Jump to content
New Members - Check Your Spam/Junk Folder for Confirmation Email ×

Sick with grief and guilt


AJWCat

Recommended Posts

  • Members
17 hours ago, AJWCat said:

I was sick from food poisoning and our cat was so sweet, he followed me around, in bed, out of bed, stuck by me at every turn.  

Ahh, that is so sweet.  It's amazing how they pick up on when something is wrong with us and make the effort to show they care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, that you're not well and that you're feeling all this sadness...I know how it feels. When my guilt subsides I feel only the sadness and it is so deep. ...Your kitty was truly so sweet. In our moments of need we miss them even more, their comforting presence. Please take care of yourself. I wish I could help you with the pain but I can only share. I hope you get well soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Physically doing much better, I had a major sinus problem and went to the ER, twice. I am now so so sad and missing our cat. I can't cry either! Really not good for the nose. In one more week he'll be gone 2 months. I have made progress, I can function. But still so so sad. I look at pictures of him and want so bad to have him back. Also this is a little weird, I feel like he is showing me signs. It's been 2 months, we've vacuumed a couple times, swept, I've washed my clothes multiple times, still I will find one stray white hair of his sitting somewhere like on a table or on the bathroom mirror. Crazy? Maybe. Devastated still. Sadly yes.    

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm glad you're doing better but my heart hurts for you. I feel exactly the same loss ,the same sadness....I don't know what to say about it, except that everyone has their own grieving time and, maybe for you,  two months is still too early . At least, on a practical level ,it's good that you can function now.                                                                                     As for the signs, I wouldn't call you crazy. These things are said to have happened to some people who have lost their pets and are not considered a coincidence. There are some books and articles out there titled "signs of pets from the afterlife" ,I intend to check  them myself. But first of all trust your feelings. If your instinct tells you your kitty is sending you signs, then he is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

When I lost my dog Lucky, I thought I'd be finding her hair the rest of my life!  It was short with invisible barbs that used to hang onto everything.  But alas as the years have gone by, it's to the point I no longer find one.  The other day, though, I found one in the couch...it's been nine years since she's been gone.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I was on the verge of tears all day yesterday. Literally all day. Then I realized it was Saturday. The 7 week anniversary of losing our cat. Saturdays are just not that great anymore.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh ,AJWCat my heart breaks for you....I feel your pain. I am still crying over my kitty too. I wish I could say something to make it better for you. Except that I understand  and that your feelings are shared.  This sadness......it is unbelievable.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

AJWCat,

I will be offline for the next couple of weeks while my son is installing a new operating system...I can't deal with Windows 10 anymore, Microsoft continually eating all my data allotment with their megaupdates.  I'm in a slow speed area with limited data, they act like we're all in big cities with high speed and unlimited data.  I can't even get on my computer without them taking over, it's worse than any virus!

Just didn't want you to think I wasn't responding to you.  Will try to get on line now and then if opportunity presents.

I'm sorry for your pain, I know it all too well...it's just hard to go through.  :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh no @KayC what a pain! I will miss having you here but thank you for the update. My thoughts are focused on the next chapter, we leave here in just a few days. I have our cat's last two favorite toys. I hate parting with them, I may tuck one into my luggage. Everything else of his we dropped off at the local SPCA right after we lost him. I barely remember it - it was a blur.

I also have one of my fav t-shirts that I was wearing the night he got sick and died. I can't just wash it and wear it again so I will be throwing it away too. I am so sad driving away from here much lighter, no cat carrier, no supplies... no cat.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It took me an hour to get on line today but I'm here, using laptop, starting to get more used to typing on it.  I miss my PC!  

You might want to keep his toys alongside his ashes.  I bought a headstone from https://www.personalcreations.com/personalized-pet-memorials-psephds?REF=PCRSRCHgoog_Sympathy&+Memorial+-+Desktop+-+Exact_pet+head+stones_e_c=&cvosrc=PPC.google.pet+head+stones&matchtype=e&PRID=pcrsrch25ypad

They do a good job and it's inexpensive, well worth it.

I know it's going to be hard to leave the last place he was, but just know he goes with you inside your heart, always.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I love my laptop, you will too I bet!

We didn't get his ashes. We're too mobile I couldn't see having to handle the ashes - and I was so distraught it didn't seem to matter. I have a ton of photos at least.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

That's good...I'm NOT a picture taking person, so I have few photos, something I will likely regret someday.  But each of my animals has been indelibly etched into my brain, with or without physical reminders...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
42 minutes ago, KayC said:

That's good...I'm NOT a picture taking person, so I have few photos, something I will likely regret someday.  But each of my animals has been indelibly etched into my brain, with or without physical reminders...

I'm not a picture taking person either, and I regret so much that I don't have many pictures of my kitty. If only I have known she would be gone... She's etched on my mind too.:(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
14 hours ago, AJWCat said:

I love my laptop, you will too I bet!

We didn't get his ashes. We're too mobile I couldn't see having to handle the ashes - and I was so distraught it didn't seem to matter. I have a ton of photos at least.  

 

21 hours ago, AJWCat said:

Oh no @KayC what a pain! I will miss having you here but thank you for the update. My thoughts are focused on the next chapter, we leave here in just a few days. I have our cat's last two favorite toys. I hate parting with them, I may tuck one into my luggage. Everything else of his we dropped off at the local SPCA right after we lost him. I barely remember it - it was a blur.

I also have one of my fav t-shirts that I was wearing the night he got sick and died. I can't just wash it and wear it again so I will be throwing it away too. I am so sad driving away from here much lighter, no cat carrier, no supplies... no cat.  

I am so sorry for your sadness....What can I say?  We always carry them with us ,in our hearts...I hope your new place will help you find some healing...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you! I just realized the date. We lost our sweet kitty August 12. So I am at 2 months. I look at his pictures daily. Still can't believe we lost him. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

AJW, he is really beautiful.  My Miss Mocha had paws like that.  Beautiful fur.

Connectivity problems with my internet, I have someone scheduled to come out on Monday but not sure they find/fix it.  It may be my router and if so I don't have someone to call.  I'm not a tech and I hate stuff like this.  It's been very hard getting on line lately with all the computer issues.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
1 hour ago, KayC said:

AJW, he is really beautiful.  My Miss Mocha had paws like that.  Beautiful fur.

Connectivity problems with my internet, I have someone scheduled to come out on Monday but not sure they find/fix it.  It may be my router and if so I don't have someone to call.  I'm not a tech and I hate stuff like this.  It's been very hard getting on line lately with all the computer issues.

Thank you! He was. We couldn't believe someone gave him up when we adopted him at the HS. I am sure Miss Mocha was adorable. 

Good luck on your internet, hopefully they can fix it once and for all, so annoying these days!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

This is my Miss Mocha, the picture doesn't do her justice, she was gorgeous with blue eyes and a black heart shaped nose.  She was so feminine and used to blink-blink and was very flirtatious with men, which they couldn't resist!

59e1fb98641a7_MissMocha.jpg.4483245c55fdde0a96aa4539e8265bd2.jpg

I dreamed last night that she came back and I asked her where she'd been.  I was so glad to have her back!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh my gosh she is so adorable. I love her. How nice to have a dream about her. I dreamt about our guy last night too. It was very strange, he was curling up and I saw him and I realized somehow time had rewound and I could pet him. 2nd dream now. Both have been "distant" feeling. But I guess better than nothing. My husband and I are still so devastated he asked me if we'd ever be the same. We lost our "innocence" since this was so unexpected. He said he feels so weird being so upset still and I said, we are not alone, everyone on the forum is just like us. :( 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I wish she'd come to me in my dreams more often.  I miss her snuggling up to me, and her feminine wiles.  My son likes dogs rather than cats and even he liked her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 10/14/2017 at 2:57 PM, KayC said:

This is my Miss Mocha, the picture doesn't do her justice, she was gorgeous with blue eyes and a black heart shaped nose.  She was so feminine and used to blink-blink and was very flirtatious with men, which they couldn't resist!

59e1fb98641a7_MissMocha.jpg.4483245c55fdde0a96aa4539e8265bd2.jpg

I dreamed last night that she came back and I asked her where she'd been.  I was so glad to have her back!

KayC she is truly georgeous....My Sissy had ears like that...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 10/14/2017 at 4:43 PM, AJWCat said:

Oh my gosh she is so adorable. I love her. How nice to have a dream about her. I dreamt about our guy last night too. It was very strange, he was curling up and I saw him and I realized somehow time had rewound and I could pet him. 2nd dream now. Both have been "distant" feeling. But I guess better than nothing. My husband and I are still so devastated he asked me if we'd ever be the same. We lost our "innocence" since this was so unexpected. He said he feels so weird being so upset still and I said, we are not alone, everyone on the forum is just like us. :( 

I feel this way too, like I've lost my innocence ,like I was in Eden before...and now...I am somebody else,  in a cold and dark place. Thank God for this forum ,that we're here for each other. The grief is so huge that it can drive you crazy if left unshared.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
20 hours ago, Maria9 said:

I feel this way too, like I've lost my innocence

Grief does this.  Before I lost my husband, the world was wonderful and I had no reason to expect that it would change.  I assumed one day would go on like the last.  And then it happened, and everything from then on was a "before" or an "after" that point.  When I hear of something that happened before June 19, 2005, I think, "That was 'before', when I had no reason to believe my life would shatter."  We no longer feel that safe security we once had.  We know life is one diagnosis away, one moment from changing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yes KayC it's so true.... My life has been split in two. One part is the "before" and one part the "after"...Two entirely different worlds.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yep... before and after. Speaking of which, we are back in our "home" city today. Left the vacation rental behind happily. I really feel the place was cursed. In a period of 3 months, my husband and I were both in the ER twice for medical issues and we lost the cat. It was a disaster.   

Now we are renting a new apt. and staying just down the street where we left with our cat alive and well in July. :( 

I was going to bury his favorite mouse in the yard of that house and I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave one piece of him there. So his mouse came with us - hopefully his spirit followed.

Oh @KayC my heart aches for you too. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh AJWCat, this is all so sad, I feel your own pain too...Must be hard living at the same street......My cat was alive and well in July too. I am still in disbelief.

I'm sure your kitty's spirit is everywhere with you,  we are forever connected with our pets through this unbreakable  bond of love, I believe it.

I regret that I never bought my kitty a toy mouse, in all these six years . It's one of the little things I kept forgetting with everyday preoccupations. I mean, she was playing with paper balls and strings and the edges of carpets like my other cats do, but I think she would have loved a toy mouse...and now it's too late. My heart is heavy with regrets like this.

This is a new beginning for you. I know your loss is still raw and hurting, but maybe time and new surroundings will soothe it somehow. I wish this for you.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

AJW,

I am sure her spirit followed you.  It's not the place, it's YOU she was attached to.

Maria,

My cat chooses what she plays with, so even if not an official toy, she'll find things to interest her, like a paper bag or a box, really, anything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I know you are both right. Thank you as always. Maria, you loved your kitty! don't beat yourself up. Our cat slept on his toys 99% of the time, and played w/ them for about 5 minutes if I engaged him, lol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you both for consoling me...Maybe self-doubt and regret are aspects of grief. I keep wondering, did I give my kitty a good life? Could I have done more for her while she was still living with me? Shouldn't I have given her more of my time and attention? .These questions are hard. Because the only thing that offers comfort in this loss is the knowledge that our pets had a very good life, full of love and care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It's so easy to ask those questions. If I do though, I can't help but think, oh I could have done more! And to top it all off our cat's last few months we were gone a lot and he had teeth cleaning, tail surgery. I can't even think about it, I get either mad about it or sad.

We both lived our lives and were busy but we gave them good homes. We loved them so much. We should focus on that. :wub: 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

These are questions we all ask when our loved ones are gone, including our pets.  We did the best we could, we loved them as much as possible and gave them of ourselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

AJWCat and KayC, thank you again for listening and for offering comforting answers.It means so much to me..

AJWCat, do not be hard on yourself, you always meant only good for your cat.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I know. So... I have been looking at pictures of rescues online. We are moving into our new place in a few weeks and plan on adopting. A new cat has such big paws to fill. I see cats that look a little like him and I am drawn to them. I know I will come to love them on their own. i do miss our sweet kitty so so much still. Last night I pictured snuggling with him. :( 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

AJW,

I'm glad to hear you come to this decision because I know you have a lot of love to give.  You will always miss your cat, but like our kids, we can love more than one in their own ways.  Good luck to you and I hope you keep us posted!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks @KayC. Oh yes, my life must have a cat in it! (I love dogs too, but I just defer to cats.) I feel normal most days now. But there is still a hole. And that is okay. I don't need it to be filled, even with another animal. We will rescue another cat. But I never want to forget our "C" cat, there can never be another just like him. Just like he was very different than my other 2. 

I will miss him forever. I am okay with that. The only thing I struggle with is how un-peaceful his last couple hours were. It still breaks my heart. If I start thinking about it, I have to stop. It is still so painful. :( 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I know, that's the hard part.  You won't ever forget him, don't worry about that.  The bad part about living to be my age is I miss so many animals that have passed through my care.  :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

AJWCat   I am glad too that you're planning to adopt a new kitty. All this love you have to give has to go somewhere. Of course there will never be another one like your cat and I know, though I am newer to this, that the hole in our hearts will always be there. When bad memories come, try to think of all the love you had between you. I am so sorry. I know this pain is the price of the divine love we were privileged to experience in this life but it doesn't make it any easier.:(

KayC   you give me hope because I am afraid I will forget my kitty too,but at the same time I feel your sadness and my heart hurts for your losses..... I cannot imagine going through another loss like this, but I guess this goes together with having pets. One part of me wishes that I don't live many years more, so I don't have to live with all this pain .I know it is selfish, but I cannot help thinking this way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

@Maria9 It is painful, I don't like to hear you say you don't want more years though. Like you said to me, you are such a good, loving person! 

And as for @KayC it is true, the longer you live the more loss you see. Sadly. I don't know if it matters to you, but you are such a voice of love and reason here on this forum I can only imagine the number of people you have helped, certainly I know myself and Maria know your kindness.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Just remember, it is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and that continues still.  Our time here together may end but we will be with them again, it is not the end of the play.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
14 hours ago, AJWCat said:

I don't know if it matters to you, but you are such a voice of love and reason here on this forum I can only imagine the number of people you have helped, certainly I know myself and Maria know your kindness. 

It matters to me greatly...it lends purpose to all of the loss I have suffered and all I have learned through my grief journey.  I have lost pets all of my life, I would have to write down the names of all of the pets who have passed through my life to know the head count, each one dear to me, some especially so, and the dog I have now more than any before, perhaps because of his personality, perhaps because of where I am in life now, but I know I've loved them all.  Losing my husband changed me, all of my life is a before and after from that point.  But I can honestly say I've learned more in these 12 years since than all of the years combined beforehand.  It's especially important to know that life has meaning, but one thing I've learned is that it doesn't just "happen", we have to create it... THAT is the challenge.  To do so at a time when we are least feeling it...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Great points. I am glad you have your dog too! I'm sure he has been such a good companion all these years. I imagine if I lose my husband it will radically change me as well. Just another thing I worry over but try to keep enjoying each day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 10/26/2017 at 3:35 AM, AJWCat said:

@Maria9 It is painful, I don't like to hear you say you don't want more years though. Like you said to me, you are such a good, loving person! 

And as for @KayC it is true, the longer you live the more loss you see. Sadly. I don't know if it matters to you, but you are such a voice of love and reason here on this forum I can only imagine the number of people you have helped, certainly I know myself and Maria know your kindness.  

Thank you  AJWCat, you're always so supportive. This is maybe the darkest time ever in my life . You and KayC  have been holding my hand and helping me ease my mind and my heart from the start, even in the midst of your own pain. I could ask no more from a friend.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
23 hours ago, KayC said:

Just remember, it is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and that continues still.  Our time here together may end but we will be with them again, it is not the end of the play.

It is our love indeed. And I know it never ends, but I haven't yet learned to live with this absence. I know I have to learn this to survive ,but it is so hard. Yet you have walked this road ahead of me and you show me that it can be done.

23 hours ago, KayC said:

It matters to me greatly...it lends purpose to all of the loss I have suffered and all I have learned through my grief journey.  I have lost pets all of my life, I would have to write down the names of all of the pets who have passed through my life to know the head count, each one dear to me, some especially so, and the dog I have now more than any before, perhaps because of his personality, perhaps because of where I am in life now, but I know I've loved them all.  Losing my husband changed me, all of my life is a before and after from that point.  But I can honestly say I've learned more in these 12 years since than all of the years combined beforehand.  It's especially important to know that life has meaning, but one thing I've learned is that it doesn't just "happen", we have to create it... THAT is the challenge.  To do so at a time when we are least feeling it...

KayC, AJWCat is right, I am sure your kindness and your wisdom are making a difference in this world and I have personal evidence of this. All your  journey through loss and grief enabled you help heal others and that's a really huge thing ,though I wish you didn't have to face all these losses . I cannot imagine losing my partner , but it would be like my life was cut in two, also. I am glad you have your doggie in your life.

These words are so true, we have to create meaning in our lives. It is one of the biggest challenges when all we want is to surrender to our grief. I am still struggling with this.....

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

The grief feels unbearable at times and we don't know what to do with it.  I've learned we can't circumvent it, if there was a way, I would have found it.  We go through it, we feel it, we allow ourselves to sit with our pain and we keep putting one foot in front of the other and tell ourselves to just get through this day...then tomorrow we get up and do it all over again.  In time we realize it's been years and we've somehow survived.  We still miss them, we always will, but somewhere along the way we stopped looking for them to come through the door and the everyday habits we shared together we no longer expect and we don't even know at what point we quit anticipating them.  This is grief.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.