Anger

[Kathy27]

I am so mad I just want to scream. Why is that I can't catch a break anywhere. I just lost my dad...barely been a month. Some stuff happened and now I can't talk to my mom either. And even when I could.... it's like I'm not aloud to loose my ****. I'm not aloud to break down. I'm not aloud to scream and cry. I'm not aloud to be moody. What the **** I just lost both my parents my world is falling apart do I not deserve a little slack. But no... No one has bothered to ask if I am ok. Do I need anything. Nothing. Like I'm suppose to just carry on like nothing happened, everything is normal. My life is never going to be ok again and I still haven't even grasped that concept. I've already tried to kill myself once. What have I done so wrong for everyone in my life to betray me and turn their backs on me the same week my dad died. The only person (besides my daughter who is only five) that I have left is my boyfriend and I feel like that's going to end eventually. Maybe it's just me thinking that because there is no real reason. But I just don't understand I can't catch a break from him either. I've never been one to expect sympathy because I am a firm believer in if a person does something then they deserve the punishment but ****. And today he got mad at me because I mad plans with a friend to go to the splash pad with my daughter, her son, and two young boys she is baby sitting. He said why don't u take '***** which is his 15 yr old from his previous marriage. He was staying home to work on my car. I had asked if he wanted to go or if it was ok that I went or if he wanted me to stay home. Ok for one his ex wife doesn't even want me around her so I didn't think I was aloud. Plus his daughter has already made comments about him being stuck up my ass so I was trying to give them space. But when he said why don't I take her I said she hates me she isn't going to want to go plus there isn't room in the car. We already had two kids sharing a seat belt. He has given me the silent treatment since won't answer the phone and texted and said we need to talk in person. Can't even reply when I say I love u.  What the ****... can someone explain this to me. I just want to say fine u wanna act like a child then maybe we need to reconsider this relationship cause I don't need this bull ****. I love him I do and I want to be with him but I don't need this bs right now. Why can he not grow up. U want to be with me but u can't even tell me u love me over something so small. Which I have yet to figure out. 

[reader]

Dear Kathy,

I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your father and everything you are going through. There is a lot on your shoulders right now. Life is so hard sometimes. We all wish the people in our lives would be kinder and gentler and just ask some basic questions like how are you? Its so tough.

Sorry your boyfriend's behaviour is also hurting you. I think sometimes people don't know how to handle grief. Even with my own family and friends expect me to move on in a few months. Its almost 8 months now and the grief still comes in waves.

I have tried everything I can from counselling, grief support groups, reading different websites and articles, learning a new hobby.

Anger is a natural emotion given how much the loss has affected us. Try to be kind and patient with yourself. And if you need more help coping don't be afraid to reach out, the community has lots of resources.

Sending you all my thoughts and prayers.