Funeral

[Existential1]

Hello All -
Need advice - pragmatic advice.

I'm an American living in europe, and will be dying soon. Due to my medical condition, it lead to a financial condition that lead me to not have the resources for even a cremation.

And no - I'm not asking for any financial help.

But I am concerned about my family ending up with getting stuck with fees for my disposal.

What ever happened to the pauper's funeral? When I go I do not want to have my family get burdened like this.

Thoughts?

[reader]

Dear Existential1,

I hear your concern. Depending on where you live the government might provide a basic funeral. I would check with local town office for more information.

Hopefully others can also provide more information.

[Existential1]

Thanks reader.

I did speak with a private funeral home and they said I would have to speak with the town hall of where I live and inquire if I can arrange something. It is a bit awkward as typically no man wants to have to give his hard luck story to a third party, especially being an american in Spain everyone thinks we (american expats) are all well off. And although I'm liked here where I am, the towns folks might resent having to use municipal resources to dispose of a non spaniard - that's what is so annoying about the situation. 

[reader]

Please don't think that, I'm sure its very common across the globe. Life happens. And many communities will have a plan in place regardless of your nationality. I hope you can find the answers are you looking for and it will ease your mind.

[Existential1]

Thank you for your thoughts on the matter.

[Existential1]

The other factor in this equation is that IF and I stress the if part, my illness gets so extreme - extreme with pain and IF I carry out self deliverance to end the pain of something I will die from any, will this change the attitude of the people knowing I died at my own hands when it comes to the expenses to dispose of me?

[ModKonnie]

Are you working with doctors about your illness? Are there counselors or people of that nature available where you live? What normally happens to people with terminal illnesses where you are living? What do others do that have no means of support? 

Are you a religious person? Could you talk to a leader of your particular faith and ask about support and help? Do you have a friend from the area versed in tradition and culture you could be frank with? 

ModKonnie

[Existential1]

I'm going at this rather solo. Don't want to bother others with this - and let's face it: the idea of death freaks people out and I don't want to alienate people.

[KMB]

I respect and admire your courage in what you are enduring. I hope you find some resources for what you are seeking. Has the internet been any help, with how Spain ( its culture) conducts end of life issues for someone without financial means?  Would I be correct in assuming your family is aware of your medical situation? Maybe they could make inquiries on your behalf?

I admit curiosity with your post. There are many of us here grieving for the loss of our soul mate, and there has been a previous discussion about giving up our life, for someone who wants to live. From the discussion, there is only only one place in the world where this takes place, ( I don't remember where and it is long buried in the threads) but doctor documentations for extreme depression need to be had. We, who grieve, just want so much to be with our soul mates, but ending one's own life for that sake alone, is not an option.

Sending prayers that you find what you are seeking.  I am truly sorry for your circumstances.  If you are of faith, pray for God's help in giving you guidance to what you need to know. You don't even need to be of faith. We are all the Creator's children and He loves us no matter what.

[Existential1]

KMB thank you for your thoughts and concern. From what I understand that something has to be arranged with the local town hall of where I live. If not, then the the town, or some branch of the spanish government pays (they have to get rid of the deceased one way or another within 72 hours) afterwards the spanish gov might then try to solicit a claim from my family in the usa for the fees incurred. The part about spain trying to claim reimbursement is just speculation - and assuming the US State Department enforces this 

[KMB]

My heart breaks for you. I cannot even imagine being in your situation. It must be horrible dealing with the emotions and thoughts you must have. To be all alone.  Isn't there a way for your family to come up with the funds for you to travel back home to them? Or does your illness prevent travel at this point? Is it possible for a family member to travel and be with you?

[Existential1]

9 hours ago, KMB said:

My heart breaks for you. (...) To be all alone.  (...) Is it possible for a family member to travel and be with you?

Thanks again KMB, and to speak more philosophically about it all, well unless one dies in the same car crash or similar circumstance, we all technically die alone. Regarding my family - my family means well, but they are flighty, and I have come to realize that I should not count on them. I'm thinking of maybe speaking to an official at the town I live (just outside Girona) and see, as well hope they can be quiet about it, if I can arrange something in advance with the understanding they will not try to solicit re-imbursement from my family. It's a risky thing I know, if word gets out that, people could be looking at me and behaving diferently.

[KMB]

Well, yes, technically we do die alone. Some people are fortunate to be surrounded by their loved ones when they do transition over, but you are right. That transition is ours alone to travel. Every persons circumstances are different. I lost my husband last year by sudden cardiac arrest, here at home. It happened during the night, I discovered him in the morning. He did have a heart condition created by diabetes. We were just a few days away from him starting on dialysis, which would have taken the extra work load off his heart. He had always said he didn't want to die in a hospital or nursing home. He wanted to go in the comfort of our home and I am grateful he got his wish. He is on my mind all the time and I miss him every second. I don't have much in the way of a support system, so my grieving has been tough to cope with. I do think of my own mortality and have been taking care of my own end of life affairs.That  is the thing about life. We are not guaranteed tomorrow and we do not know the exact day of our demise.

I wish you well in finding someone in your township that can help you with arrangements. I am sorry your family is not in a position to help you out. I will keep praying for you. I wish there was something I could do for you, and praying is the best I can offer. God hears all of our prayers.

[Existential1]

10 minutes ago, KMB said:

Well, yes, technically we do die alone. Some people are fortunate to be surrounded by their loved ones when they do transition over, but you are right. That transition is ours alone to travel. Every persons circumstances are different. I lost my husband last year by sudden cardiac arrest, here at home. It happened during the night, I discovered him in the morning. He did have a heart condition created by diabetes. We were just a few days away from him starting on dialysis, which would have taken the extra work load off his heart. He had always said he didn't want to die in a hospital or nursing home. He wanted to go in the comfort of our home and I am grateful he got his wish. He is on my mind all the time and I miss him every second. I don't have much in the way of a support system, so my grieving has been tough to cope with. I do think of my own mortality and have been taking care of my own end of life affairs.That  is the thing about life. We are not guaranteed tomorrow and we do not know the exact day of our demise.

I wish you well in finding someone in your township that can help you with arrangements. I am sorry your family is not in a position to help you out. I will keep praying for you. I wish there was something I could do for you, and praying is the best I can offer. God hears all of our prayers.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but am glad he was able to be at home when he passed - to be with you.

Thank you very much again for keeping me in your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

[KMB]

No thanks needed. We all need someone who cares. This grief forum has been my life line. My husband has been gone for almost 15 months. I stay with the forum to give back to others. I've gotten a lot of comfort, advice and encouragement from others who understand loss. I try to give that back.