Lost my darling kitty Sadie, one week ago today

[pjo59]

13 hours ago, KayC said:

Very beautiful cat, looks like my Autumn Kitty, I lost her years ago.

pjom, I've had furbabies I lost that were harder than losing some of my human losses...they are in our everyday lives and love us unconditionally, it's natural we should miss them so much!

Thank you KayC . I responded but don't think it posted. Sadie was a pretty cat. They do love us unconditionally and that's probably why it's so difficult to lose them. I had a hard day today. I had to drag myself through it. I felt anxious and weepy. A friend who I thought had abandoned me, left a card on my door saying how sorry she was that Sadie died. She'd known Sadie from the day I brought her home. Her card made me cry. I'm still very sensitive.

[KayC]

Beautiful pictures!  I only had one orange cat, it was ferral, so it stayed outdoors, he wouldn't let me pet him, but I loved him all the same, he hung around for over a year but he was in very bad health so had to be put down, but I'd named him Peek-a-Boo because he would always peek at me around the corner.  These precious beings bring so much to us, as much as we do to them! 

I'm so glad your friend took the time to come by with a card.  Sometimes people just don't know how to be there for us, it doesn't mean they don't care.  I woke up in the middle of the night tonight thinking about my Miss Mocha, and it's been over 11 months, we try to adjust, have to get used to it, but that doesn't mean it's easy by any means, we still love them.

[pjo59]

On 5/12/2017 at 5:49 AM, KayC said:

Beautiful pictures!  I only had one orange cat, it was ferral, so it stayed outdoors, he wouldn't let me pet him, but I loved him all the same, he hung around for over a year but he was in very bad health so had to be put down, but I'd named him Peek-a-Boo because he would always peek at me around the corner.  These precious beings bring so much to us, as much as we do to them! 

I'm so glad your friend took the time to come by with a card.  Sometimes people just don't know how to be there for us, it doesn't mean they don't care.  I woke up in the middle of the night tonight thinking about my Miss Mocha, and it's been over 11 months, we try to adjust, have to get used to it, but that doesn't mean it's easy by any means, we still love them.

Thanks KayC. Last night I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I asked God to tell Sadie how much I love and miss her. I asked him just to let me die too. She was the only thing in my life that didn't burden me or ask anything of me. 

[Furbaby Angels]

Oh, no pjo59...you're grieving and that's understandable. But there are people and animals need you here. You have a purpose still! Ask Him to show you what it is. I've been depressed this past week -- probably because I'm dealing with work crap,  and I really miss Nala! But I'm just getting before the Lord with it and just walking it out.

[pjo59]

12 minutes ago, Furbaby Angels said:

Oh, no pjo59...you're grieving and that's understandable. But there are people and animals need you here. You have a purpose still! Ask Him to show you what it is. I've been depressed this past week -- probably because I'm dealing with work crap,  and I really miss Nala! But I'm just getting before the Lord with it and just walking it out.

I know you must really miss Nala. It hasn't been that long for you either. I feel so guilty too because Sadie had gotten a lot more needy and clingy, and she would howl sometimes, rather than meow. I would get irritable at times, and frustrated because I didn't know what she wanted or needed. Being that she had a stroke, that led to the shut down if body functions, that led to her death, she was probably in cognitive despair or greif. She may have been in early stages of senility. I wish I could go back and be with her all the time and do everything right, everything she needed. 

[Furbaby Angels]

Try not to beat yourself up. I felt guilty too because Nala was really loud and her purr was getting on my nerves so I moved her off my chest...which is where she loved to hang out when we first laid down for the night. After that, she never came back on my chest again but I would pick her up and hold her like a baby ;-). They know we loved them and gave them our hearts. Our babies loved us and we provided all we could while we could. We can rest in that.

[pjo59]

2 hours ago, Furbaby Angels said:

Try not to beat yourself up. I felt guilty too because Nala was really loud and her purr was getting on my nerves so I moved her off my chest...which is where she loved to hang out when we first laid down for the night. After that, she never came back on my chest again but I would pick her up and hold her like a baby ;-). They know we loved them and gave them our hearts. Our babies loved us and we provided all we could while we could. We can rest in that.

Thanks Furbaby Angels. I needed that reassurance. I don't have much support and that makes it hard. I'm alone and have no other pets. My youngest son lives far away and oldest only cares about his problems. My son's father died. My mother only has a relationship with my estranged youngest sister. I do have a counselor but it's been awhile. I did do a few online sessions through Better help.com. It's not really cheap, but they're good. Time will take away some of this sting and as I make some life progress (thinking of moving back to CA where my youngest lives), this will get easier. For now, it's very hard and I know it's hard for others on here. I hope I haven't minimized anyone elses hurt or taken away from their needed attention. I know you miss your little kitty too. Your other pets do not fill her place. I'm sure you have your breakdowns too. <3

[KayC]

None of us are perfect, but we do need to be understanding of ourselves as we would a friend...we are, after all, our best friend.

Miss Mocha had a bad habit of peeing on the bathroom rug, I have a whole collection of throw rugs because I was always having to change them and do a load of wash (again).  I have no idea why she picked that spot, at least it wasn't on the carpet.  She also shredded my new love seat with her claws, clear down to the foam.  She has scratching posts but she wasn't interested in them.  I suppose I could feel guilty for every time I got mad at her for doing something she knew I didn't want her to do but quite honestly, it's normal for us to live our lives out as we did and respond as we did, it's hard to see at the time how limited our time will be with them.  Regardless of our fuss over the peeing and scratching, she knew I loved her and she had a very good life here.  She was happy.

[pjo59]

7 hours ago, KayC said:

None of us are perfect, but we do need to be understanding of ourselves as we would a friend...we are, after all, our best friend.

Miss Mocha had a bad habit of peeing on the bathroom rug, I have a whole collection of throw rugs because I was always having to change them and do a load of wash (again).  I have no idea why she picked that spot, at least it wasn't on the carpet.  She also shredded my new love seat with her claws, clear down to the foam.  She has scratching posts but she wasn't interested in them.  I suppose I could feel guilty for every time I got mad at her for doing something she knew I didn't want her to do but quite honestly, it's normal for us to live our lives out as we did and respond as we did, it's hard to see at the time how limited our time will be with them.  Regardless of our fuss over the peeing and scratching, she knew I loved her and she had a very good life here.  She was happy.

Thanks KayC. Happy Mother's Day to all my friends whether mother's of human children or pet children. <3

[Furbaby Angels]

Thank you! The same to all of you!

[KayC]

And I hope your Mother's Day had some joy in it as well.

[pjo59]

On 5/1/2017 at 6:53 AM, pjo59 said:

Sadie was 16 and had been with me for 13 years. I knew she was getting older and having her age-related problems. I turned a blind eye I guess. I thought I could fix her. I bought her new dishes, litter box, food.. but she was dying. She had a stroke that I mistook for a sore hip she'd struggled with. Then her bowels and bladder shut down. I looked at her and suddenly realized how tired she was. So, I had no choice left. I took her and had her put to sleep last Monday, 4/24. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I had to go alone. Seems friends are few when you need them. Everyone at the clinic was wonderful and kind. Even so, how do you make such an ordeal pleasant? Sadie was exhausted and feel asleep as I cuddled her in her favorite blanket. I'd talked to her the entire trip to the clinic and again in the exam room. No one hurried me. I opted to only hold her for the sedative. I didn't realize how quickly it would take affect. I found myself scrambling for last words that I'm not even sure she heard. She gave a tired sigh and her little head dropped, and it was over. Someone said that when a pet goes that quickly from the sedation, they were very, very close to death. That's the only solace I can take from this tragedy. I want to believe there's a place for our pets in some sort of paradise. I'm getting so many mixed reviews. But surely, a creation that could bring so much joy, must have a special place beyond here- I would think, or hope. I miss her so much. Sleep has not come easily and anxiety has been high. Sometimes I forget and think she's going to be lying on my bed when I get there or will jump up on the couch with me. If I hear stirring, I think it's her. Friends buried her on their farm and I can go and put flowers on her grave when I want to. Other friends suggest I get another cat to take away the pain. Getting another cat won't take away the pain of losing my friend, nor would a new pet replace Sadie. For now, just getting through each day without falling apart is an accomplishment. I feel sad for all the posters on here and can relate to their pain. I don't have a solution except that I pray for all of us that God will heal or broken hearts and we can be thankful for the time we had with our special friends.

Haven't posted lately. Trying to stay busy and keep living. The past two days have sucked though. Tomorrow is the one month anniversary of my kitty, Sadie's, passing. I've just today been able to change the last of my bedding she laid on. I still haven't donated the last piece of her things to a friend's cat refuge. I'll try later this week. I'm sort of in limbo right now. I miss her so much. Realistically, I know she couldn't live forever but wish she were here still. I'm not ready for her to be gone. I'm angry that she died, sometimes. Its lonely without her. Nothing replaces her. Sometimes I wish I'd gone too. There are things I wish I'd said or done, or not said or done. I guess it's the same as when a human we love dies. Regrets, and this never -ending sadness....

[KayC]

Yes, I think it's the same as when a human we are close to dies.  It's hard.  
Anger is understandable too.  (((HUGS)))