Moderators KayC Posted December 22, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted December 22, 2018 It never fails to surprise me when I learn someone has been lurking for years w/o posting...I tend to think it's just those of us here that make our presence known and forget there is a whole world of people out there who for whatever reasons chooses not to post. I'm glad you found this site when you were going through it and that it was of help to you. See, AC, you never know who is helped by what you write! I'm also glad you hit the jackpot, my friend Virgie also hit the jackpot with a widower and they are happily married now. Me, I haven't been so fortunate, haven't dated in years and wouldn't relish going on line to do so, but I've gotten used to living alone and have built a life I can live. It has taken a lot of hard work! I don't expect I'll ever meet anyone anywhere near like my husband and have accepted that...he was perfect for me and I treasure our memories. But I totally get someone wanting that and applaud your finding it. Don't be a stranger, drop by here now and then, I appreciate the encouragement you've left us with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted December 23, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2018 23 hours ago, KayC said: See, AC, you never know who is helped by what you write! It dose my hart good to see post like this. You're right KayC. unfortunately their are too many people out there. Autocharge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted December 23, 2018 Author Members Report Share Posted December 23, 2018 On 12/21/2018 at 5:26 PM, debzr said: And, AC, you can have a new relationship and not feel guilty about it. Do what works for you, what feels right and happiness will be waiting. Thank you all again! Debzr I think you mentioned the key words with a ” new relationship “. I was married for so long , things were different back then things had an order to them when we grew up. We felt like we had to be married, that is a family unit. Times have changed you don't have to be married anymore. The rest of society doesn't think anything about it. It's hard to change the old school values sometimes but I feel as if the waves are starting to calm . Maybe I'm adjusting to the way new “relationships” are “nowadays”. I don't feel the need to have to be married that's interesting. That's a good thing Because early on I saw the natural progression of a relationship and I was scared of marriage as I thought it was expected to be my next step, and I wasn't ready. Time has passed and I don't feel as if it's expected anymore, Carla never even talked about it. I don't think she wants to remarry, I mean she still has her husband's last name (maybe i'm reading too much into this) and I still wear my combined wedding rings on my left hand . For men we Don't change our names but most women change their last name when they marry. What is the social standards for a widow, do they change their name back to their maiden name, or keep their husband name forever, or do they wait until they remarry and then change your name? I haven't thought about this until now . I thought I had a point to make with this post however I reread it, and it looks like I just started rambling thoughts once again . enough of this rant. Looking forward to questions and comments . Thanks Debzr Autocharge(moving forward "new normal") Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 24, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted December 24, 2018 20 hours ago, Autocharge said: What is the social standards for a widow, do they change their name back to their maiden name, or keep their husband name forever, or do they wait until they remarry and then change your name? OMG, they absolutely keep their married name, just because their husband dies doesn't mean they do away with his name! Most still feel married, for a long while anyway, some continue to feel that way through the rest of their lives. I think age might factor in, also if they spent their whole lives together. If they remarry, most take their new husband's name, although not always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members debzr Posted December 24, 2018 Members Report Share Posted December 24, 2018 When I was widowed I kept my married name. Never thought of changing it. When I remarried I kept my first husband’s name for legal and financial reasons. So legally I have my first husband’s name and socially I have my new husbands name. Sometimes it is confusing but it works for us 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ModHerc Posted December 26, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted December 26, 2018 My view on names is that they are just names. My wife never took my name. We got married just before she went in for quadruple bypass surgery. We got married because we loved one another, but also because she wanted me to have legal authority to make any necessary decisions. We chose to have her keep her last name to avoid any confusion with the medical paperwork though. She had taken two other husbands names previously. One of them was at the funeral. And neither of them meant anything close to as much to her as I did. Names are labels that help define relationships. But given the choice, I much prefer that she shared my love, rather than my name. The latter is only paperwork. The shared love is the part that truly makes our current situation so painful, our previous situation so joyful, and binds us throughout the future. As for Carla not changing her name, and you still wearing your rings, I don’t think it has anything to do with your relationship to one another. Her name and your rings are both a part of the people who you are now. I think it is important for you both to embrace that about one another. If you took off the rings, or if she changed her name, it wouldn’t make the losses you have suffered any less significant. My thought is that neither of you should want that to change, it is a large part of how and why you understand and love one another. You mentioned the rings and her husbands last name in the same sentence. My question would be what do you think would be the significance of you taking off the rings, or her changing her name? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 26, 2018 Moderators Report Share Posted December 26, 2018 Again the key thing is to do what is comfortable to the two of you and to heck with what anyone else thinks, make sure to talk it over so you understand each other and are on the same page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted January 2, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2019 On 12/25/2018 at 10:38 PM, Herc said: what do you think would be the significance of you taking off the rings, or her changing her name? First, I'm not taking off my rings. Carla and I were talking. from her point of view I hadn't thought about this. She said she has had her husband's last name longer than she had her maiden name. interesting ,and makes sense . What would be the significance? Social norms one could look at it as a symbol of putting the past behind you and moving on . But we all know that the past is what made us who we are. There's no forgetting it, it's not like other past with problems and hardships that you want to forget about . Another way of looking at it is whether it's Rings or last names, this is how we honor the people that are no longer with us . I was in Lowe's the other day trying to pick some colors out for the floor I'm painting. I was asking one of the store clerks for help and of course two guys got to talking and the clerk commented about how I should get my wife's permission for this color or should your wife pick out the colors, and that's when I realized widows and widowers we're not the norm. Maybe it was the Ring.To be invisible or Not , What is a widow or widower to do ? I told the clerk he was right however unfortunately I had lost my wife little over 2 years ago, he looked at me , and then we look at some more paint . Autocharge (moving forward"new normal") 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ModHerc Posted January 5, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 @Autocharge, It also doesn’t have to be one or the other. You said in the first sentence above that you are not taking off your rings, I fully respect that. For a long time my ring stayed on my right hand. Wearing the ring on your right hand is an established convention in some cultures to designate a widow or widower. It felt “right” to me for about a year. Since then it has started doing a dance. As I type this it is on my right hand, but some days it is on my left. My job function changed, and I am doing some more physical work, so sometimes now it is in the glovebox of my truck or the drawer of my desk if I am worried it will get caught on something or damaged. What I am learning is that I can do what I need to for a specific moment. When I need more of an emotional connection with my wife I change it to the left hand where it was through our life together. When I am making decisions about my current situation I usually put it on the right. It touched the pen I signed the paperwork for my new house with. It turns the doorknob when I come home. It holds the fork when I am eating, and the handle of my cup of coffee in the morning. And when it is impractical for a given situation, I can be apart from it and still realize the absence is not a reflection of my love for her, or of the end of a relationship that I am slowly realizing may have changed, but will still be a large part of me regardless of the changes in my life. Rings are circular to represent unending love. There is no beginning or end to a ring. What I know now is that the ring will be gone before my love for her fades. I enjoy the symbolism and physical presence of my ring, but know that it is no longer required to represent my bond with her. My best to both you and Carla, Herc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 6, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 Mine is on my right or left depending on my hand's swelling or lack of it. Regardless of which hand, I feel more comfortable with it on as a reminder of my soulmate and best friend and the one person who truly got me and loved me...and nothing is going to change that. This is a decision each person has to make for themselves. I was astounded when someone chided me for wearing it after he died! I gave her a tongue wagging, I can assure you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted January 22, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2019 On 1/5/2019 at 5:26 PM, ModHerc said: What I am learning is that I can do what I need to for a specific moment. Herc I have been complaining about the fear of losing my ring when I take it off to do things in the shop(so I don't damage it again). The other day Carla bought me a nice necklace with an extra clasp on it, so that I can put my ring around me neck when I need to. Widows and Widowers We just get it.(understand) Autocharge (moving forward "new normal") 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted January 31, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2019 Well the goverment opened up and I made it down to LBJ national Park. Just thought I'd drop you all an update 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 1, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted February 1, 2019 I hadn't thought about how it affected volunteers, maybe not monetarily, but their everyday life. I hope you enjoy working again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted February 2, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2019 I was talking with the Parks people and I found it interesting that the more senior people are helping take care of the more junior people, as if they were like a family unit it was good to see the Parks people taking care of their own, when the paychecks weren't coming in. Yes, they'r holding their breath for February 15. They just want to do their jobs they know it's all politics, but what can they do. Autocharge 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 3, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted February 3, 2019 I think everyone in America's hearts go out to the Federal employees, I've lost my job, been my sole support, know how scary it is when you don't know what's going to happen, it's not fun. Praying for guidance to come to the leaders as they make these decisions that affect so many other people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Billie Rae Posted February 4, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2019 Reading this thread gives me hope,even though my grief is new I am not willing to be alone forever.To read your story with Carla let's me know when or if I'm ready it can be possible.Someday my Charlie will be tucked into a safe quiet place in my heart and not in this raw wounded place. Love and joy to you[emoji307]Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted February 18, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted February 18, 2019 When two people come together to form one life and face life challenges together, that is Love. When one of the two has passed , The Love remains. It is up to the one left behind to shear this Love, show it as a beacon of what is possible. To carrie this love for as long and far as possible into the future. Enjoy and embrace this Love. Love is not a singularity it happens all the time throughout the universe over and over again. It is possible to find Love again. This does not take away or diminish any of the love that has already been created. I wrote this, it just came out of me. I’m not sure what to think about it. It's pretty deep as I reread it. I will post it, just to see what everyone thinks. Autocharge (moving forward "new normal") 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Billie Rae Posted February 19, 2019 Members Report Share Posted February 19, 2019 I feel this,even though my grief is new and I am not planning to love right now,I hope one day to be open to it.It will not be the same love but a new kind.I believe some of us are not ment to be alone forever and I know that I still have a big big heart.As long as we don't use this grief to hold us back.My Charlie told me that he didn't want me to be alone,that I have so much to give and he wants someone to have the security,company and peace that I gave him.So in the future my heart will be open.Right now I will become my new self and then who knows.Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted April 8, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted April 8, 2019 Thought I would stop by and give an update my son is now in the Navy actually in boot camp he's going to be a part of the nuclear engineering program which is very good school for the Navy. My daughter now has a career started in the local sheriff's office . She's going to finish her degree in the meantime. It looks like both of my kids have launched officially ,thank goodness. This coming Saturday I get to participate in the middle of Honor Parade, hopefully I'll have a recipient ride in my truck this year. I got about three weeks before I leave out and go to Snake River up in Wyoming for 5 months hopefully I will try to submit some pictures Of my Adventures . Every time I come back to this website it seems to be changing . In my opinion maybe for the worst. It looks like money is getting involved, I know it takes money to operate a website . I'm not naive about this, it just looks like it may be a little bit too much. It still makes me sad to see the new threads the new post so many new people on the forum. My heart does go out to all the new people . Next month will be 3 years for me I never thought I would make it to 3 years never thought about 2 years 3 years or 4 years kind of stopped thinking about the future. one way or the other we all move into the future , Weather we want to or not . Things have changed I now live in a 3000 square foot man cave . Everyday I think about her when I wake up and throughout the day the sadness is not there but I do wish she was here, she deserves everything that we worked so hard together to make. Trying to live “our” dream for both of us, but now it's half empty . I guess I'm just feeling guilty about having it so good. Autocharge (moving forward”new normal”) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 8, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted April 8, 2019 1 hour ago, Autocharge said: I guess I'm just feeling guilty about having it so good. Anyone having it good is inspiring and hopeful to us all! It's good to hear that your kids are doing so well. It sounds like you have an active and full life and that is good...of course I know you still miss your wife and at the end of the day you come home to your now man-cave, no amount of square feet makes up for her absence, I know that. How is it going with Carla? I hate to see them charge for use of the chat room, if people need it then why not provide it free, some can't afford even a small amount per month. When my husband died my income was cut in half and yet his hospital/doctor bills, ambulance bill, was flowing in like crazy, I had to remortgage my house to pay everything. I lost my job and had to go to commuting 100/miles a day at a lesser-paying job and of course that added expense doesn't defray the income taxes any. I couldn't afford any luxuries, I was barely eating. I wish this place could rely on donations from those who can afford it but alas money is a very real consideration and needed to pay for website administering. I haven't used a chat room in years and I guess I'm not sure how it benefits one beyond using the posts and messaging, maybe if there were chats labeled my subject, IDK. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted April 8, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted April 8, 2019 1 hour ago, KayC said: How is it going with Carla? Hi KayC Can you believe we're coming up on two years in (June). I would say that the discovery phase is ending and the getting settled phase is starting. It's difficult when I take the RV out on trips further then an extend drive . She has to work and has limited vacation time. She plans on coming out to see me a couple of times while I'm up at snake river. I'm so far ahead of the game being retired (at almost 48 now) and she's not. I hat it when people say wow and start to envy me, wishing they were retired. They will never now what it took , the sacrifice's and the pressure and loss that took place over 16 years. I think to my self (you don't want to be in my place. , I wouldn't wish this on anyone"the loss". Sorry post took a negative turn. "How is it going with Carla?" Things are going Good, We really do understand each other "widowers/widows get it". Autocharge 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fmf Posted April 9, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2019 @Autocharge Your tag moving forward "new normal" hit close to me. I am trying my best to move forward, and to get used to this 'new normal". I just wish others would get that. I am the mom of two teenage daughters and while I know people mean well and not to sound ungrateful I'm kinda tired of people wanting to do things for us or be there for my girls events because their dad is not. I know that might sound harsh. Knowing that nothing is every going to return to the normal we had but as we are trying to navigate our new normal as a family of three I just wish people would let us do that. I already have many well meaning people who all want to be there for my daughters prom. I get that they are trying to be supportive, but I don't think they realize that by them being there or at events like that it just magnifies the fact that my husband, their dad is not there because quite honestly they would not be showing up if he was there. I said to a friend today I just want things to be normal, whatever that might be for us. So as you said I'm moving forward with my "new normal" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted April 9, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2019 13 hours ago, Fmf said: @Autocharge Your tag moving forward "new normal" hit close to me. I am trying my best to move forward, and to get used to this 'new normal". I just wish others would get that. I am the mom of two teenage daughters and while I know people mean well and not to sound ungrateful I'm kinda tired of people wanting to do things for us or be there for my girls events because their dad is not. I know that might sound harsh. Knowing that nothing is every going to return to the normal we had but as we are trying to navigate our new normal as a family of three I just wish people would let us do that. I already have many well meaning people who all want to be there for my daughters prom. I get that they are trying to be supportive, but I don't think they realize that by them being there or at events like that it just magnifies the fact that my husband, their dad is not there because quite honestly they would not be showing up if he was there. I said to a friend today I just want things to be normal, whatever that might be for us. So as you said I'm moving forward with my "new normal" Hi Fmf Thank you for your comment maybe I should explain my tagline a little better the ( moving for Forward ”New Normal”) . Is actually two parts (moving forward ) I guess it was for me, after my wife passed away . I get the “new normal” From our early years with her dealing with cancer and her chemo treatments. The things that she wasn't capable of doing any more, we changed our lifestyles to accommodate the fight against cancer . as it became our new normal. Over the years our new normal changed every time we had to fight cancer. 16 years ago we were in the chemo treatment rooms lots of ladies lots of nurses and on the floor that's where we picked up the term New Normal everyone on the floor knew what they were talking about . In the Cancer Treatment Centers you would see people in all the various stages of fighting cancer it's hard to look at those that were near the end those near the end would see the ones just coming through the door for the first time, both would cry. Now I've seen commercials on TV about cancer and even in the commercials they now use the term “New Normal” . So my tag line represents both me and my wife . Autocharge (moving forward “new normal”) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 9, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted April 9, 2019 13 hours ago, Fmf said: quite honestly they would not be showing up if he was there. That is a very good response to tell people who suggest they come to their prom! Of course kids don't want parents let alone stand ins there! That's ludicrous! They mean well, BUT... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fmf Posted April 9, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2019 @Autocharge Thank You for the explanation. I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I can understand how living with your wife's cancer diagnosis and treatment was a new normal for you. My husband died from pancreatic cancer, he had only been diagnosed three weeks prior to his death so we had just started on the cancer journey, he was supposed to start chemo the week he died. My dad actually passed away the night before my husband from a stroke. They died less than 24 hours apart. So you can see how my new normal is a life without these two very important men for myself and my daughters. Although the meaning of your tag line may mean different things to each of us, ultimately we have to continue on- as you said move forward. I also must comment that I did go back read some of your older posts, and for someone like myself - only 2 1/2 months from my losses is good to read that life does and can continue on, so thank you! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted April 9, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2019 18 hours ago, Fmf said: I just wish others would get that. Hi Fmf you may want to read this post of mine. I think it might give you some insight. Title : Getting outside my comfort zone IV June 18 2017 Autocharge 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fmf Posted April 9, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2019 @Autocharge so I looked it up the post as you suggested and I’m guessing the insight you suggested was the fact that if people haven’t experienced a loss they don’t get it. If I’ve missed the mark please let me know, my almost. 50 year old brain it sometimes not all there especially after spending the day with 60 10 year olds. I find myself in this new club that so many of us have become unfortunate members of . We certainly didn’t ask to join and would gladly have our membership canceled . While I understand that if you haven’t experienced a loss you can’t trully get it My double loss is especially unique and I think what “freaks out” people is that I seem to be getting through it without being a total mess and people are almost uncomfortable with that .What I really want is for people to follow my lead, if I want to talk let me talk, if I can handle situations by myself let me. I am trying to move on and to be very honest handling my situation pretty damn well or at least as well as can be expected I feel and it’s like others want to hold me back in a sense. Completely my experience. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JES Posted April 9, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 9, 2019 @Autocharge I have read your whole grief journey, understand what you went through, the pain of your loss, her pain, the childrens, all of it and am so sorry that you all had to go through that. Yes, it is nice that you can retire early, my goodness you deserve it, but also can understand you'd give everything back to have not had to go through any of it. Your posting, your finding Carla, does help to give others hope. So wonderful to see how you still think of your wife everyday and that you still love her even as your life has moved ahead. I am glad you have Carla and that she knows and gets it. I am over 6 months now, nowhere near the end of this journey ( is there ever really an end?) but like you, I feel sadness, pain, for those just beginning, and for all that are here. I think it will always make us sad to know anyone has to go through this awful journey. Only we, who are, or have been there, can understand. Please do keep us updated from time to time, is nice to hear how you are doing, and also think you are helping to give others hope. My love to you, your children and Carla. Jeanne 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Billie Rae Posted April 10, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2019 [mention=407184]Autocharge[/mention] so I looked it up the post as you suggested and I’m guessing the insight you suggested was the fact that if people haven’t experienced a loss they don’t get it. If I’ve missed the mark please let me know, my almost. 50 year old brain it sometimes not all there especially after spending the day with 60 10 year olds. [emoji4] I find myself in this new club that so many of us have become unfortunate members of . We certainly didn’t ask to join and would gladly have our membership canceled . While I understand that if you haven’t experienced a loss you can’t trully get it My double loss is especially unique and I think what “freaks out” people is that I seem to be getting through it without being a total mess and people are almost uncomfortable with that .What I really want is for people to follow my lead, if I want to talk let me talk, if I can handle situations by myself let me. I am trying to move on and to be very honest handling my situation pretty damn well or at least as well as can be expected I feel and it’s like others want to hold me back in a sense. Completely my experience. I get your comment on it freaks people out that we are so"composed"I like being in control in public,I'll cry on my own time when it makes me feel better.and I also am let me be me and don't push!Love to allBillieSent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fmf Posted April 10, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 10, 2019 @Billie Rae I really wanted to LOVE your comment its so true!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted April 10, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted April 10, 2019 15 hours ago, Fmf said: I seem to be getting through it without being a total mess and people are almost uncomfortable with that .What I really want is for people to follow my lead, if I want to talk let me talk, if I can handle situations by myself let me. I've found we have to convey to people what we need or want from them. Death seems to freak people out no matter how we handle it! I was very surprised at people's reactions/responses or lack of them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted April 25, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted April 25, 2019 Things I didn’t say. Billie Rae posted “So last night I took a break from packing and sat down to play my favorite video poker game,about 15 minutes in I hit 4 aces and got so excited and then it happened,I yelled happily"Honey,we have to go to Reno,I hit 4 aces"I looked over and..... How the hell did I forget?even for one second?it started my crying and suffering all over again.Just when I thought I had gotten through the shock and really knew that he's gone,there it is all over. “ It got me to thinking about a time when I was in Guam and my wife was still in the states. She wanted to get a puppy because the kids are off at college and we were down to one dog. We were talking about this and I told her we didn't need another puppy because we were going to start traveling, she didn't agree and ended up getting the puppy about a week or two later . The “thing I didn't say”, I was scared that she would get a new puppy. Then she would die and I would be left with the dog. But I couldn't tell her that. Throughout the 16 years of her fighting cancer, special occasions, holidays, birthdays the thoughts of them being the last. The things that you “can't say or talk about”, because you have to keep morale High, these kinds of things take a toll. Everyday I look out and I see that 3 year old puppy now, it makes me smile, makes me laugh , it makes me sad, I told her not to get that dog . Aurocharge (moving forward “new normal”) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JES Posted April 26, 2019 Members Report Share Posted April 26, 2019 @Autocharge Aww... thats so sweet that you have that puppy (dog) now and also that she got what she wanted. Im sure it made her happy. I was also left with two, one attached to him, one to me. Theyve been so much company, and protector, especially the one that was so attached to him. Glad you have that precious memory now. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted May 9, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted May 9, 2019 Snake River Wy. “Volunteer River Ranger” I started my trip on Monday I drove 12 hours stayed at a truck stop, got up and drove another nine hours to my destination at Snake River. This is where I'm going to be until mid September. I haven't seen this part of the country before , I should have plenty of day trips and even weekend trips. My duties are going to be, checking people onto and off of the river, Swift water rescue if necessary and helping people at the boat ramps in general. I will be doing this 4 days a week, in return I get to stay for free , pretty good trade-off . After getting the camper set up I woke up the next morning and there's snow on the ground . After spending almost a year in Guam “a tropical island” waking up to snow on the ground is quite a shock To say the least . Right now I'm up here by myself Carla won't get to come up until mid June when she takes vacation. Next week I get to fly of the Great Lakes and see my son graduate from Naval boot camp. Workwise I'm about to meet 9 new people in different parts of the country three or four of them are volunteers I guess this is what it's about going places and making new friends. of course they'll ask the background questions and I will have to discuss with them the loss of my wife. May 25th will be 3 years, I'm still apprehensive about discussing the loss of my wife . It would be so easy to have stayed home in comfortable surroundings and do nothing, getting outside of my comfort zone is the only way to move forward . If you're in this area or have been in this area I would love to hear from you maybe even get a tip to go see something special . Autocharge (moving forward "new normal") 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 10, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted May 10, 2019 Beautiful! Hard to believe there's snow, we're having temperatures in the upper 80s and may reach higher today before it dips back down into the 70s. I like your explanation about moving forward too and getting out of your comfort zone, it helps to reach out of our comfort zone, otherwise we can be stuck, it may not look like this with everyone, but just stretching ourselves a bit, we know when we're ready and for how much, maybe it's just eating out alone or going on a trip alone, but everything we do will help us eventually be more comfortable in our now solo life. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted May 19, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted May 19, 2019 Snake River Wy. “Volunteer River Ranger”2 Last week was my first week of Duty, which we had Swift water rescue training. Great that's what I thought right . Well let me tell you what do wool socks thermal underwear a dry suit and a life jacket all have in common, fast cold water . The water was 40° Fahrenheit and the Rapids were almost at a class 3 level. We jumped in and swam the Rapids crossing the river. I made it three times the younger guys made it four times . After that I Flew out to Chicago to see my son graduate from Navy bootcamp he is now officially a member of the US Navy. Getting outside your comfort zone seems to keep you busy . LOL. Autocharge( moving forward “new normal”) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 19, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted May 19, 2019 Beautiful pictures! I just had deer in my yard a couple days ago. My apple trees fell over (not uprooted though) in the Snowpocalypse the end of February, and even though they look funny, I'm keeping them for the deer, they blossomed all the same and apples should be forthcoming. Congrats on making it three times, I couldn't do that, but I'm older and have arthritis, etc. Congrats also on your son! My son was an Air Force man. The first thing out of high school he wanted to do was serve his country. He could have had full ride scholarship had he gone to college right away, but he made it through after the Air Force and did it debt free. He was glad to have had more time to figure out what he wanted to do. I wish your son well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Autocharge Posted May 25, 2019 Author Members Popular Post Report Share Posted May 25, 2019 Three years today, without my wife. Autocharge 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 26, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted May 26, 2019 So many memories, of a lifetime together. Thank you for sharing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JES Posted May 27, 2019 Members Report Share Posted May 27, 2019 @Autocharge Thankyou for sharing. She was a beautiful person. It was a very nice memorial to her, so many good memories. Also very touching, and sad to know she is not here anymore. I hope you had a peaceful day. Thinking of you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Billie Rae Posted May 28, 2019 Members Report Share Posted May 28, 2019 That was so moving.I cried and smiled.Thank you for sharing this.Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted June 1, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted June 1, 2019 I got a video of where I went swimming the other day, on the Hoback River. Autocharge 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JES Posted June 3, 2019 Members Report Share Posted June 3, 2019 @Autocharge Wow..that is some treacherous waters. I can't imagine how anyone could do once, let alone 3 times. Thankyou for sharing. And try to stay safe!! Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted June 15, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted June 15, 2019 Hi All Just checking in, Last week Carla came up to visit for a week so I was buss. We went to Yellow Stone for two days(it was my first time). I have many stories and thousands of Pics. I saw no less than 10 Bears and numerous elk and dear. Water Falls and lakes and geysers and more and more.... I may post some of the best pics later, If I can choose just a few. Autocharge 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted June 18, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted June 18, 2019 On 6/15/2019 at 3:01 PM, Autocharge said: I may post some of the best pics later, If I can choose just a few. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted June 18, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted June 18, 2019 On 6/15/2019 at 3:01 PM, Autocharge said: I may post some of the best pics later, If I can choose just a few. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Billie Rae Posted June 18, 2019 Members Report Share Posted June 18, 2019 Thanks for posting those!AwsomeSent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Autocharge Posted June 18, 2019 Author Members Report Share Posted June 18, 2019 On 6/15/2019 at 3:01 PM, Autocharge said: I may post some of the best pics later, If I can choose just a few. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 19, 2019 Moderators Report Share Posted June 19, 2019 Wow! You are definitely seeing some sights! We have black bear around here, elk, deer, enjoy seeing them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JES Posted June 19, 2019 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2019 Great pictures, love the mamas and babies..thanks for sharing them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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