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Snake River Wy. “Volunteer River Ranger”3

River Ranger duty is over. I had a Heart attack.

Spent the last day and a half and driving myself back.  I'm disappointed that I didn't get to spend the summer up there, it was much cooler then Texas Heat. On the drive back , I was thinking of Carla she lost her husband of 25 years to a sudden heart attack and now here I am having heart problems again. I can't imagine the hell that I'm putting her through the stress and the sleepless nights. It made me start thinking what if she had got diagnosed with cancer how would I feel, the path that I could see. Is this what she is thinking, the path that she can see. We spend a lot of time trying to put ourselves back together to rebuild a life . Yet it can all disappear so quick again. I can't imagine starting the grief process again. 

What are we to do? Dang if we do and dang if we dont. It’s not fair.

 

 Autocharge( moving forward “new normal”)

 

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Dutchess62

OH NO . I had followed this whole thread and was hoping you all would have a great summer up there . I am from Texas originally - born in Waco ( I rarely admit that ) raised in Port Aransas . I hope you are going to be ok ???

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KayC

I am so sorry to learn of your heart attack!  I pray it wasn't too damaging and hope that it was merely your body's plea for attention needed to your own health.  You can do this.  My close friend Jim has CHF and it has been life changing to say the least, but he is doing it.  He's come very close to death a couple of times and I can assure you I wasn't ready to let him go!  But with love comes risk...risk that we could lose them at any time.  But what life would be worth anything without putting all your cards on it?!  Don't give the thought of loss another waste of your time, determine to fight for what you have and live to the fullest!  Yes life hurls scares at us, but you and Carla have a life worth living so put all your energy into doing it.  Do whatever the doctors say, we're all rooting for you!

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Autocharge

Dutchess62 and KayC

Thanks for your concern.

Let me go a little bit further in details. the hospital cath lab found no evidence of disease in my heart. This means my arteries are clear and flowing blood like they're supposed to my problem is the blood is not oxygenated, that is my thinking. They recommended me seeing a  cardio doctor. This is why I left Jackson and returned to Texas so I can see my local doctors . As stated in one of my earliest post that I have been living with heart disease, arrhythmias for quite some time now I don't know if this is a continuation of that or if I have something new going on. That's what the doctors are for . I am doing fine and there appears to be no apparent damage from the previous heart attack . I understand KayC But I hate putting Carla through this butt there is just no other way .

Autocharge

 

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KayC
17 hours ago, Autocharge said:

I hate putting Carla through this butt there is just no other way .

You're right.  You're already in it for the long haul.  Come what may.  But with no damage and clear arteries, I pray they can find a relief for the oxygenation...do let us know what the doctors day, okay?  You're in my prayers.

I guess it's not so much about what we go through on the journey as having someone to travel it with us.  You have someone, hold onto her and value her with every breath.

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Dutchess62
2 hours ago, KayC said:

I guess it's not so much about what we go through on the journey as having someone to travel it with us.  You have someone, hold onto her and value her with every breath.

THIS ^^^^^ 

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Billie Rae
THIS ^^^^^ 
I second that.Hold on with your life

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

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Autocharge
 

You're right.  You're already in it for the long haul.  Come what may.  But with no damage and clear arteries, I pray they can find a relief for the oxygenation...do let us know what the doctors day, okay?  You're in my prayers.

Well It only took a month to see a cardiologist in the VA system. All they had to say was I had no underlying conditions and am at a extremely low risk for a hart attack .

Maybe It was dehydration and low oxygen due to the altitude that caused it. No new meds, just a fallow up  Eco test. No restrictions but I'm still hasn't about the high altitude thing. Easy enough to drink more water.

Wednesday I'm off to Waco to see the little league world series playoff games again. Should be in Waco for about a week.

Autocharge

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JoyR
On 6/25/2019 at 11:38 AM, Autocharge said:

On the drive back , I was thinking of Carla she lost her husband of 25 years to a sudden heart attack and now here I am having heart problems again. I can't imagine the hell that I'm putting her through the stress and the sleepless nights. It made me start thinking what if she had got diagnosed with cancer how would I feel, the path that I could see. Is this what she is thinking, the path that she can see. We spend a lot of time trying to put ourselves back together to rebuild a life . Yet it can all disappear so quick again. I can't imagine starting the grief process again. 

What are we to do? Dang if we do and dang if we dont. It’s not fair.

I've read your story and I'm very proud of you and your journey. You have not given up and those memories and pictures of places you've been are very inspirational. 

I personally think you should not be worried and continue the same mindset you experienced prior as in not focusing on tomorrow and but living in the moment for today. Enjoying new memories with Carla. And being happy. It's easy to relaspe and you dread those bad times to resurface, nor put another through any pain when you both know what it's like. But that can also be beneficial as in now you can heal one another through past experience. 

All we have is one go in this lifetime. Live your life ,love your body,talk to your body and every part of it. Tell your body how grateful you to be the soul that connected with it. It has giving you so many years ,been thru thick and thin with you and you've seen it grow and change. Talk to your heart and tell it how grateful you are to it that it's been beating and pumping life into you daily. That it taught you love and affection. Touch your chess and take a moment to listen to your heart and feel yourself breath. Relax and feel all your body parts. Love each of them for their uses. 

Don't worry about the negative. Stay in good spirits because your journey was very welcoming to view and id love to see more of it. Autocharge 

And thank you for updating us on your journey. 

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Billie Rae

@Joyr
Its good to read your new posts compared to last week.you are still very new to this but to see you help even newer members and take time to encourage older members does my heart good,it has refocused your energy in such a sweet way.
You got this girl.@Autocharge
Keep loving Carla,each time we find love changes us for the positive
You both had love once and to find it again is a joy and blessing.
To be open to new love is a special thing indeed.
Love to all
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

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JoyR
1 hour ago, Billie Rae said:

@Joyr
Its good to read your new posts compared to last week.you are still very new to this but to see you help even newer members and take time to encourage older members does my heart good,it has refocused your energy in such a sweet way.
You got this girl.@Autocharge
Keep loving Carla,each time we find love changes us for the positive
You both had love once and to find it again is a joy and blessing.
To be open to new love is a special thing indeed.
Love to all
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app
 

Thank you @Billlie I find it healing to learn and see different perspectives and not just my own. I've always felt a need to help others as that already something I tend to be drawn to do. Always .

But this has been the most rewarding for me and I'm going to do alot more. Just finding out how and when. For now I need to experience my grief and recognize what I'm feeling and others and then I can move to the next level and volunteer support for those not only on the forum but in church and other places. 

But that's when I'm in control of myself and my emotions. Thank you as well. I haven't really noticed how much I've been interacting. But for me I'm just so interested in the next post till I'm always waiting for something. Lol. 

I'm actually doing well today at work ,I would usually breakdown today. Glad it hasn't happened. 

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KayC

@Autocharge  That sounds like great news!  If anyone shouldn't have a heart attack, it's you!  You're active and it sounds like you live a fulfilling and busy lifestyle.  Keep going to those games and on those trips.  So glad you and Carla have each other to enjoy life with!

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Autocharge
 

@Autocharge  That sounds like great news!  If anyone shouldn't have a heart attack, it's you!  You're active and it sounds like you live a fulfilling and busy lifestyle.  Keep going to those games and on those trips.  So glad you and Carla have each other to enjoy life with!

Little league 2019 Waco

Edited by Autocharge
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JoyR

I hope you're feeling better health wise. Continue living life to the fullest. 

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Autocharge

748881571_littleleague2019-1.thumb.jpg.880b93c49de1ea3d55521fdd8507d211.jpgHaving trouble uploading this image.

trying again.

Autocharge

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Dutchess62

I recognize that @Autocharge that is where I was born and spent my first 18 years ! 

 I so rarely admit to being from Waco lol . I am glad you had a great time !

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Autocharge

I woke up last night and realized I had forgotten my would be 25th wedding anniversary. August 6th .

I'm sad that I forgot, I guess I didn't really forget because it didn't really happen. I will never get to have a 25th or 40th or 50th anniversary every. My one shot at it is gone now. I'm too old to reach those kind of mile stones now. Only those kind of people really know what they have got. I envy them. 

What else am I going to forget.......

Autocharge(moving forward "new normal")

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KayC

You haven't forgotten, you're thinking about it now...you were busy with your life in the ordinary everyday stuff, which is to be coveted.  It shows you have made good transition with your life.  Yeah, I'll never have those anniversaries either.  I envy people that too.

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JES

@Autocharge  I am glad to hear you are doing better after the heart scare.  Dont feel too bad about forgetting a date...its something we all do. I actually had to look at husbands death certificate as I was messing up the date he passed.  How could I ever forget that date? We've been through so much...think our brains are never quite right after such a hard loss. Thinking of you. Jeanne

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Rhonda R

Dutches62 - Do you ever see Chip and Joanna Gaines?  I have to ask.  Love them!

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Autocharge

While I was in Waco, I tried out my latest invention.

A portable Deck for my RV, and some Steps that I copied from "youtube". The unique thing about the deck is the saw horse's used. They have adjustable legs which help with uneven ground. You never know what the ground is going to be like when you set up camp in most places. As you can see it all packs down into almost nothing. It supports up to 2600 lbs per the specs on the saw horse's. Having a good Deck or porch makes RV living feel much better. I posted a youtube video on me setting it up, 12 min and only a rubber mallet needed. Also I have applied for a position in Florida " volunteer Game warden assistant" for the winter ( December to April). I should know for sure in October when they interview me.

Stay tuned for more adventures and inventions. LOL

Autocharge (moving forward "new normal")

 

 

20190804_150325_HDR.thumb.jpg.84f98c200b981ff132e53042b71daf81.jpg20190730_115728_HDR.thumb.jpg.8de308ea00b3764565cf60c16bbde15a.jpg20190730_115719_HDR.thumb.jpg.e5137e58c45c6ca5bb0c5cb130d31047.jpg

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Billie Rae

That's Awsome.
My next chapter will be traveling nurses in an rv as I was a semi driver for 16 years and miss the places in went.
I love your posts,they help me look forward

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

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KayC
19 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

I love your posts,they help me look forwardemoji307.png

I think this is the unique and wonderful thing about autocharge's thread...as he finds good in life it shows us it can be done!

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Autocharge

 

She wasn't here to stope me.

She never would let me have a motorcycle, It wasn't the responsible thing to do while raising a family, she would say.

I probable wouldn't have one now if she was still here. Even though the kids are grown now. Carla said it wasn't her place to tell me what to do. "I can't believe you got it" said Carla.

Having all the responsibility , no equal partner to help with decisions , really is scary.

No one here to stop me anymore.

Autocharge (moving forward "new normal")

 

 

1371876627_motorcyclepic1.thumb.jpg.90059b71a167d4e1d165b60ac131f571.jpg

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KayC

I am not against motorcycles...I have enjoyed riding the back of one although my jacket and chaps and helmet have sat idle for ten years now.  So long as you wear your PPE and drive carefully, it's all we can do to avoid accidents.  None of us are impervious to some calamity happening, it can happen in our car  just as well...we are more exposed in a motorcycle, yes, but who knows, maybe people look out for them more too?

Enjoy!  I'm with Carla, I never was one to tell my partner what to/not to do.  But don't think you have escaped a tongue wagging from her either, she might have given you one from heaven!  LOL  Her end message would be though, drive safe.  ;)

 

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