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Feel so guilty about the loss of my cat


Cat-mom

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My poor cat died a few days ago and I feel so guilty. He was my first ever pet and I loved him so much. The worst thing was he died in the cattery while I was on holiday so I don't feel like I even got to say goodbye to him. I hadn't realised that he was ill so this has come as a great shock to me and I'm struggling to come to terms with him not being here with me as he was a very cuddly cat who was always by my side when he wasn't out playing. In hindsight I feel I should have realised that he was ill, but he didn't seem to be acting too much out of character and was his usual cuddly self. I just can't stop feeling guilty and wishing he was still here with me and that I could have done more for him. I hope he knew how much I loved him and didn't think I'd abandoned him. 

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I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm sure he knew you loved him.  It's made all the harder because you weren't able to be with him when he died, but honestly, cats are known for going off and dying on their own, they usually prefer to be alone with it, it's just built into them.  When that happens, we don't always get to know what happened to them.  Animals are also stoic when they have something wrong with them, part of their instinct so they don't become prey.  It's not your fault you didn't pick up on it, he most likely didn't show it.  
 

I know it's very painful losing our animals, they're often who we're closest too and part of our everyday lives.  Now, just living your routine is going to feel like a trigger because it's all different now that he's gone. :(   We do get used to it and begin to adjust eventually, but the meanwhile is pretty rough, my heart goes out to you.

These articles I find to be really helpful, so I hope it is to you too:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf 

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

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Thanks for your kind words KayC. You've really helped me to consider how I can stop beating myself up over what's happened. While I'm upset he passed away in the cattery, it's somewhat a comfort when compared to an alternative where I may never have found him. This way I got to collect him and will be able to retain his ashes following his cremation. I miss him so dearly. It's been very difficult these past few days adjusting to daily life without him, and I know I'll miss him for a long time to come. 

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I know it's hard being far away when he died. But had he not died there, he likely would have crawled off and died alone, that's what cats have a tendency to do.  My Autumn did that, I never did find her body, I had her 14 years.  

It does take time to get used to our altered routine when we've lost them, so hard.

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Hi, I found those articles really helpful, thank you KayC. Cat-mom I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain and guilt too, I lost my cat too whilst away on holiday a couple of weeks ago. She too was so loving and affectionate, and made us laugh with all the crazy wonderful things she did. She was only a young cat. We had a cat-sitter coming in everyday and a cat flap installed that would let her go in and out as she pleased during the day and lock once she was inside in the evening. It was the first time we hadn't kept her locked in when we were away. She was found dead in our garden, killed either by a fox or a badger, we'll never know for sure. On top of the shock, pain and grief I've felt so so guilty - we shouldn't have gone away, we shouldn't have let her go outside - and gone over so many 'what if's'. But I am slowly starting to believe the truth, that this was a freak accident that could have happened while we were at home, or out at work. We couldn't have known or guessed what would happen - just like you couldn't have known your beloved cat was ill. All we could do was our best for them and they loved us for that. 

I miss our little cat so much, and I cant believe I'll ever get used to her not being here. But I'm finding the good memories are starting to creep in, and sometimes manage to make me smile a little bit through the tears. I hope you start to feel some comfort from your good memories soon.

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Helen,

I'm sorry you lost your cat too.  I lost my Miss Mocha a year ago June 3rd, she was outside with me and then I never saw her again.  She was very happy with me, I'd had her 10 1/2 years, I know she wouldn't have run away, and she was in great health.  I think something got her, a cougar or large bird perhaps, but I was outside all day and heard nothing, but I do know they can sneak up on them and catch them totally by surprise and they go into shock and don't even realize what happened it's over so fast.  We all have the "what ifs" but I can't feel guilty over it, she lived the life she loved.  Had I never allowed her outside, she would not have been happy...she was an adult, on her own, when I adopted her, she was used to coming and going as she pleased, I'd found her living in the top of my garage.  I think someone abandoned her out here (I live in the country).  She was beautiful and sweet and I still miss her.  I don't think that part ever goes away.

I'm glad you're able to think of the good memories you shared.   (((hugs)))

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Oh KayC, big hugs back to you, I'm so sorry. At least we do have the comfort of having Clara's ashes at home with us now. I spent yesterday doing some bits around the garden and it was so strange not having my constant companion helping out (she liked to bring me worms or join in with digging holes).

Your Miss Mocha and Clara sound like similar souls, they both loved their people deeply but also loved the call of the wild and we had to allow them their freedom despite the risks it brought. I hope there is somewhere beyond the world we know where their spirits carry on playing and getting into mischief.

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Helen,

I do believe with all my heart that our animals go to heaven just as people do.  The Bible says the lion shall lay down with the lamb, why would you have a lion and a lamb and not have my Shawna, Lobo, Jaws, Brandy, Teddy, Fluffy, Lucky, Autumn, Midnight, Taffy, King George, Chappy, Tigger, Miss Mocha?  Heaven would not be heaven without our furry family there with us. :)  My Kitty is 21 and Arlie 9 (that is his life expectancy but he is in great health) and I know they will go too and I'll have to face it once again.  Meanwhile, I enjoy each day I have them with me.  Oh that they could live all our lives and go at the same time as us!

I know the triggers all too well, that's cool that Clara would bring you worms, I've never heard of a cat doing that before!  I've loved all my cats and dogs, and I know the pain when they pass, it's very hard.

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