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Jilty

Loss of adult daughter

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Jilty

Hello,

I just want to put a brief synopsis of  my story out here hoping people will have advice for me to help with this awful event.

My daughter took her own life end of May after a few unsuccessful attempts. She was 36. She had led a troubled life, the underlying cause of her problems I won't discuss on here. My family are all devastated. I live alone,  am divorced and my two sons don't live near, one is on another Continent anyway.

Whilst I had sort of tucked away the idea that she might one day succeed at the back of my mind, the reality of it when it happened still blew me away.She had a nervous breakdown two years ago and this all just spiralled down  out of that really. Still can't grasp the idea that i will never ever see her or speak to her again.

I have only just gone back to work, they have been fabulous but I really, really  don't want to be back there but am only going because my team cannot support my work load indefinitely and this guilt is adding to my emotional state. I feel torn between wanting to be at home and returning to the normal treadmill of reality. I am still bursting into tears at the slightest thing and it seems to be more often than in the first few weeks.  This first week back has been so tiring even though I am office based.

I have been drinking a lot more than normal but not to excess on any occasion and  i do realise it is not an answer but it does help. (Been there before and have learnt from that experience).

I have been in touch with a few support sites but no one has really reached out to me and I am hoping that I can be a part of this to share my story, get help and reach out to others too.

Many thanks for reading and my sympathies go out to all of you who are sharing this grief from losing someone close to your hearts.

 

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cag

I lost my son on July 14. He also made several attempts, over 6 years. He was 26 years old. 

I have some idea what you are going through. 

My husband and I joined a support group and I see a therapist once a week.  Both have been very helpful, the support group has several other parents that lost an adult child. 

Please respond and let me know how you are doing. 

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reader

Dear Jilty and cag,

My deepest sympathies and condolences on your beloved daughter and son. I'm very sorry for your losses.

I know this is an extremely difficult time. If you want to try as cag has suggested and try to seek out resources in the community or through church.

Please know we are all here for you.

Sorry for your pain and sorrow. It is an unimaginable loss.

Sending all my thoughts and prayers. Thinking of you.

 

 

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Jilty
On 17/08/2017 at 3:28 AM, cag said:

I lost my son on July 14. He also made several attempts, over 6 years. He was 26 years old. 

I have some idea what you are going through. 

My husband and I joined a support group and I see a therapist once a week.  Both have been very helpful, the support group has several other parents that lost an adult child. 

Please respond and let me know how you are doing. 

Hi there Cag

I have had some grief counselling  by a bereavement group but not much. The Coroners report and independent investigation revealed that there was a lot we didn't know about the severity of her mental health, she had repeatedly requested that we, her family and friends, were not made aware. There was a lot going on, very complicated and emotional. This brought out so many more feelings of guilt on many levels and also unbearable pain for the mental torture she was going through.

Quite a few months on now and people say put it to rest now she is at peace but I can',t how can I? Still crying spontaneously although nowhere near as much or for as long but it is going to take forever it feels to have anything near normal emotions again. 

Christmas is going to be tough as was her birthday.

I do hope you are doing better than me. Sending a virtual hug to you and your husband. x

 

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XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Juilty ~

i am sooo terebly sorry for the loss of ur dear son....

I know all about child loss. 

Ive lost two sons.  First  Rocky of a motorcycle accident.  Then

Ronnie Suicide.

please know everyone here. I'm available as a listening and caring ear. 

How i e survived the loss of my beloved sons.   I know not

Rainie

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Guin

I am so sorry for your loss.  I have so much in common with your letter.  My daughter, 36, committed suicide in May 2013, after several attempts.  I still wonder if it was another attempt (cry for help) that went wrong.  She was in so much mental (and physical pain she caused herself).  After 5 1/2 years of a deep and heavy sadness,  I finally felt like the darkness began to lift.  I love her and still feel sad but not the heavy sadness and hole inside me that I thought I’d have forever.  A few months ago, my husband of 23 years tragically committed suicide, after many years of mental and physical illness.  It’s been horrendous at times, but I know I will get through it.  I know this because I learned to live with the death of my daughter.  I did, and am, seeing a grief counselor and am in a grief share group. I’ve read that losing a loved one to suicide is a different, and longer, process.   My heart goes out to you.

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SSC

@Guin I am so sorry for your losses.  Two suicides.  How difficult this must be for you.  My husband took his life six months ago and I am still finding myself having surreal moments where I can’t believe it really happened.  It’s so tragic.  I struggle with the idea that he left me by choice,  Even though I know he wasn’t in his right mind when it happened.  He was my best friend and I feel so lost without him.  How do you even cope with this?

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