continual strength, love and eventual peace.   Keep coming to this forum. Reading posts and chiming in with your thoughts, feelings, crying and venting is something we all have in common.  (HUGS)

[KMB]

KavitaHubby, Prayers and hugs to you as well. We sure need them!

[Azipod]

On 11/16/2017 at 3:08 AM, Mon_buck said:

I lost my husband 3 months ago to cancer. We were together 12 years and he was 1 week shy of his 37th birthday. I'm 33. He was terminal so I looked after him at our home for a few months before he passed away in my arms. I found this very hard to start with seeing him physically take his last harboured breathes but have since realised how lucky we both were to have each other when he passed. We got to say goodbye and i was the last face he saw. I was also pregnant when we found out he was terminal but miscarried through all the stress. I don't know anyone else who's gone through this so thought I'd try this site to chat and have support through this bloody difficult time!! I'm lucky I have a super close family who are awesome and great friends who are always there to listen oh and a beautiful chocolate lab who was also with me and my husband thru it all. But I'd love to talk to people who know what I'm going thru ... I just miss him all the time and am constantly thinking of the family I lost ... him and our baby. He left me with a great inner strength as we had been thru a lot over the past 6 years and he instilled in me a confidence of being able to deal with his death as we knew it was coming. I really miss his sense of humour and his hugs! I have a flexible, strong open mind but it's still really hard to accept his death. Can Anyone else relate?? Thanks 

Mon_buck, yes.  We can all relate.  First off, I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss.   Like you, I lost my partner and we are in our 30s as well.   We all know what you are going through and  know that every moment in each day is incredibly difficult.  The sadness, the loneliness, the future plans that we will no longer have, along with the emptiness of our home without our partner is devastating.    It feels like a huge part of us died when our partner went away.   With time, I've realized that I can function as a person, but I am incredibly sad every moment of the day.    Things have changed and my feelings are now different, but the residual pain involving the sadness is still very overwhelming.   There is nothing easy about this, and this route is something we're going to be walking for the rest of our lives.  I am sorry that you have to go through this.   But yes.  We can all relate and we all understand how every moment in our life is challenging.    Come back here and post as often as you need for support.  We are here for you.

[SicXestCarra]

I lost my Baby-a-miss on the 4th of july! He was my everything! He died in my arms I gave him CPR for 35 minutes pleading for him to come back begging god and the devil to take it back. Screaming while crying and breathing into him my happiness my love my everything emptying out with each breath I tried to give him each breath and each empty pounding of his chest every single one made me feel like shattered freezing cold bits of my heart spilled onto the floor. What was to be his breath of life is my breath of death. Parts of me that only he knew the best parts of me died as he stayed frozen staring and still in my arms. I am not ok this is so wrong feeling. It was me and him against the world noone said either of our names with out saying the others. He was only 41 I'm 33. He had copd we expected 5yrs tops before we would loose each other at least another year to 5. But he went from having a perfectly good breathing day wasnt even needing inhaler hardly to collapsing onto the floor he sent me outside for 15 minutes to water plants and I came in and he was on the floor his eyes fixed and far away I cant escape that look on his face i grabbed him and rolled him over i cradled his head as a gurgly,breath escaped him and I remember screaming no chris! I dont know how I got the phone or dialing 911 I dont remember telling them my address just not breathing CPR and please please hurry i cant loose him right now I cant. And they came in pulled me bk on the bed and put these little pads on him and they were all watching like this piece of paper but nobody was doing anything I yelled why are yall just standing there y aren't u doing anything then a volunteer fighfighter pulled me up and was walking me out of our room towards the living room I instantly got so so so cold and felt like the bottom fell outta my stomache.i started mumbling  no. No no. He was saying let's take u in here for some air and let them do what they need to do. I said hes dead isn't he. He didnt answer he sat me on the couch and knelt down in front of me. He said how long has been like that I said since bout 15 min b4 I called u guys he was fine I was only outSide 15 min tops cuz it was almost dark. He replays so about 45 minutes total it took them over 1/2 hour to get to our house. I said hes gone huh. At that time one of the emts was walking into my living room eyes locked onto the volunteer firefight kneeling before me him searching the emts guys eyes for some kind of better news than what the truthWas. I looked at each of them one after the other I said hes gone huh? The volunteer turned bk towards me closed his eyes time stopped and before he could more his head and confirm which he didnt need to the look in his eyes b4 they closed said it all. I started screaming I thought I was gonna pass out I threw up I turned around in circles on the couch pulled my hair out slid onto the floor crying and screaming no baby no please no chris no why why wtf please and for a while it's all a blur of pain and emptiness I feel like a ghost of who I was and I dont know how to be with out him how to do anything without him he and I were part of each other. We truly believed we were soul mates. My mom sum of our close friends use to get misty eyed about our love and say some people can live their whole lives and not find the kinda love we had for one another that our love was truly beautiful in the midst of nothing both from the gutter dirty and broken and alone we found one another and in each other ourselves. I helped free him from the dark chaos of his past trapt within him and he helped set sum of my chaos free that I kept locked inside me. We danced in each others darkness so neither had to be alone in it without a light our love made our own light. And now I'm honestly f.d up in the head I can't quit crying espeshially when I'm alone literally just walking into the bathroom by myself i sit down on the toilet and start bawling not to mention the hopeless lost I dont knownwhat to do here feeling when I try to shower so I just stand there and start crying usually noT even using soap litErally just standing there with the water washing the tears from my face until the water turns as cold as my world now is to me and then I get out and shrug into my clothes just to go lay bk down on bed and cry and think bout him. I dont know how I'm ever gonna be ok again. We both knew 5yrs tops we talked or he did a lot about how he was gonna prob die soon and I thougt sum part of me was not prepared but maybe braced for it a little bit for when it were to happen buT evidently I was not!

! I feel like a ghost of who I was before like a shell that is empty how do I go on each day without him or even face one day one morning without his smile his laugh his snuggles. He was my favorite part of me died with him.  I dont know if that is what ur suppose to do on here or even if I'm allowed to put like what u went through on here I swear j do not mean to offend anyone I just started typing were my thoughts were in my head. I dont know how to go bout doing this or anything else for that matter. He was my ,favorite j miss my babyamiss my daddy miss my best friend my love my everything it hurts so bad I'm just lost. Stumbling round and round. ..please and thank u. ..

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Your picture of the two of you together says it all, that's how we were too..  It's been 16 years and I've never had that feeling since he died, that incredible safe protected feeling of him holding me.  I've learned to live alone, been through so much on my own, but still I miss him, still I love him, I always will.  Until we're together again...

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of it's own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.

[Gail 8588]

Carra,

I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope you will come back here and post as you feel the need.  This is the hardest thing to go through.  People around you may not understand the pain you are in. But on this site, we get it. Our lives have been shattered too. 

You are not alone. 

Gail