Lost my soulmate

[KMB]

Lulu,

8 hours ago, Lulu said:

someone as wonderful as her would want me in her life

I think we all feel this way about our soulmates. How blessed we are that we were the ones they chose to spend the rest of their life here with .It says a lot for all of us grieving, God put that plan in motion for us to meet our soulmates because we had the qualities needed for that specific, special person.

[KayC]

I feel so bad for those who do not believe as I do, that we will be with them again, that there is afterlife, that this is not the end.  I don't mean to sound presumptious in my belief, only that I can't imagine how I would do this journey without that belief to sustain me.  And I know there are others grieving that do not believe the same, my heart goes out to them.  We had this discussion a while back, and this link presented, I found it of value: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ali-a-rizvi/atheists-death_b_4134439.html

[KMB]

I'm with you on this KayC. If I didn't have my belief system that our spirit/soul goes on to another life after the physical body expires, I would be sunk for sure. How does anyone go through this life without believing that we are here for a purpose, the meaning behind our existence here and this planet cannot be possibly all there is? There is too much evidence out there proving there is more to just what we think we know.  (HUGS)

[SashaS]

I'm with You on this KayC and KMB too! I had a discussion with my husband some days before he left from here. We were discussing about that. I said to him that I don't believe the life ends here. He  doubted about that. But when I met him in dream (after he passed) the first thing we said seeing each other was the consent that the life continues. And I fully believe that! (HUGS TO YOU ALL) 

[KMB]

SashaS, That must have been a beautiful communication dream. Most of us pray for those to sustain us. (HUGS)

[SashaS]

3 hours ago, KMB said:

SashaS, That must have been a beautiful communication dream. Most of us pray for those to sustain us. (HUGS)

Missing my angel everyday is the same! But knowing that he is ok and I will meet him again means a lot for me. Without that experience and that belief I couldn't know I would be in these 6 months?! That's why I want to share that communication dream with You. And my heart goes out too, to them which grieve and don't believe in afterlife! (Hugs)

[Lulu]

On 6/1/2017 at 9:22 PM, KMB said:

Lulu,

I think we all feel this way about our soulmates. How blessed we are that we were the ones they chose to spend the rest of their life here with .It says a lot for all of us grieving, God put that plan in motion for us to meet our soulmates because we had the qualities needed for that specific, special person.

I truly believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason. I know He did with Lily and me. We were almost complete opposites but we clicked and complemented each other's strengths and weaknesses. God knew she would need me to care for her and I did my best to make sure she was loved and cared for her final days. It's just tough to get through life without her. I know we'll meet again, but that seems so long from now. 

[HHFaith]

On 6/1/2017 at 10:22 PM, KMB said:

think we all feel this way about our soulmates. How blessed we are that we were the ones they chose to spend the rest of their life here with .It says a lot for all of us grieving, God put that plan in motion for us to meet our soulmates because we had the qualities needed for that specific, special person.

So very true KMB. I feel so blessed that Pat chose me to spend the rest of his life with. I also believe that god puts people in our lives for a reason and I must say he did an excellent job bringing Pat and me together!  Gods timing was perfect for bringing us together. I will be forever grateful. I think it's the gratitude that's really keeping me going. 

[KayC]

18 hours ago, SashaS said:

But when I met him in dream (after he passed) the first thing we said seeing each other was the consent that the life continues.

I'm with KMB on this, that you experienced a communication dream.  Not sure I ever have, but I have no doubt that you did here!
 

3 hours ago, HHFaith said:

Gods timing was perfect for bringing us together. I will be forever grateful. I think it's the gratitude that's really keeping me going. 

That is so beautiful, and what a great way of looking at it!  I will have to remember that and treasure with gratitude, the fact that George and I got to connect and spend part of our lives together, it was the best part!

[SashaS]

4 hours ago, Lulu said:

We were almost complete opposites but we clicked and complemented each other's strengths and weaknesses

I feel like I have lost the balance without my other half. I dont feel even my other part. That's why I feel empty! 

[Lulu]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

That is so beautiful, and what a great way of looking at it!  I will have to remember that and treasure with gratitude, the fact that George and I got to connect and spend part of our lives together, it was the best part!

I try to keep this in mind as well when I start to feel sad. Grateful for the almost 20 yrs we shared and all the laughs and good times. But sometimes I just get terribly sad that there will not be any new memories to create. This week has been tough. I've been in tears all day today. I've tried to stay busy with chores around the house but everywhere I look there's a memory, a loss. I see her favorite chair, her house shoes, her favorite cup, the pillow she liked to curl up with. It's hitting me hard. I get so lonely, but not just for people but for her. I've prayed and cried out to God to please help me. I've read that I have to go through this and eventually it will get easier but when? It's seems to be getting worse.  It'll be two months soon, perhaps that's what has me down. 

[SashaS]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

I'm with KMB on this, that you experienced a communication dream.  Not sure I ever have, but I have no doubt that you did here!

I'm pretty sure that was! I got answers for what I was looking. The dream was very vivid and it was a communication just seeing each other but also the audio was clear in my mind. The communication was short and with only 4 phrases. The first one was my question as confirmation that the life continues. He said - yes it is an afterlife! I did again a question which was: - why you have been taken so early from this world? He answered:  -That was my life! Than he showed to me that he was caring about us. I saw him like flying and holding up the children in a deep sea. And the last communication of ours was an advice of him for smbd of ours which was a menace for us. I got answers for my two big questions that I had all the time in my mind. 1. He is ok! 2. Stoping doing researches why his sickness got him so early! That dream relaxed my soul about him. I hope that helps You too! 

(Sorry for my description but my mother language is not english and I dont live in US neither in a english speaken country) 

[Lulu]

3 minutes ago, SashaS said:

I'm pretty sure that was! I got answers for what I was looking. The dream was very vivid and it was a communication just seeing each other but also the audio was clear in my mind. The communication was short and with only 4 phrases. The first one was my question as confirmation that the life continues. He said - yes it is an afterlife! I did again a question which was: - why you have been taken so early from this world? He answered:  -That was my life! Than he showed to me that he was caring about us. I saw him like flying and holding up the children in a deep sea. And the last communication of ours was an advice of him for smbd of ours which was a menace for us. I got answers for my two big questions that I had all the time in my mind. 1. He is ok! 2. Stoping doing researches why his sickness got him so early! That dream relaxed my soul about him. I hope that helps You too! 

(Sorry for my description but my mother language is not english and I dont live in US neither in a english speaken country) 

Your dream sounds wonderful and gives me hope that I will one day get some communication from my Lily! Thank you for sharing! I can imagine the peace and calm it gave in regards to your two questions. I hope for the same. 

[SashaS]

49 minutes ago, Lulu said:

Your dream sounds wonderful and gives me hope that I will one day get some communication from my Lily! Thank you for sharing! I can imagine the peace and calm it gave in regards to your two questions. I hope for the same. 

You will! I have read in the internet that being sunk in sadness hold our loved ones away from us. Going out in the nature and long walks helps to calm a bit our minds. It worked for me! 

[Lulu]

3 hours ago, SashaS said:

You will! I have read in the internet that being sunk in sadness hold our loved ones away from us. Going out in the nature and long walks helps to calm a bit our minds. It worked for me! 

I hope so but I am too deep in sadness right now. I can't seem to stop crying today. I left the house and went into town as a distraction but when I got back, the tears started again. Please God help me! I have so much pain and I miss my Lily! I don't know what to do to make it stop.

[KMB]

Lulu, My heart breaks for your deep sadness right now. I was there myself many times and still find myself there frequently. Trust me, it does get easier to bear over time. Our bodies and minds are equipped for survival and this grieving does have its way of evolving. Like Sasha, I feel better when I'm outside in nature and going for a walk or just sitting and listening to the birds, seeing the play of sunlight on everything, the buzzing of insects. I truly feel that Heaven can be found in nature. Heaven is beautiful, according to what I have read and the most beauty in this world is found in nature, which brings peace and serenity. Allow the tears to flow, Lulu, they cleanse the soul and bring some relief from the pressure of the pain.You cannot make it stop. It has to run its course. We grieve because we love.  (HUGS)

[Lulu]

3 hours ago, KMB said:

Lulu, My heart breaks for your deep sadness right now. I was there myself many times and still find myself there frequently. Trust me, it does get easier to bear over time. Our bodies and minds are equipped for survival and this grieving does have its way of evolving. Like Sasha, I feel better when I'm outside in nature and going for a walk or just sitting and listening to the birds, seeing the play of sunlight on everything, the buzzing of insects. I truly feel that Heaven can be found in nature. Heaven is beautiful, according to what I have read and the most beauty in this world is found in nature, which brings peace and serenity. Allow the tears to flow, Lulu, they cleanse the soul and bring some relief from the pressure of the pain.You cannot make it stop. It has to run its course. We grieve because we love.  (HUGS)

KMB, thank you. I do let the tears and emotions flow. They just seem so overpowering and leave me wondering what tomorrow holds. I've only recently tried venturing outside but I have had little interest in doing so or doing anything for that matter. I will continue to try though. I tell myself she wouldn't want me to be so sad, but I can't help my feelings and emotions. They just come over me. The lonliness is unbearable and I am trying to take it one day at a time. I hope God pulls me through and guides my heart to some healing.

[M88]

Lulu, I am sorry you are so low.  My heart aches for you.  I recall all to well the many, many times in the first few months when I'd get ready to go to an appt or the shop or wherever, I could even get as far as locking the house, then just couldn't go anywhere.  

Too often we 'expect way too much from ourselves too soon'  and then beat ourselves up for not being able to handle what used to be simple stuff.  It creates a vicious cycle and does nothing to improve how we're feeling.  Once I realized what was occurring and stopped pushing myself so hard, life started getting a little easier.  I did like to be able to go to bed at night knowing that I'd achieved even just one thing that day.  Doesn't matter how small or simple - just one thing was enough.  Functioning semi-normal again sneaks back so slowly it's barely noticable. 

Sending you strength, love and hugs X

[SashaS]

I know your pain Lulu! For me is 6 months now and the loneliness is very hard. I can't stop crying and being stuck in bed. But please, try to fill your time. I have tried yoga, I have also a cat in the house. Little other things just to loose your mind and to escape as much as possible from the loneliness. 

((Hugs))

[WaHaaf99]

It is very difficult. I cry each day, some days it might be a few tears for less than 30 minutes... Usually I am emotionally numb on those days. Other days I cry for an hour and the pain hurts me to know my love is gone. 

He was scared to die, and I told him I would be in mourning. He said it won't happen. (His death). Being home is nice, but also miserable at the same time. For two reasons. One because at home I can cry all I want. But it is miserable because I am stuck in the sad environment I put myself in. Getting out helps.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, Lulu said:

But sometimes I just get terribly sad that there will not be any new memories to create.

Ahh, but we will have eternity to create new memories!  I hope my brain can hold them all!

[KayC]

17 hours ago, Lulu said:

I hope so but I am too deep in sadness right now

I used to go out on USFS trails and cry, scream, let it out.  I probably scared some wildlife!  But it helps and then is calming as you get it out and begin to notice nature around you.  Besides, walking is good for stress!

[WaHaaf99]

19 minutes ago, KayC said:

Ahh, but we will have eternity to create new memories!  I hope my brain can hold them all!

This really makes me smile. I hope to reunited with my love, and the thought of being able to create new memories is really comforting.

17 minutes ago, KayC said:

I used to go out on USFS trails and cry, scream, let it out.  I probably scared some wildlife!  But it helps and then is calming as you get it out and begin to notice nature around you.  Besides, walking is good for stress!

I was wondering about how to do this, because I move out of here soon, and the thought of me moving twice within the next year irks me. Roommates, I can't cry or anything with people in the way like that. And the thought of keeping it in 24/7 like that scares me. So going somewhere secluded would be nice.

[Lulu]

7 hours ago, M88 said:

Lulu, I am sorry you are so low.  My heart aches for you.  I recall all to well the many, many times in the first few months when I'd get ready to go to an appt or the shop or wherever, I could even get as far as locking the house, then just couldn't go anywhere.  

I've always been a homebody. I relished my time at home, doing small chores, working outside in the garden. I couldn't wait to get off work and head home. But now my time at home is filled with reminders of what I have lost, it's so lonely and sad. I came home from church today and when I walked in I thought to myself this house is dead. There's no life here. That's how much Lily lit up the house and brought so much life and joy. I don't want to go anywhere and yet this home is no longer my sanctuary. I'm so lost.

[KayC]

I hope it becomes your sanctuary again.  When I lost George, for a long time, I could only feel his absence in our home, his presence sorely noticeable, but as time went on, this home seems my home, my little corner of the world, and I cherish the memories we've shared here.  He used to call this our "home in the clouds" and I know it was his corner of the world, I'm pretty sure if he could visit, he would.

[Lulu]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

I hope it becomes your sanctuary again.  When I lost George, for a long time, I could only feel his absence in our home, his presence sorely noticeable, but as time went on, this home seems my home, my little corner of the world, and I cherish the memories we've shared here.  He used to call this our "home in the clouds" and I know it was his corner of the world, I'm pretty sure if he could visit, he would.

I hope so, too. Part of the reason I bought the house was because Lily really wanted a house. She was tired of living in an apartment. This was her house and she was why I couldn't wait to get home. Now, all that's gone and the house is so empty. I just stay in my bedroom when I get home from work these days. Occasionally, I'll go out back and look over my plants but I do it as an chore not because I really care anymore. God, why did this happen to Lily?! Why take her from us, why now, why? I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. 

[KMB]

Lulu, I hope your home becomes your sanctuary again also. Give it time. We have to readjust to so many things connected to our loss. Like KayC, when she lost George and me losing Ed, we felt their absence, the empty void they left in our home. That does change over time.My Ed grew up in our house. His mom passed away in the early 80's here and his dad passed away here in 2005. Ed was an only child and naturally inherited the family home and we moved in and made it our home. In the beginning few months after I lost Ed, it hurt being here, but at the same time, I felt safe here. My Ed is everywhere here and it feels natural and right that I stay here.

Lily loved your home you shared with her. Her essence is surrounding you there. In time, I hope you feel her there and find peace in that sanctuary the two of you created. (HUGS)

[Lulu]

3 hours ago, KMB said:

Lulu, I hope your home becomes your sanctuary again also. Give it time. We have to readjust to so many things connected to our loss. Like KayC, when she lost George and me losing Ed, we felt their absence, the empty void they left in our home. That does change over time.My Ed grew up in our house. His mom passed away in the early 80's here and his dad passed away here in 2005. Ed was an only child and naturally inherited the family home and we moved in and made it our home. In the beginning few months after I lost Ed, it hurt being here, but at the same time, I felt safe here. My Ed is everywhere here and it feels natural and right that I stay here.

Lily loved your home you shared with her. Her essence is surrounding you there. In time, I hope you feel her there and find peace in that sanctuary the two of you created. (HUGS)

Although it's a commute from where we both worked, she did enjoy our home. We worked at decorating and making it homey and cosey. But right now, all I see are her favorite pieces and that she'll never be resting on the couch, sitting in her favorite chair with her feet propped up, or drinking out if her favorite cup. Everything is empty. I talk to her every day and pray every day for help moving forward. Hearing your and KayC's progress gives me hope. Even if there are days when the tears just won't stop. I don't want her to be upset or sad that I am struggling without her, so I try to cheer up, but it's not true. It's just me pretending I'm OK. 

[Eagle-96]

11 hours ago, Lulu said:

Although it's a commute from where we both worked, she did enjoy our home. We worked at decorating and making it homey and cosey. But right now, all I see are her favorite pieces and that she'll never be resting on the couch, sitting in her favorite chair with her feet propped up, or drinking out if her favorite cup. Everything is empty. I talk to her every day and pray every day for help moving forward. Hearing your and KayC's progress gives me hope. Even if there are days when the tears just won't stop. I don't want her to be upset or sad that I am struggling without her, so I try to cheer up, but it's not true. It's just me pretending I'm OK. 

Right there with you Lulu. Lori and I lived in our home for 10 years. I see all of the things we did to the house. The improvements. The pictures on the wall. The blanket she used even in the summertime because she got cold. Her favorite coffee cup. I flashback to even the most mundane tasks and times that seemed so insignificant all those years ago and now loom so large. I cry at the drop of a hat now over things that would not have garnered a second thought 10 weeks ago. And to top it off, I can't speak to the one person I would go to when I felt overwhelmed. Can't come home after work to look through the house to find her and just hold her. Can't discuss where to go for dinner for 20 minutes like we did so many times("I don't know, where do you wanna go". "I don't care, what do you want"). I'd give anything to have that discussion just one more time. This new life is so strange and surreal. I truly believe God has a plan for me(for us all). I just wish He would shine a light on it so I could follow it as He wants me to. Lori and I had so many plans for that house, for our life, for our future.

But like the saying goes: If you wanna hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.

[KayC]

Lulu,

And part of the reason Lily loved your home is because YOU were there, she could nest with you, make it a comfortable place for the two of you.  Try realizing she's not totally gone, maybe it'll help you see it differently.  Maybe SHE is watching over your plants and your home.

Eagle,

There are so many reminders in our home of them.  It has taken me a long time to where I no longer feel triggers here, but I don't.  I do have memories, but they give me warm feelings, instead of making me cry.

[SashaS]

We bought the house one year before his passing. We did all the arrangments and we bought evrything together. He was so happy for the house. Than he got ill. During the chemios we got in. But only for few days...

Anyway, I love the house that he liked so much. I miss him in this house! But better here, in the place we did together! I hope he is watching over us in the place he choose for us. 

[KMB]

Sasha, Eagle, Lulu--- It does get easier over time to stay in the family home. It becomes our comfort zone, our sanctuary. I've have been discovering that some of my husband's things that triggered a crying spell, now bring a smile and a memory. I'm just trying to give you all hope that this grieving does evolve. I, myself, didn't believe any of that in the beginning months, but now, 9 1/2 months in, there have been slivers of hope for me that I will be alright.   (HUGS)

[SashaS]

3 hours ago, KMB said:

Sasha, Eagle, Lulu--- It does get easier over time to stay in the family home. It becomes our comfort zone, our sanctuary. I've have been discovering that some of my husband's things that triggered a crying spell, now bring a smile and a memory. I'm just trying to give you all hope that this grieving does evolve. I, myself, didn't believe any of that in the beginning months, but now, 9 1/2 months in, there have been slivers of hope for me that I will be alright.   (HUGS)

I understand the fact that over time our home will be our comfort place. But the big fact of our loved ones which have been stolen unfairly from this life it's beyond endurance. I have 6 months now and the missing is the same or even more. I saw a dream, a production of my mind, that I was told wrong that he died, he was in prison. And I was so much happy about that (even in prison??!!) hugging and kissing him but I got up and I am still in this nightmare. 

[Lulu]

12 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

Right there with you Lulu. Lori and I lived in our home for 10 years. I see all of the things we did to the house. The improvements. The pictures on the wall. The blanket she used even in the summertime because she got cold. Her favorite coffee cup. I flashback to even the most mundane tasks and times that seemed so insignificant all those years ago and now loom so large. I cry at the drop of a hat now over things that would not have garnered a second thought 10 weeks ago. And to top it off, I can't speak to the one person I would go to when I felt overwhelmed. Can't come home after work to look through the house to find her and just hold her. Can't discuss where to go for dinner for 20 minutes like we did so many times("I don't know, where do you wanna go". "I don't care, what do you want"). I'd give anything to have that discussion just one more time. This new life is so strange and surreal. I truly believe God has a plan for me(for us all). I just wish He would shine a light on it so I could follow it as He wants me to. Lori and I had so many plans for that house, for our life, for our future.

But like the saying goes: If you wanna hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I've been an emotional rollercoaster lately and the one person I would turn to is gone. I miss the time when we'd both be heading home from work and we'd see each other on the road. We'd follow one another home, switching lanes together. Or, the times I would get home first, change, sit in my chair and I'd hear her come in. She'd call out to me hey I'm home! She'd always ask me about my day. She'd tell me about her day and we'd just talk. I miss that. There are times I still can't believe she's gone. How can someone so full of life suddenly be gone. It doesn't make sense.

[KayC]

18 hours ago, KMB said:

I've have been discovering that some of my husband's things that triggered a crying spell, now bring a smile and a memory.

I've found the same to be true for me.

[KMB]

SashaS, I wish I could take away your pain. When I was at 6 months, I was still a basket case. I was only doing the most basic of functioning and crying tons of tears. The reality of my husband never coming home was in my face constantly. You will survive, Sasha. I didn't think I was going to either. If grieving was truly beyond endurance, we would have crossed over ourselves from a broken heart. During my first 7 months or so, I wondered why I hadn't.  I know it feels like our spouses and our life were stolen from us. I know how unfair life can be. Some people have long lives well into their elderly years and others only a short life. It is what it is. Someday, when it is our turn to cross over, we'll be given all the answers.

My prayers going out to you.   (HUGS)

[Lulu]

It was tough not being able to read and post in this forum yesterday! It's become a resource for me as I try to get through each day. I miss my Lily so much. I wish I could talk with her, not just to her, but with her. I miss her laugh and her smile. She always listened to me even when I had nothing to say. She really was the only person that truly knew me and got me. No one else could or will fill the void she's left. I've cried and cried and asked God to bring her back to me. She was so sweet and generous and kind. It's not fair! 

[Eagle-96]

1 hour ago, Lulu said:

It was tough not being able to read and post in this forum yesterday! It's become a resource for me as I try to get through each day. I miss my Lily so much. I wish I could talk with her, not just to her, but with her. I miss her laugh and her smile. She always listened to me even when I had nothing to say. She really was the only person that truly knew me and got me. No one else could or will fill the void she's left. I've cried and cried and asked God to bring her back to me. She was so sweet and generous and kind. It's not fair! 

That's the hard part. I can talk to Lori all I want, but she doesn't answer. We would give anything to just hear our loved ones answer us. Just one word, but it's not to be and that hurts. I was talking to my brother at his daughters graduation last Saturday and the subject came around to a small meaningless argument he and his wife had. I could see the look on his face that showed he felt it was a burden or a bad thing to go through the argument and the feeling just flooded over me that I would do anything to have that again. I just wish people wouldn't take even the smallest moments with their loved ones for granted. It's too late for us now but I wanted to just scream out to him to cherish EVERY moment. 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Lulu said:

It was tough not being able to read and post in this forum yesterday!

I responded to all the posts early yesterday, but today when I tried to come on, it said they'd be off a few days while they moved the website.  I entered through the messaging and was surprised to find myself in!  I don't understand what's going on, but I wish they'd warn us ahead of time when we're not going to have access.

[Lulu]

13 hours ago, Eagle-96 said:

That's the hard part. I can talk to Lori all I want, but she doesn't answer. We would give anything to just hear our loved ones answer us. Just one word, but it's not to be and that hurts. I was talking to my brother at his daughters graduation last Saturday and the subject came around to a small meaningless argument he and his wife had. I could see the look on his face that showed he felt it was a burden or a bad thing to go through the argument and the feeling just flooded over me that I would do anything to have that again. I just wish people wouldn't take even the smallest moments with their loved ones for granted. It's too late for us now but I wanted to just scream out to him to cherish EVERY moment. 

I talk to Lily everyday. I talk to her picture before I head out the door to work in the morning, I talk to her when I'm at work, when I get home I tell her picture I'm back. I'm home. I miss you. I talk to her at night and say I'm sorry I can't keep it together, I'm sorry I'm not stronger but I miss her. She was my best friend, the one who I talked to about the smallest things to the more serious issues. Now I feel like I have nothing.

[KayC]

Lulu,

I have had to learn to be my own best friend.  I know, that seems hollow compared to what we had, but it's something I needed to learn nonetheless, I had to learn self-care and that I am of value.  You see, before I think I wrapped my value, my self-worth up in what someone else thought of me or said of me or how they valued me.  It's been a learning experience.  It's good that I learn this but I agree, it is not the same as having that other person here with you, that other person to talk your day over.  I talk to George too.  My mind is on him...sometimes I wonder, is his mind on me too?  It was when he was here, so I have to think it continues to be still.

Eagle,

I agree and would have pointed it out to him that you would love to have your wife back here to HAVE an argument with!  I only remember George and I fighting over something three times, they were dillies, but we always worked through it and above all knew our love was great enough to handle anything life threw at us.

[SashaS]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

I have had to learn to be my own best friend.  

You are right KayC! We are with ourselves! Our world is ruined. Peoples around are strange. They dont know what is going on for us. They dont know our pain. I dont judge anybody. I have been one of those. We have ourselves, this forum and the virtual communication with our angel. We also are in a crossroad, exhausted and we have to choose to move on or to stay there. Please, God give us strength! 

[Lulu]

21 hours ago, KayC said:

Lulu,

I have had to learn to be my own best friend.  I know, that seems hollow compared to what we had, but it's something I needed to learn nonetheless, I had to learn self-care and that I am of value.  You see, before I think I wrapped my value, my self-worth up in what someone else thought of me or said of me or how they valued me.  It's been a learning experience.  It's good that I learn this but I agree, it is not the same as having that other person here with you, that other person to talk your day over.  I talk to George too.  My mind is on him...sometimes I wonder, is his mind on me too?  It was when he was here, so I have to think it continues to be still.

I've always been very shy and so had very few friends, not to mention close friends. It was usually just one close friend. But when I met Lily she was all I needed and I built my life around her. I didn't nor want anyone else, just her. It wasn't that I based my value on what she thought of me, it's that she was everything to me and she was truly enough. We were best friends, soulmates. We counted on each other to always be there for each other. No one else knew me like she did, she really got me and supported me when I would say I can't do this or that due to social anxiety, or if I enjoyed spending maybe too much money on a hobby. She'd say do it, it's what you enjoy. In the last 15 or so years, we really didn't argue or fight. We had settled in and understood and accepted each other, flaws and all. I can't get over that I have lost her and my life feels so empty because she was such a large part of it. It was always Lulu and Lily wherever we went or did, now it's just me and I feel like I'm missing a part of myself. How does one get over that or even get used to it. And it hurts that others just don't get it. I didn't just lose my best friend, I lost everything.

[KayC]

The learning to be your own best friend may have been born out of necessity, but it is not BECAUSE we lost them, but because it's an essential thing to know...that and self care is all a part of valuing ourselves, which we need to do whether we have someone in our lives or not.

[SashaS]

My husband is my best friend forever! No else knew me like him. No else knew him like me. Just a vision and we knew without talking. When he left me, my world is ruined. Sometimes I get out with other people but when I see their discussions about small things, they fight for small things and the life is to short. I remember our last months, our battle for life, we always have been united. We were so perfect together! He is the one I miss! Better be friend with myself and him virtually! I feel in peace and I don't judge anybody. 

We have a life to live and self value and taking care is important for everybody and for us. But I think that's not enough for the soul being alone. We have to try as You KayC to be best friends for ourselves. 

[KayC]

Sasha,

I felt and feel as you, Sasha.  George and I just clicked from the very beginning, we understood each other, we knew the other's thinking.  We had faith in each other, were always a positive in each other's lives.  It doesn't get better than that.  That's why I know when we meet up in heaven, it will be the same for us, loving and clicking like that doesn't just get done away with.  We're just temporarily apart, but he's in my heart and on my mind, always, and I'm sure I'm in his too.

[SashaS]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

Sasha,

I felt and feel as you, Sasha.  George and I just clicked from the very beginning, we understood each other, we knew the other's thinking.  We had faith in each other, were always a positive in each other's lives.  It doesn't get better than that.  That's why I know when we meet up in heaven, it will be the same for us, loving and clicking like that doesn't just get done away with.  We're just temporarily apart, but he's in my heart and on my mind, always, and I'm sure I'm in his too.

 I know that after some years I'll find the balance in this my new situation as You KayC. I'm trying but it's so hard!

[KayC]

It is indeed.  (((hugs)))

[KMB]

Sasha, I get you on how hard it is to be our own best friend at this time. We have to be, if we are going to get through this life. My husband and I lived in our own world together, outside of his job. We didn't feel the need to be with others too much because we just plain enjoyed each others company. Due to our partners not being physically here for us to give to and love, we have to transfer that extra love and care onto ourselves now. We have to learn to be gentle, kind and patient with ourselves, be our own best friend to help us through. We are all in this together.   (HUGS)

[KMB]

Lulu, Hang in there. I get how lonely and lost you feel. Try to be your own best friend and do things for yourself. Lily would want the best for you. She is right there by your side giving you peace and comfort.   (HUGS)